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katanderson 08-02-2013 22:38

Harrassment at work
 
I work as a waitress at an Indian restaurant and am the only non-Indian member of staff. I work with 3 or 4 other people and most of them are really nice. In general I enjoy my job, it is something I am fairly good at have got used to quickly.

Unfortunately, there is one guy in particular who works there alongside me, and since he started working full-time in November he seems to have developed what can only be described as an obsessive and totally over-the-top crush on me. When the restaurant is busy we work as normal, and he talks to me like a friend, which is totally fine. However, when it quietens down he starts trying to ask me out, pretending I'm his girlfriend, even going so far as asking me to kiss him, or refusing to do work-related stuff unless I do so.

When I tell him that I'm not looking for a boyfriend he tries to convince me that I should be with him, and says that I should give him a chance. He never seems to get the message.

He insists that he is joking but the uncomfortable comments come across in a way that suggests otherwise. I can't quit my job because it is my main source of income, I just want it to stop so I can stop dreading my Friday/Saturday nights.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? What did you do about it? Any advice at all would be massively appreciated. Thanks!

scar_tissue 08-02-2013 22:44

Have you spoken to the management about it?

Dante Ameche 08-02-2013 22:46

What has you being the only non-Indian got to do with it? :confused:

Freeman000 08-02-2013 22:54

What's the problem?

He's just after a bit of action, and you can't blame a guy for trying.

If it's bothering you that much, ask him to back off. If he doesn't, report him to your manager. But if I were in your shoes and I had a woman making those sorts of offers to me, I wouldn't turn her down.

katanderson 08-02-2013 22:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by scar_tissue (Post 64142748)
Have you spoken to the management about it?

I've thought about it, just wouldn't know how to bring it up :o

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dante Ameche (Post 64142777)
What has you being the only non-Indian got to do with it? :confused:

It doesn't, it was just part of the intro to my story...:o

Dante Ameche 08-02-2013 23:04

Do the usual line of you've just met someone. Or you could say in a loud voice that for the 100th time, no I will not go out with you.

Get some burly mate to come and pick you up from work. The next day tell the harasser that it's your new boyfriend and he's out on licence for battering the last guy that bothered his girlfriend.

katanderson 08-02-2013 23:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dante Ameche (Post 64143069)
Do the usual line of you've just met someone. Or you could say in a loud voice that for the 100th time, no I will not go out with you.

Get some burly mate to come and pick you up from work. The next day tell the harasser that it's your new boyfriend and he's out on licence for battering the last guy that bothered his girlfriend.

Hahaha, love it :D

U96 08-02-2013 23:10

What nationality is he?.

scar_tissue 08-02-2013 23:12

You could get a cheap gold ring and say you're married.

Kyle_T 08-02-2013 23:13

I know you have said that you need the job but I would start looking for another one. It sounds like this guy might not take rejection well and could start getting hostile with you instead of over friendly.

tothegrand 08-02-2013 23:16

Just tell him to p*ss off. Using those words. (Obviously while others are around)

MCC243 09-02-2013 10:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by U96 (Post 64143180)
What nationality is he?.

Think about it....

Potkettle 09-02-2013 10:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by katanderson (Post 64142640)
I work as a waitress at an Indian restaurant and am the only non-Indian member of staff. I work with 3 or 4 other people and most of them are really nice. In general I enjoy my job, it is something I am fairly good at have got used to quickly.

Unfortunately, there is one guy in particular who works there alongside me, and since he started working full-time in November he seems to have developed what can only be described as an obsessive and totally over-the-top crush on me. When the restaurant is busy we work as normal, and he talks to me like a friend, which is totally fine. However, when it quietens down he starts trying to ask me out, pretending I'm his girlfriend, even going so far as asking me to kiss him, or refusing to do work-related stuff unless I do so.

When I tell him that I'm not looking for a boyfriend he tries to convince me that I should be with him, and says that I should give him a chance. He never seems to get the message.

He insists that he is joking but the uncomfortable comments come across in a way that suggests otherwise. I can't quit my job because it is my main source of income, I just want it to stop so I can stop dreading my Friday/Saturday nights.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? What did you do about it? Any advice at all would be massively appreciated. Thanks!

You say that he asks for a kiss and refuses to do work related stuff unless you do. Have you been kissing him on request? If so, you are giving him mixed signals. If you do not want his advances you must tell him in no uncertain terms. Why haven't you told the staff that you get on with about his behaviour and how upsetting this is ?

Vodka_Drinka 09-02-2013 10:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freeman000 (Post 64142915)
What's the problem?

He's just after a bit of action, and you can't blame a guy for trying.

If it's bothering you that much, ask him to back off. If he doesn't, report him to your manager. But if I were in your shoes and I had a woman making those sorts of offers to me, I wouldn't turn her down.

What's the problem? It's sexual harassment, that's the problem.

I'm a bit shocked at the responses the OP has received on here. Tell him to piss off OP, and if still continues then report him to your managers.

RandomSally 09-02-2013 11:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freeman000 (Post 64142915)
What's the problem?

He's just after a bit of action, and you can't blame a guy for trying.

If it's bothering you that much, ask him to back off. If he doesn't, report him to your manager. But if I were in your shoes and I had a woman making those sorts of offers to me, I wouldn't turn her down.

And as usual you show exactly why everyone should never ever ask for your advice. :rolleyes:

Compton_scatter 09-02-2013 11:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dante Ameche (Post 64142777)
What has you being the only non-Indian got to do with it? :confused:

Why not mention that fact??? Anyway OP, maybe you could tell him you have a boyfriend but you don't like to talk about him.

Judge Mental 09-02-2013 11:23

You need to be absolutely firm with him. Tell him the very next time he does this that you are not interested in him other than as a work colleague and you are uncomfortable with his behaviour. Tell him that he must stop or you will have to mention it to your manager. Do not tolerate it - that may be construed as a signal to continue.

RandomSally 09-02-2013 11:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by Judge Mental (Post 64147458)
You need to be absolutely firm with him. Tell him the very next time he does this that you are not interested in him other than as a work colleague and you are uncomfortable with his behaviour. Tell him that he must stop or you will have to mention it to your manager. Do not tolerate it - that may be construed as a signal to continue.

This is spot on advice OP. Don't put up with it, it's your right to work in a harassment free way.

Vodka_Drinka 09-02-2013 12:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by RandomSally (Post 64147290)
And as usual you show exactly why everyone should never ever ask for your advice. :rolleyes:

I can't believe that poster hasn't been perma banned yet. Seems very unjust when other FM's have been banned for less.

Judge Mental 09-02-2013 12:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freeman000 (Post 64142915)
What's the problem?

He's just after a bit of action, and you can't blame a guy for trying.

If it's bothering you that much, ask him to back off. If he doesn't, report him to your manager. But if I were in your shoes and I had a woman making those sorts of offers to me, I wouldn't turn her down.

Don't allow your appallingly low standards of moral behaviour to lead you to believe that other people share them. Most normal human beings have more discernment than this.

molliepops 09-02-2013 14:01

This reminds me of a situation a young lady where I work got herself into, she was too friendly to someone who just didn't understand boundaries at work. Not her fault but after it started she was struggling to deal with it. I ended up having to tell the man in no uncertain terms to leave her alone. May be worth having a word with someone who can support you and make him realise it isn't on to harrass anyone at work.

indianwells 09-02-2013 14:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dante Ameche (Post 64142777)
What has you being the only non-Indian got to do with it? :confused:

I could almost guarantee this comment would come.

katanderson 09-02-2013 16:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by Potkettle (Post 64146970)
You say that he asks for a kiss and refuses to do work related stuff unless you do. Have you been kissing him on request? If so, you are giving him mixed signals. If you do not want his advances you must tell him in no uncertain terms. Why haven't you told the staff that you get on with about his behaviour and how upsetting this is ?

No I haven't, I told him that it wasn't going to happen, he did the work anyway but had this kind of mock disappointment on his face. I think he finds it funny but I've told him again and again that he needs to stop

Quote:

Originally Posted by Judge Mental (Post 64147458)
You need to be absolutely firm with him. Tell him the very next time he does this that you are not interested in him other than as a work colleague and you are uncomfortable with his behaviour. Tell him that he must stop or you will have to mention it to your manager. Do not tolerate it - that may be construed as a signal to continue.

This sounds about right as has been mentioned, I just need to find a way to go about it

JulesF 09-02-2013 17:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by katanderson (Post 64152544)
No I haven't, I told him that it wasn't going to happen, he did the work anyway but had this kind of mock disappointment on his face. I think he finds it funny but I've told him again and again that he needs to stop



This sounds about right as has been mentioned, I just need to find a way to go about it

No, you don't need to 'find a way to go about it'. That will just lead to you pussyfooting around the issue! Just tell him straight the very next time he does it.

Judge Mental 09-02-2013 17:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by katanderson (Post 64152544)
No I haven't, I told him that it wasn't going to happen, he did the work anyway but had this kind of mock disappointment on his face. I think he finds it funny but I've told him again and again that he needs to stop



This sounds about right as has been mentioned, I just need to find a way to go about it

The way to go about it is to not tolerate it even one more time. The very next time he says something which makes you uncomfortable you say to him 'I have asked you to stop talking to me like that, now I am insisting you stop or I will have no alternative but to discuss it with the boss. Do I make myself clear'


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