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-   -   How much money would you give for a wedding present? (http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1819642)

n1guy 21-04-2013 14:03

How much money would you give for a wedding present?
 
So here is the scenario, my other halfs brother is getting married next month. I am an only child so not really sure what you would give close family as a wedding present, but I know if I was on the full day of a cousins wedding or something 50 would suffice. If it was just an evening do I'd give 20-30 depending on how much I liked them :D

My other half is planning on giving him 300 :eek: Is it just me or is that madness? Now OK I could see through it if perhaps they where a well of family and money was no object, but the reality is here her mother and father are on benefits and have never worked as long as I've been with my partner 10+ years, and her siblings are all in fairly low paid jobs or unemployed, and as for us my partner works part time on min wage and I work full time min wage so 300 is a hell of a lot of money to us.

So am I being miserable here or is my other half being over generous? Perhaps if she held on to that 300 we could actually afford to get married ourselves.

BinCat 21-04-2013 14:11

Well it's her brother so she might want to be over generous.

If it was for a friend or cousin i'd say it was too much, but it's her brother and if he doesn't earn much she just wants to help him out. She sounds nice.

Keefy-boy 21-04-2013 14:13

Is her family from a non-Britsh cultural background or is cash being asked for? Otherwise why aren't you just buying a present, the cash value of which would not be so obvious? But yes in the circumstances you describe sounds like a lot.

Pistol Whip 21-04-2013 14:15

I gave my friend 35 in a nice card at her wedding.

n1guy 21-04-2013 14:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keefy-boy (Post 65492753)
Is her family from a non-Britsh cultural background or is cash being asked for? Otherwise why aren't you just buying a present, the cash value of which would not be so obvious? But yes in the circumstances you describe sounds like a lot.

No she's British, The couple are already living together and have been for a number of years now so don't need anything for the house etc so money is the way to go.

Espresso 21-04-2013 14:19

If your girlfriend is in possession of this three hundred quid to give to her brother for a wedding present, then what her parents or other siblings have or have not got and what you think about it is immaterial.
Her money, her choice of what to do with it.

If she's expecting you to go halves on it then the same applies - you choose what you do with your money, not her.

n1guy 21-04-2013 14:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Espresso (Post 65492830)
If your girlfriend is in possession of this three hundred quid to give to her brother for a wedding present, then what her parents or other siblings have or have not got and what you think about it is immaterial.
Her money, her choice of what to do with it.

If she's expecting you to go halves on it then the same applies - you choose what you do with your money, not her.

She isn't in possession of it, that's the issue, and I am worried how she will go about obtaining it, Payday loans or something which she clearly will not be able to pay back. Our car is also up for MOT next month and its also our 5 year old daughters Birthday both of which I would prioritize before a Wedding.

Espresso 21-04-2013 14:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by n1guy (Post 65492872)
She isn't in possession of it, that's the issue, and I am worried how she will go about obtaining it, Payday loans or something which she clearly will not be able to pay back. Our car is also up for MOT next month and its also our 5 year old daughters Birthday both of which I would prioritize before a Wedding.

Ah well, in that case I certainly think you're right to be concerned. No sense in going into debt you're going to have trouble paying back, for the sake of giving money to your brother a a present. According to me, anyway.

BinCat 21-04-2013 14:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by n1guy (Post 65492872)
She isn't in possession of it, that's the issue, and I am worried how she will go about obtaining it, Payday loans or something which she clearly will not be able to pay back. Our car is also up for MOT next month and its also our 5 year old daughters Birthday both of which I would prioritize before a Wedding.

Oh well that is a different matter, I thought you meant she had the money already to give him!

You shouldn't get into debt yourselves for a gift, however much she loves her brother.

Galaxy266 21-04-2013 15:49

I gave a chap at work and his wife 100.

I gave my Neice and her Husband 1000.

I gave 200 to their chosen charity when my Brother married in accordance with their wishes.

So it varies. I don't think I would ever give less than 100, because that really isn't all that much these days.

n1guy 21-04-2013 15:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by Galaxy266 (Post 65494141)
I gave a chap at work and his wife 100.

I gave my Neice and her Husband 1000.

I gave 200 to their chosen charity when my Brother married in accordance with their wishes.

So it varies. I don't think I would ever give less than 100, because that really isn't all that much these days.

It's not that much these days but its even harder to come across.

Galaxy266 21-04-2013 15:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by n1guy (Post 65494214)
It's not that much these days but its even harder to come across.

Fair comment. However, no matter much or how little you give, at the end of the day, it's the thought that counts. Story of the Widow's Mite comes to mind here.

earthling13 21-04-2013 17:39

Love these threads! :D

I always try to avoid giving cash if possible and buy a present. I would never dream of asking someone for money or, worse still, contributions to the travel agent for a honeymoon.

Weddings are just too expensive these days for the guests as well as the couple. It is possible to do it for a relatively small amount and the big showy ones frequently end in seperation in a few years. If they are desperate for cash they should be more economical with their wedding plans and if they've got everything already nominate a charity for donations.

In reply to the original question I have never given more than 40 which was for a godchild.

abarthman 21-04-2013 17:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by Galaxy266 (Post 65494141)
I gave a chap at work and his wife 100.

I gave my Neice and her Husband 1000.

I gave 200 to their chosen charity when my Brother married in accordance with their wishes.

Loadsamoney!

towers 21-04-2013 17:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Galaxy266 (Post 65494141)
I gave a chap at work and his wife 100.

I gave my Neice and her Husband 1000.

I gave 200 to their chosen charity when my Brother married in accordance with their wishes.

So it varies. I don't think I would ever give less than 100, because that really isn't all that much these days.

100 is a lot to someone working on the minimum wage and too much for a 'wedding present' if the couple getting married have everything they need at home. With many couples living together for several years before getting married these days, it's a different world.

cmariex 21-04-2013 17:49

I think it's all relevant to your situation. If you an your partner are both on min wage jobs, 300 is a lot of of money and definitely excessive as a wedding gift! If i received such an amount i'd be shocked and wouldn't feel all that comfortable accepting such an amount from family when i know it's a lot to them.

However if you're earning a lot, and giving 1000 doesn't mean much to you, then that's up to you.

Talk to your partner :)

n1guy 21-04-2013 17:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by earthling13 (Post 65496048)
Love these threads! :D

I always try to avoid giving cash if possible and buy a present. I would never dream of asking someone for money or, worse still, contributions to the travel agent for a honeymoon.

Weddings are just too expensive these days for the guests as well as the couple. It is possible to do it for a relatively small amount and the big showy ones frequently end in seperation in a few years. If they are desperate for cash they should be more economical with their wedding plans and if they've got everything already nominate a charity for donations.

In reply to the original question I have never given more than 40 which was for a godchild.

Oh I would love to see their faces,

"Hi, I donated your 300 to charity"

Or even better

"Hi, I donated your 300 to Christian Aid, your money will be used to help buy a herd of mountain goats in Botswana"

RAINBOWGIRL22 21-04-2013 18:29

We'd be as generous as possible to any of our siblings, thankfully none are married (yet) as we have 6 brothers and 2 sisters between us :o

I don't think we'd ever be able to afford 300 but I think 100 would be just fine. As I say we have a big family [lots of nieces and nephews who we always give pressies to] plus we have our own family.

RAINBOWGIRL22 21-04-2013 18:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by Galaxy266 (Post 65494141)
I gave a chap at work and his wife 100.

I gave my Neice and her Husband 1000.

I gave 200 to their chosen charity when my Brother married in accordance with their wishes.

So it varies. I don't think I would ever give less than 100, because that really isn't all that much these days.

1000 as a wedding gift??

Blimey!

pugamo 21-04-2013 19:20

I'd have thought around 100 would be appropriate. If it were my wedding, I wouldn't want anyone to give me money or presents to be honest, because of the very reason that my partner and I already have a home and we don't need anything. (Just another reason to elope, weddings are such a hassle!)

For my siblings, I would give 100 and probably some kind of token gift like an engraved locket for my sister, or cufflinks or a (classy!) hipflask or something for my brother. The kind of thing you usually get at weddings.

Your partner is probably trying to make up for the fact that your parents are unlikely to give your brother anything significant.

patsylimerick 21-04-2013 20:07

Hubby's into cash presents - I prefer to buy gifts. His nephew recently got 500; I gave my brother a framed professional photograph of a place special to his heart and 300. My niece is getting married on Friday - so another big pay day.

I think it's probably different in Ireland, though; family weddings mean BIG presents. Family's children get 50 each for communion and confirmation.

SeasideLady 21-04-2013 20:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by n1guy (Post 65492872)
She isn't in possession of it, that's the issue, and I am worried how she will go about obtaining it, Payday loans or something which she clearly will not be able to pay back. Our car is also up for MOT next month and its also our 5 year old daughters Birthday both of which I would prioritize before a Wedding.

Do you take a back seat when it comes to financial matters in your home ? Sounds like your wife needs reining in. If you haven't got the money how can you afford to give it with other things that need paying for looming ahead ? In your circumstances 50 is perfectly adequate - the couple could get something nice for that or it could go towards their honeymoon. And what's more they should be happy enough with that, I know I would be.

Vast_Girth 21-04-2013 20:47

300 is loads. In your particular scenario i would say 100 would be both generous and appropriate.

I never really like giving cash at weddings tbh and would far rather buy a gift.

My general rules are:

Sibling/Very close friend maybe with role in wedding (best man etc) - Spend about 100
Close friend (full day invite) - Spend about 75
Fiend (full day invite) - Spend about 50
Fiend (evening invite) - Spend about 25

earthling13 21-04-2013 20:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by n1guy (Post 65496266)
Oh I would love to see their faces,

"Hi, I donated your 300 to charity"

Or even better

"Hi, I donated your 300 to Christian Aid, your money will be used to help buy a herd of mountain goats in Botswana"

They nominate the charity because they already have everything they need remember?

jazzyjazzy 22-04-2013 02:30

I hate this money giving. 100 is plenty.

My niece got married (who we see very rarely) and asked for money to buy a camper van for their honeymoon and it was a 3 figure sum as a starter.
We were only invited to the night event so declined and they didn't get the money.
Other niece married and had a list at a local store - again everything started at 3 figures. She got the same treatment.


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