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Old 03-02-2013, 23:59
Romola_Des_Loup
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,050
As a parent, presumably you have to put trust in alot of other people because lets be honest, its pretty much impossible to run checks on every single adult a child will come across be it at school, at after school clubs, in hospitals, relatives of friends who want them to visit or anywhere and everywhere else. I'd have been exasperated if my parents told me I couldn't go to my friends house every so often because they weren't sure about her dad or something like that, I imagine I'd have been annoyed and figured out a way to go anyway, being a bit rebellious and all that (lol). I fear if they became increasingly strict like that, then I'd have been less likely to listen to their warnings and feel more like their trying to stop me from going places and having fun (which you need to do as a kid, heck knows I barely get to nowadays as an adult), so I'd have been angry at them.

I'm not sure how I feel about the link to whether he had children of his own or not somehow helping prove he's decent or not - I don't have kids and I've felt for some time that I'd struggle if I did so that might never happen but obviously I know I'd never do anything untoward, um, toward them if I were to supervise younger kids. Do people view those who don't have kids as selfish or weird? I sometimes wonder if they do, as a kind of societal judgement... thats a shame if so .

I can understand it if the argument is that they know others have stayed at his place and been ok, so he must be alright then but I guess it depends on how you look at things - JS didn't abuse every kid he came across, obviously - he chose the most vulnerable victims, those least likely to speak out, so that may not prove anything. It feels very paranoid to say that though - at the end of the day, as a parent I guess you just have to come to your own conclusions and decide who your happy for your kid to spend time with and so on.
BIB - It's not that people without kids should be looked at as wrong or weird, it's just that your 10 year old asking if she can stay over at her 10 year old friend's house in the care of her friend's parents would not often be scrutinised very much. Your 10 year old asking if she could stay over at a middle aged childless man's house, with or without other chldren, would be far more likely to ring alarm bells. We assume that sleepovers are for the benefit of the children, generally, and that the hosting adults are hosting for that reason alone.
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