Absolutely! LJ wouldn't have to smack a child anyway; one glance from her and they'd turn to stone.
I read both Sibary's and Flo's articles and Sly and the Family Stone's hit, 'It's a Family Affair' sprang to mind. If the whole family start writing farticles, the kids' school fees will soon be sorted. Next up could be Keith's 'Me and my G & T', or Monty writing about being bullied because his collective names sound like a preparation for piles or coughs. Whatever gets them through the night.
I found that the best way to get my teens through their 'difficult' years was to get off their case over trivial matters. When my youngest daughter was 13/14 and piled on the slap to go out with her mates, I told her she looked lovely. She soon toned it right down and, Hey Presto, no confrontations.
Haha! My mum did a similar trick, and would compliment me on my look so profusely that I would go and change it on principle - it must look AWFUL if my Mum liked it! My own daughter is 11 so I must remember that strategy...
Love the thought of a 14 year old using some of those stock DM phrases though, the only thing missing from "chasing me round our house in Hampshire with a wooden spoon" line is the value of the house!