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Old 02-04-2013, 13:39
Miriam_R
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,529

The Jessie J one is interesting. She seems very keen to be clear that she is not lesbian but bisexual. I appreciate she might want to set the record "straight" (arf) and her bisexual identity might be very important to her, but the speed with which she was tweeting that she wasn't lesbian but bisexual when someone tried to out her as 100% gay was kind of intriguing. The rumours I hear on the scene in London (I am not saying these are true) is that she has a long-term gf and has not dated any men since she was about 17 or 18. Of course if these were true, she could simply be a bisexual woman who is committed to her girlfriend, and if Jessie J says she is bi then she is bi.
And that's the thing, if someone says they are Bi, Gay, straight or whatever (whether female, male, trans male, trans female) we as a public should just respect what they say. No matter how much we think differently and really believe that they are gay and not straight, or gay and not really bi..., and what whatever else, it doesn't matter, it is for an individual to label him or herself and no one else. Even if we think it as clear as day that someone is not what they say they are, we should allow them to identify as they want to and see fit. And the trouble sometimes is (whether knowingly or not) that some people (whatever sexuality) will label someone else a certain way because they want that person to be gay, or bi, or straight (for whatever reason) which shows how we sometimes think of ourselves and our own personal agenda when being adamant that someone is 'this; and not 'this'. I know people wouldn't always admit it, but the amount of times I'm with gay friends and they state how they'd love for a guy or girl in the media to be gay or bi, is just endless. And sometimes my straight friends too get disappointed that a gay girl or guy is not straight because, in some funny way, some of us relate our sexuality to theirs, and if it doesn't fit, it feels like a sense of rejection (even though you might have nearly zero chance of it actually affecting you in real life anyway). We are strange in that way as humans when we think that another person that we don't even know validates and shows support, or the other, of our sexuality. And even though its partly a joke and good fun at times when some of my gay friends say this, for them, especially for the gay girls, it is an expression of how starved of gay public figures they are that is the serious part underneath the the jokes.

As separate, I think all people (whether gay, straight or bi) are too quick to label other persons based on whether that person fits stereotype (either of physicality, behaviour or way of talking). And what annoys me is when people forget that we are all a diverse bunch, and whether gay, straight or bi, we can all fit in and out of these stereotypical boxes because of that diversity of humans. It's silly that we just presume humans are like books and are just how we look on the surface. Of course some gay people fit the stereotypical box, but plenty don't and merge in with the equal stereotype of what looking and behaving straight is (which not even all straight people resemble even if they are that way identified). Also, the other pet peeve is that people presume who you sleep with equals your sexuality as concrete fact, and mistake that for some, doing an act doesn't end up being the label that ties so rigidly with that act. For some, experimentation is the pathway to a realisation to what they indeed are (whether permanently for now or the long term future). But for others, it'sa stepping stone to confirming what they are for the present and maybe the future, (or maybe not). That's what sexual fluidity is, it's about going with the flow and just taking it for what it is, which some gay and straight people hate, not because they don't want to accept that person for what they are but again for a personal response of feeling rejected if that person's flow of sexuality steers away from them. I know it sounds crazy to to say this, but a lot of our fears of others sexuality is sometimes not our fear of how society will become, but where it places us as individuals in terms of importance. Those that don't mind a person being gay, straight or Bi are usually more comfortable not just in their own sexuality but as a person and their place in the world (I know, crazy theory, but I've also found there to be an underlying personal reason why someone doesn't want there to be more gay men or women in the world, or in reverse feeling with some gay men and women). What I also find is that Bi people are seen as the even more disruptive group out of the gay, straight and BI one, because they are not gay enough, not straight enough and can (supposedly) benifit from heterosexual privilege (even though Bi people can't choose who they fall in love with any more than straight or gay people can, and even though gay and straight people like to use the Bi label- whether intentionally or not- when it suits them and don't realise how that just perpetuates the negativity that lies on the Bi identity). With labeling in general, sometimes the emotional factors are put second to sexual activity, and the realisation that there are men and women that can easily sleep with someone without emotionally connecting to them (or vice versa with sexually connecting but in no way emotionally doing so). Sometimes that is where the confusing of Bi-sexulaity, homo-sexuaity, and hetero-sexuality lies. The emphasis is all about who you bed. And i you bed sex even just once, you are suddenly stamping that sexuality on your forehead (even if you heart has only ever been for one sex, or even just one individual). At the end of they day some of us (I know some will argue not all people) are complex people emotionally and sexually. The fact is, there is no label to clearly describe all of us when it comes to our timeline of sexual and, or, emotional experiences in life. And that's also the thing, sometimes we as humans just experience things and sometimes that will and won't define our sexuality. Some people can describe their life as only a one direction path, but others go on a multi path that even when finding a long stopping place, can not be guaranteed to end there. None of us know what is to come (when it comes to our own sexual/emotional experiences) so why do we always presume we know a celebs so well when we're not even experiencing it with them.
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