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Old 10-05-2013, 22:55
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 152
I agree. Regarding the second point, I'm certain some things affect some people alot more than others. People have different personalities and mature at different ages, we're all individuals. Some may well be better able to shrug things off than others.

Some may have had body issues and self esteem issues before being assaulted or groped and such an act could have a somewhat profound effect on them, how they see themselves, how they think others will see them etc. I know how I felt after things - some people would laugh or shrug such things off and others take them to heart alot more. Its always been in the back of my mind that if I ever tried to get to know a guy, I'd have to explain why I'd feel uncomfortable getting close which is something I'd find quite difficult, even though it was pretty much my fault, I feel I let myself down badly, even though the other people were older and should have known better than to push me to talk about such things. I definitely still have shame over such things that happened 13-14 odd years ago, its a bit ridiculous but it is what it is, you cant necessarily help how you feel. I can only imagine how some people may have felt if they were assaulted as a young teen or younger its sad there's the risk some could be, as others fear, over exaggerating claims, trying to make money out of such things (note I said 'could be' and not are). I also wouldn't classify more minor assaults etc. as on the same level as child abuse or rape but I do think minor 'incidents' have the potential to leave people with effects, even if it doesn't for some, it might for other, less self assured people (I hope this makes some sense? pardon my long posts again(!)). Each case should be taken on its own merits I suppose? I don't know.

It does make sense, Izzy, and I agree that each case needs to be taken on its own merits. As I said in a previous post, the legal system needs to change the way it thinks about abuse and the qualitative damage it causes, rather than the current way of thinking, which is purely quantitative and based on property.

I think another thing about how abusive something is is that it depends on who is doing the touching. For instance, when I was a teenager if a boy of my own age had touched me inappropriately I'd have probably been angry and told him told him to eff off, then complained to all my mates about him. I might have been upset for a while, but I would have got over it pretty quickly. On the other hand, when I first started work there was a grope-y bloke in his 40s in the office and he made me feel really uncomfortable and unable to say anything because he was very senior to me and a manager. I felt very upset by that at the time and even now I feel creeped out by it when I think of it, even though it was many years ago now.

Ultimately abuse isn't really about sex, it's about power and anyone who tries to rush you or push you into something you don't want isn't worth knowing. It wasn't your fault and you weren't letting yourself down. I'm sorry that you feel shame and hope you can change that. As you said, they were older and should have known better.

People like Savile are all about the power. They enjoy seeing people suffer, not just as children, but as silenced adults. I have absolutely no doubt that Savile was an abuser, even before all the stuff kicked off in the press. I met him several times and I shudder when I think of the way he looked at me when I was about ten years old. Horrible man.
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