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Old 10-05-2013, 23:13
Forum Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Scotland
Posts: 9,298
It does make sense, Izzy, and I agree that each case needs to be taken on its own merits. As I said in a previous post, the legal system needs to change the way it thinks about abuse and the qualitative damage it causes, rather than the current way of thinking, which is purely quantitative and based on property.

I think another thing about how abusive something is is that it depends on who is doing the touching. For instance, when I was a teenager if a boy of my own age had touched me inappropriately I'd have probably been angry and told him told him to eff off, then complained to all my mates about him. I might have been upset for a while, but I would have got over it pretty quickly. On the other hand, when I first started work there was a grope-y bloke in his 40s in the office and he made me feel really uncomfortable and unable to say anything because he was very senior to me and a manager. I felt very upset by that at the time and even now I feel creeped out by it when I think of it, even though it was many years ago now.

Ultimately abuse isn't really about sex, it's about power and anyone who tries to rush you or push you into something you don't want isn't worth knowing. It wasn't your fault and you weren't letting yourself down. I'm sorry that you feel shame and hope you can change that. As you said, they were older and should have known better.

People like Savile are all about the power. They enjoy seeing people suffer, not just as children, but as silenced adults. I have absolutely no doubt that Savile was an abuser, even before all the stuff kicked off in the press. I met him several times and I shudder when I think of the way he looked at me when I was about ten years old. Horrible man.
I think so but its also alot to do with manipulation, at least what I remember because with certain conversations you'd be told that basically you want to try this or to talk about this and that they have your best interests at heart, yadda yadda what bothers me so much is that I felt I wasn't getting attention at school at the time and didn't want to talk about how lonely I felt with my family as I worried they'd feel they let me down, so I went elsewhere to find people who'd give me the time of day and compilment me but not too long after I realised people were basically too scared to make physical contact (this was all done online and by phone etc.) because they knew why they'd be visiting and worried they'd get in trouble from the authorities (this was pretty much said as such at one stage), I realised they were never that interested in me as a person and I realised I'd let my family and myself down, I disrespected them and all the rest of it.

If I went into too many details, I have no doubt people would label me a whore or some such but ultimately, I did what I did because to me what I wanted most was the basic conversations that started off with the other person seeming to care how I was, it just escalated alot from there because they knew I felt curious and boys my age didn't seem to notice me *cringe* and they wanted to help share something special and said they'd never hurt me but would always be there for me or whatever terms were used, ugh I was 16 but even so, honestly, the whole thing was like, wrong, it just took me a while to see things as they really were. Such people say they'll give you this whole future, whatever you wanna hear but never have the what nots to even show to love teenage naivety (on my behalf) seriously lol I actually even tried to confront my mum earlier this year to say I wanted her to know I did some things I regret, when I was younger but she said she doesn't need to know and all that matters is that your youth is there for you to make mistakes and learn from them, if you don't then whats the point? so its fine, move on and I guess ill try - it was a relief to hear that in a way anyway enough melodramatics, ill shut up about that now

I definitely agree that alot of it is to do with authority and manipulation, as you said they like power and control maybe for some like Savile more so than the sexual side of it.
IzzyS is offline