View Single Post
Old 10-05-2013, 23:52
Forum Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 152
I think so but its also alot to do with manipulation, at least what I remember because with certain conversations you'd be told that basically you want to try this or to talk about this and that they have your best interests at heart, yadda yadda what bothers me so much is that I felt I wasn't getting attention at school at the time and didn't want to talk about how lonely I felt with my family as I worried they'd feel they let me down, so I went elsewhere to find people who'd give me the time of day and compilment me but not too long after I realised people were basically too scared to make physical contact (this was all done online and by phone etc.) because they knew why they'd be visiting and worried they'd get in trouble from the authorities (this was pretty much said as such at one stage), I realised they were never that interested in me as a person and I realised I'd let my family and myself down, I disrespected them and all the rest of it.

If I went into too many details, I have no doubt people would label me a whore or some such but ultimately, I did what I did because to me what I wanted most was the basic conversations that started off with the other person seeming to care how I was, it just escalated alot from there because they knew I felt curious and boys my age didn't seem to notice me *cringe* and they wanted to help share something special and said they'd never hurt me but would always be there for me or whatever terms were used, ugh I was 16 but even so, honestly, the whole thing was like, wrong, it just took me a while to see things as they really were. Such people say they'll give you this whole future, whatever you wanna hear but never have the what nots to even show to love teenage naivety (on my behalf) seriously lol I actually even tried to confront my mum earlier this year to say I wanted her to know I did some things I regret, when I was younger but she said she doesn't need to know and all that matters is that your youth is there for you to make mistakes and learn from them, if you don't then whats the point? so its fine, move on and I guess ill try - it was a relief to hear that in a way anyway enough melodramatics, ill shut up about that now

I definitely agree that alot of it is to do with authority and manipulation, as you said they like power and control maybe for some like Savile more so than the sexual side of it.
That's really sad, Izzy and it sounds to me like you were being targetted. These type of people (men I assume from what you've said) look for people who are vulnerable and then test to see just how vulnerable someone is before they make their move. Jerry Sandusky is a case in point and this article describes it well - It sounds like you had a lucky escape, at least I hope you did, and I'm glad you were wise enough to realise that they were not genuine in their approach to you.

Your mum is right in that youth is for mistakes and learning from them, but if it still bothers you it may help to talk to someone about it. If you want some details of places to approach PM me.

I know from unfortunate experience that the manipulation is the worst bit. That's what stays with you, the "mind rape". They know what they're doing and as we get older and wiser we know what they're doing too. It has to stop.
Spasmodic is offline