This made me laugh & exactly how I visualize it, I suspect they'll manage to squeeze the phrase "brave Pete" in there somewhere.
CP will no doubt be pacing frantically outside, considering every possible option as of how to milk this "private" situation to the max. Kerching!
"Well-earned privacy" BEL. The privacy is always well-earned.
As if, to earn privacy, you have to media-whore to nth degree.