When you have a crying baby or child and you're worried about disturbing other people it makes you very stressed and, in turn, makes the child more stressed.
I think the most positive thing you could do, as someone else mentioned, is to let the parents know ( and this may be a lie ) that you totally understand, you've bought some earplugs and that they mustn't worry about disturbing you.
The fact that they know you can hear the noise may be prolonging the agony as they are probably rushing to the child the moment she starts screaming and then being anxious to make her stop.
To say anything else will just make things even more strained for both of you.
When you have a crying baby or child and you're worried about disturbing other people it makes you very stressed and, in turn, makes the child more stressed.
I think the most positive thing you could do, as someone else mentioned, is to let the parents know ( and this may be a lie ) that you totally understand, you've bought some earplugs and that they mustn't worry about disturbing you.
The fact that they know you can hear the noise may be prolonging the agony as they are probably rushing to the child the moment she starts screaming and then being anxious to make her stop.
To say anything else will just make things even more strained for both of you.
again - all she is going to do by 'doing research for them' is piss them off. If someone showed up at your door, telling you how to 'treat' your son's problem you'd be unwelcoming to say the least.
as caras said here if you approach with empathy rather than 'here I did some research so you can get that ****dy kid's screaming sorted out.' I think most parents would appreciate you are trying to be kind,
I once knocked on a complete strangers door to tell them the baby that they had left in the pram outside in their garden was crying. I was walking past and could hear her and she sounder as though she had been crying for a while (yes I can tell) I said "sorry to knock like this but as you can now hear your baby is crying" the mother said "oh thank you I have the washing machine on and didn't hear her" I said something like "I guessed that it was something like that, I just didn't want to just walk by without telling you anything could have happened to you, you could have collapsed or something, so i thought I'd just check all was well" the mum thanked me again and I left.
I was willing to cause offence for the sake of the babies safety. If something bad had happened to the child or the parent I would have had to live with the knowledge that I could have prevented it by knocking and checking.
Hi Rita. You must be demented. The pain of your poor wrists would only magnify how exhausted you're feeling and with the added pain be tortuous. Ear plugs do help to a degree, but I know from my husband's snoring that even these AND a cushion on my head, they aren't completely soundproof!
Downstairs sounds like the best place to be furthest away from it, at least temporarily. Could you afford or borrow a temporary zed bed perhaps? You could always cosy it up with extra cushions on, and away from the noisiest room, then the earplugs would be effective. Once you've caught up on some sleep, longer-term solutions might seem clearer.
again - all she is going to do by 'doing research for them' is piss them off. If someone showed up at your door, telling you how to 'treat' your son's problem you'd be unwelcoming to say the least.
I might flipped totally if someone did that to me. My son's problems were (still are, at nearly 30) autistic disorders.
It's a looong story but it took years of me struggling to keep us sane (and alive!) finding a routine that made life bearable (just).
Trying very hard here not to set off, or this post will bcome a book :eek:
Then there IS the worry, I guess that all is really NOT well.
It is a difficult situation. I suppose there is always try the 'can you help me approach?' -
'I hope you don't mind me saying, but sometimes your little one (or name or whatever) wakes me/disturbs me,. Don't get much rest 'cos of my broken wrists, can you help?'
Having said that, you have to live with your neighbours and if there is nothing 'bad' going on, you don't want to end up with bad feeling/resentment and a howling child.
Do you have a Neighbourhood Mediation Service in your area?
They generally prefer to meet with both parties but many will agree to meet discuss the situation with you (confidentially) and try to help you resolve the situation. Your local Council might have info or even have theitr own service.
I would imagine ovens are fairly soundproof. So i would politely suggest to them that they make their child sleep in the oven until he grows out of crying, (obviously the oven should not be turned on, or maybe just on a very low setting to keep him warm).
Is this a joke? There's no way they'd put the child in an oven. Mind you I wouldn't say keep the oven on very low, I'd like mine crispy - I love kids but couldn't eat a whole one though :D:D
The washing machine is an alternative option, i imagine it too would muffle out most of the sound (again not turned on).
You could also ask if they have a coal bunker. They are usually made out of pretty thick concrete, making them fairly soundproof. I spent most of my childhood in a coal bunker, and i turned out just fine.
Hmmm another joke? If not you may think you've turned out fine but to put a child in a coal bunker is another no no
There could be something wrong apart from teething I would've thought the child would cry themselves to sleep well before three hours was up.
I digress, earplugs are great, get the wax ones, they fit snugly, don't hurt your lugs and are the most efficient ones for damping sound.
A friend of mine broke both his wrists quite badly 'stage diving' - the audience parted like Moses parting the Red Sea as he took a Swan Dive off the stage expecting them to catch him.:D
He found out who his real friends were when he needed to go to the toilet - I'm sorry to say I wasn't one of them:D
Lots of children have difficulty sleeping, our eldis son had asleep disorder, he still finds sleeping difficult but we taught him stratergies to allow other to sleep even if he was unableto himself (he still uses some of them today at 34 years old) what we did was showed him (even whilr he was quite young) that he was 1. Safe. 2. We were nearby (even a small child can be spoken to through a baby monitor, 2 way of course) 3. We encouraged him to play (when older read) when not sleeping rather than cry. 4. we left the door open (putting a baby gate in the doorway so the he could hear us, talking and/or watching TV. 5. leave a drink of water and a passifier (dummy)by the bed, for the child to have if wanted/needed (better that than a screaming child)
I am aware that this crying child isn't yours but you could find an artical somewhere that gives this kind of advice, preferably from a specialist and print it off for the neighbours.
Say you are concerned that their child sounds so distresses by not sleeping and knowing how difficult it would be for them to do research about the childs problem you have done the research for them and have found this advice that you think may help their child. (cos you feel so sorry that s/he isnt able to go to sleep and enjoy it as outer children do) say you don't want to seem like a meddling neighbour but you feel upset that the distress the child is experiencing must cause them real concern, then yous pass the document over to them.
If you are at all concerned for the safety of the child, (IN ANY WAY, FOR ANY REASON) Contact Childrens Services, DON'T DELAY' children die every week in Britain because people say "I DON'T WANT TO INTERFERE!"
Voicy.
Totally disagree. You can't encourage other posters to call SS WITHOUT a good reason! What are you thinking?:eek: You could end up being sued, let alone cause some family grief. Very poor advice that's not to be listened to imo.:rolleyes:
as caras said here if you approach with empathy rather than 'here I did some research so you can get that ****dy kid's screaming sorted out.' I think most parents would appreciate you are trying to be kind,
I once knocked on a complete strangers door to tell them the baby that they had left in the pram outside in their garden was crying. I was walking past and could hear her and she sounder as though she had been crying for a while (yes I can tell) I said "sorry to knock like this but as you can now hear your baby is crying" the mother said "oh thank you I have the washing machine on and didn't hear her" I said something like "I guessed that it was something like that, I just didn't want to just walk by without telling you anything could have happened to you, you could have collapsed or something, so i thought I'd just check all was well" the mum thanked me again and I left.
I was willing to cause offence for the sake of the babies safety. If something bad had happened to the child or the parent I would have had to live with the knowledge that I could have prevented it by knocking and checking.
That's a completely different situation, and tbh I'd still think you were an interfering old swine, but I'd not leave my baby out of earshot anyway. What makes you think you know what's best for someone else's child? Like I said, reverse the situation, if someone brought you a book on your problem child, you'd be annoyed.
The ops neighbour have already acknowledged the situation, and her going Round, nicely or not, will fracture relationships further, stress them out more, and in all likelyhood make things worse.
I digress, earplugs are great, get the wax ones, they fit snugly, don't hurt your lugs and are the most efficient ones for damping sound.
My friend fell and broke both wrists. She put her hands out to stop her, but was 22 stone, u can imagine the results. As couldn't do anything for herself, even get her pants on.
When I was very young I remember my family taking next doors crying constantly baby for a day so the mother could have a break
Turns out she was crying as she was ready to be weaned and had t been
My friend had a baby that cried all the time turned out he had a perforated ear drum from an infection
If you can fall asleep to music try earphones to block out the sound
Herbal sleep aids may also help
Some babies stop crying with light projectors that also play music
Maybe try to befriend the neighbours and get involved with them then try to help them
I bet they are knackered stressed and worried themselves
as caras said here if you approach with empathy rather than 'here I did some research so you can get that ****dy kid's screaming sorted out.' I think most parents would appreciate you are trying to be kind,
I once knocked on a complete strangers door to tell them the baby that they had left in the pram outside in their garden was crying. I was walking past and could hear her and she sounder as though she had been crying for a while (yes I can tell) I said "sorry to knock like this but as you can now hear your baby is crying" the mother said "oh thank you I have the washing machine on and didn't hear her" I said something like "I guessed that it was something like that, I just didn't want to just walk by without telling you anything could have happened to you, you could have collapsed or something, so i thought I'd just check all was well" the mum thanked me again and I left.
I was willing to cause offence for the sake of the babies safety. If something bad had happened to the child or the parent I would have had to live with the knowledge that I could have prevented it by knocking and checking.
I'm glad you're not my neighbour coz I would have strangled you by now. Stop interfering as one day someone will take REAL offence and you will only have yourself to blame.Unbelieveable.
I'm glad you're not my neighbour coz I would have strangled you by now. Stop interfering as one day someone will take REAL offence and you will only have yourself to blame.Unbelieveable.
Why do you assume she would take offence? Maybe she needs a friendly voice. Also why is it interfering to offer support? She may need it. Finally, whatever happened to being neighbourly.
The OP obviously feels bad for her as well as lacking in sleep. Sitting back and dwelling on the situation IMO is just going to heighten tension. I personally would value a friendly, sympathic approach and know there was an element of understanding, rather than worrying that every look was disapproving
as caras said here if you approach with empathy rather than 'here I did some research so you can get that ****dy kid's screaming sorted out.' I think most parents would appreciate you are trying to be kind,
I once knocked on a complete strangers door to tell them the baby that they had left in the pram outside in their garden was crying. I was walking past and could hear her and she sounder as though she had been crying for a while (yes I can tell) I said "sorry to knock like this but as you can now hear your baby is crying" the mother said "oh thank you I have the washing machine on and didn't hear her" I said something like "I guessed that it was something like that, I just didn't want to just walk by without telling you anything could have happened to you, you could have collapsed or something, so i thought I'd just check all was well" the mum thanked me again and I left.
I was willing to cause offence for the sake of the babies safety. If something bad had happened to the child or the parent I would have had to live with the knowledge that I could have prevented it by knocking and checking.
She might have put the baby out there on purpose!
When my eldest was a baby he could be very, very difficult to settle. I was on my own, working full-time, there were times I would put him in his cot, make sure he was safe, shut the door - go into the living room, shut that door, go outside and shut that door and then sit there for five minutes in the quiet.
It was either that or lose my temper with him. It meant that after 5 or ten minutes I could re-engage him without the stress I was feeling before.
Going off the subject though, after nearly 18 months of this the health visitor suggested controlled crying. First evening was horrendous, second evening I sat outside his room on the floor quietly crying to my friend down the phone about it.
Going in every five minutes at first to settle him but, not pick him up. Then every ten minutes etc.
Third night I did the routine - bath, milk, wind, story, put baby down and he didn't cry, didn't even whimper and slept the whole night through and did so from that moment on.
She might have put the baby out there on purpose!
When my eldest was a baby he could be very, very difficult to settle. I was on my own, working full-time, there were times I would put him in his cot, make sure he was safe, shut the door - go into the living room, shut that door, go outside and shut that door and then sit there for five minutes in the quiet.
It was either that or lose my temper with him. It meant that after 5 or ten minutes I could re-engage him without the stress I was feeling before.
Going off the subject though, after nearly 18 months of this the health visitor suggested controlled crying. First evening was horrendous, second evening I sat outside his room on the floor quietly crying to my friend down the phone about it.
Going in every five minutes at first to settle him but, not pick him up. Then every ten minutes etc.
Third night I did the routine - bath, milk, wind, story, put baby down and he didn't cry, didn't even whimper and slept the whole night through and did so from that moment on.
Wish I had done it before!
Controlled crying does work, but it's not for everyone. some parents can't handle leaving their baby to cry.
Because the chances are they are NOT being abused. Social services are like dogs with a bone and EVEN if a child isn't being neglected or abused THEY will make the parents life hell.
I know of a couple who were wrongly accused of neglect by this hitler of a social worker. Thankfully she isn't one (a social worker) anymore and thank god families now AREN'T being accused by her!
Turns out this child had Autism but the parents went thru sheer hell coz of that old hag. If I was them I would have sued the arses of SS.
Wading in with both feet could cause a situation similar to what I've just described. That's why ppl SHOULD NOT interfere.
Comments
Blimey! Sensitive Much!
You've only been here 24 hours - are you gonna flounce like this every time people don't immediately say " diddums " ?
On topic - earplugs is actually a helpful suggestion, as is sleeping - temporarily - in another room.
Soundproofing is very very expensive and would be ridiculous for something that might only be a problem for a couple of months.
I think the most positive thing you could do, as someone else mentioned, is to let the parents know ( and this may be a lie ) that you totally understand, you've bought some earplugs and that they mustn't worry about disturbing you.
The fact that they know you can hear the noise may be prolonging the agony as they are probably rushing to the child the moment she starts screaming and then being anxious to make her stop.
To say anything else will just make things even more strained for both of you.
This is very good advice.
as caras said here if you approach with empathy rather than 'here I did some research so you can get that ****dy kid's screaming sorted out.' I think most parents would appreciate you are trying to be kind,
I once knocked on a complete strangers door to tell them the baby that they had left in the pram outside in their garden was crying. I was walking past and could hear her and she sounder as though she had been crying for a while (yes I can tell) I said "sorry to knock like this but as you can now hear your baby is crying" the mother said "oh thank you I have the washing machine on and didn't hear her" I said something like "I guessed that it was something like that, I just didn't want to just walk by without telling you anything could have happened to you, you could have collapsed or something, so i thought I'd just check all was well" the mum thanked me again and I left.
I was willing to cause offence for the sake of the babies safety. If something bad had happened to the child or the parent I would have had to live with the knowledge that I could have prevented it by knocking and checking.
Downstairs sounds like the best place to be furthest away from it, at least temporarily. Could you afford or borrow a temporary zed bed perhaps? You could always cosy it up with extra cushions on, and away from the noisiest room, then the earplugs would be effective. Once you've caught up on some sleep, longer-term solutions might seem clearer.
I might flipped totally if someone did that to me. My son's problems were (still are, at nearly 30) autistic disorders.
It's a looong story but it took years of me struggling to keep us sane (and alive!) finding a routine that made life bearable (just).
Trying very hard here not to set off, or this post will bcome a book :eek:
Then there IS the worry, I guess that all is really NOT well.
It is a difficult situation. I suppose there is always try the 'can you help me approach?' -
'I hope you don't mind me saying, but sometimes your little one (or name or whatever) wakes me/disturbs me,. Don't get much rest 'cos of my broken wrists, can you help?'
Having said that, you have to live with your neighbours and if there is nothing 'bad' going on, you don't want to end up with bad feeling/resentment and a howling child.
Do you have a Neighbourhood Mediation Service in your area?
They generally prefer to meet with both parties but many will agree to meet discuss the situation with you (confidentially) and try to help you resolve the situation. Your local Council might have info or even have theitr own service.
Is this a joke? There's no way they'd put the child in an oven. Mind you I wouldn't say keep the oven on very low, I'd like mine crispy - I love kids but couldn't eat a whole one though
Hmmm another joke? If not you may think you've turned out fine but to put a child in a coal bunker is another no no
There could be something wrong apart from teething I would've thought the child would cry themselves to sleep well before three hours was up.
How does one break both wrists ?
I digress, earplugs are great, get the wax ones, they fit snugly, don't hurt your lugs and are the most efficient ones for damping sound.
A friend of mine broke both his wrists quite badly 'stage diving' - the audience parted like Moses parting the Red Sea as he took a Swan Dive off the stage expecting them to catch him.:D
He found out who his real friends were when he needed to go to the toilet - I'm sorry to say I wasn't one of them:D
Totally disagree. You can't encourage other posters to call SS WITHOUT a good reason! What are you thinking?:eek: You could end up being sued, let alone cause some family grief. Very poor advice that's not to be listened to imo.:rolleyes:
That's a completely different situation, and tbh I'd still think you were an interfering old swine, but I'd not leave my baby out of earshot anyway. What makes you think you know what's best for someone else's child? Like I said, reverse the situation, if someone brought you a book on your problem child, you'd be annoyed.
The ops neighbour have already acknowledged the situation, and her going Round, nicely or not, will fracture relationships further, stress them out more, and in all likelyhood make things worse.
My friend fell and broke both wrists. She put her hands out to stop her, but was 22 stone, u can imagine the results. As couldn't do anything for herself, even get her pants on.
Turns out she was crying as she was ready to be weaned and had t been
My friend had a baby that cried all the time turned out he had a perforated ear drum from an infection
If you can fall asleep to music try earphones to block out the sound
Herbal sleep aids may also help
Some babies stop crying with light projectors that also play music
Maybe try to befriend the neighbours and get involved with them then try to help them
I bet they are knackered stressed and worried themselves
I'm glad you're not my neighbour coz I would have strangled you by now. Stop interfering as one day someone will take REAL offence and you will only have yourself to blame.Unbelieveable.
Why do you assume she would take offence? Maybe she needs a friendly voice. Also why is it interfering to offer support? She may need it. Finally, whatever happened to being neighbourly.
The OP obviously feels bad for her as well as lacking in sleep. Sitting back and dwelling on the situation IMO is just going to heighten tension. I personally would value a friendly, sympathic approach and know there was an element of understanding, rather than worrying that every look was disapproving
She might have put the baby out there on purpose!
When my eldest was a baby he could be very, very difficult to settle. I was on my own, working full-time, there were times I would put him in his cot, make sure he was safe, shut the door - go into the living room, shut that door, go outside and shut that door and then sit there for five minutes in the quiet.
It was either that or lose my temper with him. It meant that after 5 or ten minutes I could re-engage him without the stress I was feeling before.
Going off the subject though, after nearly 18 months of this the health visitor suggested controlled crying. First evening was horrendous, second evening I sat outside his room on the floor quietly crying to my friend down the phone about it.
Going in every five minutes at first to settle him but, not pick him up. Then every ten minutes etc.
Third night I did the routine - bath, milk, wind, story, put baby down and he didn't cry, didn't even whimper and slept the whole night through and did so from that moment on.
Wish I had done it before!
Controlled crying does work, but it's not for everyone. some parents can't handle leaving their baby to cry.
If you are worried contact social services.
Another poster offering misguided advice.:rolleyes:
Sometimes state intervention is the best way.
How do we know the child isn't being abused?
Because the chances are they are NOT being abused. Social services are like dogs with a bone and EVEN if a child isn't being neglected or abused THEY will make the parents life hell.
I know of a couple who were wrongly accused of neglect by this hitler of a social worker. Thankfully she isn't one (a social worker) anymore and thank god families now AREN'T being accused by her!
Turns out this child had Autism but the parents went thru sheer hell coz of that old hag. If I was them I would have sued the arses of SS.
Wading in with both feet could cause a situation similar to what I've just described. That's why ppl SHOULD NOT interfere.