Wow, OP I could have written your posts almost word-for-word. Have we been married to the same guy?! :eek:
Really? Its so frustrating isn't it. I don't think so as he made it clear that "marriage was a waste of time". Very committed he was (I would insert sarcastic face if I knew how to).
But -unless I have missed it - what is the situation about child support? The OP has a child by what sounds like a feckless father. Is he paying any support for this child? A child is for life - and by any calculation - he is responsible until the age of 18.
But -unless I have missed it - what is the situation about child support? The OP has a child by what sounds like a feckless father. Is he paying any support for this child? A child is for life - and by any calculation - he is responsible until the age of 18.
No he doesn't pay a penny. He doesn't see why he should as I receive CB & CTC for our child. He also does work on the side.
Well - my reaction is that if a father wants a share in a child's life - then they ought to pay for it. Why on earth should a single mother have to claim off the state? We didn't make this child - he did.
Get into a family court to sort out access. Go to Social Security and get his wages garnished until his child reaches 18.
You are bringing up a child that its father is responsible for. Go after him for every penny -and he may think twice before fathering other kids that the state brings up.
My ex doesn't pay a penny either! In his eyes, she's now my responsibility and he doesn't see why he should pay me to bring up my kid. :rolleyes:
I hope one day he realises what an idiot he has been all along and starts being an actual father, but at the moment I don't see this happening.
i thought you said you were a solicitor, surely you would know what to do, you know how the system and courts work, if you want money from you ex, just contact the CSA, they will add an attachment of earnings to his salaryand you will get your money
also if your dating a "judge" surely he will point you in the right direction
Well - my reaction is that if a father wants a share in a child's life - then they ought to pay for it. Why on earth should a single mother have to claim off the state? We didn't make this child - he did.
Get into a family court to sort out access. Go to Social Security and get his wages garnished until his child reaches 18.
You are bringing up a child that its father is responsible for. Go after him for every penny -and he may think twice before fathering other kids that the state brings up.
It's called responsible parenting.
im a father, im very hands on, my two live with me half time. i dont pay CSA but we both contribute, and help each other out
i think the op needs to try and talk to her ex, involving the csa should be a last resort because they are known for their high level of stupidity
however, if he fails to support or be involved in the childs life, then the op should contact the csa and she will get something from him,
our solicitor poster should also do the same if she has a problem getting an ex to pay
Well said. For what it is worth I think you sound an amazing dad. I hope you manage to get things sorted out for the sake of your wee one Rachel. Can I ask that you ensure that Granny and Granddad stay involved in your child's life even if daddy doesn't? Children need Grandparents and grandparents need the children in their lives too. Thanks.
Well said. For what it is worth I think you sound an amazing dad. I hope you manage to get things sorted out for the sake of your wee one Rachel. Can I ask that you ensure that Granny and Granddad stay involved in your child's life even if daddy doesn't? Children need Grandparents and grandparents need the children in their lives too. Thanks.
That's what I thought. I would rather just sort it out between ourselves. He is immature and irresponsible his main priority is getting drunk with friends. He has never provided for our daughter and when we lived together refused to change a nappy, get her dressed etc as "it's the mother's job".
He mentioned if he gets joint custody it will help him get a house (?). This annoys me as I feel he is using our daughter just so he has his own place to live.
It's true he'll only get consideration for a 2 bed flat if he has joint custody, but, frankly, I can't see any compelling reason why the courts would award him this, especially in view of his alleged behaviour, which alone would effectively disqualify him from this.
CSA have a reputation to go for easy targets - if your ex is in erratic employment, or unemployment, they are less likely to go after him with all guns blazing than if he has a full time job. It's pure laziness on their part.
My girl will always see her grandparents. I lost a grandparent last night and I know how important they are in a child's life. Thanks everyone for all the advice its put my mind at ease was just worried that he would try and take her from me. I can now see this will not happen.
My girl will always see her grandparents. I lost a grandparent last night and I know how important they are in a child's life. Thanks everyone for all the advice its put my mind at ease was just worried that he would try and take her from me. I can now see this will not happen.
That's what I thought. I would rather just sort it out between ourselves. He is immature and irresponsible his main priority is getting drunk with friends. He has never provided for our daughter and when we lived together refused to change a nappy, get her dressed etc as "it's the mother's job".
He mentioned if he gets joint custody it will help him get a house (?). This annoys me as I feel he is using our daughter just so he has his own place to live.
If you had put a condom on in the first place you would not be in this mess! Sorry to be blunt and I do feel or you but the guy must have some qualities about him as you had a child with him and took him back on occasions before!
If you had put a condom on in the first place you would not be in this mess! Sorry to be blunt and I do feel or you but the guy must have some qualities about him as you had a child with him and took him back on occasions before!
Whether I choose to have a baby or not is my decision. I'm a young naive girl and I'm the first to admit that.
If you had put a condom on in the first place you would not be in this mess! Sorry to be blunt and I do feel or you but the guy must have some qualities about him as you had a child with him and took him back on occasions before!
unless you have never nade a mistake or a bad decision i dont think you have a right to judge
Thanks I'll have a look at this. I'm hoping its just been am empty threat. He's already lost access to another daughter as he kept cancelling his arrangements.
Also my child is one so therefore can't really decide her rights. As I have previously stated I am not trying to stop her father seeing her.
I'm pretty certain a court will not force an under four year old to spend nights away from her mother. This is what my friend was told by his solicitor when he was enquiring about joint custody. If you don't agree to it, it very likely won't happen.
And if he is so immature, will he really go to the bother of taking you through court?
Even if he does the fact that's he's not living independently, and does not financially support his child are two ways he has shot himself in the foot to start with.
he does this often gets bored of the relationship, walks out on me, messes up on seeing our girl, comes back a few weeks later asking if he can come back as he misses us and like a fool I've always said yes. If he does it this time I'm praying I can find the strength to say no. If he keeps acting the way he is I'm sure I won't find it a problem doing so.
In that case a court hearing may be a good thing for you and your daughter. If he violates terms of visitation now while she is young (which is what he would get, not custody) he could be out of your hair within a year. On the other hand he could rise to the occasion and turn out to be a good Dad.
Don't get caught up in family fights. If his sister is a stirrer, avoid her or be polite but keep her at arms length. If he tries to get into a row with you, don't rise to it. Be very brief. If he texts 'My sister says you're going to take her away from me', simply reply 'No, that is not true.' Don't give them anything to work with!
I'm pretty certain a court will not force an under four year old to spend nights away from her mother. This is what my friend was told by his solicitor when he was enquiring about joint custody. If you don't agree to it, it very likely won't happen.
And if he is so immature, will he really go to the bother of taking you through court?
Even if he does the fact that's he's not living independently, and does not financially support his child are two ways he has shot himself in the foot to start with.
In that case a court hearing may be a good thing for you and your daughter. If he violates terms of visitation now while she is young (which is what he would get, not custody) he could be out of your hair within a year. On the other hand he could rise to the occasion and turn out to be a good Dad.
Don't get caught up in family fights. If his sister is a stirrer, avoid her or be polite but keep her at arms length. If he tries to get into a row with you, don't rise to it. Be very brief. If he texts 'My sister says you're going to take her away from me', simply reply 'No, that is not true.' Don't give them anything to work with!
Good luck with it all
Thanks. I don't think he will go through with it as I'm allowing him to see her as often as he likes so he would be wasting his time. As for the sister I'm not even going to mention his name in front of her from now on.
Although ths sounds like good advice it also sounds very antagonistic. Partners when they recieve these types of accusaations often retaliate in kind. Before you know it it is iimpossible for it to be settled amicably, courts become involved and lots of money and huge stress. Its the child that always suffers. Unless he poses a threat or harm to the child, mediation is a good way to go.
There is only one person who matters in this case. Your child. do not let your child get hurt by this, do everything you can to keep your child in a good relationship with both of you. for the childs sake. Voicy.
how does this not say vertually the same thing as you are saying. I did qualify my advice with the caution above. I think maybe you might do well to reread what I said. I also implied that things like this are best sorted out between the couple, but court is sometimes the only way for really difficult cases.
Comments
Really? Its so frustrating isn't it. I don't think so as he made it clear that "marriage was a waste of time". Very committed he was (I would insert sarcastic face if I knew how to).
But -unless I have missed it - what is the situation about child support? The OP has a child by what sounds like a feckless father. Is he paying any support for this child? A child is for life - and by any calculation - he is responsible until the age of 18.
No he doesn't pay a penny. He doesn't see why he should as I receive CB & CTC for our child. He also does work on the side.
I hope one day he realises what an idiot he has been all along and starts being an actual father, but at the moment I don't see this happening.
Get into a family court to sort out access. Go to Social Security and get his wages garnished until his child reaches 18.
You are bringing up a child that its father is responsible for. Go after him for every penny -and he may think twice before fathering other kids that the state brings up.
It's called responsible parenting.
i thought you said you were a solicitor, surely you would know what to do, you know how the system and courts work, if you want money from you ex, just contact the CSA, they will add an attachment of earnings to his salaryand you will get your money
also if your dating a "judge" surely he will point you in the right direction
:rolleyes:
im a father, im very hands on, my two live with me half time. i dont pay CSA but we both contribute, and help each other out
i think the op needs to try and talk to her ex, involving the csa should be a last resort because they are known for their high level of stupidity
however, if he fails to support or be involved in the childs life, then the op should contact the csa and she will get something from him,
our solicitor poster should also do the same if she has a problem getting an ex to pay
Well said. For what it is worth I think you sound an amazing dad. I hope you manage to get things sorted out for the sake of your wee one Rachel. Can I ask that you ensure that Granny and Granddad stay involved in your child's life even if daddy doesn't? Children need Grandparents and grandparents need the children in their lives too. Thanks.
^this^
CSA have a reputation to go for easy targets - if your ex is in erratic employment, or unemployment, they are less likely to go after him with all guns blazing than if he has a full time job. It's pure laziness on their part.
very sorry
Me too.
If you had put a condom on in the first place you would not be in this mess! Sorry to be blunt and I do feel or you but the guy must have some qualities about him as you had a child with him and took him back on occasions before!
Whether I choose to have a baby or not is my decision. I'm a young naive girl and I'm the first to admit that.
unless you have never nade a mistake or a bad decision i dont think you have a right to judge
a jeremy kyle quote, i thought that was a bit harsh really
none of us are perfect
May be he is also young and naive.
I'm pretty certain a court will not force an under four year old to spend nights away from her mother. This is what my friend was told by his solicitor when he was enquiring about joint custody. If you don't agree to it, it very likely won't happen.
And if he is so immature, will he really go to the bother of taking you through court?
Even if he does the fact that's he's not living independently, and does not financially support his child are two ways he has shot himself in the foot to start with.
In that case a court hearing may be a good thing for you and your daughter. If he violates terms of visitation now while she is young (which is what he would get, not custody) he could be out of your hair within a year. On the other hand he could rise to the occasion and turn out to be a good Dad.
Don't get caught up in family fights. If his sister is a stirrer, avoid her or be polite but keep her at arms length. If he tries to get into a row with you, don't rise to it. Be very brief. If he texts 'My sister says you're going to take her away from me', simply reply 'No, that is not true.' Don't give them anything to work with!
Good luck with it all
Thanks. I don't think he will go through with it as I'm allowing him to see her as often as he likes so he would be wasting his time. As for the sister I'm not even going to mention his name in front of her from now on.
There is only one person who matters in this case. Your child. do not let your child get hurt by this, do everything you can to keep your child in a good relationship with both of you. for the childs sake. Voicy.
how does this not say vertually the same thing as you are saying. I did qualify my advice with the caution above. I think maybe you might do well to reread what I said. I also implied that things like this are best sorted out between the couple, but court is sometimes the only way for really difficult cases.