Worst Facebook status updates

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  • SuperAPJSuperAPJ Posts: 10,402
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    I saw earlier a profile of someone who'd put their name as something like 'Jane Proudestmummyever Smith'. Ugh.
  • ackeracker Posts: 8,809
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    SuperAPJ wrote: »
    I saw earlier a profile of someone who'd put their name as something like 'Jane Proudestmummyever Smith'. Ugh.

    FFS. ....I honestly detest the facebook universe. I find it genuinely depressing . Its the domain of terminal f*ckwits. :(........not all users but most. Theres just a collective facebook " lie " that goes on somehow. ....hard to explain but I know what I mean.

    ETA ...and why isnt there a " dislike " button ? ....why only " like " ......what is it North Korea. ?
  • KJKJ Posts: 58
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    I came across this in 2012, and it went something like:

    "Only my friends and family matter to me, everyone else can go get f***ed."

    :mad:
  • Jason100Jason100 Posts: 17,222
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    Haha. Someone has just made a status asking their friends to stop sending them game requests. This is coming from the same person who's always sending me Texas Holdem Poker requests!
  • SamsMamSamsMam Posts: 45
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    Saw this today and thought of this thread:

    Fxuk uew kunty uew wait u mathafukah, il b vistng uew wv tha dogs yeah, and il beh smashn ur mug wen ie katchu slippn

    :eek:
  • FlufanFlufan Posts: 2,544
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    acker wrote: »
    ...and why isnt there a " dislike " button ? ....why only " like " ......what is it North Korea. ?

    No; just a social networking site that no-one's forced to use... :confused:
  • Kiko H FanKiko H Fan Posts: 6,546
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    "Watched my boy n his bedroom yesterday, aving his first wank. Shot his load everywhere. Wot a proud mumz I am. He is gunnu have his fill of da girlz. LOL".
  • Jambo_cJambo_c Posts: 4,672
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    But here's an oddity. Facebook has actually made me dislike people I was fairly neutral about. I dislike the businessman I went to school with who displays such utter snobbery at the working classes despite the fact that is grandad worked at the Ford plant. The ex-work colleague who updated her 9 year long and emotional to overcome fertility, uploaded a million joyous photos of her son...only to dump him in day nursery for a few days between Christmas an New Year because she needed 'lunchtime wine and undisturbed shopping'. The innocuous, charming school friend who joined the BNP. The list is endless. So as I start the process of shifting from FB to Twitter, thank you FB for giving me an insight into the acquaintances I grew up with..and justifying the reason I didn't stay in touch in the first place :D

    I've noticed this. A woman I work with, who I previously thought was normal is incredibly annoying on Facebook. All she posts is either how tired she is, how ill she feels, how much she loves her family or some inane crap that her baby has done. It's as if she's got a little bank of statuses and copies and pastes them in sequence. She also only ever "likes" pictures of babies or statuses that are just like hers. Her life must be so boring.
  • Tt88Tt88 Posts: 6,827
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    Kiko H Fan wrote: »
    "Watched my boy n his bedroom yesterday, aving his first wank. Shot his load everywhere. Wot a proud mumz I am. He is gunnu have his fill of da girlz. LOL".

    Please tell me you just made that up! :eek:

    How old is the son and why on earth is his mother watching?
  • grimtales1grimtales1 Posts: 46,685
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    Kiko H Fan wrote: »
    "Watched my boy n his bedroom yesterday, aving his first wank. Shot his load everywhere. Wot a proud mumz I am. He is gunnu have his fill of da girlz. LOL".

    :eek::D:eek:
    That's just wrong on so many levels. Who would want to see that?
  • Kiko H FanKiko H Fan Posts: 6,546
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    Tt88 wrote: »
    Please tell me you just made that up! :eek:

    How old is the son and why on earth is his mother watching?

    Yes, I made it up, but given the things written in this thread, couldn't you just see this appearing on FB one day?

    Many a mother has caught her early teenage son having a little light relief, especially if he leaves the bedroom door ajar, or forgets to lock the toilet door. There's bound to be one who'll stick it up for all to read.
  • sonicshadowsonicshadow Posts: 8,384
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    Kiko H Fan wrote: »
    Yes, I made it up, but given the things written in this thread, couldn't you just see this appearing on FB one day?

    Many a mother has caught her early teenage son having a little light relief, especially if he leaves the bedroom door ajar, or forgets to lock the toilet door. There's bound to be one who'll stick it up for all to read.
    Better yet, snap a picture on their smartphone and upload it for everyone to see in the album "Tims first wank".
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 526
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    Better yet, snap a picture on their smartphone and upload it for everyone to see in the album "Tims first wank".

    No, no, 132 pictures of Tim all taken at ever so slightly different angles :D
  • sonicshadowsonicshadow Posts: 8,384
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    johnny-br wrote: »
    No, no, 132 pictures of Tim all taken at ever so slightly different angles :D
    Comments from friends of the mother "Oh, he's such a big boy now!"

    :o
  • Ben_CoplandBen_Copland Posts: 4,602
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    Comments from friends of the mother "Oh, he's such a big boy now!"

    :o

    Likes! *shudder*
  • habbyhabby Posts: 10,027
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    This is a good FB discussion I've just come across that someone had with a friend. Its very :rolleyes:
  • BinCatBinCat Posts: 2,125
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    Lamebook.com used to be funny, but now you really have to trawl through it to find a gem.
  • bookaddictbookaddict Posts: 2,806
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    A FB friend of mine felt the need to announce what a proud mummy she is, because her child is properly toilet-trained. She even started the post, by apologising that she had forgotten to post it earlier!
  • LibitinaLibitina Posts: 2,430
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    SamsMam wrote: »
    Saw this today and thought of this thread:

    Fxuk uew kunty uew wait u mathafukah, il b vistng uew wv tha dogs yeah, and il beh smashn ur mug wen ie katchu slippn

    :eek:

    Translation please? :confused:
  • BigBmadBigBmad Posts: 18,258
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    Various people posting about this group

    https://www.facebook.com/pages/New-borns/114962655181942

    Even once I had explained its just gathering all your friends pics and no one else can see them. Same for food
    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cooking/113970468613229?fref=ts

    Drinking
    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Drinking/103090306397293?fref=ts

    But no, its wrong and it must have been a pedo who has made up the page. Never realised I had so many thick people on there lol
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 479
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    SamsMam wrote: »
    Saw this today and thought of this thread:

    Fxuk uew kunty uew wait u mathafukah, il b vistng uew wv tha dogs yeah, and il beh smashn ur mug wen ie katchu slippn

    :eek:
    Libitina wrote: »
    Translation please? :confused:

    Sorry for the language, but here goes:

    "F*ck you, c*nty, you wait, you motherf*cker. I'll be visiting you with the dogs, yeah, and I'll be smashing your mug, when I catch you sleeping."

    Obviously, this charming chappie has been offended by some other poor fellow. But why he'd take revenge by smashing the fellow's favourite tea mug is a mystery. :D

    Samsmam, do keep us updated.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,168
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    Flippin' Candy Crush Saga invites.

    My Facebook news feed is 95% reposts of lost cats and dogs at the minute :confused:
  • SuperAPJSuperAPJ Posts: 10,402
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    acker wrote: »
    why isnt there a " dislike " button ?

    It would be too damaging to the friend's self esteem. If you were to click a 'dislike' button on one of their posts, it would inevitably be followed by this:

    User: Some people just dont care :(
    Friend 1: What's up hun? xxx
    User: Dnt wanna tlk about it
    Friend 2: Wats wrong inbox me bbz xxx
    Friend 3: U ok hun? x
    User: Ye fine thx hun
    User: Friend 2 iv send u a msg xxx
    Kiko H Fan wrote: »
    Yes, I made it up

    Was it wrong that I was slightly disappointed by that? Ha.
  • franciefrancie Posts: 31,089
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    habby wrote: »
    This is a good FB discussion I've just come across that someone had with a friend. Its very :rolleyes:

    :D precious!
  • offtotheracesofftotheraces Posts: 723
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    acker wrote: »
    This thread is pretty much my sole contact with anything FB related and when I read it I fully understand why . Honest ive seen people I know in the real world on there and I do not recognise them....the b*llocks and insincerity is immense . Fifty something year old guys behaving like 12 year old girls......and sod off with your " I care more than you care " competitions ...........and breathe. :o

    This is why Facebook and I just won't gel, ever. The insincerity and how it's turned caring into a competition make me sick. I hate what Facebook has done to us as a society.

    This thread, however, is wonderful. Gives me such a good laugh! :D
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