Should I mind my niece and nephew never thanking me for presents?

1356

Comments

  • GreenJellyJamGreenJellyJam Posts: 1,634
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    thedrewser wrote: »
    I'm 39 and I've never sent a thank you message for a present in my life (apart from saying thank you if the person was phusically present at the opening).

    When I give a present, I never expect any reply.

    It's all a bit middle class for me this sending a little thank you note.

    Having said that, my wife got my 4 year old to write her name on thank you cards for her recent birthday presents.

    What's wrong with just ringing them up and saying thankyou? My family and I are all far from middle class but we still have manners, even the really rough members.

    OP, they're just rude, my nieces and nephews are all under 5 and they can say thankyou, if I don't see them when they get the gift their parents make sure they ring me so that they can say thanks. I would do the donate to a charity in their name thing, so your still giving them a present but other people who would appreciate it get the benefit or keep it for yourself, times are hard and they're grown up now they don't need presents.
  • stud u likestud u like Posts: 42,100
    Forum Member
    I've got a niece of 17 and a nephew of 19 (my sister's children) and for years I've been sending them money for their birthdays and for Christmas, and for years they have been not thanking me (not even letting me know the money's arrived safely).

    It really annoys me, because if I go to the trouble of sending them money, I think they least they can do is say thankyou for it. I'm not expecting a lengthy letter, or for them to prostrate themselves at my feet in thanks; just a quick text saying "thanks" would do. What with emails and texts, contacting people is even easier than is used to be. They don't even have to go to the trouble of getting some paper, an envelope, a stamp etc.

    It really bugs me every time this happens, but my mum says that's just what kids are like today, and I shouldn't let it bother me. I wasn't going to send them anything this Christmas, and tell them why if they asked me why, but my mum begged me to send them something, because they've had a really bad year - which they have, but so have I and all my family due to personal reasons not relevant to this post.

    I just wondered what other people think. Should I accept that it's "just what kids today are like" and go on sending them money and quietly fuming about it? Or should I think that they're old enough to know better, that they should learn some manners, and stop sending them money?

    If you're a young person (eg late teens) reading this, do you thank people for presents, and if not, what are your reasons for not doing so?

    Does anyone agree with me that politeness matters, or am I getting cross about a storm in a tea-cup?

    If they are that ungrateful, I wouldn't bother sending them anything.
  • BananacreampieBananacreampie Posts: 798
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    I dont know why people are saying if you dont send a thank you, then you dont have manners. It just means that in your circle of friends or family they dont do that.

    All my family have manners we just dont send each other thank you cards, we wait till we see each other then say thank you. but even if we didnt remember its not a biggie.

    If its important to you then maybe its better for your health to just stop giving the gifts.

    Do you ask them what they bought with the money? Do you ever converse with them?
  • whackyracerwhackyracer Posts: 15,786
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    I dont know why people are saying if you dont send a thank you, then you dont have manners. It just means that in your circle of friends or family they dont do that.

    All my family have manners we just dont send each other thank you cards, we wait till we see each other then say thank you. but even if we didnt remember its not a biggie.

    If its important to you then maybe its better for your health to just stop giving the gifts.

    Do you ask them what they bought with the money? Do you ever converse with them?

    I don't recall the OP saying it affected her health, she merely asked for opinions. Perhaps the rest of the family do say thank you which is why she finds it strange and rude.
  • fredsterfredster Posts: 31,802
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    I've got a niece of 17 and a nephew of 19 (my sister's children) and for years I've been sending them money for their birthdays and for Christmas, and for years they have been not thanking me (not even letting me know the money's arrived safely).

    It really annoys me, because if I go to the trouble of sending them money, I think they least they can do is say thankyou for it. I'm not expecting a lengthy letter, or for them to prostrate themselves at my feet in thanks; just a quick text saying "thanks" would do. What with emails and texts, contacting people is even easier than is used to be. They don't even have to go to the trouble of getting some paper, an envelope, a stamp etc.

    It really bugs me every time this happens, but my mum says that's just what kids are like today, and I shouldn't let it bother me. I wasn't going to send them anything this Christmas, and tell them why if they asked me why, but my mum begged me to send them something, because they've had a really bad year - which they have, but so have I and all my family due to personal reasons not relevant to this post.

    I just wondered what other people think. Should I accept that it's "just what kids today are like" and go on sending them money and quietly fuming about it? Or should I think that they're old enough to know better, that they should learn some manners, and stop sending them money?

    If you're a young person (eg late teens) reading this, do you thank people for presents, and if not, what are your reasons for not doing so?

    Does anyone agree with me that politeness matters, or am I getting cross about a storm in a tea-cup?


    I have two cousins, one a girl always thanked my mum for presents. her brother never did, sp my mum stopped giving him one. she said as you never say thank you, i presume you don't like what i give you.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 163
    Forum Member
    My great-uncle is in a similar situation - two of his great nephews don't even bother opening his presents any more, because their grandmother spoils them so rottenly nothing he can give them will ever live up to all the ridiculous things their grandmother buys them. She spends more on them than their parents, which is awful in my opinion.

    I mostly always get presents in person, so I will definitely thank someone to their face if they give me something. If I receive it through post, I'll make sure to send a message later saying thanks for the present, nothing over the top, just a nice, "thanks for the present, have a nice day, see you soon," or something along those lines.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 280
    Forum Member
    Yes, there is no excuse for bad manners - trouble is it is the norm now:(

    I wouldn't send them anything else.
  • BananacreampieBananacreampie Posts: 798
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    I don't recall the OP saying it affected her health, she merely asked for opinions. Perhaps the rest of the family do say thank you which is why she finds it strange and rude.


    Strange family situation then, as why cant she talk to them and her sister? Why is her mum all worried that a aunt would stop sending money to two people who are adults ( or almost) who she isnt even close to?

    I find it a lot easier to talk to my family/ friends than to ask opinions of people who would not know them, only she knows if they are rude and ungrateful, not you not me.
  • whackyracerwhackyracer Posts: 15,786
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    Strange family situation then, as why cant she talk to them and her sister? Why is her mum all worried that a aunt would stop sending money to two people who are adults ( or almost) who she isnt even close to?

    I find it a lot easier to talk to my family/ friends than to ask opinions of people who would not know them, only she knows if they are rude and ungrateful, not you not me.

    Indeed, in the same way we certainly don't know it's affecting her health.
  • BananacreampieBananacreampie Posts: 798
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    Indeed, in the same way we certainly don't know it's affecting her health.

    Indeed :)
  • lemonbunlemonbun Posts: 5,371
    Forum Member
    I cant understand anyone wanting to buy their grown up nieces and nephews xmas presents. Its an absolute waste of good money.

    This I agree with. I love my aunt and uncle but we all stopped present giving when I was a young teenager as did my parents to their kids.
    My brother and I stopped giving presents to each other in our early 20s - it just became an exchange of money and totally pointless.
  • c4rvc4rv Posts: 29,509
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Ondine wrote: »
    Beyond belief! Basic manners should come naturally. You should want to thank the giver.

    OP the kids are now old enough to know better. I wouldn't give any more gifts and wouldn't say anything about it either to your sister or your mother until after the event and only if they bring the subject up.

    Cash is pretty impersonal gift, as least get vouchers.

    And you feel that strongly about it then why not say something. Instead you would choose to sulk and behave like a child instead ?
  • CroctacusCroctacus Posts: 18,180
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    buffyslay wrote: »
    i think you should stop sending them cash, if you must send something start finding really crappy presents to send (theres a thread here on inappropriate presents) or send them a note saying "as you couldnt be bothered to thank me for your presents, then i am gonig to give your money to xxxx charity as i am sure they will be happy to receive"

    I've not read the whole thread but only got to this post which said what I was going to.....just send a card saying that as they obviously don't seem bothered about getting a present from you you have given donations in their name to whoever takes your fancy. If your sister strops, let her!
  • Annie1fortennisAnnie1fortennis Posts: 905
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    If you feel you can't stop sending a present then why not send them hideous things like socks etc. They may then contact you to say thanks but no thanks in the future. Sorted!
  • Abbasolutely 40Abbasolutely 40 Posts: 15,589
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    Croctacus wrote: »
    I've not read the whole thread but only got to this post which said what I was going to.....just send a card saying that as they obviously don't seem bothered about getting a present from you you have given donations in their name to whoever takes your fancy. If your sister strops, let her!

    great idea .Donate the money and let them stew .I know I would
  • Shadow27Shadow27 Posts: 4,180
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    I completely agree Moll, I have always been annoyed at my husband's nieces and nephews. The only time the youngest one ever emailed us was to rant at us because she was shocked that her uncle got better so fast from an illness.. another story, I digress. Thing is, if she had my email to send what amounts to abuse, then why not a thank you?

    Since they were born my husband has diligently bought them all presents (he has six in total plus their parents) and never had a thank you. We don't get a present from them either - just one from the parents. I don't mind that so much as I don't measure in money but I do object to the rudeness of these children who are now adults and seem to have time to play Farmville on FB but not to text, email or write to their uncle to say thanks. When we've said to the parents that thanks might be appropriate they've looked at us as if we're grown two heads and said 'you'll be lucky'. Yet we don't feel it's right to stop giving presents either. We have now reduced their presents to a tin of Roses and we give the difference to Hearing Dogs. We still have to take the ruddy presents around their houses but this year we're not - if they want them, they know where we live.
  • BananacreampieBananacreampie Posts: 798
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    Shadow27 wrote: »
    I completely agree Moll, I have always been annoyed at my husband's nieces and nephews. The only time the youngest one ever emailed us was to rant at us because she was shocked that her uncle got better so fast from an illness.. another story, I digress. Thing is, if she had my email to send what amounts to abuse, then why not a thank you?

    Since they were born my husband has diligently bought them all presents (he has six in total plus their parents) and never had a thank you. We don't get a present from them either - just one from the parents. I don't mind that so much as I don't measure in money but I do object to the rudeness of these children who are now adults and seem to have time to play Farmville on FB but not to text, email or write to their uncle to say thanks. When we've said to the parents that thanks might be appropriate they've looked at us as if we're grown two heads and said 'you'll be lucky'. Yet we don't feel it's right to stop giving presents either. We have now reduced their presents to a tin of Roses and we give the difference to Hearing Dogs. We still have to take the ruddy presents around their houses but this year we're not - if they want them, they know where we live.

    I am sorry but this just sounds like martyrdom to me.

    If people feel so strongly then dont give. Why would you give presents to people you dont see or not even close to and by the sounds of it dont even like :confused:


    Presents are to be given to show love and that you are thinking of them. If they are not people you think about, or you dont even like, then stop with the foolishness. :D
  • OndineOndine Posts: 3,762
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    c4rv wrote: »
    And you feel that strongly about it then why not say something. Instead you would choose to sulk and behave like a child instead ?

    I wouldn't be sulking. I would simply not be spending my money on ungrateful, ill-mannered children. Why is there a need to tell them why you are no longer giving them a gift? If anyone wants to raise the matter then that is a matter for them.
  • DaisyBumblerootDaisyBumbleroot Posts: 24,763
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    My neice (17) and nephew (14) never thank me either. I would be happy with a text, facebook message or even a message passed through thier parents.

    Unfortunately money is tight this year so I've said "screw them", Id rather spend my hard-earned on someone who is a little more grateful.
  • OndineOndine Posts: 3,762
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Well done Daisy. Perhaps that will be the lesson they need to change their behaviour. At their ages good manners should be second nature.
  • c4rvc4rv Posts: 29,509
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Ondine wrote: »
    I wouldn't be sulking. I would simply not be spending my money on ungrateful, ill-mannered children. Why is there a need to tell them why you are no longer giving them a gift? If anyone wants to raise the matter then that is a matter for them.

    Oh yes, real mature. Give them the silent treatment.
  • whackyracerwhackyracer Posts: 15,786
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    c4rv wrote: »
    Oh yes, real mature. Give them the silent treatment.

    How is that silent treatment? They're just not giving gifts anymore. If the ill mannered brats are so keen to find out why, they can always call or visit. They shouldn't be expecting gifts anyway, just as you think people shouldn't expect thanks.
  • louise1966louise1966 Posts: 4,012
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    I believe that 16 is a cut off age for buying presents for nieces and nephews. If you do continue to buy after this age, you should at least receive acknowledgement of the safe arrival of the present.
  • academiaacademia Posts: 18,225
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    No it's not kids these days at all, it's them being ungrateful brats. It's clear they have not been taught any manners and if I were you, I wouldn't bother sending them anything.

    I agree. My three have thanked realtives fro gists since they were very small - and they're all grown up now and still do it faithfully.
  • scatcatcathyscatcatcathy Posts: 2,069
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    When I was a kid my mum used to make me write thank you notes to her sisters,though I noticed my two older brothers used to delve through their b,day cards for money and toss the cards aside! I would not bother sending them anymore as I bet u this is what your relatives are doing.they don't care where the money is coming from or who sent it,as long as it can be spent they will spend it.
Sign In or Register to comment.