Harrassment at work

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  • Dante AmecheDante Ameche Posts: 20,692
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    I could almost guarantee this comment would come.
    So do you always need to know the nationality of the people involved when someone posts that they're having issues with someone at work?

    How does knowing their nationalities alter the advice you'd give?

    Would you change your advice if you found out the harasser was Polish an Australian or from South Africa?
  • Dante AmecheDante Ameche Posts: 20,692
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    Why not mention that fact??? Anyway OP, maybe you could tell him you have a boyfriend but you don't like to talk about him.
    Should she also mention her shoe size and hair colour to help with the advice she's seeking
  • U96U96 Posts: 13,937
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    MCC243 wrote: »
    Think about it....

    I have.Co workers might be Poles.
  • confuddledconfuddled Posts: 3,758
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    U96 wrote: »
    I have.Co workers might be Poles.

    tut tut, step quietly out and close the door:)
  • SmiffySmiffy Posts: 93
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    So do you always need to know the nationality of the people involved when someone posts that they're having issues with someone at work?

    How does knowing their nationalities alter the advice you'd give?

    Would you change your advice if you found out the harasser was Polish an Australian or from South Africa?

    Ahhh the PC brigade ride into town.
  • RandomSallyRandomSally Posts: 7,068
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    U96 wrote: »
    I have.Co workers might be Poles.
    Sweetie, really. She is the ONLY non Indian there.
    Therefore there can be no Poles, Latvians, Chinese, Nigerians or any other nationality there (not even martians!) amongst her colleagues.
    D'you see?
  • molliepopsmolliepops Posts: 26,821
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    So do you always need to know the nationality of the people involved when someone posts that they're having issues with someone at work?

    How does knowing their nationalities alter the advice you'd give?

    Would you change your advice if you found out the harasser was Polish an Australian or from South Africa?

    Some times it's just a way to describe people, not meant in an offensive way at all. I spent ages the other day trying to tell someone who was still in the building I had just finished cleaning - if I had just said the black lady everyone would have known who she was, but there I was trying to describe heigh,t weight, clothing, where she usually works, chair she sits in anything but say the one thing that would have identified her quickly.

    If I am at work I am often described as white lady or only non pakistani. Does that upset me ? No.
  • SmiffySmiffy Posts: 93
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    I just have to laugh.....
    The OP was just introducing herself and laying out her stall. She didn't talk about her workmates in a derogatory way. Yet one of the PC brigade has to jump on board crying "foul".
    Beggars belief sometimes and I can fully understand why the other poster said "I could almost guarantee this comment would come".
  • tim59tim59 Posts: 47,188
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    Smiffy wrote: »
    I just have to laugh.....
    The OP was just introducing herself and laying out her stall. She didn't talk about her workmates in a derogatory way. Yet one of the PC brigade has to jump on board crying "foul".
    Beggars belief sometimes and I can fully understand why the other poster said "I could almost guarantee this comment would come".

    It is a proven fact even in the uk that some people from differant cultures, who believe that women are of a lower class then men. So when the person wrote there story she did NOTHING wrong by what she said. I did not see that she was being racist in anyway.
  • Compton_scatterCompton_scatter Posts: 2,711
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    Should she also mention her shoe size and hair colour to help with the advice she's seeking

    If she had you'd probably have an issue with that too. I stand by my original comment, so what if she mentioned she was non-Indian?
  • PotkettlePotkettle Posts: 2,302
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    The OP was pointing out she was the only non-Indian in the restaurant.. Why should she not mention that fact? If she had a problem with a race issue she would not be working in an Indian restaurant. Perhaps because of different cultures it may make it harder for her how to deal with her problem, hence coming on here for advice.

    Why do people look for problems that don't exist?:(
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 135
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    tim59 wrote: »
    It is a proven fact even in the uk that some people from differant cultures, who believe that women are of a lower class then men. So when the person wrote there story she did NOTHING wrong by what she said. I did not see that she was being racist in anyway.

    She wasn't being racist, however you're generalisations are very amusing. I've experienced sexism from white men. Unfortunately sexism still exists, that is a fact, so not sure where your proven facts are from.
  • tim59tim59 Posts: 47,188
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    She wasn't being racist, however you're generalisations are very amusing. I've experienced sexism from white men. Unfortunately sexism still exists, that is a fact, so not sure where your proven facts are from.

    we all know that sexism and racist, still exists, proven facts watch the news every day, look how alot of country treat women, look how some cultures treat women look how some reliegns treat women. That is my kind of prove
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 135
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    tim59 wrote: »
    we all know that sexism and racist, still exists, proven facts watch the news every day, look how alot of country treat women, look how some cultures treat women look how some reliegns treat women. That is my kind of prove

    And my point is that sexism is not down to how religions treat women's it's those people who interpret them. Furthermore, as was my point, the only sexism I've experienced was down to white men, how do you explain that away? In any case I think the thread should not be side tracked.
  • tim59tim59 Posts: 47,188
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    And my point is that sexism is not down to how religions treat women's it's those people who interpret them. Furthermore, as was my point, the only sexism I've experienced was down to white men, how do you explain that away? In any case I think the thread should not be side tracked.

    I agree the thread should not be side tracked, there good and bad in all races, there good and bad both sexes
  • ftvftv Posts: 31,668
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    Does he have a wife or girlfriend ? Tell him you are married or in a relationship and if he doesn't cease you will tell the partner.
  • TogglerToggler Posts: 4,592
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    Simply tell him that his words and behaviour offend you and constitute sex discrimination. Tell him if he does it again you will make a formal complaint of harrassment to the manager/owner.

    Cue him then attempting to make it all your fault by saying he was 'only joking', 'you're too sensitive' blah di blah.

    Whatever, put a stop to it as failure to do so sends out the signal that he can continue and you are - by default - tacitly encouraging it.

    Find a new job.
  • Dante AmecheDante Ameche Posts: 20,692
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    Smiffy wrote: »
    Ahhh the PC brigade ride into town.
    Ahh the failing to notice relevance brigade rolls into town.
    molliepops wrote: »
    Some times it's just a way to describe people, not meant in an offensive way at all. I spent ages the other day trying to tell someone who was still in the building I had just finished cleaning - if I had just said the black lady everyone would have known who she was, but there I was trying to describe heigh,t weight, clothing, where she usually works, chair she sits in anything but say the one thing that would have identified her quickly.

    If I am at work I am often described as white lady or only non pakistani. Does that upset me ? No.
    Strangely, I'm not upset by them calling you the white lady or non Pakistani lady either
    Smiffy wrote: »
    I just have to laugh.....
    The OP was just introducing herself and laying out her stall. She didn't talk about her workmates in a derogatory way. Yet one of the PC brigade has to jump on board crying "foul".
    Beggars belief sometimes and I can fully understand why the other poster said "I could almost guarantee this comment would come".
    I've not called foul, I merely asked for relevance which was answered by the OP and I was satisfied with. I have to laugh at the responses from people who have their own issues with me asking and projecting them onto the thread.

    For the record, can you explain how the question I asked relates to the PC brigade and also explain what the PC brigade is?
    If she had you'd probably have an issue with that too. I stand by my original comment, so what if she mentioned she was non-Indian?
    There's a difference between issue and relevance. If she had said she worked in a restaurant and was having problems with a co worker, would anyone ask about the type of food sold there or the nationalities of anyone?

    You can stand by your statement as long as you want but their nationalities matter not with the problem she's posting about
  • Saskia44Saskia44 Posts: 2,412
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    Smiffy wrote: »
    I just have to laugh.....
    The OP was just introducing herself and laying out her stall. She didn't talk about her workmates in a derogatory way. Yet one of the PC brigade has to jump on board crying "foul".
    Beggars belief sometimes and I can fully understand why the other poster said "I could almost guarantee this comment would come".

    I couldn't agree more!

    That sort of PC nonsense has become so predictable and boring on here.

    Just demonstrates how some people are either incredibly insecure or they get a kick out of being just plain belligerent - in order to make some vague, silly and non-sensical PC point. :yawn:
  • Dante AmecheDante Ameche Posts: 20,692
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    Saskia44 wrote: »
    I couldn't agree more!

    That sort of PC nonsense has become so predictable and boring on here.

    Just demonstrates how some people are either incredibly insecure or they get a kick out of being just plain belligerent - in order to make some vague, silly and non-sensical PC point. :yawn:
    Please explain what was "PC" about what I asked

    Serious question, I'm obviously missing something that you're all seeing.
  • technology_lovetechnology_love Posts: 3,172
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    I think it means it was quite relative to mention that she worked in and Indian restuarant but wasn't Indian herself. 99,98765% of the time you are served by an indian person insuch a restaurant.

    So what if she mentioned she was not Indian?

    sigh :sleep:

    Surprised someone hasn't mentioned health and safety, that always wins too.
  • Dante AmecheDante Ameche Posts: 20,692
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    I think it means it was quite relative to mention that she worked in and Indian restuarant but wasn't Indian herself. 99,98765% of the time you are served by an indian person insuch a restaurant.

    So what if she mentioned she was not Indian?

    sigh :sleep:

    Surprised someone hasn't mentioned health and safety, that always wins too.
    So if she hadn't mentioned the type of restaurant would any of the advice offered been any different?
  • SmiffySmiffy Posts: 93
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    . If she had said she worked in a restaurant and was having problems with a co worker, would anyone ask about the type of food sold there or the nationalities of anyone?

    We didn't need to. She had already told us. Which I, amongst others, just accepted as part of her introduction and her explanation of the situation, and let it go.
    But you didn't. You saw more into it than that.
    I have been in this kind of discussion before. I comment that I am not racist, and also comment that one of my best friends in in fact black. A nicer guy you couldn't wish to meet and I would trust him with my life. No different to how I would feel or describe any of my closest friends.
    But somebody always comes out of the wordwork and tells me that because I had to mention the fact that he is black makes me racist. You come across as one of those people. That, my friend, is PC.
  • TogglerToggler Posts: 4,592
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    Smiffy wrote: »
    We didn't need to. She had already told us. Which I, amongst others, just accepted as part of her introduction and her explanation of the situation, and let it go.
    But you didn't. You saw more into it than that.
    I have been in this kind of discussion before. I comment that I am not racist, and also comment that one of my best friends in in fact black. A nicer guy you couldn't wish to meet and I would trust him with my life. No different to how I would feel or describe any of my closest friends.
    But somebody always comes out of the wordwork and tells me that because I had to mention the fact that he is black makes me racist. You come across as one of those people. That, my friend, is PC.

    Excellent post.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 4,864
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    Having worked previously in a similar environment as the OP, I will stick my neck out and say the fact that she is the only non Indian in the place is a significant fact in her story. I ran the bar and could handle myself, but one of the younger waitresses - British and white - was attracting similar attention from one of the joint owners of the restaurant and she ended up leaving. The background and culture of some people is a major factor in the way women are treated and viewed. Unfortunately I don't think the situation will change for the OP and looking for another job would be the only option.
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