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I wished I had friends :(


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Old 25-04-2012, 04:40
Ovalteenie
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I don't seem to be able to make friends. I got on well with classmates at school & uni and now with most people at work. But no one seem to want to be close friends with me. I've always been shy. I am not witty & I am not good at banter or jokes. I suppose i must be unlikeable

I am now in my 20s & I do worry it's too late to make real friends. I do try to feel happy with my own company but it's hard sometimes

But I am very loyal & generous. I spent about 100 on bottles of wine as gifts to numerous colleagues last Christmas. Only 2 people gave me a present. Only 1 person gave me a card. On top of everything, my mum passed away three years ago & I was really close to her so losing her has made me feel even more lonely. I don't know why I am in bed at 4.40 posting my feelings on DS on my iPhone, with tears streaming down my face. It's so stupid...
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Old 25-04-2012, 04:41
Ovalteenie
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Oh well. Goodnight. I know I am talking to myself really.
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Old 25-04-2012, 04:47
BastardBeaver
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Here, I'm not very popular either. But I find having lots of friends a bit of a chore really. I have about 3 good friends but I don't see them all that often and I quite like that. I don't think there's nowt wrong with being a bit or a lone ranger. But if you want more friends try finding some hobbies locally where you can meet like minded people. Hell... I'll go for a pint with you if you like
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Old 25-04-2012, 07:55
jude1979
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Oh well. Goodnight. I know I am talking to myself really.
think you will need to wait longer than 1 minute at that time in the morning for a response!

Have you tried organising something and inviting your collegues to it? a meal out, cinema, drinks? so many people i know that moan that they dont have many friends seem to just sit and wait for themselves to be invited to something and get upset when they dont. Have you tried arranging something?

Also join clubs (reading clubs, gym classes, etc) where you will met more people and hopefully meet others with shared interests.
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Old 25-04-2012, 08:40
max_db
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Oh well. Goodnight. I know I am talking to myself really.
lol you need to be a little more patient than 1 minute when asking for advice at 4.40am.

EDIT: Missed the previous post suggesting the same thing
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Old 25-04-2012, 08:46
c4rv
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OP, do you do anything sociable to get out of the house, any hobbies or clubs ?

Where do you work, in an office ? Again do you do anything sociable with them ?
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Old 25-04-2012, 09:03
ubanjod
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I don't seem to be able to make friends. I got on well with classmates at school & uni and now with most people at work. But no one seem to want to be close friends with me. I've always been shy. I am not witty & I am not good at banter or jokes. I suppose i must be unlikeable

I am now in my 20s & I do worry it's too late to make real friends. I do try to feel happy with my own company but it's hard sometimes

But I am very loyal & generous. I spent about 100 on bottles of wine as gifts to numerous colleagues last Christmas. Only 2 people gave me a present. Only 1 person gave me a card. On top of everything, my mum passed away three years ago & I was really close to her so losing her has made me feel even more lonely. I don't know why I am in bed at 4.40 posting my feelings on DS on my iPhone, with tears streaming down my face. It's so stupid...
Most work folks make crap friends. In nearly all cases ( not all ) they are just people you work with, as soon as you,or they leave, the 'friendship' ends.

You need to find people with similar Intrests as yourself, so you then have something to connect with. Join some clubs.

Your not going to find any real friends sat at home on the Internet.
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Old 25-04-2012, 09:15
sandydune
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I don't seem to be able to make friends. I got on well with classmates at school & uni and now with most people at work. But no one seem to want to be close friends with me. I've always been shy. I am not witty & I am not good at banter or jokes. I suppose i must be unlikeable
Try to be more positive because you are not doing anything wrong, you sound kind and caring. Might be an idea like others have said to do something of interest like join a club. What about a drama or poetry club?
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Old 25-04-2012, 09:33
Tom_Tit
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Sounds like you are trying too hard. And i didn't start making proper friends until i grew up and into my late 20s 30s. In my early 20s they were just drinking partners and the like.
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Old 25-04-2012, 09:45
galaxy99
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Ur feeling a bit down. I would look for something you are interested in and then you will meet like minded people. A hobbie or night class or even the swimming pool or gym. I like my own company and do not like to have to commit to things so me and the other half are sociable and friendly but it costs a fortune . In one week-end I have a birthday party, outfit and present, then my anniversary dinner the next night and I would rather be in the house and relaxing if I am honest
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Old 25-04-2012, 09:51
Sue_Aitch
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Do you enjoy singing? A singing group might be for you. Take care of yourself OP.
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Old 25-04-2012, 11:35
Sir Didymus
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OP, do you live near a church? You could check to see if they have a bell-ringing club - you might meet people there with similar interests.
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Old 25-04-2012, 11:49
londonite
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OP, do you live near a church? You could check to see if they have a bell-ringing club - you might meet people there with similar interests.
this made me laugh
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Old 25-04-2012, 12:21
missloo
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I know how you feel OP - I feel quite lonely a lot of the time. I moved away from my family when I got married and I live in the country, am off sick and I have no car to get around, which makes it tougher to make new friends!
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Old 25-04-2012, 12:54
Kirsty1984
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I know you say you are shy but one day your gonna have to let the fighter out in you else you'll spend your life upset and feeling alone. Nobody is gonna do it for you, believe in yourself, get strong, and LIVE LIFE! it can happen but it all starts with you. Just keep the faith, find your strength, and you'll soon have all the friends you want
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Old 25-04-2012, 13:33
Butterflygirl
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Op, sadly, I know exactly how you feel. I will be 51 on Saturday (not to depress you further, I'm sure you won't have to be 'alone' that long) and I still have no friends either.

I am happily married, thankfully, but I just wish I had a friends. I've tried clubs but I'm just not a club person. I try too hard, get 'over jolly' and end up saying something stupid through nerves.

Like you I am kind and loving, I would never do or say anything to hurt anyone but just can't get anyone to like me.

A few years ago my Husband celebrated 30 years at his work and we were given a weekend away at Alton Towers for us and 2 friends. It was all totally free - free hire car, free hotel stay, meals, special trip to A.T. with a VIP area just for us and his colleagues even free spending money and even then we couldn't get anyone to go with us! 3 couples turned us down and it's not even because they had something else booked. Finally we persuaded his Brother to come and even he was reluctant and spent the weekend texting other people.

It's not my Husband, he is popular, so I can only guess that is me. Why?
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Old 25-04-2012, 13:48
Missli
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Ovalteenie, I think you mustn't try so hard as it can be off-putting. It is for me, as prefer people to let me be when around them.

I've always loved my own company, so by my own doing have found myself in the position of being lonely sometimes. That as stated is of my own doing. I met a friend I'd been putting off for months yesterday, and have made an effort to accept invitations, instead of not bothering. I am sociable with people, so have no awkwardness that way, apart from wanting to be left alone sometimes.

I think joining some clubs would help you.
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Old 25-04-2012, 14:08
JanieB
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Op, sadly, I know exactly how you feel. I will be 51 on Saturday (not to depress you further, I'm sure you won't have to be 'alone' that long) and I still have no friends either.

I am happily married, thankfully, but I just wish I had a friends. I've tried clubs but I'm just not a club person. I try too hard, get 'over jolly' and end up saying something stupid through nerves.

Like you I am kind and loving, I would never do or say anything to hurt anyone but just can't get anyone to like me.

A few years ago my Husband celebrated 30 years at his work and we were given a weekend away at Alton Towers for us and 2 friends. It was all totally free - free hire car, free hotel stay, meals, special trip to A.T. with a VIP area just for us and his colleagues even free spending money and even then we couldn't get anyone to go with us! 3 couples turned us down and it's not even because they had something else booked. Finally we persuaded his Brother to come and even he was reluctant and spent the weekend texting other people.

It's not my Husband, he is popular, so I can only guess that is me. Why?
You sound very like me so don't worry, you are not abnormal! I think a lot of it is in our minds though, I am sure you are not the reason why people turned down your request to join you at AT. You might feel as if that were the case because of a bit of low self esteem. It happens to me too. I used to have a good crowd of friends in my 20's through work etc and then I moved down south and got married. Initially I had lots of friends who were my hubby's mates and their wives/girlfriends etc, but gradually we lost contact with a lot of people we knew in the 90's. People moved away, got married or got divorced etc etc and I also lost off with a lot of the young Mums I was friendly with when my two sons were born in the early 90's.

Fast forward to now and I often feel quite lonely. I live in a lively area and I have a busy work life where I meet lots of people, but I don't often want to go out with them because to be honest some of them I can not bear at the best of times and so to socialise with them as well doesn't appeal! I too have tried clubs but I hate going in to rooms full of people I don't know. Quite often I enjoy my own company. I have a dog now so when I go on walks I will sometimes chat to other dog walkers and feel I have had my quota of human contact and I can go home happily.

I agree with some other posters on here. I think having lots of friends would be hard work. Also people have let me down in the past whom I thought were true friends and if the truth be told I can't be arsed with all of that anymore. However, I have to say that I am glad I married when I did because right now my side of the church would be empty!
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Old 25-04-2012, 14:36
Jerrica09
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I know it's the thing that is always said, but you could develop a hobby and join a group with like-minded types.

And for holidays there are companies which take groups of singles off on trips together. I don't mean 18-30 stuff, a neighbour of mine went on a tour of Italy with a group of people she'd never met before and really enjoyed it. And even if you didn't click with anyone it gives you something to talk about to the people you know at home.
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Old 25-04-2012, 14:42
billyboy789
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You're damned if you try too hard to be jolly, and you are damned if you are anti-social, I've long since given up figuring out what personality traits makes a person popular and what ones make people avoid you.

All you can do is be yourself, and if being yourself isn't good enough then sod the lot of them.
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Old 25-04-2012, 15:09
MICH78
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First of all, sorry to hear about you mum, OP. I have a great partner, family and a few decent friends, but i would be totally lost without my mum and think this is your main issue, even if you did have some friends.

Do you have other family you could socialise with? I like going out with mine a lot, as it gets me away from my work crowd. I had really close friends at school and college, but we all went out separate ways with relationships/uni/work etc. It's just life and happens more often than people care to admit.

Do something for yourself rather than with the aim of meeting someone and don't feel pressure to start up a conversation at first. Gyms, sports classes, baking classes etc, anything that you would be interested in anyway, so i doesn't feel like a chore.

People are very guarded and wrapped up in their own lives these days, so don't blame yourself if people don't seem friendly towards you.
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Old 25-04-2012, 15:25
Dolls
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I feel for you Ovalteenie and wish I could help. My heartfelt condolences too on your bereavement. I think finding a close friend is something quite rare for most people, and when you do find one it's mostly down to luck, and is more to do with the "energies" around you than anything to do with yourself. That's why I'm into spirituality rather than friendships as a source of support - because you can get rather superficial company from socialising, but a person who truly gets, accepts, understands, and is there for you, and, who you want to be the same to, is such a rare find and when you do, usually at some point (hopefully after some years), you still drift apart, and then you're alone again.

All the advice I can offer, is to meet people and hopefully at some time some good friendships will slip into place. Move on if it's not working with anyone, or with any group of people. Don't get deeply involved into negative feelings towards people, or you will attract friends who are negative - bad - for you.

Keep busy and take good care of yourself. I'm sure your mum is watching over you.
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Old 25-04-2012, 15:42
Ovalteenie
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Er... thank you everyone. I think I was feeling down last night (or rather this morning)

I thought i had got over my mum's death but i suppose i haven't really. It feels stupid to be still shedding a few tears 3 years on but it just happened out of the blue as I couldn't get to sleep... I blame it on hearing dolly parton singing 'i will always love you' on the radio at the time... & feeling really lonely without her

I joined clubs at university societies fayre but it wasn't a good experience as i am shy. I remembering joining a particular large students' society & turned up to the first evening. I was pretty much ignored by everyone else. They split us into little groups to get to know each other but the group i was paired with didn't seem interested in talking to me & i was left sitting in a corner sipping my drink... I felt so awfully embarrassed that I got up & left half way. I literally fled out the door and down the stairs outside...

The experience rather scarred me. I suppose it made me even more shy & my self esteem at rock bottom
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Old 25-04-2012, 15:47
woodbush
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Er... thank you everyone. I think I was feeling down last night (or rather this morning)

I thought i had got over my mum's death but i suppose i haven't really. It feels stupid to be still shedding a few tears 3 years on but it just happened out of the blue as I couldn't get to sleep... I blame it on hearing dolly parton singing 'i will always love you' on the radio at the time... & feeling really lonely without her

I joined clubs at university societies fayre but it wasn't a good experience as i am shy. I remembering joining a particular large students' society & turned up to the first evening. I was pretty much ignored by everyone else. They split us into little groups to get to know each other but the group i was paired with didn't seem interested in talking to me & i was left sitting in a corner sipping my drink... I felt so awfully embarrassed that I got up & left half way. I literally fled out the door and down the stairs outside...

The experience rather scarred me. I suppose it made me even more shy & my self esteem at rock bottom
Is your new job getting you down a bit as well?
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Old 25-04-2012, 15:52
Ovalteenie
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Is your new job getting you down a bit as well?
That as well. I am enjoying where I am & don't want to be moved. My line manager is really kind to me & i don't want to leave my current department. In fact she has been wonderful in terms of being more than just my boss. She invited me over to her house for dinner last Christmas with her family as she knew I would be alone. She also gave me a very nice present for my birthday last month... I only discovered it was quite expensive when I googled the object
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