Digital Spy

Search Digital Spy
 

DS Forums

 
 

Would you remain freinds with someone who told lies?


Reply
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 05-05-2012, 02:27
rick182
Inactive Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,692

Like someone who told lies about themselves which simply werent true and you knew they were lying!...Like someone who told someone they had a car for example then they tell you they don't.. Would you out them?... Or just not saying anything to avoid a confrontation
rick182 is offline   Reply With Quote
Please sign in or register to remove this advertisement.
Old 05-05-2012, 02:38
Cstar2229
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: By the Sea
Posts: 24,199
I think it would be difficult to be friends with them as you can't really get to know someone if they are lying a lot.

We all lie a bit to avoid hurting people but if they are compulsive, then I couldn't cope.
Cstar2229 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 02:59
TheEricPollard
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: 'Dales
Posts: 9,062
Depends if they're amusing lies.
TheEricPollard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 04:57
rozafa
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 3,026
I wouldn't care. I would just think that they are away with the fairies.
rozafa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 06:54
tenorlady
Inactive Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: West Midlands
Posts: 1,935
What sort of lies? Some people lie about stuff to make themselves feel better, people with very low self esteem for example.

A girl I used to know claimed to be a catwalk model in Paris and Milan, yet when a few of us arranged a girlie holiday in Greece, she said she couldn't come because she didn't have a passport. Yet had been 'modelling' only the week before.

I just felt a bit sad for her.
tenorlady is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 07:16
SJ_Mental
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Melting pot of friendship
Posts: 8,727
No I wouldn't want to be friends with somebody I can't trust.
SJ_Mental is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 07:25
Terry Wigon
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: ♀Behind blue eyes
Posts: 6,337
I wouldn't be friends with a compulsive liar, but I think everyone bends the truth (to a greater or lesser extent)occasionally, to avoid conflict and get out of awkward situations.

However, my general rule of thumb is that people's lives are set by the benchmark they set themselves themselves: this includes the company the keep. If it doesn't bother you that someone lies a lot, stay friends with them. I'd recommend you set your sights a bit higher though as if you can't trust them to be straight with you, what's the point of their friendship?

Just remember that you could be tarred with the same brush for keeping their company.
Terry Wigon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 07:47
merlinsmum
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,782
I'd distance myself from someone doing that. I've had to do it with several people over the years, as it always seems to end up with you being put in an awkward position, i.e. either having to out the person or go along with the lie.

Small white lies to save someone's feelings are okay, but my Gran would have quoted Sir Walter Scott
'Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive!'
merlinsmum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 08:05
tenorlady
Inactive Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: West Midlands
Posts: 1,935
I'd distance myself from someone doing that. I've had to do it with several people over the years, as it always seems to end up with you being put in an awkward position, i.e. either having to out the person or go along with the lie.

Small white lies to save someone's feelings are okay, but my Gran would have quoted Sir Walter Scott
'Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive!'
I always thought that quote came from Shakespeare

But it is true, lies cost a lot to maintain, the truth is free. To be a successful liar, one would have to have a phenomenal memory. What's the point?
tenorlady is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 08:08
grps3
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,735
Like someone who told lies about themselves which simply werent true and you knew they were lying!...Like someone who told someone they had a car for example then they tell you they don't.. Would you out them?... Or just not saying anything to avoid a confrontation

id go somewhere in between ..... id confront them privately and tell them that people know he/she is telling tall tales and that they are dangerously close to losing friends over it .
grps3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 10:05
crista_galli
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,112
No. Unreliable.
crista_galli is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 10:36
jude1979
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 2,407
We have a friend who tells outrageous lies, real unbelievable lies about all the things he gets up to. I think he feels insecure around others so feels he needs to 'big' himself up a lot. Its a shame as many people hate him for it and look forward to him failing at things.

I have to admit, i swing from liking him to wanting to never see him again. Underneath all the lies, he is such a decent man though who would do anything for a friend, he is quite happy to get down on the floor and play with the kids too (which always says a lot to me about a person!) and the kids idolise him too. We've learnt to roll our eyes and to stop listening when he tells lies.

OP - it depends how much you value the friendship and how much the lies effect that friendship
jude1979 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 10:59
The Wizard
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 9,096
I used to have 2 friends who did this constantly. They even knew that I knew that they were lying but still carried on with the made up story. One friend used to tell people how he'd got a pilots licence at the age of 16 and that his real dad was a British embassador yet everyone knew he was lying as his real dad was an out of work ex pottery worker named Terry. Another used to lie about stuff that we'd done together that they even used to reminiss with me years later about. Stuff which never even happened. She'd say things like, 'oh do you remember when we did such and such when we were younger?' and i'd be like, 'er no! That never happened. It was something YOU decided to make up then and have obviously gone on believing it all this time.' I think they told the same lies over and over that they eventually believed the crap that came out of their mouths. I honestly do think that in the end they didn't know what was true and what was fantasy. I think it was like a delusion or a compulsion like people who can't stop swearing. They'd told the same lies for so long that they formed a memory of them so strong they were convinced this stuff really happened.

And no, i'm no longer friends with them as they not only told so many lies but in the end they proved they couldn't be trusted.
The Wizard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 11:01
Smokeychan1
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 9,102
If it is only about themselves it wouldn't bother me, especially if they are still relatively young. I have 2 friends (both scorpions coincidentally, though I don't believe in astrology ) who were quite the liars up until their 20s. I think they used the lies as escapism and/or a means of verbalising their dreams for the future. This trait has never totally disappeared, but I don't see the lies as that different to daydreaming about how we would spend that huge lottery win. We all need to leave the humdrum of our daily lives occasionally.

If the lies damage the friendship or they become full-blown fantasist then you may need to think again, but if you otherwise enjoy this person's company, smile at it as you would any other quirk a friend might have.
Smokeychan1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 11:07
DJW13
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Exeter
Posts: 2,255
I always thought that quote came from Shakespeare
You are not alone - apparently most people think the quote is by Shakespeare. This is probably on the basis that if you don't know where a quote comes from and guess Shakespeare you will often be right!

Remaining friends with a compulsive liar is difficult, unless you are prepared to laugh off any outrageous claims.
DJW13 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 12:40
Dave 909
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 931
I pretty much gave up on a very good friend, we were like brothers as we were close and he had no brother himself so it really heart when I'd had enough of his lies.

It started when he got in with the wrong crowd and it sort of screwed his head up. My dad was seriously ill and sometimes struggled to cope at home, the so called friend used to say to a woman we introduced him to my dad was a lazy so and so and never cleaned up at home as we never realsied at the time it was because he was ill. My dad it turned out had a serious terminal cancer we never knew about till a couple of hours before he died which explained his often inability to not cope very well. Same friend after the incident over my dad (tried to forgive him about that)used to say he's not been in touch after a long while of no contact because he's lost my number on his phone etc. Turned out it was a lie and he'd been going to see a woman living no more than a few miles from us instead, knew where we lived and this woman had our number and knew where we lived to give him the details had he really lost it as well as he used to work with my sister at the time Was also all sorts of other petty lies to

If it's petty lies and does not affect the person yes, prehaps you can remain friends. But when it affects you it can quickly become to much to forgive and remain friends with them if it's constant and obvious.
Dave 909 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 13:10
The Wizard
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 9,096
One compulsive liar of a friend used to make excuses that she was always too busy to call to see me yet I found out that most days she'd go to see her dad who has a shop no more than 100yrds away from my house. She used to pass my door all the time and had the nerve to call herself a friend yet it was too much of an inconvenience to walk 30 seconds to call to and see me. Yet whenever I called her she'd always be busy doing something and if I didn't text her she'd never get in touch. In the end I cut her out of my life.

A few weeks ago I bumped into her in the pub and my wife asked her if we'd made it up yet and she replied, 'oh we've been friends too long to let things like this drive us apart.' To which I replied, 'Oh really? Well if you and me are such good long lost friends then how come you never ring me and pass my house every morning and it's too much trouble to call to see me and you can't even be arsed to send me a text so see how I am and when I text you you don't bother replying half the time? You haven't spoken to me in years so that's how much of a good friend you are. I have enemies that speak to me more than you do.'

My wife said, 'oh, er, ok. I'll take that as a no then.' Awkward!
The Wizard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 13:20
Delboy219
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 2,914
Wizard you sound just like me. I'm had a similar thing with a female friend. In the end there was a massive fight and we fell out. For good i think.
Delboy219 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 13:21
Smokeychan1
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 9,102
Hmm, not sure making excuses not to spend time with someone makes them a complusive liar. A bit socially inept maybe, but how many of us actually tell the truth "sorry, I just don't want to spend time with you"?
Smokeychan1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 14:05
Throgmorton1
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 5,258
Only you can decide. I think most of us lie socially - "oh what a lovely dress" etc etc.

If I came across a new person who was clearly telling whoppers then I would avoid them like the plague. If a genuine friend suddenly started lying on a massive scale - I'd want to find out why and try to help.
Throgmorton1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 17:34
merlinsmum
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,782
I always thought that quote came from Shakespeare

But it is true, lies cost a lot to maintain, the truth is free. To be a successful liar, one would have to have a phenomenal memory. What's the point?
You are not alone - apparently most people think the quote is by Shakespeare. This is probably on the basis that if you don't know where a quote comes from and guess Shakespeare you will often be right!

Remaining friends with a compulsive liar is difficult, unless you are prepared to laugh off any outrageous claims.
Lol, I thought is was too when it popped into my head, but decided to check before I posted.
merlinsmum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 17:38
Mcdigestive
Inactive Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 799
It's quite funny because I have a friend exactly how you describe OP. But originally they never "started out" that way, it's these past few years things have changed by what they say. I was thinking the same thing (whether to remain friends). They've not really told lies TO me (or about me) but change things that have happened to themselves. Weird.
Mcdigestive is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 17:38
Judge Mental
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,005
I wouldn't get too close to someone that tells lies because it would be difficult to trust them. Whichever way you look at it it's a character weakness because either the person doesn't have enough self belief to be honest about themselves or they think so little of you that they believe they can con you.

I prefer people who are confident enough in themselves to be honest - and where I never have to wonder whether something they are telling me is true or not. Too much like hard work dealing with a liar.
Judge Mental is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2012, 18:54
stripey.K
Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Doncaster
Posts: 79
In the last year we've realised that one of our friend's is such a liar. She lies over the most ridiculous things, tbh Id like to call her out on it but as she's also a colleague the potential grief isn't worth it.

Me and my other friends are just stepping back from her. I should feel sorry for her as it's clear she can't sleep straight let alone talk straight but I just feel very resentful as she obviously thinks it's ok to insult our intelligence on an almost daily basis with her rubbish.
stripey.K is offline   Reply With Quote
 
Reply



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

 
Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:05.