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Emma Chawner - the new Jade Goody? (Part 9)


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Old 18-05-2012, 09:40
Loopzilla
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Big in Japan?! They'd be ruddy massive in Japan, those people are titchy. I can just see it now, Sam n Em cause mayhem in Tokyo, screaming at people because there's nothing to eat but "foreign muck". The military finally subdue them, everyone breathes a sigh of relief then......the ground vibrates, the vibrations grow more violent as out of the sea emerges Ma n Pa Chawn to retrieve their babies and wreak revenge on the city.
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Old 18-05-2012, 09:42
tenorlady
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Because I'm avoiding the news for the next 3 months as I'm fed up of Olympics non-news, I've shoved the chawners on again.

More chawner stuff:

Spoiler
I am LOVING your Chawner reviews! Thank you so much
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Old 18-05-2012, 10:17
hammerfan
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Better make sure I go no-where near Bristol over the weekend then! Do they think there will be crowds - should I contact my local MP & let him know they're coming & expect special treatment?

Thanks for your updates Loopy, along with the reminders of how we all got here in the first place, Sam & Emma's treatment of Audrey is disgraceful, there's no way in hell I would have got away with treating my folks like that - my parents always made sure there were "closed ranks" as they called it - there was none of this "ask your mother/ask your father" stuff going on.

I really believe Emma doesn't have enough brain power to figure out what's going on or how her actions affect others. I said when last chance started airing that she seems to think she's being "cheeky", when really, a woman of her age shouldn't be acting like that, she's not cheeky or funny, she's a bully. Then again, with how she's been raised, it's hardly surprising.
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Old 18-05-2012, 10:53
greengran
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We're off to Lichfield near Birmingham for the weekend. I shall have to keep a look out in case we pass the Chawners on the motorway. Not sure they'd go that way but still.
I suppose they're going to stay with their friend the hairdresser, who notably did Audreys hair while Emma was in Hospital. Let's hope there's no drama this time, they'll never drag Audrey away from having her hair done.
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Old 18-05-2012, 11:26
mrs.deschanel
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Big in Japan?! They'd be ruddy massive in Japan, those people are titchy. I can just see it now, Sam n Em cause mayhem in Tokyo, screaming at people because there's nothing to eat but "foreign muck". The military finally subdue them, everyone breathes a sigh of relief then......the ground vibrates, the vibrations grow more violent as out of the sea emerges Ma n Pa Chawn to retrieve their babies and wreak revenge on the city.
Like a pair of Chawnzillas?
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Old 18-05-2012, 13:08
Loopzilla
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Well I have found the answer for the Chawns - and I require some love here folks -:

I have just had invisible teeth aligners fitted. You have to take them out when you eat and clean etc etc. and must be in for 22 hrs per day. Bang goes the snacking, really isn't worth the effort and will be a size 0 very soon :

I suppose the problem with the Chunks is that they haven't really got any proper teeth to align.

God I am hungry
OMG, I had train tracks for two years before getting married. What a nightmare. Everything had to either be soft or bitesize or the blasted thing would snap. Then they put elastic bands attaching the top teeth to the bottom. If the chawnz had teeth train tracks would be perfect.

The invisalign retainers I had afterwards were easy peasy compared to train tracks. At least I could eat chunky kitKats again. I had no qualms about brushing my teeth 10 times a day!
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Old 18-05-2012, 15:21
wannabegothchav
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Next Time Aud overdoses on peanuts instead of going to A&E she should have a munch on one of these http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-n...n-ghost-838686
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Old 18-05-2012, 15:24
Loopzilla
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TODAY'S EPISODE PART 1

Spoiler
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Old 18-05-2012, 15:46
Loopzilla
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PART TWO

Spoiler
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Old 18-05-2012, 15:58
mrs.deschanel
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Audrey snores like a drain. How embarrassing when someone asks her a question and gets a massive snorty snore as an answer.

Phil is disgusting. He is a lair, he is childish, he is pathetic and he is manipulative. How anyone can see that performance from him and still be a fan of his is beyond me
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Old 18-05-2012, 16:03
Loopzilla
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PART THREE

Spoiler
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Old 18-05-2012, 17:43
yorkiegal
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why are they of two Bristol for the day? Wonder if it's to see their solicitor before the next court appearance in June.
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Old 18-05-2012, 17:49
LilAud
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I am sitting down to a Chawnerthon tomorrow to watch (and record on DVD) Series 2. I have seen all 3 series before, but you see something new each time you watch

I would so have loved to have someone like Elise to guide me and I would have really loved to have gone to America for a few months - perhaps I need to get really fat, give up my jobs and house and then get Bio to film me
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Old 18-05-2012, 18:02
Loopzilla
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PART FOUR

Spoiler
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Old 18-05-2012, 18:08
Loopzilla
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I am sitting down to a Chawnerthon tomorrow to watch (and record on DVD) Series 2. I have seen all 3 series before, but you see something new each time you watch

I would so have loved to have someone like Elise to guide me and I would have really loved to have gone to America for a few months - perhaps I need to get really fat, give up my jobs and house and then get Bio to film me
But the only way to get stuff for free is to do a tv programme and, unfortunately, people doing as they're told doesn't make good tv.
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Old 18-05-2012, 19:22
tenorlady
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PART FOUR

Spoiler
Best review EVER! Fabulously funny.
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Old 18-05-2012, 19:35
mrs.deschanel
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Spoiler
I'm loving HULK SMASH!!!
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Old 18-05-2012, 20:03
tally
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PART THREE

Spoiler
LOL @ the last bit. The beauty of living on your own!

Loopy your updates are really great, you've got a knack of summing them up and I'm alternately laughing or getting as mad as hell. He has to be the vilest, most repulsive specimen of the male race ever. I wont call him a Father, he hasn't done a thing to deserve that. Oh how I wish those girls had been removed from their toxic father years ago. They dont stand a chance, ever. Poor cows.
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Old 18-05-2012, 22:57
Loopzilla
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LOL @ the last bit. The beauty of living on your own!

Loopy your updates are really great, you've got a knack of summing them up and I'm alternately laughing or getting as mad as hell. He has to be the vilest, most repulsive specimen of the male race ever. I wont call him a Father, he hasn't done a thing to deserve that. Oh how I wish those girls had been removed from their toxic father years ago. They dont stand a chance, ever. Poor cows.
It was a slow work day, Monday will be busy so you may only get a haiku instead of a review.

Phil is vile, they need a proper family counsellor forever. I could never be a counsellor, my suicide rate would be through the roof. Not the most sympathetic person.

I would say that THE most disturbing moment of today's episode was Phil n Emma making sex noises pretending to be Sam and her boyfriend on the chatroom. It was horrible. What father and daughter would do that?! ~shudder~
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Old 18-05-2012, 23:20
loopylass1977
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Emma's got even less chance cos she sleeps in the same room as her parents.

I must admit, having to share a room with parents above the age of five would force me to seek alternative accommodation.[/quote]

in the style of john mcenroe "you cannot be serious!!!!"
tell me this is not true, seriously - it cant be!!!!!
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Old 18-05-2012, 23:21
Simi89
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Loopzilla your reviews are hilarious!
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Old 18-05-2012, 23:26
Mehitabel
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Emma's got even less chance cos she sleeps in the same room as her parents.

I must admit, having to share a room with parents above the age of five would force me to seek alternative accommodation.
in the style of john mcenroe "you cannot be serious!!!!"
tell me this is not true, seriously - it cant be!!!!![/quote]

Seriously. Sam's bedroom is so small that a double bed barely fits in there. Emma appears to sleep on a fold-away in the same bedroom as her parents. Combine this with the various inappropriate episodes (that we've seen) between Emma and Phil, and one has to wonder what all goes on in the room that Aud either sleeps through or chooses to be oblivious of.
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Old 18-05-2012, 23:41
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Loving the reviews! Although tonight's episode actually made my partner burst out crying because it was unbelievable how similar Phil's manipulation and denial was to their own fathers'. Sick, sick man. You can show your fears for your daughter's safety in other ways! Anyway how is he any different?! He met Aud through the Lonely Hearts didn't he???

ANYWAY! Something to cheer you all up! One of the cats I am looking after was really interested in Audrey and Phil tonight Good job he's deaf or he'd have had a shock when they start screeching!

Here he is! He's such a fan!
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Old 19-05-2012, 01:30
tonywilson
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ANYWAY! Something to cheer you all up! One of the cats I am looking after was really interested in Audrey and Phil tonight

I think your cat seems worried that Audrey might eat him.
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Old 19-05-2012, 07:59
Loopzilla
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ANYWAY! Something to cheer you all up! One of the cats I am looking after was really interested in Audrey and Phil tonight Good job he's deaf or he'd have had a shock when they start screeching!

Here he is! He's such a fan!
He's thinking "And this is exactly why we must overthrow the humans!"
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