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Liz Jones - YOU magazine (Part 3)


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Old 06-01-2013, 13:44
Sarah Soreen
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Yes they do like to watch and a firmly closed door is essential
Its small wonder she never "gets any".... It must be seriously weird to perform in front of so many prying little eyes staring at you. If Hitchcock made Porn...........
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Old 06-01-2013, 14:05
Becky Sharpe
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Or tins of cat food hopefully

Seriously, how could she possibly expect sex with an "All They can Eat Cat Buffet" laid out and 16 cats ready with their scorecards a la Strictly Come Bonking? Anyone with a cat knows how offputting ONE can be as they supervise intimate moments, let alone 16 of them sat around with their critical faces on.....

"Seven!!!"
Lizard mating ritual - commentary by David Cattenborough
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Old 06-01-2013, 14:24
Badcat
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A few things....

1. Why is she feeding the cats on her bed??

2. Why is she feeding them stinky prawns ON HER BED??

3. Cashmere? Is her duvet cover cashmere??! Is that even possible?

3. Why have they got Harrods food bowls? Cats don't give a crap where their food bowls come from, as long as there is food in them.

4. Men are not performing monkeys.

I would of suggested that she perhaps offer him a bit of the old "mouth magic" and then I remembered if it's not organic or vegetarian then she wouldn't put it past her thin lined lips would she?

5. Why is she writing her memoirs? Haven't we suffered enough?!! WHY GOD!?? WHY??! *falls to my knees and cries*
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Old 06-01-2013, 14:35
Sarah Soreen
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Lizard mating ritual - commentary by David Cattenborough
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Old 06-01-2013, 14:37
Bellagio
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Dear friend of mine, name of Chris White (not the ex-Zombie) released an excellent album in 1976 called Mouth Music. It had to be explained to the record company boss, who promptly had a screaming blue fit.
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Old 06-01-2013, 14:45
Sarah Soreen
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A few things....

1. Why is she feeding the cats on her bed??

Too lazy to go to the kitchen?

2. Why is she feeding them stinky prawns ON HER BED??

Maybe she's a bit "uffy" and its a disguise

3. Cashmere? Is her duvet cover cashmere??! Is that even possible?

As if you would allow 16 cats and to shed fur on Cashmere........

3. Why have they got Harrods food bowls? Cats don't give a crap where their food bowls come from, as long as there is food in them.

I bet she got them during her Poundland stint really

4. Men are not performing monkeys.

But she sports the "Bald Buzzard" look. Who could resist?

I would of suggested that she perhaps offer him a bit of the old "mouth magic" and then I remembered if it's not organic or vegetarian then she wouldn't put it past her thin lined lips would she?

The mental image of that will help my New Year diet no end!

Pass the Brain Bleach!


5. Why is she writing her memoirs? Haven't we suffered enough?!! WHY GOD!?? WHY??! *falls to my knees and cries*

As the Mail isnt publishing comments, I assume she will publish the memoirs as revenge for the mocking she has undoubtedly received today. I'm struggling to come up with anything prior which is as completely batshit as having 16 cats in your bed with prawn din-dins and expecting sex from a rock star <<cough>>
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Old 06-01-2013, 14:50
Sarah Soreen
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Dear friend of mine, name of Chris White (not the ex-Zombie) released an excellent album in 1976 called Mouth Music. It had to be explained to the record company boss, who promptly had a screaming blue fit.
Ah the 70s. When men and women apparently just had sex without 2 weeks worth of preparation.......... (I wouldnt know, I'm too young but I've seen films )
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Old 06-01-2013, 23:25
cathrin
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....So let me get this straight: She's writing her memoirs, a project which involves raking over old relationships and anecdotes she has repeated in her column umpteen times already. And this trip down memory lane is going to result in these well-trodden anecdotes being retold in the column yet again as she's "reminded" of them while she revisits them for the memoirs? Now that's what I call recycling! Stand by for weeks and months of endless rehashing of stuff that has already been rehashed to death, followed by a book rehashing it all over again!

(Incidentally, why, every time she rakes over the Trevor episode, does she mention that he ran off with "a stylist called Jenny", as if these particular details make the betrayal somehow worse than running off with someone of a different job and a different name?)
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Old 06-01-2013, 23:32
cathrin
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....Did anyone else groan at the realisation that Liz has begun to refer to the FRS as "the boyfriend" now? That's the very same way she used to refer to her ex husband when they first got together (later upgraded to the equally disrespectful "the husband").

And why is she physically incapable of referring to any relationship with any other human being without detailing some expensive purchase she's made for the person? I bet her friends and family's hearts sink whenever she buys them something, knowing that she will be beating them over the head with it in print for many years to come, whether it's a cottage or a buttery soft handbag.
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Old 07-01-2013, 03:47
Fairness
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Just found this thread. Her article sounds like car-crash journalism.
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Old 07-01-2013, 09:23
newbaby
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Today's outpouring in the Mail takes not just the biscuit but a whole containerload of buttery-soft shortbread.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...e-quickly.html
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Old 07-01-2013, 09:53
Saltydog1955
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Today's outpouring in the Mail takes not just the biscuit but a whole containerload of buttery-soft shortbread.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...e-quickly.html
In last week's Dreary she seemed to be going off to Scotland for a sex fest with the FRS which this week turned into a non-sexfest because of stinking cat food bowls on electric blankets at her place in Reeth. Now we know for sure she spent NYE alone again (as usual) probably just so she can write this load of self pitying bilge in order to garner sympathy.

Her bed head and bedroom wallpaper look about as far from designer as you can get too. Oh, Lizard, standards ARE slipping aren't they? Perhaps you're realising that no money means no Farrow & Ball.
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Old 07-01-2013, 11:08
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[LIST]Admin Notice: This thread is continued here: http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showt...8#post63412448[/LIST]
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