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Old 11-02-2013, 11:56
orangebird
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Having worked previously in a similar environment as the OP, I will stick my neck out and say the fact that she is the only non Indian in the place is a significant fact in her story. I ran the bar and could handle myself, but one of the younger waitresses - British and white - was attracting similar attention from one of the joint owners of the restaurant and she ended up leaving. The background and culture of some people is a major factor in the way women are treated and viewed. Unfortunately I don't think the situation will change for the OP and looking for another job would be the only option.
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Old 11-02-2013, 16:28
Dante Ameche
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We didn't need to. She had already told us. Which I, amongst others, just accepted as part of her introduction and her explanation of the situation, and let it go.
But you didn't. You saw more into it than that.
I have been in this kind of discussion before. I comment that I am not racist, and also comment that one of my best friends in in fact black. A nicer guy you couldn't wish to meet and I would trust him with my life. No different to how I would feel or describe any of my closest friends.
But somebody always comes out of the wordwork and tells me that because I had to mention the fact that he is black makes me racist. You come across as one of those people. That, my friend, is PC.
No, I didn't see more into it.You're thinking that I saw more into it.

If the problems she were having were related to race then it would have made more sense to me. As I said, I asked for clarification/relevance as to why she'd mentioned it, she answered and I was fine with that. You and others then decided that I wanted to make it a race thing and presumed that is why I'd asked and where I wanted to take it.

Lumping me in with others that have called you racist in the past when Ive done no such thing is plain wrong.

I didn't get a point straight away that you did, so that makes me PC?
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Old 11-02-2013, 17:17
Bulletguy1
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What's the problem? It's sexual harassment, that's the problem.

I'm a bit shocked at the responses the OP has received on here. Tell him to piss off OP, and if still continues then report him to your managers.
Wow......a fellow worker asks a girl he likes for a kiss....and that's "sexual harassment?" Good God what on earth next?

And your 'advice' to the OP is to use foul language.

Great.
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Old 11-02-2013, 17:23
Elissa Richards
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So may I ask if asking for a kiss (albeit once or persistently) isn't harrassment in your eyes....where does harassment start? A few slaps of the bum? A hand up the skirt? Unzipping the back of her dress?....and so on...

The last bloke to try one of the above (on this occassion hand up skirt) on me got a 6 inch stiletto slammed down onto his foot, didn't look quite the Romeo infront of his mates then.

Harassment is doing something that makes someone else feel uncomfortable, where that uncomfortable level is depends on the person. The safest solution is to not act like an out dated sexist pig and keep your hands/ideas to yourself, this isn't the 70's. The way you describe is that he 'innocently' asked just the once, I take from the OP she's sick of constantly being hit on by her staff....slight difference in scenarios I feel.
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Old 11-02-2013, 20:31
QueenMaude
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What has you being the only non-Indian got to do with it?
Oh there is always some people who totally miss the point of the post and have to be pedantic
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Old 11-02-2013, 21:05
Vodka_Drinka
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Wow......a fellow worker asks a girl he likes for a kiss....and that's "sexual harassment?" Good God what on earth next?

And your 'advice' to the OP is to use foul language.

Great.
Of course it's sexual harrassment. It is not acceptable and is completely unprofessional to ask work colleagues who you barely know to give you a kiss.

And lol at you thinking the word "piss" is foul language!
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Old 11-02-2013, 21:58
chasing_stars
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Kat,

My advice to you would be to tell this guy that you're not interested, you have a boyfriend etc (even tho you don't) and see if that gets him to back off. If it doesn't, either take the matter further to a manager or find a new job. I know that option is a pest but it will mean that you can work somewhere free of being pestered. No one deserves to put up with that kind of behaviour at work and you certainly don't need it.

I agree with several posters on here regarding how women are objectified. I'm the only young female in my workplace under the age of 30 and work with men. I've had a few borderline sexist comments made at me and I've had to either grow a set and shake it off or rather, sit and silently fume. I got told the other week that what I'd put on my personal development wasn't going to happen as both managers wanted to me go forward into a more managerial role as they thought all the guys would listen to me more, because I'm a girl. I have no interest in a managerial role. I'm actually looking for a new job as I find the male testorone levels can be too much and I'm simply viewed as the "pretty one that sits in the corner".
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Old 11-02-2013, 21:59
chasing_stars
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I would also feel uncomfortable if a guy asked me for a kiss and I barely knew them.
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Old 11-02-2013, 22:34
Dante Ameche
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Oh there is always some people who totally miss the point of the post and have to be pedantic
For goodness sake. Did you only read as far as my post and then just decide to have a go rather than read the whole thread.

Did you miss my post which said that I'd missed that point?

Did you miss my post where I said i got and understood her point?

Anyone else want to have a go?

I'm PC, I'm racist, I have an agenda, I'm pedantic..... any thing else anyone?
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Old 11-02-2013, 23:06
Raquelos.
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For goodness sake. Did you only read as far as my post and then just decide to have a go rather than read the whole thread.

Did you miss my post which said that I'd missed that point?

Did you miss my post where I said i got and understood her point?

Anyone else want to have a go?

I'm PC, I'm racist, I have an agenda, I'm pedantic..... any thing else anyone?
Errrm you're ranting?

Seriously ignore the anti PC brigade they all seem to get a slight semi on the moment they think they've found a PC remark that they can be outraged by. The fact that yours doesn't really fit that description will have passed most of them by as they are too busy hammering away at their keyboard in a fit of Daily Mail sponsored disgust
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Old 12-02-2013, 20:50
katanderson
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Sorry I haven't been online recently,

Kat,

My advice to you would be to tell this guy that you're not interested, you have a boyfriend etc (even tho you don't) and see if that gets him to back off. If it doesn't, either take the matter further to a manager or find a new job. I know that option is a pest but it will mean that you can work somewhere free of being pestered. No one deserves to put up with that kind of behaviour at work and you certainly don't need it.
Thank you, that was encouraging

Update: On saturday the first thing I did was tell him straight that what he was doing is not ok, he seemed to get the message and said nothing else to me the whole night. It was pretty busy so that was normal but he kept pretty quiet later on too which isn't so normal

Thanks for all of your input! I'm not sure how easy finding a new job would be given the current job circumstances and that I live in a small town with very minimal vacancies... not to mention that the restaurant I work at is already pretty short-staffed so in a sense that would make it more difficult to leave.

I will keep you posted.
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Old 12-02-2013, 21:21
humanracer
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Well done to the OP for getting it sorted. She should have reported it to management. I am a supervisor and I would have pulled the person aside and told him to back off. It is harrassment pure and simple. The comments suggesting she bought it on herself is typical of the old fashioned attitudes that still exist in the workplace.

The "non indian" comment is relevant because she works in Indian restaurant and they tend to employ people who share the same culture and are family. If she reported this it may be seen by managment that she does not understand the culture etc. It isn't a racial thing to say that certain cultures have certain outdates ideas. Just look at the rape saga in India. It has nothing to do with race but culture. British born Asians for instance have British cultural normsl wheras the ones who have immigrated tend to retain the culture of the country they came from.
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Old 12-02-2013, 21:23
humanracer
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Kat,

My advice to you would be to tell this guy that you're not interested, you have a boyfriend etc (even tho you don't) and see if that gets him to back off. If it doesn't, either take the matter further to a manager or find a new job. I know that option is a pest but it will mean that you can work somewhere free of being pestered. No one deserves to put up with that kind of behaviour at work and you certainly don't need it.

I agree with several posters on here regarding how women are objectified. I'm the only young female in my workplace under the age of 30 and work with men. I've had a few borderline sexist comments made at me and I've had to either grow a set and shake it off or rather, sit and silently fume. I got told the other week that what I'd put on my personal development wasn't going to happen as both managers wanted to me go forward into a more managerial role as they thought all the guys would listen to me more, because I'm a girl. I have no interest in a managerial role. I'm actually looking for a new job as I find the male testorone levels can be too much and I'm simply viewed as the "pretty one that sits in the corner".
Why don't you want to be a manager?
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