[saffron_star]

Thought I'd put my review of my evening in a separate post. It might be a bit long!
The chap I saw last night was the first one I dated from POF from my first evening on there.
We've seen each other on and off for the last 18 months.
He is absolutely lovely and would be my ideal choice of person to be with.
He is intelligent and interesting and funny and confident. However he is also unreliable and busy and doesn't have a lot of time to date due to family circumstances at the mo.
I have to be careful because I think there are a lot more feelings on my part than his. He has been very hurt in the past and is very afraid of committing in any way.
I do make it complicated don't I?!!
I've tried not seeing him but seeing him once a week/couple of weeks is better than not at all.
Anyway we had a lovely time last night. We made fajitas here and shared a bottle of wine. He left about 2am!! (You can fill in the gap there!!!)
You probably all think I am mental now....!!

[Glyn W]

Originally Posted by saffron_star

Thought I'd put my review of my evening in a separate post. It might be a bit long!
The chap I saw last night was the first one I dated from POF from my first evening on there.
We've seen each other on and off for the last 18 months.
He is absolutely lovely and would be my ideal choice of person to be with.
He is intelligent and interesting and funny and confident. However he is also unreliable and busy and doesn't have a lot of time to date due to family circumstances at the mo.
I have to be careful because I think there are a lot more feelings on my part than his. He has been very hurt in the past and is very afraid of committing in any way.
I do make it complicated don't I?!!
I've tried not seeing him but seeing him once a week/couple of weeks is better than not at all.
Anyway we had a lovely time last night. We made fajitas here and shared a bottle of wine. He left about 2am!! (You can fill in the gap there!!!)
You probably all think I am mental now....!!

It sounds like he's interested, but it also sounds like if you want it to be more than just casual dating that you not only have to be prepared to take it very slowly to build up his confidence in you as a commitment, but also be ready to compromise re what you see as unreliability which might in his eyes be just a juggling of priorities, again it might be that over time you'd climb in his order of priorities..?

Do you always date him separately from the rest of his life or do you ever get involved with anything where other members of his family are there?

[grotbags1]

Originally Posted by saffron_star

Thought I'd put my review of my evening in a separate post. It might be a bit long!
The chap I saw last night was the first one I dated from POF from my first evening on there.
We've seen each other on and off for the last 18 months.
He is absolutely lovely and would be my ideal choice of person to be with.
He is intelligent and interesting and funny and confident. However he is also unreliable and busy and doesn't have a lot of time to date due to family circumstances at the mo.
I have to be careful because I think there are a lot more feelings on my part than his. He has been very hurt in the past and is very afraid of committing in any way.
I do make it complicated don't I?!!
I've tried not seeing him but seeing him once a week/couple of weeks is better than not at all.
Anyway we had a lovely time last night. We made fajitas here and shared a bottle of wine. He left about 2am!! (You can fill in the gap there!!!)
You probably all think I am mental now....!!

I don't think you're mental at all. Have you asked him if he has feelings for you? I'd do the same as you carry on seeing him sporadically which is better than not at all if i was keen on someone who couldn't commit to me.

It's good that you had a nice evening and got some action I drank too much vodka and watched TV again

[Shappy]

Originally Posted by saffron_star

Thought I'd put my review of my evening in a separate post. It might be a bit long!
The chap I saw last night was the first one I dated from POF from my first evening on there.
We've seen each other on and off for the last 18 months.
He is absolutely lovely and would be my ideal choice of person to be with.
He is intelligent and interesting and funny and confident. However he is also unreliable and busy and doesn't have a lot of time to date due to family circumstances at the mo.
I have to be careful because I think there are a lot more feelings on my part than his. He has been very hurt in the past and is very afraid of committing in any way.
I do make it complicated don't I?!!
I've tried not seeing him but seeing him once a week/couple of weeks is better than not at all.
Anyway we had a lovely time last night. We made fajitas here and shared a bottle of wine. He left about 2am!! (You can fill in the gap there!!!)
You probably all think I am mental now....!!

I've been in a similar situation in the past, where someone would only see me sporadically but I hung on in there. It ended in tears for me but each situation is different. In the end I realised my ideal man would actually want to see me regularly and commit. It depends how invested you are I guess.

Do you also date other people and (genuinely) keep your options open? Sometimes it's hard to give other men a chance if you are into someone, and 18 months is a long time to go without commiting.

What exactly are his family circumstances, if you don't mind me asking? Does he call you his girlfriend?

[mangomoon]

Hi guys, can I join you on this thread? I joined PoF last month but only really feel ready to use it now. I may possibly have my first date on Tuesday, but I'm not entirely sure if it's a date or not :/

[solarflare]

Originally Posted by mangomoon

Hi guys, can I join you on this thread? I joined PoF last month but only really feel ready to use it now. I may possibly have my first date on Tuesday, but I'm not entirely sure if it's a date or not :/

All are welcome! Why are you not sure its a date?

[abbieunique]

I went out again with the guy I have been seeing last few weeks or so.
It was good for the main part, but I don't want to rush into anything and I think he's more keen to get further physically.
I went to his flat and was not comfortable his tv was not working so I didn't like the silent atmosphere no music either, I ased him to put something on his laptop but he kinda mumbled how he didn't think he would be having to do this.. Wanted to kiss me etc, but I felt that kinda killed the atmosphere.
Don't get me wrong I was willing to see where it went slowly but I don't think you can force these things in a weird atmosphere.

[Shappy]

Originally Posted by abbieunique

I went out again with the guy I have been seeing last few weeks or so.
It was good for the main part, but I don't want to rush into anything and I think he's more keen to get further physically.
I went to his flat and was not comfortable his tv was not working so I didn't like the silent atmosphere no music either, I ased him to put something on his laptop but he kinda mumbled how he didn't think he would be having to do this.. Wanted to kiss me etc, but I felt that kinda killed the atmosphere.
Don't get me wrong I was willing to see where it went slowly but I don't think you can force these things in a weird atmosphere.

I can see why you felt that way. Is he not willing to go out and do things? Maybe it's best not to meet at his place for a while.

[abbieunique]

Originally Posted by Shappy

I can see why you felt that way. Is he not willing to go out and do things? Maybe it's best not to meet at his place for a while.

Yes he doesn't mind doing stuff, but I think he likes to stay in too.
Hes maybe not use to entertaining new people.
He has paid for the last few dates, so I think if I end up seeing him again it should be halves from now on.
Maybe I just don't like him more than a friend and that's why I haven't made any moves myself.
I think the hardest part of Internet dating it getting past the early stages.

[mangomoon]

Originally Posted by solarflare

All are welcome! Why are you not sure its a date?

Thanks for the welcome!

Ok I'm quite sure it's a date now. It was just the way he asked me seemed really casual. But now he's asked me to dinner so I'm pretty sure it's a date.

I haven't had a date for about 3 years and I'm nervous. I'll have to read back on this thread and see if I can pick up any tips!

[Doctor_Donna]

Originally Posted by mangomoon

Thanks for the welcome!

Ok I'm quite sure it's a date now. It was just the way he asked me seemed really casual. But now he's asked me to dinner so I'm pretty sure it's a date.

I haven't had a date for about 3 years and I'm nervous. I'll have to read back on this thread and see if I can pick up any tips!

Good luck for Tuesday - hope we are going to get an update then

[mangomoon]

Originally Posted by Doctor_Donna

Good luck for Tuesday - hope we are going to get an update then

Thanks! Yep I will definitely come back and update!

[hotmat3k]

Originally Posted by mangomoon

Thanks! Yep I will definitely come back and update!

Hi Mango! Don't stress too much with your date. Just be yourself and have fun.

[Xela M]

I (finally, after 10 years) had a date with the judge today!

I had a really good time and saw some endearing qualities in him I've never noticed before. He made me laugh a lot and the conversation flowed. We have very similar views on a number of things. Although our date started with him having to drop his mum off somewhere and them having a row in the car over a random (car-related) issue, which I found quite funny.

We had dinner and then saw "Lincoln" (great film by the way!) I only had one shot of Baileys, so wasn't nearly as tipsy as I would have liked to have been, but he made some "advances" by putting his arm around me a few times, which he has never really done before. He also complimented me a few times on how I looked.

A big turn-off for me has always been the fact that he's ridiculously stingy with money, but he actually paid for everything tonight. I know this was a big deal for him. He also told me that he took time off work because I told him I was coming over mid February and travelled back to his parents' house (close to where we live) to see me.

I'd love to see more of him and I think we could really make something of this, but the distance is a major issue. We're both always busy with work, so won't communicate daily and we only see each other at odd times throughout the year. I've now added him to facebook, although I hardly ever use it. I guess it'll make it easier to stay more in touch.

It would be ideal if things worked out between us, but I'm not really sure how it could work.

[hotmat3k]

Originally Posted by Xela M

I (finally, after 10 years) had a date with the judge today!

I had a really good time and saw some endearing qualities in him I've never noticed before. He made me laugh a lot and the conversation flowed. We have very similar views on a number of things. Although our date started with him having to drop his mum off somewhere and them having a row in the car over a random (car-related) issue, which I found quite funny.

We had dinner and then saw "Lincoln" (great film by the way!) I only had one shot of Baileys, so wasn't nearly as tipsy as I would have liked to have been, but he made some "advances" by putting his arm around me a few times, which he has never really done before. He also complimented me a few times on how I looked.

A big turn-off for me has always been the fact that he's ridiculously stingy with money, but he actually paid for everything tonight. I know this was a big deal for him. He also told me that he took time off work because I told him I was coming over mid February and travelled back to his parents' house (close to where we live) to see me.

I'd love to see more of him and I think we could really make something of this, but the distance is a major issue. We're both always busy with work, so won't communicate daily and we only see each other at odd times throughout the year. I've now added him to facebook, although I hardly ever use it. I guess it'll make it easier to stay more in touch.

It would be ideal if things worked out between us, but I'm not really sure how it could work.

Nice one Xela! Sounds really positive and that you do have some chemistry between you two. If you both really want it to work, then you will somehow. You need to keep that spark alive by speaking to him as much as possible. The advances he made obviously show he really likes you.

Sorry to ask (if you've already mentioned it), but what's the distance between where you both live?

[Xela M]

Originally Posted by hotmat3k

Nice one Xela! Sounds really positive and that you do have some chemistry between you two. If you both really want it to work, then you will somehow. You need to keep that spark alive by speaking to him as much as possible. The advances he made obviously show he really likes you.

Sorry to ask (if you've already mentioned it), but what's the distance between where you both live?

I live in England and he's in Germany

[Doctor_Donna]

That is long distance - I had one guy who thought 15 miles was too far for him

I've given in and joined Match as they had a 3 day free trial - which I then cancelled online and they offered me 2months for the price of 1 I'm sure I'll get nowhere but they seem a bit better on there than POF, not seen any bare chests or tattoos yet

[miss buzzybee]

I tried eHarmony and thought it was crap, too many 'icebreaker' questions and hand holding before just sending a message. Also all the men they suggested for me were not my type - all supposedly rock climbling frequent traveller types!. I just stick with OkCupid now, free and decent. Not paying for an internet dating site ever again!

[Doctor_Donna]

I'm sure I saw an advert last night that e-harmony was free this Fri, Sat, Sun and Mon. I never got the hang of e-harmony, too much faffing about with endless questions. You can tell from one message if they are worth talking to

[solarflare]

Originally Posted by Doctor_Donna

I'm sure I saw an advert last night that e-harmony was free this Fri, Sat, Sun and Mon. I never got the hang of e-harmony, too much faffing about with endless questions. You can tell from one message if they are worth talking to

It seems to be free quite regularly at weekends, which sort of begs the question if anyone bothers paying for it during the week.

[saffron_star]

Originally Posted by Shappy

I've been in a similar situation in the past, where someone would only see me sporadically but I hung on in there. It ended in tears for me but each situation is different. In the end I realised my ideal man would actually want to see me regularly and commit. It depends how invested you are I guess.

Do you also date other people and (genuinely) keep your options open? Sometimes it's hard to give other men a chance if you are into someone, and 18 months is a long time to go without commiting.

What exactly are his family circumstances, if you don't mind me asking? Does he call you his girlfriend?

Thnks for your good advice. It is very reassuring to know someone has been in a similar position. I guess my theory has been to carry on seeing him, in the same on and off way, until someone better comes along. Sadly there hasn't been anyone better. Not even close!
He doesn't refer to me as anything. No pet names or nicknames etc. Nor does he make any kind of promises or anything like that. Like I said - unreliable!
He is rubbish at texting/emailing and rarely initiates contact. In all honesty I think he has me right where he wants - doing all the running and chasing. More fool me for doing it. But then I also know that if I want some company or a nice evening - I just ask and he is there. That's hard to resist.
It might be easier to do without except for him being absolutely sensational in bed. And I mean amazing.
He is divorced, though the ex etc are in USA. He looks after his dad who is pretty poorly.
I don't know what to think really.

[Jimbo99]

Originally Posted by Xela M

I (finally, after 10 years) had a date with the judge today!

I had a really good time and saw some endearing qualities in him I've never noticed before. He made me laugh a lot and the conversation flowed. We have very similar views on a number of things. Although our date started with him having to drop his mum off somewhere and them having a row in the car over a random (car-related) issue, which I found quite funny.

We had dinner and then saw "Lincoln" (great film by the way!) I only had one shot of Baileys, so wasn't nearly as tipsy as I would have liked to have been, but he made some "advances" by putting his arm around me a few times, which he has never really done before. He also complimented me a few times on how I looked.

A big turn-off for me has always been the fact that he's ridiculously stingy with money, but he actually paid for everything tonight. I know this was a big deal for him. He also told me that he took time off work because I told him I was coming over mid February and travelled back to his parents' house (close to where we live) to see me.

I'd love to see more of him and I think we could really make something of this, but the distance is a major issue. We're both always busy with work, so won't communicate daily and we only see each other at odd times throughout the year. I've now added him to facebook, although I hardly ever use it. I guess it'll make it easier to stay more in touch.

It would be ideal if things worked out between us, but I'm not really sure how it could work.

Hi Xela, it's always interesting reading your updates, I think you should start your own blog!

When do you think you'll see him again?

[Xela M]

Originally Posted by Jimbo99

Hi Xela, it's always interesting reading your updates, I think you should start your own blog!

When do you think you'll see him again?

I'm a boring old granny at heart really

I have no idea when I'll see him again. I'm hoping in March, but he's taking 5 weeks off to travel around Asia (with his mum ) and might not be around when I'm next in Germany.

[Xela M]

Originally Posted by saffron_star

Thnks for your good advice. It is very reassuring to know someone has been in a similar position. I guess my theory has been to carry on seeing him, in the same on and off way, until someone better comes along. Sadly there hasn't been anyone better. Not even close!
He doesn't refer to me as anything. No pet names or nicknames etc. Nor does he make any kind of promises or anything like that. Like I said - unreliable!
He is rubbish at texting/emailing and rarely initiates contact. In all honesty I think he has me right where he wants - doing all the running and chasing. More fool me for doing it. But then I also know that if I want some company or a nice evening - I just ask and he is there. That's hard to resist.
It might be easier to do without except for him being absolutely sensational in bed. And I mean amazing.
He is divorced, though the ex etc are in USA. He looks after his dad who is pretty poorly.
I don't know what to think really.

That's a rare quality! He's a keeper!

On a serious note, I've been in a similar situtation in the past, but unfortunately it ended in terrible heartbreak for me. I would recommend trying to play "hard to get" a bit, otherwise he might take you for granted. Although it's always easier to give advice when you're not the one in love! It's so hard to play hard to ge with a man who's hard to get

[Jimbo99]

Originally Posted by Xela M

I'm a boring old granny at heart really

I have no idea when I'll see him again. I'm hoping in March, but he's taking 5 weeks off to travel around Asia (with his mum ) and might not be around when I'm next in Germany.

It's definitely a strange situation, do you actually want to have a slow burner of a relationship or would you for example see him tomorrow given the chance?