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Peter Andre Upsetting The Locals In Malta


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Old 01-03-2013, 19:38
lexi22
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These should get you started.
A sense of humour.
A loathing of all things orange, cheesy and generally ABOMINABLE.
The ability to sniff out BS at 500 paces.
And obviously,a very,very strong stomach.
Check
Check
Check
Check (I don't like to boast but I have a POTY award.)

I qualify. Do we get badges?
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Old 01-03-2013, 19:46
Azura's Star
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Check
Check
Check
Check (I don't like to boast but I have a POTY award.)

I qualify. Do we get badges?
I was thinking of something rather more stylish.
Perhaps an awardage of some kind?
Maybe one of the more gifted FMs could fashion some kind of trophy - an AOTY (Abominator of the Year) award perhaps, to be presented every year at one of the more glamorous Travel Lodges by our inspirational founder member Diamond Doll?
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Old 01-03-2013, 19:54
cazzz
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I was thinking of something rather more stylish.
Perhaps an awardage of some kind?
Maybe one of the more gifted FMs could fashion some kind of trophy - an AOTY (Abominator of the Year) award perhaps, to be presented every year at one of the more glamorous Travel Lodges by our inspirational founder member Diamond Doll?
To be fair "The Abomination" is down to DD and as with the queens honour system, maybe twice a year DD can grant membership to the "gang".

The welcome pack should include a bagde, toy fezza and a bottle of fakebake (or whatever other tat CAN are trying to market)
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Old 01-03-2013, 20:14
artlesschaos
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Check
Check
Check
Check (I don't like to boast but I have a POTY award.)

I qualify. Do we get badges?
So do I - Marg tub lids all round?
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Old 02-03-2013, 17:19
Blondie X
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* case packed,sunglasses on ,hair speshully done for the occasion , ( even shaved my legs just in case ) waiting for Blondie by the front gate *

cummon Blondie , where are you ! I'm hyperventilating with excitement here !
Let's gooooo!!!!!!"!!
Oh Momma, such a shame, I'm busy that day now

Errr, what do you mean that we don't know what day it is?
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Old 02-03-2013, 18:10
BellaRosa
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Wouldn't you have to be cultured to even understand the role? What's next, Stig of The Dump and Oscar The Grouch in charge of waste disposal and environmental health?

"Malta, right... it's proper nice. Me mum loves it and my kids... my kids... they love it too, right, kids?"

*kids ignore their father and play with toys*

"Yeah, they love it mate. Proper honoured by this, I am and me mum's dead proud too. If only my brother could have lived to see the day...*

*looks into distance wistfully, tries to cry*

"Cut it off now. Please. I need a personal moment...", says the man who has a film crew follow him and his entire family around for money.

Andre is a total kn*bhead. I am behind Malta on this one. A beautiful country and they get him
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Old 02-03-2013, 18:51
cazzz
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Andre is a total kn*bhead. I am behind Malta on this one. A beautiful country and they get him
I too feel sorry for the people of malta but they are having the last laugh on us as he still lives here, maybe his role of Ambassador should also include free accommodation where he should live there during his term in office
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Old 02-03-2013, 19:26
ValentinaVargas
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I too feel sorry for the people of malta but they are having the last laugh on us as he still lives here, maybe his role of Ambassador should also include free accommodation where he should live there during his term in office
And a few choice freebies to tempt him .....some Alka Seltzers perhaps.....well you never know, that Maltese food may not agree with him......too many Maltesers beforehand. Or a Jacuzzi, as to quote Petey "I'm pure filth. But Im not a sleaze" This dude needs a wash...or some Alka Seltzers
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Old 03-03-2013, 08:14
dirty dingus
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I too feel sorry for the people of malta but they are having the last laugh on us as he still lives here, maybe his role of Ambassador should also include free accommodation where he should live there during his term in office
That's a wonderful idea, maybe the locals can proposition the government to give him access to a 2 man underwater tent.
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Old 03-03-2013, 10:40
scone
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These should get you started.
A sense of humour.
A loathing of all things orange, cheesy and generally ABOMINABLE.
The ability to sniff out BS at 500 paces.
And obviously,a very,very strong stomach.
I quite like wotsits
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Old 03-03-2013, 11:52
DiamondDoll
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You guys are the dog's proverbials.

Perfect antidote to flu.
Feeling better already because the Abomination has given me strength to recover.

He loves his kids.............didn't ya know?

I am really upset because my daughters and son never had my undying love to read about on the net.
I have always told them though.

Imho........the Abomination that is Andre is an out and out media-whore.
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Old 03-03-2013, 14:04
Azura's Star
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I quite like wotsits
Wotsits are hereby exempt from criticism as they are lovely and not remotely abominable.
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Old 03-03-2013, 14:08
Azura's Star
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You guys are the dog's proverbials.

Perfect antidote to flu.
Feeling better already because the Abomination has given me strength to recover.

He loves his kids.............didn't ya know?

I am really upset because my daughters and son never had my undying love to read about on the net.
I have always told them though.

Imho........the Abomination that is Andre is an out and out media-whore.
Oh DD.
For shame.
How will the whole world know what a truly marvelous specimen of parenthood you are unless you are constantly blabbering about it at every given opportunity?
There is no point just telling your kids you love them if you haven't got a film crew with you to record it for posterity.
Has the abominable one taught you nothing?
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Old 03-03-2013, 16:22
cazzz
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Oh DD.
For shame.
How will the whole world know what a truly marvelous specimen of parenthood you are unless you are constantly blabbering about it at every given opportunity?
There is no point just telling your kids you love them if you haven't got a film crew with you to record it for posterity.
Has the abominable one taught you nothing?
Maybe DD should start her own appreciation thread for her kids ....is there a PA one? I don't recall seeing one on the forum,
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Old 07-03-2013, 09:27
Daisy Bennyboots
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While I'm idling about, waiting for idiots who seemingly can't work an alarm clock, thoughts about The Andre.

So, donut duty calls and this week I'm in Tesco flitting though trashmags as usual. I open Now or Nice! or Woo! or whatever it's called (they all feature concerned-looking orange people on the front with headlines embellishing some minor misfortune, usually of their own making, or other). Anyway, a glance at Peter Andre's column and as usual, he retells carefully worded snippets of his week as if he was sending a postcard to a seven year old.

And I saw a picture of him heading to a West End do on his birthday with a microphone clipped to his jacket. Striding in front of him in a bemusingly cheap-looking dress is Dr Emily - the antithesis of Katie Price with whom he appears to have zero chemistry. So he enjoys a party in some venue or other with family, friends and film crew ("they're like family" said Pete once). And then he recalls that Dr Emily can't stay for champagne for some reason, and that like a child being forced to write a thank you letter to some aunt he's very thankful for a Claire for arranging his birthday party..and he plugs the exclusive cake company who enormous naff-looking ego-cake with pictures of him on it.

And them some thing happened that has never happened before - I felt a bit sorry for Peter Andre.

I've got to go now because of work...but I'll come back to this post tonight and explain why.
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Old 07-03-2013, 10:03
bunny55
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While I'm idling about, waiting for idiots who seemingly can't work an alarm clock, thoughts about The Andre.

So, donut duty calls and this week I'm in Tesco flitting though trashmags as usual. I open Now or Nice! or Woo! or whatever it's called (they all feature concerned-looking orange people on the front with headlines embellishing some minor misfortune, usually of their own making, or other). Anyway, a glance at Peter Andre's column and as usual, he retells carefully worded snippets of his week as if he was sending a postcard to a seven year old.

And I saw a picture of him heading to a West End do on his birthday with a microphone clipped to his jacket. Striding in front of him in a bemusingly cheap-looking dress is Dr Emily - the antithesis of Katie Price with whom he appears to have zero chemistry. So he enjoys a party in some venue or other with family, friends and film crew ("they're like family" said Pete once). And then he recalls that Dr Emily can't stay for champagne for some reason, and that like a child being forced to write a thank you letter to some aunt he's very thankful for a Claire for arranging his birthday party..and he plugs the exclusive cake company who enormous naff-looking ego-cake with pictures of him on it.

And them some thing happened that has never happened before - I felt a bit sorry for Peter Andre.

I've got to go now because of work...but I'll come back to this post tonight and explain why.
"I felt sorry for Peter Andre" You have been removed from your magazine flicking duties in supermarkets immediately. Im taking that role back. I tried and successfully managed to wean myself of that dire duty, but you obviously need a break

Im bracing myself for him talking about kids fillings next week
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Old 07-03-2013, 10:24
Azura's Star
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While I'm idling about, waiting for idiots who seemingly can't work an alarm clock, thoughts about The Andre.

So, donut duty calls and this week I'm in Tesco flitting though trashmags as usual. I open Now or Nice! or Woo! or whatever it's called (they all feature concerned-looking orange people on the front with headlines embellishing some minor misfortune, usually of their own making, or other). Anyway, a glance at Peter Andre's column and as usual, he retells carefully worded snippets of his week as if he was sending a postcard to a seven year old.

And I saw a picture of him heading to a West End do on his birthday with a microphone clipped to his jacket. Striding in front of him in a bemusingly cheap-looking dress is Dr Emily - the antithesis of Katie Price with whom he appears to have zero chemistry. So he enjoys a party in some venue or other with family, friends and film crew ("they're like family" said Pete once). And then he recalls that Dr Emily can't stay for champagne for some reason, and that like a child being forced to write a thank you letter to some aunt he's very thankful for a Claire for arranging his birthday party..and he plugs the exclusive cake company who enormous naff-looking ego-cake with pictures of him on it.

And them some thing happened that has never happened before - I felt a bit sorry for Peter Andre.

I've got to go now because of work...but I'll come back to this post tonight and explain why.

Nooooooo!!!
You cannot start feeling sorry for a 40year old fame-whoring man baby.

Any time you begin to be afflicted by the urge to have even the slightest sympathy for the abominable orange one,you must stop immediately.
Think of the poor unsuspecting manufacturers of Alka-Seltzer, a perfectly good product forever tainted by association with PA.
Think of the people of Malta who spent years promoting their beautiful island,only to have it's reputation destroyed by the Abominable Ambassador.
But above all Daisy,for god's sake THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!
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Old 07-03-2013, 10:46
i4u
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I'm left wondering if Katie Price ever looked at Peter Andre's column or closed her eyes...sorry it had to be said.
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Old 07-03-2013, 12:00
lexi22
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So, donut duty calls and this week I'm in Tesco flitting though trashmags as usual. I open Now or Nice! or Woo! or whatever it's called (they all feature concerned-looking orange people on the front with headlines embellishing some minor misfortune, usually of their own making, or other). Anyway, a glance at Peter Andre's column and as usual, he retells carefully worded snippets of his week as if he was sending a postcard to a seven year old.

And I saw a picture of him heading to a West End do on his birthday with a microphone clipped to his jacket. Striding in front of him in a bemusingly cheap-looking dress is Dr Emily - the antithesis of Katie Price with whom he appears to have zero chemistry. So he enjoys a party in some venue or other with family, friends and film crew ("they're like family" said Pete once). And then he recalls that Dr Emily can't stay for champagne for some reason, and that like a child being forced to write a thank you letter to some aunt he's very thankful for a Claire for arranging his birthday party..and he plugs the exclusive cake company who enormous naff-looking ego-cake with pictures of him on it.

And them some thing happened that has never happened before - I felt a bit sorry for Peter Andre.

I've got to go now because of work...but I'll come back to this post tonight and explain why.
Ha! What a perfect description of his column. That's exactly how it reads.

You do paint a sad picture though, Daisy. How at 40, he's stuck in this playpen of a life. Sounds like Dr Emily had the right idea, she must be getting fed up of babysitting....
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Old 07-03-2013, 14:06
Azura's Star
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Ha! What a perfect description of his column. That's exactly how it reads.

You do paint a sad picture though, Daisy. How at 40, he's stuck in this playpen of a life. Sounds like Dr Emily had the right idea, she must be getting fed up of babysitting....
Oh god,not you too!
What the heck have you lot been drinking?
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Old 07-03-2013, 16:52
Daisy Bennyboots
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"I felt sorry for Peter Andre" You have been removed from your magazine flicking duties in supermarkets immediately. Im taking that role back. I tried and successfully managed to wean myself of that dire duty, but you obviously need a break
No way Jose! No-one counts how many donuts are in the box by the time I get back - if I'm removed from donut duty, I'll never be able to sneak an extra donut out of the box! Snooping round the magazines saves me 1.60 in donutteryage!


Nooooooo!!!
You cannot start feeling sorry for a 40year old fame-whoring man baby.

Any time you begin to be afflicted by the urge to have even the slightest sympathy for the abominable orange one,you must stop immediately.
Think of the poor unsuspecting manufacturers of Alka-Seltzer, a perfectly good product forever tainted by association with PA.
Think of the people of Malta who spent years promoting their beautiful island,only to have it's reputation destroyed by the Abominable Ambassador.
But above all Daisy,for god's sake THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!
You're right...you're right. Maybe someone drugged my donuts. Here...Krispy Kreme aren't CAN clients are they??

Why do I feel sorry for him? Because I see a 40 year old man not in charge of his own destiny but instead ruled by a quest for z-listery that's slowly warping his life into something Charlie Brooker would write about. Everyone has always paid much attention to the damage KP did to the marriage, no-one really looks at the damage PA did (the were judicial mumblings that they were equally to blame were they not?). Last week we were reminded of a PA quote whereby he said WTTE of 'I knew my career would be over when my marriage ended' - which is basically just another way of saying 'I married her as a career move'. How depressing. And what a wonderful foundation on with to raise children. The silencing and tossing over the back garden fence of blonde model types while holding hands with the presentable middle class girl for the cameras. I don't think P.A is capable of separating his fame ego and his real life and emotions. Like Warren Beatty said in Madonna's documentary "What point is there existing [off camera]?" And that made me feel sorry for him.

It's ok though -I'll probably be back to normal tomorrow! I'm just rambling now haha
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Old 07-03-2013, 17:05
dirty dingus
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There's an Insaniac loose in the thread, wrap em up in christmas tree netting and give them a triple dose of fake bake for that jigsaw effect.
The only reason he didn't want to split from KP was that it made him feel good being only the 3rd biggest diddy in the house.
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Old 07-03-2013, 17:31
barbeler
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One glorious day, it will be possible to look through the TV schedules and find no mention of this pointless person whatsoever.
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Old 07-03-2013, 18:00
Azura's Star
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No way Jose! No-one counts how many donuts are in the box by the time I get back - if I'm removed from donut duty, I'll never be able to sneak an extra donut out of the box! Snooping round the magazines saves me 1.60 in donutteryage!



You're right...you're right. Maybe someone drugged my donuts. Here...Krispy Kreme aren't CAN clients are they??

Why do I feel sorry for him? Because I see a 40 year old man not in charge of his own destiny but instead ruled by a quest for z-listery that's slowly warping his life into something Charlie Brooker would write about. Everyone has always paid much attention to the damage KP did to the marriage, no-one really looks at the damage PA did (the were judicial mumblings that they were equally to blame were they not?). Last week we were reminded of a PA quote whereby he said WTTE of 'I knew my career would be over when my marriage ended' - which is basically just another way of saying 'I married her as a career move'. How depressing. And what a wonderful foundation on with to raise children. The silencing and tossing over the back garden fence of blonde model types while holding hands with the presentable middle class girl for the cameras. I don't think P.A is capable of separating his fame ego and his real life and emotions. Like Warren Beatty said in Madonna's documentary "What point is there existing [off camera]?" And that made me feel sorry for him.

It's ok though -I'll probably be back to normal tomorrow! I'm just rambling now haha
Daisy- if you carry on like this we may have to think about staging some kind of intervention.
PA is utterly in charge of his own destiny. I've said it before and I'll say it again,he was a grown man.
HE decided to marry KP - she didn't force him up the aisle at gunpoint.
Not only did he marry her,he chose her to be the mother of his children.
HE decided to employ CAN(and they work for him,not the other way round) and allow them to portray him the way he is.
The point of existing off camera?
He has happy,healthy children,a seemingly close loving family and more money than most of us will see in a lifetime.
If he can't find a point in any of that he needs a bloody good shaking.
Now pull yourself together ffs
*slaps Daisy around the face with a donut till she sees sense*
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Old 07-03-2013, 18:53
lexi22
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Daisy- if you carry on like this we may have to think about staging some kind of intervention.
PA is utterly in charge of his own destiny. I've said it before and I'll say it again,he was a grown man.
HE decided to marry KP - she didn't force him up the aisle at gunpoint.
Not only did he marry her,he chose her to be the mother of his children.
HE decided to employ CAN(and they work for him,not the other way round) and allow them to portray him the way he is.
The point of existing off camera?
He has happy,healthy children,a seemingly close loving family and more money than most of us will see in a lifetime.
If he can't find a point in any of that he needs a bloody good shaking.
Now pull yourself together ffs
*slaps Daisy around the face with a donut till she sees sense*
Yeah. ^^ That.

No one to blame only himself if his life hasn't panned out quite how he'd like it.
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