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Have I made the right decision?


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Old 19-04-2013, 08:01
MarellaK
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Emily was beautiful. She looked a lot like my late Tabitha except her tabby coat seemed to have some tortoiseshell too.

You'll never forget her.

As for your son wanting another cat immediately I personally think you should wait a while until you are ready too, at least a few weeks. I couldn't believe friends suggesting I get another cat after my Tabitha died - I found it quite insensitive and lacking in understanding of how much I adored and grieved for my late cat, she was irreplaceable. Nevertheless, within just a few weeks I couldn't bear the emptiness in the house, I even missed all the cleaning that Tabs generated (muddy paws and moulting fur) and, even though I had another cat already, I adopted 2 females from Cats Protection about 2 months later.

They will never replace my Tabitha and she will always occupy the position of my favourite and most loved cat but I'm a cat person. You can offer a good, loving home to another cat, perhaps a rescue cat, in time, and I believe that would be a positive consequence of your late cat's sad and untimely death.
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Old 19-04-2013, 11:13
Jerrica09
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I went in to settle her bill today. It was less than I was expecting, which made me upset, I don't know why.

I'm afraid that the more clear-headed I get the more I'm going to see what a horrific mistake I've made. I think she had too much life in her, she wasn't ready to go. I should have had the courage to postpone. It was horrible getting up this morning knowing she wouldn't come to greet me and demand her breakfast.

I just wanted to say thank you everyone for your comments. I appreciated them all. You've been very kind. I couldn't respond properly on the thread because I was in a constant panic whenever I was online, several tabs open looking for miracle cures and success stories.

I had a dog as a kid who lived to a very long age. She died when I'd left home. She was blind, incontinent and my brother came home to find her whining on the floor. A tumour on her leg had burst and she had to be rushed to the vet. They left it way too long, because they loved her. I wouldn't have wanted that for Ems and I think that may have been on my mind a bit.

So I get that you can leave it too long, but really I think Ems may have had months ahead of her - IF I'd pursued steroids, painkillers and fluid syringing. I can't even ring the vet, because at this stage she'll just try to make me feel better. I don't know what to do with myself
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Old 19-04-2013, 12:07
CaptainObvious_
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Thank you so much for all the kind comments in this thread. And not one wind-up merchant. I'd hardly believe I was on DS!

My son would adopt a new cat tomorrow, but I'm not sure if I could do it again. I'm feeling worse and worse tbh. I keep thinking I hear her. I had a moment of not thinking about her, and heard what sounded like a scratch at the front door. I was automatically walking to open it when I remembered. And when I adjusted the living room curtains I checked behind as I always do to see if she was on the windowsill. I'm exhausted, but I'm going to have to be much more knackered before I can face going to bed. I think that's going to be where my thoughts are worst.

I actually logged back in just to say that I hope no-one feels bad for recommending pre-sedation or a home visit. I'm devastated that they didn't go as smoothly as I hoped, but I think maybe my vet didn't understand that the point was to send her off to sleep rather than just relax her a bit. And going to the vets could have turned out just as traumatic. I was never going to walk away from the experience smiling whatever happened, but I made the right decision staying with her. And at least she was happy and enjoying her day until the last 10 minutes of her life. She was so enjoying having every bit of my attention from Monday to Thursday, even though she was feeling fragile. I do feel thankful that I didn't lose her in a shocking way like a car accident. I got to spend a few days making sure she knew how much we loved her. I hope that's going to comfort me soon.. My heart actually hurts. Isn't it horrendous that when you lose your best friend, the only person you could comfort you is your best friend? It's like a sick joke
I'm really sorry to hear about this Jerrica, I understand how close you can get to your cat and how hard the decision must have been

Thanks for posting those pictures, she was an absolutely beautiful puss. Wonderful pictures

take care

EDIT: I've just read the post re. the euthanasia procedure and I'm in tears. Not just because of sorrow but because of the abundantly clear love and compassion you had for your beloved puss. She would have known so much how much you and your family loved her. I'm certain of that
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Old 19-04-2013, 12:14
dollymarie
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Please Jerrica, stop beating yourself up. You did the best you could given the information you were given at the time

Big *hugs*

xx
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Old 19-04-2013, 12:58
JJ75
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She may well have had more time left in her, but would it have been quality time? How do you know she wasent in pain? Thats the thing with animals they dont tell us

Please dont beat yourself up xx
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Old 19-04-2013, 14:21
Enfant Terrible
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I'm afraid that the more clear-headed I get the more I'm going to see what a horrific mistake I've made.
No you haven't made a mistake. You did the right thing.
I can understand your anger though, I was furious with myself for weeks after I had let my cat go and kept on thinking "What if he HAD pulled through? What have I done??"
It was only after a while that I realised it would have been cruel to hold onto him in the vague hope he'd somehow miraculously recover (which was not going to happen).
He was severely diabetic, confused, kept falling over and didn't even have the strength anymore to reach his favourite spot in the world (my bed).

That was my best mate for 14 years so yeah, it is a horrible experience. But trust me, you've done nothing wrong. Give it some time and try not to be too hard on yourself.
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Old 19-04-2013, 15:01
eluf38
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I went in to settle her bill today. It was less than I was expecting, which made me upset, I don't know why.

I'm afraid that the more clear-headed I get the more I'm going to see what a horrific mistake I've made. I think she had too much life in her, she wasn't ready to go. I should have had the courage to postpone. It was horrible getting up this morning knowing she wouldn't come to greet me and demand her breakfast.

I just wanted to say thank you everyone for your comments. I appreciated them all. You've been very kind. I couldn't respond properly on the thread because I was in a constant panic whenever I was online, several tabs open looking for miracle cures and success stories.

I had a dog as a kid who lived to a very long age. She died when I'd left home. She was blind, incontinent and my brother came home to find her whining on the floor. A tumour on her leg had burst and she had to be rushed to the vet. They left it way too long, because they loved her. I wouldn't have wanted that for Ems and I think that may have been on my mind a bit.

So I get that you can leave it too long, but really I think Ems may have had months ahead of her - IF I'd pursued steroids, painkillers and fluid syringing. I can't even ring the vet, because at this stage she'll just try to make me feel better. I don't know what to do with myself
Hi Jerrica,

I'll add to what everybody else is saying - you mustn't blame yourself or dwell on the 'what ifs'. Emily could have had a few more weeks or even months, but would she have coped well with the weekly trips to the visits, the frequent injections, fluid draining, struggling to swallow pain killers etc?

I didn't want to mention 'leaving it too long' as it seemed insensitive, but I know a few people who couldn't bear to consider euthenasia until they knew their pet was beyond all and any hope. My auntie's little yorkshire terrier deteriorated in the middle of the night and she said that the pain he went through was traumatic to witness, and she hated herself for not having put him to sleep when the vet recommended it. You might be filled with regret, but one regret you will never have is that your cat suffered any more pain than she had to.

When I had Boots put to sleep, she showed some discomfort when she was given the injection, and gently pawed my face and I was tortured with the idea that she was saying 'help me' . It hurt so much to think that. BUT Boots didn't know what was happening to her, beyond something sharp was digging into her skin. All the other times she'd been to the vets, it has resulted in her becoming healthier, and she had no way to know that this time would be different. I was projecting my own fears onto her, and you must do what I did and try to think rationally. All Emily knew in her life was love and security, and aside from being wary of a stranger (the vet) invading 'her' space and annoyed at being scratched by a needle, she wouldn't have experienced any fear or distress.
The fact that she passed so quickly shows that she wasn't well. When Boots died, I was worried that she was stronger than we thought she was (she seemed so perky), but like Emily, she was gone in seconds. The vet explained that although her movement and digestion were good, her other internal organs were weak. She was ready to go.

What you've done took tremendous courage. It's a strong person who can inflict pain on themselves in order to spare another. You will have to live with the uncertainty of 'could she have lived longer?'; but you let her go because you knew deep down that it was best for her.

Don't be hard on yourself. Give yourself time to grieve and take comfort in the fact that you have lots of wonderful memories.
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Old 19-04-2013, 15:29
bazaar1
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Jerrica, I'm so sorry that you feel so bad, its not a nice feeling at the best of times, but please don't doubt yourself, you only have to read your posts on here to see you made the right decision.

When my first cat died I was in a right state, I'd had him since a kitten and we'd grown up together - Mum wanted a new cat, but i couldn't consider it at all. So instead she arranged for me to go into the RSPCA shelter, not to look for a new cat, but to have cat company, it really helped. As you say - you need your best friend and at the moment you can't have her. I just sat there with one of the cats and talk to him as if he was my boy. Had a cry and a cuddle and it really did help me move on. Its silly, but it did. We did get another cat but not for a while, but wherever that RSPCA cat went I am grateful to him!
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Old 19-04-2013, 22:39
moomsie
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Just to add to what everyone else has said, the worst time of being a pet owner who loves and adores their pet is that horrible time when you know you have to make the hardest decision you will probably have to make in your life (and in my case more than once). There`s always that little thought that maybe we should have waited a few more days. It`s because we make that decision that we suffer all these doubts afterwards, when really it is the most loving thing you can do for your pet who can`t tell you how much they are really in pain and discomfort.

You would have hated seeing your darling cat going through all that treatment and she would have hated it more. And after going through the trauma at the vets you would have still probably only added a few days to her life, and worse still would have wished you had not put her through all that treatment because she would not have understood why she was being put through all this when she was already feeling unwell . I hope each day becomes a bit easier for you ...
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Old 20-04-2013, 00:37
Ms Steak
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Hi Jerrica. I have just been reading about your lovely cat Ems.

I am sorry you are finding it so hard to deal with your decision. I hope you will come to know you did the right thing.

I was in a similar situation to you two years ago. My lovely old dog was ill, but I put off having her PTS. I kept thinking she had more life to lead. Sadly, I think I kept her alive to long. Saying goodbye to her was all done in such a rush. At least you had those last few days making Ems life special. You have been so brave, and given her the best death she could possibly have. I hope that brings you some comfort xxx
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Old 23-04-2013, 13:34
Jerrica09
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Thank you everyone. You've all been so kind, and wise and sympathetic, I really appreciate it. And though I've been all over the place I have found all your comments very helpful and comforting

I am more at peace with the decision a few days on, or at least I know it's futile to keep picking it all apart because there's nothing I can do to bring her back. I really really miss her, and I'm still getting teary everyday, but I'm getting on with things now.

I'm putting together a photobook that we can keep with her ashes when they come back, and as I'm missing feline company so badly I'm applying to become a cat fosterer. Apparently foster families are badly needed in my area, especially for spring and summer. My only concern is that I suspect I am going to fall head over heels for the first cat they place with me!
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Old 23-04-2013, 13:51
Shrike
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Glad you're bearing up, Jerrica.
Fostering sounds a lovely idea - I guess its where someone can't look after their cat for a few months (eg going into hospital)?
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Old 23-04-2013, 13:57
Yeah_Jackie
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Thank you everyone. You've all been so kind, and wise and sympathetic, I really appreciate it. And though I've been all over the place I have found all your comments very helpful and comforting

I am more at peace with the decision a few days on, or at least I know it's futile to keep picking it all apart because there's nothing I can do to bring her back. I really really miss her, and I'm still getting teary everyday, but I'm getting on with things now.

I'm putting together a photobook that we can keep with her ashes when they come back, and as I'm missing feline company so badly I'm applying to become a cat fosterer. Apparently foster families are badly needed in my area, especially for spring and summer. My only concern is that I suspect I am going to fall head over heels for the first cat they place with me!
Then you need to give them up again? Oh my! You are looking for more heartache here! I just couldn't do that. The minute they come through the door they are all mine, or rather, I am all theirs!
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Old 23-04-2013, 14:17
Jerrica09
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Glad you're bearing up, Jerrica.
Fostering sounds a lovely idea - I guess its where someone can't look after their cat for a few months (eg going into hospital)?
Apparently at the moment they have a lot of pregnant strays and litters coming in. I think all the cats they take in (Cat's Protection) are to be rehomed, but they don't have kennels. The cats stay with fosterers until they have a new family.

Then you need to give them up again? Oh my! You are looking for more heartache here! I just couldn't do that. The minute they come through the door they are all mine, or rather, I am all theirs!
I'm hoping I'll have it in me to be a good fosterer and not insist on keeping the first cat I get, but we'll see! At the moment I can't face the idea of having another pet for its lifetime, though I'm sure I'll get there soon enough!
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Old 23-04-2013, 14:27
Yeah_Jackie
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Apparently at the moment they have a lot of pregnant strays and litters coming in. I think all the cats they take in (Cat's Protection) are to be rehomed, but they don't have kennels. The cats stay with fosterers until they have a new family.



I'm hoping I'll have it in me to be a good fosterer and not insist on keeping the first cat I get, but we'll see! At the moment I can't face the idea of having another pet for its lifetime, though I'm sure I'll get there soon enough!
I might run a book on how long it is until you keep one or indeed how many you keep
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Old 23-04-2013, 14:28
Jerrica09
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I might run a book on how long it is until you keep one or indeed how many you keep
Haha well I'll keep you updated
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Old 23-04-2013, 15:00
dollymarie
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I'd love to be a cat fosterer if I had a bigger home.

Sounds like a positive move Jerrica
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Old 23-04-2013, 15:25
JJ75
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Thank you everyone. You've all been so kind, and wise and sympathetic, I really appreciate it. And though I've been all over the place I have found all your comments very helpful and comforting

I am more at peace with the decision a few days on, or at least I know it's futile to keep picking it all apart because there's nothing I can do to bring her back. I really really miss her, and I'm still getting teary everyday, but I'm getting on with things now.

I'm putting together a photobook that we can keep with her ashes when they come back, and as I'm missing feline company so badly I'm applying to become a cat fosterer. Apparently foster families are badly needed in my area, especially for spring and summer. My only concern is that I suspect I am going to fall head over heels for the first cat they place with me!
Well done you Just think off all the kitties you can help get back on their paws. Such a worthwile and rewarding job - I think you will be great
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Old 23-04-2013, 15:51
avasgranny
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Wow that is a really wonderful thing to do. I sure as hell couldn't, they would all be mine. Eh what do you mean they were only given to me for fostering?
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