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Old 09-05-2013, 07:23
Pandora 9
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I think that midwives who have actually given birth are more sympathetic than the ones who haven't. I happened to encounter some old biddy who when I complained about the pain said I was making a fuss. I then asked her if she had children and she replied no, so I then said "Well how on earth would you know what pain I am experiencing?"
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Old 09-05-2013, 09:45
wishfulthinking
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To be honest, after seeing a family member bury a 6 day old child I worry about even asking people if they have kids, I know it's a rare occurrence what happened to them but you wonder how they'd react to the question "Do you have children? "
My condolences, truly an awful thing.

We lost my brother in his late twenties a few years back and even now my mum struggles with what to say when asked that question.
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Old 09-05-2013, 11:42
paperplanes_
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I don't want any kids and my friends seem to think I'm immature because of it. We are all about 20-21.
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Old 09-05-2013, 12:33
Tt88
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I don't want any kids and my friends seem to think I'm immature because of it. We are all about 20-21.
I get that. We are both 24 so probably the right age for children but we dont want any.

We are more focused on working, spending time with each other, doing things we both like etc and dont want the baggage of a child with us.

It does sound nasty but we both feel that we are too young to be raising a family as it does change your life.

Apparently that makes us immature that we still want to experience life without kids, and also makes us selfish that we dont want to create a life to bring up together!
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Old 09-05-2013, 12:36
kevraff
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This business of "If you're not a parent, you can't understand" really gets on my nerves.

I can't have children - but that doesn't make me some sort of emotional cripple. It's really galled me when I've had the above pathetic-ism thrown at me by shallow ignorant individuals who couldn't possibly be qualified to comment on what I do or don't understand.

I've never won the lottery - but telling me that I don't know what it feels like to be a millionaire would be a bit ridiculous.
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Old 09-05-2013, 13:17
malpasc
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I don't want any kids and my friends seem to think I'm immature because of it. We are all about 20-21.
Oh believe me I've heard similar. I told my mother at the age of about 20 I wasn't ever going to father children and she said "You might change when you're older" . I am now almost 35 and I haven't changed my mind yet..

Some feelings can and do change when you're older but a lot of them don't. Just stick to your guns if that's truly how you feel.
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Old 09-05-2013, 13:33
Phil 2804
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The planet can't support the population as it stands, and our country is massively crowded with a lack of basic infrastructure like housing.

I don't want children, I don't want them to have to live in the kind of world that's being created in the west now, a greedy spiteful world where people are looked at as "resources" to be exploited and utilised then thrown on a scrap heap when they are past usefulness.

Say that to them and it usually shuts them up.
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Old 09-05-2013, 13:37
kevraff
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I think that midwives who have actually given birth are more sympathetic than the ones who haven't. I happened to encounter some old biddy who when I complained about the pain said I was making a fuss. I then asked her if she had children and she replied no, so I then said "Well how on earth would you know what pain I am experiencing?"
Well, don't you think the question was a bit rude and patronising? (Edit: I DO think it was, by the way).
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Old 09-05-2013, 13:44
Pretzel
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I think that midwives who have actually given birth are more sympathetic than the ones who haven't. I happened to encounter some old biddy who when I complained about the pain said I was making a fuss. I then asked her if she had children and she replied no, so I then said "Well how on earth would you know what pain I am experiencing?"
If that is true for everyone in that field of work then male midwives and indeed male obstetricians way as well go home as well as they would have no idea about that aspect of their jobs either.

Pain notoriously difficult to measure and gauge anyway, because even if you use a number scale one persons mild 2 is anthers unbearable 10.
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Old 09-05-2013, 14:05
UKMikey
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I wasn't given the choice in being born, so on that basis alone I don't feel the need to breed, just so my dad has grandchildren. Luckily, he's not too bothered about it.
If my dad was bothered he never complained to me about it. Probably just as well since it's not likely ever to happen.
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Old 09-05-2013, 14:13
jwball
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Not everyone wants that though. I certainly don't. The thought of another person being that needy and me having to pander to those needs fills me with horror.

.
All the people I know who don't want children and are able to have them are pretty selfish (which they openly admit). It sounds like you are similar.
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Old 09-05-2013, 14:23
DianaFire
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All the people I know who don't want children and are able to have them are pretty selfish (which they openly admit). It sounds like you are similar.
You couldn't put a Rizla between people wanting children and therefore having them, and people not wanting children and therefore not having them, for selfishness.
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Old 09-05-2013, 14:25
Pretzel
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All the people I know who don't want children and are able to have them are pretty selfish (which they openly admit). It sounds like you are similar.
I'd say that choosing to not have a child when you know that you would not make a great parent for whatever reason is the opposite of being selfish.

There are some parents I know who could have and maybe should have made that choice but instead got swept up in societies expectations of them to reproduce.
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Old 09-05-2013, 14:27
kevraff
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All the people I know who don't want children and are able to have them are pretty selfish (which they openly admit). It sounds like you are similar.
Totally ridiculous statement.

Wanting children = unselfish

Not wanting children = selfish.

If you're trying to get what you want, then, by definitition, you're being selfish.
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Old 09-05-2013, 14:33
UKMikey
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You couldn't put a Rizla between people wanting children and therefore having them, and people not wanting children and therefore not having them, for selfishness.
Does that mean neither of them are exceptionally selfish?

It sounds like trying to force people who don't want to have children to have children sounds a little selfish.
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Old 09-05-2013, 14:41
DianaFire
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Does that mean neither of them are exceptionally selfish?

It sounds like trying to force people who don't want to have children to have children sounds a little selfish.
Aiming for the life you want isn't selfish at all, in itself. Aiming to guilt-trip people into becoming parents is behaviour I'd associate with those who are either high on their own sense of moral superiority, or keen to spread a religion organically.
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Old 09-05-2013, 14:42
UKMikey
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Aiming for the life you want isn't selfish at all, in itself. Aiming to guilt-trip people into becoming parents is behaviour I'd associate with those who are either high on their own sense of moral superiority, or keen to spread a religion organically.
I guess that's not selfish in itself but they'd appear to be on a hiding to nothing as you can't really change human nature.

I'm not in a relationship so having kids is kind of out of the question for me.
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Old 09-05-2013, 14:54
DianaFire
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I guess that's not selfish in itself but they'd appear to be on a hiding to nothing as you can't really change human nature.
No indeed. What's interesting about the thread, though, is the fact that the childfree live happily with the choice they've made (for those who've chosen it) while reports suggest that there are some people with children who aren't happy with what other people have chosen, when it really isn't any of their business at all.

It's quite weird feeling obliged to discuss one's uterus with strangers.

I'm not in a relationship so having kids is kind of out of the question for me.
A single friend of mine didn't intend having kids but his sister became ill and he was the best choice to be an interim guardian for his pre-teen niece. It's strange what life hands you sometimes.
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Old 09-05-2013, 15:02
elliecat
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I never wanted children, even now it's not the be all and end all. However, my partner does and as he wants to spend the rest of his life with me(he must be mad) one of us has to compromise and in fact the thought of having a rugrat isn't that bad. I refuse to turn into the typical mother though. I am still going to have my highly unsuitable car that will hardly fit a pushchair in and that is non-negotiable.
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Old 09-05-2013, 16:16
Sarah.1987
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I've always been very maternal, kids have always liked me and got on well with me, so I've known from quite a young age that I've wanted a couple of my own..And hopefully in the next couple of years my OH and I will be in a position to try. I'm so excited.

But I wouldn't call anyone selfish for not having one, if anything it's being more mature not having one if you don't think you can give it the love and support it needs.

I'd never ask anyone why they don't have kids either, i find it a bit baffling that anyone would.
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Old 09-05-2013, 17:55
luba
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We have friends who have never wanted children and have never had any.
To think of them as selfish is so silly, why should they have children just to keep others happy.
They are god parents to our two boys and are perfect in that role.
Surely it is their business and their business alone as to why they do not want any.
We have other childless friends to but would never dream in a million years of asking them why they are childless, it is so rude.
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Old 09-05-2013, 18:17
Keren-Happuch
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I think that midwives who have actually given birth are more sympathetic than the ones who haven't. I happened to encounter some old biddy who when I complained about the pain said I was making a fuss. I then asked her if she had children and she replied no, so I then said "Well how on earth would you know what pain I am experiencing?"
I'm sorry that happened to you but I don't think that's true across the board. I know a midwife who has given birth 6 times. You'd think that would make her empathetic but she isn't. At all.

We are both 24 so probably the right age for children
Really?! Any age under 30 is young in my book to have a baby.

I'm undecided on whether I want children or not but I'm in the not wanting them camp at the moment. I remember announcing to my family when I was about 8 that I was never going to have children and my poor grandmother reacted with horror but I stood my ground and was insistent. I've wavered over the years, I went through a phase between 15-19 where I was very broody but I think that was just hormones talking. I see newborn babies a lot now and I thought that would make me broody. It hasn't in the slightest. It's surprised me as they're cute and everything but I still go home being glad that I don't have to look after one. I'm sure people will think I'm very odd as I absolutely love children, I get on really well with them and they seem to like me. That still doesn't mean that I want to be responsible for one for 20 years. But I'm still fairly young so I may well change my mind as I get older.

The reason I'm leaning towards not having them is because of certain things I want to do in my life where having a child will be impossible or extremely difficult. I've always thought that if I did have children, adoption would be something I would seriously consider over having my own (although having seen now what the adoption process involves I don't think I will be doing it). I don't feel any great urge to pass on my DNA. Having said that, I have thought about donating my eggs for a long time. Not because I necessarily want to have a biological descendant but I've known people who've had children through egg donors and how happy and grateful they are. I've already signed up to give away all my other body parts so I figure as they're just sitting in me going to waste they might as well go to somebody who would love to use them. I'm not sure how I feel about a potential gang of children turning up on my doorstep once they're 18 so I won't do it until I'm 100 per cent comfortable with that.

I don't really care if people think I'm selfish or not. The common reasons people cite for wanting children eg. because they have a biological urge, because they want to pass on their genes, because they want people around when they're old etc. Well they're all selfish reasons. As for who will look after me when I'm old...well that's what my nieces and their potential offspring are for. A lot of people seem to have children without even thinking about it because it's just what you do. Maybe I'm over thinking it but I'd rather regret not having children than have children and resent them.
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Old 09-05-2013, 19:04
jra
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All the people I know who don't want children and are able to have them are pretty selfish (which they openly admit). It sounds like you are similar.
Frankly, that is a ridiculous statement to make, particularly in the case of women, since they are the ones going through pregnancy and giving birth.
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Old 09-05-2013, 19:41
Maxatoria
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People who don't have kids are selfish?

we don't put extra strain on the NHS,schools, nurseries, take extra taxes in credits/child benefits so in theory we probably are a better target for the government as when we die we'll have no family to leave our stuff to so the state will get our houses etc to sell on so its profit...profit..profit as far as the government are concerned

But really if people want/dont want kids its up to them and anyone who thinks its wrong to either have or not have kids in a relationship is sticking their nose in where it don't belong
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Old 10-05-2013, 00:07
Morgan66
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But its true you dont understand until you have children. Before i had mine i didn't understand why people said this but they are right.
Understand what exactly?
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