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Liz Jones - YOU magazine (Part 4)


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Old 26-05-2013, 12:32
Mrs BBV
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It's India Knight

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/londo...s-8009560.html

Apparently they used to be good friends at one time!
Thank you.....I imagine most of Liz's 'friendships' end up like this.
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Old 26-05-2013, 12:34
GloriaMundi
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I think they both deserve each other!
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Old 26-05-2013, 12:38
Mrs BBV
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I think they both deserve each other!
No doubt their respective egos are competing for supremacy on 'Fleet Street'.
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Old 26-05-2013, 17:21
Fatsia
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Or more accurately, a bitch fight between a female journalist and Liz Jones
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Old 26-05-2013, 18:06
Mrs BBV
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Or more accurately, a bitch fight between a female journalist and Liz Jones
Love it!
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Old 27-05-2013, 11:32
CollieComber
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Thank you.....I imagine most of Liz's 'friendships' end up like this.
Yup, all Jonesey did was imply that India's husband was gay. Some people can be soooo over-sensitive! I imagine the reson Jonesey didn't pursue the matter is because she'd be made mincemeat of in court...
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Old 27-05-2013, 11:52
newbaby
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Yup, all Jonesey did was imply that India's husband was gay. Some people can be soooo over-sensitive! I imagine the reson Jonesey didn't pursue the matter is because she'd be made mincemeat of in court...
Wasn't there something about LJ being "betrayed" - husband to be of IK was (my memory a bit LJ-lite on the detail) a so-called protege of LJ's and also a great friend, plus she mentored the chap's bride to be and they all continued to be friends (?) after the wedding. And something happened (based on perceived ingratitude?). And there was an article by one about the other. The other responded And fur flew.

Or something.

Too lovely a day to waste time pondering what I now think is the overcooked Spaghetti Junction of LJ's thought processes.
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Old 27-05-2013, 12:50
Flanno
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Hey folks, imagine Liz Jones coming to haunt you in your dreams...

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hjxKPIeE-R...07745302_6.gif

It's from ITV's The Woman In Black (1989). Doesn't she look like our Liz apart from the hair colour (its resemblance is quite uncanny & creepy)?

Regarding the Knight/Jones feud, read this:

http://sweetvermouth.blogspot.ie/201...s-v-india.html

Good heavens, Julie Burchill defending La Jones?!! Jones may be a bad 'self-made' journalist but Burchill's much far worse...a completely vile 'journalist', in my view she's a professional sh*t-stirrer in that field.
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Old 28-05-2013, 21:11
lea_uk
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Someone has tweeted asking for question to ask Liz, but she said no insults. Can't help her then.
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Old 30-05-2013, 00:04
Amused Harpy
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Liz Jones musing to self: "Oh, no! I've just received an e-mail from Mr. Dacre, telling me to make my Diary more interesting or I'll be out on my ear. Well, he didn't actually say ear - it was an anagram of ears. I don't relish this assignment he's given me but I'll have to do it or lose my job".

The following week's Diary entry: In which I meet Samantha Brick.

Having packed my Louis Vuitton suitcase and Michael Kors totebag, I set off for the airport.

On landing I hailed a taxi (as I don't have a car at the moment) and eventually arrived at Samantha Brick's house in France.

She didn't seem too pleased to see me. Some people are so self-deluded. It's obvious I'm better-looking than she is. Perhaps that was why she scowled at me.

Pascal sat in an armchair in the corner of the living room and positively leered at me. Samantha Brick offered me a coffee to which I replied: "Only if it's an Illey coffee". As she didn't have my favourite brand, I asked for a San Pellegrino mineral water instead. I'm sure she gave me tap water because it tasted foul.

When she went back into the kitchen to prepare a salad for me, Pascal sidled up to me. His breath could strip paint and I wondered when last he had changed his clothes and underwear as his body odour was overpowering.

"I 'ear you wrote about zees eemaginary Rock Star boyfriend. I seenk what you need is a REAL man" he whispered and then pinched my bottom, adding: "You need to 'ave more weight on your derriere. I seenk you should eat some of zee wild boar zat I shot".

I was horrified and shouted: "You horrible disgusting savage. I did NOT invent the Rock Star and you need a good wash. At this point I turned round and kicked him on the shin.

Samantha Brick heard his swearing and yelling and ran into the room to see what the commotion was about.

"No woman 'as everrr done zat to me - she keeck my sheen and eensult me".

"He made a pass at me and pinched my bottom", I replied angrily.

La Brick shouted: "How dare you! My Pascal would never look at another woman, let alone you! Get out of our house and don't ever come back".

I couldn't leave quickly enough. Pascal grabbed his hunting rifle and discharged it into the air. Samantha Brick pelted my Louis Vuitton suitcase with unwashed potatoes, leaving some soil sticking to it.

Once out of range, I sat down on a grassy hillock and sobbed and wailed.

At that point a red Lamborghini stopped and out stepped this handsome man.

"Leez Jones! You are zee famous Leez Jones"! he exclaimed. I too am a journalist 'ere and I am quite famous".

I explained my predicament and he drove me to the airport. We exchanged e-mail addresses and phone numbers and he promised to meet me in London when next he was there.
Things are looking up!

Next week's Dreary entry: In which I have lunch at the Savoy.
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Old 30-05-2013, 08:18
Seabird
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[quote=Amused Harpy;66143855]

When she went back into the kitchen to prepare a salad for me, Pascal sidled up to me. His breath could strip paint and I wondered when last he had changed his clothes and underwear as his body odour was overpowering.

"I 'ear you wrote about zees eemaginary Rock Star boyfriend. I seenk what you need is a REAL man" he whispered and then pinched my bottom, adding: "You need to 'ave more weight on your derriere. I seenk you should eat some of zee wild boar zat I shot".

Very good Amused Harpy, I think there is scope for a Z-lebrity Wife Swap with Brick and her Galic 'Love God' and LJ and her Imaginary Rock Star
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Old 30-05-2013, 16:53
coldcomfort
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Excellent post AH! Well funny!
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Old 02-06-2013, 15:09
CollieComber
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Not long now! The next episode in what Jonesey laughably calls her 'life' is out on 4th July. We can confidently expect loosely edited and bound 'You' mag columns from the last ten years recycled into a pot boiler of Bernard Matthewsian proportions. Yet to be released, it's already 30% off on Amazon and is endorsed on the cover by none other than Tracey Emin! I can hardly wait. Zzzzzzzzzz
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Old 03-06-2013, 15:13
coldcomfort
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I snorted with laughter at your comments, CollieComber. I would actually read Lizard's ramblings just for the 'fun' element but certainly wouldn't want to pay anything to do that. I'll wait until Age Concern start giving them away.
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Old 03-06-2013, 16:58
Missy Marsh
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For some reason I thought I'd have a read of the latest diary entry. Same claptrap, different day.
As always she plays the blameless victim, bangs on about how she tried to buy her sister with a cottage and then moans that her friends don't want to spend time with her. I'm shocked she has any.
She moans on about how she preferred being alone and the next minute moans that nobody wants her around- make your mind up woman!!
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Old 03-06-2013, 17:46
Mrs BBV
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Not long now! The next episode in what Jonesey laughably calls her 'life' is out on 4th July. We can confidently expect loosely edited and bound 'You' mag columns from the last ten years recycled into a pot boiler of Bernard Matthewsian proportions. Yet to be released, it's already 30% off on Amazon and is endorsed on the cover by none other than Tracey Emin! I can hardly wait. Zzzzzzzzzz
One of her earlier books written about ten years ago about the cats was adorable.

As time has marched on and she has been wed, divorced, tattooed and become increasingly bitter I don't think this new one will have the same charm.

As you say a rehash of columns various and maybe some tantalising about the non-existsant rock star.

Today's offering in Femail seems to be endorsing £4500 Versace leather jackets as long as they are not black......strange move for a vegan but there you go and sticking the knife into the independent high end store, Feathers because she never read the returns policy properly and because her J Brands cost £10 more than her Balmain jeans.

All of course immaterial when you constantly drone on about your 10k overdraft plus credit card debt. She must have a Fail Credit Card and all these purchases are chalked up as research expenses.
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Old 03-06-2013, 22:03
cathrin
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She really doesn't ever stop sniping at her sisters, does she? Each time she has a go at them, she identifies them more clearly. All three of them are now being referred to in the column specifically by their names (just in case anyone was in the slightest doubt as to who the recipient of the constantly-mentioned cottage was).

The cover of her new book seems a horribly apt summary of the way she seems to view her family. The picture shows an old family photo, with everyone else but Liz shown in grainy faded black and white, and Liz in colour with a big red circle around her picture. Talk about summing up her attitude in a nutshell! She might as well call the book "ME ME ME!" Everyone else is just a bit-part player to be criticised and belittled and humiliated in print while we talk about ME ME ME!"

ETA How come the FRS's personality seems to change from week to week, along with his physical appearance? And did anyone else flinch at the description of her driving home in the car with the non-working headlights?
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Old 04-06-2013, 08:09
jeff_vader
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Jones and pillowface Madge are a match made in heaven. But at least one of them has genuine talent
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Old 04-06-2013, 08:26
muddipaws
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Jones and pillowface Madge are a match made in heaven. But at least one of them has genuine talent
How true, but Madge has ruined her face sad really. I never thought she would do it given her strict diet and fitness regime
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Old 09-06-2013, 11:15
Amused Harpy
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Glad you liked my spoof, Seabird and coldcomfort.

Last week and this week she has reintroduced the imaginary Rock Star into her Diary. I suspect she thought at first it was time to write him out and then realised that without the ficticious 'love interest' angle, she had nothing much to say.
Today's entry sounded like something from a teenage magazine.

If she continues to bore readers with this nonsense, it won't surprise me if Dacre really does send her on an assignment to interview Samantha Brick.
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Old 09-06-2013, 11:28
scone
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Just reading the old boot's column this week on about ringing 999 asking them to look for her cat

I dialled 999 again, this time asking for the police. I was put through to my local Hackney branch. ‘Can you call your colleague up in the helicopter and ask them to look for my missing cat, Susie?’ I asked the man on the end of the phone.
‘We are far too busy looking for murderers to help you find your cat,’ he said, heartlessly. I then told him I pay his wages, which is never a good idea.


I own cats and yes my cats have gone missing but I would never dream of calling 999 and pointing out that I pay their wages

A good idea mooted last week was for visitors to be able to register with a local GP, so that if they do suddenly impale themselves on a railing, they can go there instead.
But have you ever tried to get past one of those female battleaxes who, in the brief interlude when they are not drinking tea or eating a cupcake, pick up the phone at your local ‘health centre’? They think the doctor belongs to them.
‘Can you come in at 3pm next Thursday?’ they say. ‘What do you think I am, a housewife?’ is my inevitable response.


If you're ill, you are off bloody work, it is not a slur on you, you stupid old boot.

Anyway i would have thought most of her work was done from home,

Ooh and apparently she wishes she was dead
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Old 09-06-2013, 17:19
cathrin
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Today's Diary in a nutshell: "In Which I Recycle Some Old Incidents From My Marriage, Substituting The FRS For My Ex-Husband, But Somehow I Can't Resist Referring To The Original Incidents That Actually Happened With My Ex-Husband, Resulting In A Diary That Consists Of Brief Snippets Of Arguments With The FRS, Punctuated By "This Was Like The Time I Had This Same Conversation With My Ex Husband." Now that takes money for old rope to a new level!

Today's MoS Column in a nutshell: "In Which I Recycle Some Old Rants From Past MoS Columns, Slightly Changing Some Of The Details While Managing To Be Offensive And Rude To As Many People And In As Many New Ways As Possible." Good to see the GP's surgery/jabs anecdote getting a well-deserved retelling. We can't hear that one often enough! No doubt her fans will respond by enthusing about how witty and self-deprecating she is...and of course, she loves animals, which proves her heart's in the right place eh?
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Old 09-06-2013, 20:24
Seabird
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Cathrin has summed up this Sunday's output perfectly as usual. Fancy asking Anne Widdicombe about SATC!!! The Diary was the most cringeworthy one yet and the 999 article pure click-bait. I note that Liz's dwindling loyal supporters are adding an extra mantra to their attack on those that don't share the Liz-love. "It doesn't matter if it's not true!!!!!!!!". Er, yes it does, if she's writing fiction then a disclaimer should appear above or below the Diary, she is claiming it is her real life. She is now declaring she doesn't want to live but doesn't want to get help. What a despicable and dangerous route she is venturing if this is to be her next attention seeking theme.
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Old 09-06-2013, 22:07
NII 88
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When you read Liz Jones column through this filter, you realise that she is real flava fo' shue'.

http://www.gizoogle.net/index.php?se...le+Dis+Shiznit #
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Old 09-06-2013, 23:15
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The article shocked me and what's with her outfit
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