Just told my sister about my same-sex relationship and she's not exactly accepting

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• Smokeychan1 Posts: 12,191

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  13/07/11 - 23:11 #2

  At 19 we are still at an age where we say things for effect, without really considering how they affect others. As long as your sister is still treating you the same and hasn't actually got her head down the toilet, I wouldn't take what she said too much to heart.

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• c4rv Posts: 29,613

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  14/07/11 - 00:11 #3

  i'd wait for it to sink it, what she said just sounds like a snap lashing out

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• ChristmasCake Posts: 26,078

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  14/07/11 - 00:33 #4

  c4rv wrote: »

  i'd wait for it to sink it, what she said just sounds like a snap lashing out

  
  I agree with this.
  
  Don't forget, sometimes it can take us ourselves, time to come to terms with our sexuality, so we have to afford the same time to the people we care about.

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• curlywurly Posts: 950

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  14/07/11 - 06:52 #5

  she will come to terms with it, its just a matter of time before she realises that you are still the same person that she has grown up with, it doesnt change her relationship with you,and in some respects she will probably feel more protective of you. just give her a bit of time and space to realise this.

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• jackol Posts: 7,887

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  14/07/11 - 07:40 #6

  If she still loves you why worry? The world isnt like ds at all. Lots of people disapprove of same sex relationships

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 255

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  14/07/11 - 09:07 #7

  I had the same issue when i told my family.
  
  Dad accepted it, Mum shed a tear (assuming id never get married and have kids i suppose)
  Youngest Brother didn't really say much at all, but my other brother (2years younger than me) came out with all the names under the sun he could think of.
  
  Seemed like months before he would even mention my partners name.
  
  I think the reaction of my brother was more down to what other people would think about me - or him for that matter.
  
  His words were "i don't need people telling me my sister is gay"
  
  Now 3years on, and he's fine with it, so are all my family. It takes time for them to accept it because it's "weird".
  
  I just stuck to my guns, and let them think what they wanted, i was happy, and they were (finally) happy for me too.
  
  Good luck, and i'm sure they will come around

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 18

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  14/07/11 - 12:36 #8

  Now see, I had a completly unexpected reaction when I came out. My ma and pa were initially very accepting about it - couldn't fault them at all. But as time has progressed, i've found my mum slipping in more and more homophobic comments etc into conversations with me/about me!
  What's that all about!
  
  However, OP, I would say your sister just needs some time to adjust. I'm sure everything will be ok.

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• emby Posts: 7,837

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  14/07/11 - 12:55 #9

  jackol wrote: »

  If she still loves you why worry? The world isnt like ds at all. Lots of people disapprove of same sex relationships

  
  Having someone spout that you make them feel sick purely because of the person you love could be a little stressful, I'm sure.

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 13,497

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  14/07/11 - 13:14 #10

  You say your both 19, are you twins? My ex's twin was gay, and he once confided in me that when he first found out, he thought if it was in his twin, that it must be somewhere in him as they were both brought up the same. Obviously he had come to terms with it by then and accepted that its just they way they were, they were 'born that way' (to quote gaga!).
  
  I agree though, it will just take time. Once she accepts its not a fad or you haven't said it to seek attention (siblings are always competative in some way). She will come to terms with it and be happy that your happy.

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• Punkchick Posts: 2,369

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  14/07/11 - 13:18 #11

  If it is anything like my own family, I am sure she will be fine once it has sunk in properly. My sister told us she was gay about 18 years ago now. Most of the family, myself included were fine about it, my parents were a little shocked (more I think because she had been married and had children so didn't see it coming) but once the shock wore off they again were fine. My other sister had a bit of a problem at first and said some spiteful things at the time (but I think that sister is spiteful anyway), but now no one thinks anything of it.
  I am sure you sister will come around in time. It was probably a bit of a shock and being quite young, lashed out without thinking.

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 3,234

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  14/07/11 - 14:17 #12

  whatever she really felt and thought, it was a cruel thing to say. And a self-centred thing. What kind of family is it if someone can't be kind? I had family being critical towards me some time ago - I said they were failing to act like family members, and if they weren't prepared to talk supportively when I shared news with them, I wouldn't confide in them at all. I wouldn't let family members think they can ride roughshod over you with whatever they say. This sister needs to learn to be polite.

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• wildmovieguy Posts: 8,342

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  14/07/11 - 14:40 #13

  thestrayed wrote: »

  Now see, I had a completly unexpected reaction when I came out. My ma and pa were initially very accepting about it - couldn't fault them at all. But as time has progressed, i've found my mum slipping in more and more homophobic comments etc into conversations with me/about me!
  What's that all about!
  
  However, OP, I would say your sister just needs some time to adjust. I'm sure everything will be ok.

  
  What kind of things was she saying?

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 14,284

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  14/07/11 - 16:28 #14

  Dolls wrote: »

  whatever she really felt and thought, it was a cruel thing to say. And a self-centred thing. What kind of family is it if someone can't be kind? I had family being critical towards me some time ago - I said they were failing to act like family members, and if they weren't prepared to talk supportively when I shared news with them, I wouldn't confide in them at all. I wouldn't let family members think they can ride roughshod over you with whatever they say. This sister needs to learn to be polite.

  
  The OP's sister was off, I'll give you that. However, it can be hard to deal with this sort of thing. My sister has been in a long-term relationship with a woman and I am fine with it, but my initial reaction shocked me. Here I thought that I was this liberal-minded person and I felt betrayed that my sister was gay. I never said anything to her about it and never would, but we grew up in the same house, liked the same kind of boys, drooled over the same guys in boybands and never kept secrets from each other.
  
  Hopefully, the OP's sister will come around once she's dealt with her own issues. They are both just 19.

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 1,799

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  14/07/11 - 16:37 #15

  My family just ignore the fact that I have a girlfriend. My sister doesn't care nor even want to know her which is a sad situation. This is also the same for my parents sadly. I know it is hard where you are now, but if they lash out at least they care
  
  Just like it's taken us time to come out to ourselves, we must also give this time to others.

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 977

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  14/07/11 - 18:10 #16

  whydoiwatch wrote: »

  The OP's sister was off, I'll give you that. However, it can be hard to deal with this sort of thing. My sister has been in a long-term relationship with a woman and I am fine with it, but my initial reaction shocked me. Here I thought that I was this liberal-minded person and I felt betrayed that my sister was gay. I never said anything to her about it and never would, but we grew up in the same house, liked the same kind of boys, drooled over the same guys in boybands and never kept secrets from each other.
  
  Hopefully, the OP's sister will come around once she's dealt with her own issues. They are both just 19.

  
  It's really interesting to see it from her perspective, so thank you!
  
  I guess the general consensus is just to wait it out, which I'll do. Thanks everyone for your advice, well done to those of you have made it out the other side of this situation and good luck to others who are in it.

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• Glowbot Posts: 14,847

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  14/07/11 - 18:26 #17

  It's probably more a reaction to the fact she must think you lied to her, or that she never knew growing up.
  Sometimes people say things they don't mean when they don't understand their own feelings!

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 18

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  15/07/11 - 12:50 #18

  wildmovieguy wrote: »

  What kind of things was she saying?

  
  It ranges between weird and down right offensive - from hinting that me and my best male friend would make a good couple, that she has had various dreams in which she has seen me married to a man to a massive argument we once had over whether it is 'ok' for same sex couples to have children.
  
  I think initially she thought it was a phase, but 6 years on from when I told them, I'm STILL gay:D

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 282

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  15/07/11 - 17:51 #19

  SheepSheepBa wrote: »

  Well, her exact words were 'that makes me sick. It's not natural. Find yourself a man; you're meant to be attracted to the opposite sex. I'm sorry, I can't support that. It makes me vomit'.
  
  It's obviously upset me. She's still acting normally with me (we're 19, I don't live at home but I'm visiting) but her reaction really hurt me. Also, she really liked my girlfriend before she knew we were dating.
  
  Will she come round? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
  
  I think I'm just looking for support and reassurance really
  
  Thanks.

  
  So removing the fact that you've just told her and what you're describing I'd interpret as shock, why does she have to accept this? What are you after? Her approval?

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 282

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  15/07/11 - 17:56 #20

  thestrayed wrote: »

  Now see, I had a completly unexpected reaction when I came out. My ma and pa were initially very accepting about it - couldn't fault them at all. But as time has progressed, i've found my mum slipping in more and more homophobic comments etc into conversations with me/about me!
  What's that all about!
  
  However, OP, I would say your sister just needs some time to adjust. I'm sure everything will be ok.

  
  I wonder if they were in denial from the moment you told them, and when the reality dawned on them, your mother started to find difficulty in coping with it?

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 4,129

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  15/07/11 - 18:41 #21

  SheepSheepBa wrote: »

  Well, her exact words were 'that makes me sick. It's not natural. Find yourself a man; you're meant to be attracted to the opposite sex. I'm sorry, I can't support that. It makes me vomit'.

  
  Maybe show your sister that it's totally natural...
  
  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual_behavior_in_animals
  
  It's her problem not yours...probably a major shock as well...it can't be easy to rationalise that sort of thing...you are both young and she'll not have the experience to realise that it is OK.
  
  As most people get older they just accept that people are different...don't be too hard on her...

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• Popadopalous Posts: 705

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  15/07/11 - 20:24 #22

  Tell her that her opposite sex relationships make your stomach turn and that she should burn in hell for liking the male anatomy. Disown her for sleeping with men.

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 13,497

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  16/07/11 - 10:50 #23

  *cirrus* wrote: »

  So removing the fact that you've just told her and what you're describing I'd interpret as shock, why does she have to accept this? What are you after? Her approval?

  
  I think anyone would be after some kind of support and understanding from their family, especially in this circumstance. I agree though it does sound a little like shock.

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 282

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  16/07/11 - 10:58 #24

  bambii wrote: »

  I think anyone would be after some kind of support and understanding from their family, especially in this circumstance. I agree though it does sound a little like shock.

  
  You'd think, wouldn't you? However, the reality is, not everyone accepts the life choices made by their relatives.
  
  If the sister of the OP refuses to accept her situation, what should the OP reasonably be expected to do? Kowtow to her sister and live life according to the way her sister wants, or life live according to the way she wants?

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• RussellIan Posts: 12,034

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  16/07/11 - 11:00 #25

  Even if she does calm down, I don't think I could ever forget someone as close as my brother or sister saying something that vitrolic to me.

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 13,497

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  16/07/11 - 11:29 #26

  *cirrus* wrote: »

  You'd think, wouldn't you? However, the reality is, not everyone accepts the life choices made by their relatives.
  
  If the sister of the OP refuses to accept her situation, what should the OP reasonably be expected to do? Kowtow to her sister and live life according to the way her sister wants, or life live according to the way she wants?

  
  No no, I think that is why the OP wrote the post. She obviously cares about what her sister thinks of her and its important to her. That not unusual.

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