Aaaaah, feel like there's something wrong with me!

hownwbrowncowhownwbrowncow Posts: 6,188
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:D

Right this is gonna be a really odd post but here goes. I'll start with a backstory....

Basically I am a gay in the closet as many of you may know and over the past few years my confidence did fall very low, as was my enjoyment of life and number of friends. Over the last 12 months however I really feel as though I've blossomed. Others may not have noticed, but I do feel a bit more confident and satisfied (not necessarily with my own body image), and have built new friendships and rekindled old ones, also I just find school generally so much more fun, maybe cos I am higher up in the school, and I don't miss home at all hardly!

However I still feel like I have kind of weird secret thoughts, but I will try and articulate it as naturally as possible, but I do feel kind of embarrassed typing it :blush:

Basically with the start of the new year, there have been new people in the bottom year of the school (year 9), and I am now in Year 12. However one night I just suddenly became very emotionally attached to this person in my boarding house in Year 9, almost in a kind of obssessive way ( although I HAVEN'T shown this at all). Basically I just find him really cute (as does everyone else in my year to be fair :D), and I just have a constant desire to get to know him, talk to him, and see him. God how weird does this sound?! :(:D It's not in a sexual way, but there may be something like that running through it... I noticed he has his interests as Men and Women on Facebook. Of course this may just be a mistake but it naturally made me more drawn to him.

This has been in my head since last Tuesday, and I have spoken to him a couple of times totally normally, but I do have this really odd desire to get to know him, something which no one else knows about. Am I absolutely mad?! :o
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Comments

  • RandomSallyRandomSally Posts: 7,068
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    You have a crush. They are best not articulated to the person you have it for (particularly if things could be taken the wrong way) and eventually they fade.
  • RellyRelly Posts: 3,469
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    He's only 12 or 13, being in Year 9. I'd back off, personally, even though you said you're not attracted in a sexual way "but there may be something like that running through it.." to quote your OP. You'll be 16 or 17 if you're in Year 12 (but I'm sure you said elsewhere you're 16). So, whilst it might be legal for you to have sex at the moment, the other lad is far too young.

    Sorry to state the obvious - I just don't want you to let the obsession blind you to the age of the lad. Plus, it makes me a bit uncomfortable that you seem attracted to a 12/13-year-old. :(

    Edit: I'm probably totally out of order there, and I apologise if so.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 410
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    As said above its a crush :-) nothing wrong with getting to know him but also be careful because of the age gap. He is very young compared to yourself, and obviously there are issues with that, that don't need explaining. Don't let your feelings get the better of you, you don't want it to escalate.
  • hownwbrowncowhownwbrowncow Posts: 6,188
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    Relly wrote: »
    He's only 12 or 13, being in Year 9. I'd back off, personally, even though you said you're not attracted in a sexual way "but there may be something like that running through it.." to quote your OP. You'll be 16 or 17 if you're in Year 12 (but I'm sure you said elsewhere you're 16). So, whilst it might be legal for you to have sex at the moment, the other lad is far too young.

    Sorry to state the obvious - I just don't want you to let the obsession blind you to the age of the lad. Plus, it makes me a bit uncomfortable that you seem attracted to a 12/13-year-old. :(

    Edit: I'm probably totally out of order there, and I apologise if so.

    I guess it is jsut a stupid crush!

    No don't worry you're not being out of order - I see what you're saying about the age gap. He is almost 3 years younger than me - but I don't know why you're bringing sex into it :D
  • Frankie_LittleFrankie_Little Posts: 9,271
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    The best way of getting over an infatuation is to get the know the person concerned. He's probably a nice lad, but very ordinary. Once you start seeing him as just another boy at school, he'll lose his allure for you.
  • hownwbrowncowhownwbrowncow Posts: 6,188
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    Relly wrote: »
    He's only 12 or 13, being in Year 9. I'd back off, personally, even though you said you're not attracted in a sexual way "but there may be something like that running through it.." to quote your OP. You'll be 16 or 17 if you're in Year 12 (but I'm sure you said elsewhere you're 16). So, whilst it might be legal for you to have sex at the moment, the other lad is far too young.

    Sorry to state the obvious - I just don't want you to let the obsession blind you to the age of the lad. Plus, it makes me a bit uncomfortable that you seem attracted to a 12/13-year-old. :(

    Edit: I'm probably totally out of order there, and I apologise if so.

    Actually re-reading this you are being a bit out of order. How can it makes you uncomfortable that I am 'attracted' to a 13 year old, not least when I explicitly stated it's not sexual.

    And why should I back off when I've barely said a few sentences to him?
  • TakaeTakae Posts: 13,555
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    It's just an infatuation. I had a 2nd year following me around all over our school, mostly during evenings and weekends. Once in a while she'd save me a seat in the refectory or games room. I found it all terribly embarrassing because quite a few in my year took the mick out of me over her.

    You might think you haven't shown the depth of your interest, but you have to realise the others will notice. It's virtually impossible for anyone in a boarding school not to notice that sort of thing. :D

    Seriously though, there isn't anything you can do about it. You'll just have to ride it out by busying yourself with whatever is available at your school. An after-school activity if any or be more involved with your friends' activities. It'll pass.
  • RellyRelly Posts: 3,469
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    Actually re-reading this you are being a bit out of order. How can it makes you uncomfortable that I am 'attracted' to a 13 year old, not least when I explicitly stated it's not sexual.

    And why should I back off when I've barely said a few sentences to him?

    You said it yourself - that there might be a hint of the sexual running through it.

    Don't worry - you asked us if you were absolutely mad in your OP, and my opinion is that if you do start to approach him etc etc, then yes, you are, in my opinion. You don't like my opinion, and that's fine, but please don't try to deny what you've already said. If you'd left that bit out I wouldn't have brought that into it.

    I've got children myself, and if I'd found out that a 16-yr-old had a crush on one of them when they were 12/13 I wouldn't have been best pleased about it (not that I would have found out, I bet). Maybe I'm old fashioned, but that's just how I am.
  • TakaeTakae Posts: 13,555
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    Relly wrote: »
    He's only 12 or 13, being in Year 9. I'd back off, personally, even though you said you're not attracted in a sexual way "but there may be something like that running through it.." to quote your OP. You'll be 16 or 17 if you're in Year 12 (but I'm sure you said elsewhere you're 16). So, whilst it might be legal for you to have sex at the moment, the other lad is far too young.

    Sorry to state the obvious - I just don't want you to let the obsession blind you to the age of the lad. Plus, it makes me a bit uncomfortable that you seem attracted to a 12/13-year-old. :(

    Edit: I'm probably totally out of order there, and I apologise if so.

    Oh, come on. Crushes happen all the time at boarding schools, regardless of gender, age and orientation. Sex rarely enters the picture, too.
  • RellyRelly Posts: 3,469
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    Takae wrote: »
    Oh, come on. Crushes happen all the time at boarding schools, regardless of gender, age and orientation. Sex rarely enters the picture, too.

    Crushes happen all the time, anywhere, at any age. I'm very aware of that. My issue was with the sexual slant of it, and that's all. I was telling Hownow to be careful.
  • TakaeTakae Posts: 13,555
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    Relly wrote: »
    Crushes happen all the time, anywhere, at any age. I'm very aware of that. My issue was with the sexual slant of it, and that's all. I was telling Hownow to be careful.

    Fair enough.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 410
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    Takae wrote: »
    Oh, come on. Crushes happen all the time at boarding schools, regardless of gender, age and orientation. Sex rarely enters the picture, too.

    i think the issue would be if he pursues this, rather than leaving it as a simple crush. Its where it could lead, not just sexually but with other people knowing about this.
  • hownwbrowncowhownwbrowncow Posts: 6,188
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    Takae wrote: »
    It's just an infatuation. I had a 2nd year following me around all over our school, mostly during evenings and weekends. Once in a while she'd save me a seat in the refectory or games room. I found it all terribly embarrassing because quite a few in my year took the mick out of me over her.

    You might think you haven't shown the depth of your interest, but you have to realise the others will notice. It's virtually impossible for anyone in a boarding school not to notice that sort of thing. :D

    Seriously though, there isn't anything you can do about it. You'll just have to ride it out by busying yourself with whatever is available at your school. An after-school activity if any or be more involved with your friends' activities. It'll pass.
    Trust me, nobody will know :D Nonody would possibly guess , especially when I've only spoken to him a few times, even less than my peers!
    Relly wrote: »
    Crushes happen all the time, anywhere, at any age. I'm very aware of that. My issue was with the sexual slant of it, and that's all. I was telling Hownow to be careful.

    Ok, I got that wrong. There is no sexual slant. But even if there was, I don't think there would be too much wrong with that - people with the same age gap have actually seen each other at my schoool: a girl in ny year was texting and seeing a guy in Year 12 when we were in Year 9.
  • TakaeTakae Posts: 13,555
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    VM123 wrote: »
    i think the issue would be if he pursues this, rather than leaving it as a simple crush. Its where it could lead, not just sexually but with other people knowing about this.

    It's a boarding school, though. Too many watchful eyes. ^_^ There was a joke going around at my school: "Everyone found out yesterday about a secret kiss you plan to have tomorrow".
  • TakaeTakae Posts: 13,555
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    Trust me, nobody will know :D Nonody would possibly guess , especially when I've only spoken to him a few times, even less than my peers!

    I bet you a fiver that some know. :cool: Feeling paranoid yet? :D
  • hownwbrowncowhownwbrowncow Posts: 6,188
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    @takae. Who the hell would manage not only to figure out that I am gay but also about my 'crush' :D
  • RellyRelly Posts: 3,469
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    Trust me, nobody will know :D Nonody would possibly guess , especially when I've only spoken to him a few times, even less than my peers!



    Ok, I got that wrong. There is no sexual slant. But even if there was, I don't think there would be too much wrong with that - people with the same age gap have actually seen each other at my schoool: a girl in ny year was texting and seeing a guy in Year 12 when we were in Year 9.

    I understand, and thanks for clarifying. With age-gap crushes like this, where one is quite young, the onus to be responsible is on the older of the two - in your example of the girl and lad, the lad should be mature enough to know the score and not take advantage. In your own case, you're the older one, so it's on you.

    Good luck keeping it quiet, anyway. :D
  • hownwbrowncowhownwbrowncow Posts: 6,188
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    Disappointingly didn't really get a chance to talk to him today :/ It's difficult to start a conversation anyway without it just sounding really abrupt! Any tips? :D

    I am really not sure if he's gay, or bi or whatever, but he does somewhat remind me of myself when I was in Year 9. He seems to not be that into rugby, and quite shy, and also is an only child bar an older sister! I know these are only stereotypes but I can hope :D
  • RellyRelly Posts: 3,469
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    Disappointingly didn't really get a chance to talk to him today :/ It's difficult to start a conversation anyway without it just sounding really abrupt! Any tips? :D

    I am really not sure if he's gay, or bi or whatever, but he does somewhat remind me of myself when I was in Year 9. He seems to not be that into rugby, and quite shy, and also is an only child bar an older sister! I know these are only stereotypes but I can hope :D

    If he's got an older sister, he isn't an only child. Neither are you, because I recall you saying you had brothers (not sure about sisters) in other threads.
  • Frankie_LittleFrankie_Little Posts: 9,271
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    Relly wrote: »
    If he's got an older sister, he isn't an only child. Neither are you, because I recall you saying you had brothers (not sure about sisters) in other threads.
    I remember that thread, he's one of 5 siblings, if I recall correctly. He wanted his parents to divorce because he doesn't get on with his dad.
  • gdjman68wasdigigdjman68wasdigi Posts: 21,705
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    :D

    Right this is gonna be a really odd post but here goes. I'll start with a backstory....

    Basically I am a gay in the closet as many of you may know and over the past few years my confidence did fall very low, as was my enjoyment of life and number of friends. Over the last 12 months however I really feel as though I've blossomed. Others may not have noticed, but I do feel a bit more confident and satisfied (not necessarily with my own body image), and have built new friendships and rekindled old ones, also I just find school generally so much more fun, maybe cos I am higher up in the school, and I don't miss home at all hardly!

    However I still feel like I have kind of weird secret thoughts, but I will try and articulate it as naturally as possible, but I do feel kind of embarrassed typing it :blush:

    Basically with the start of the new year, there have been new people in the bottom year of the school (year 9), and I am now in Year 12. However one night I just suddenly became very emotionally attached to this person in my boarding house in Year 9, almost in a kind of obssessive way ( although I HAVEN'T shown this at all). Basically I just find him really cute (as does everyone else in my year to be fair :D), and I just have a constant desire to get to know him, talk to him, and see him. God how weird does this sound?! :(:D It's not in a sexual way, but there may be something like that running through it... I noticed he has his interests as Men and Women on Facebook. Of course this may just be a mistake but it naturally made me more drawn to him.

    This has been in my head since last Tuesday, and I have spoken to him a couple of times totally normally, but I do have this really odd desire to get to know him, something which no one else knows about. Am I absolutely mad?! :o

    Stay away from this child... 12 or 13 you say?

    You should be ashamed you even posted it...

    I'm a father with a 10 and 14 year old...

    So do the right thing and drop it before the shit really hits the fan....

    That is all
  • hownwbrowncowhownwbrowncow Posts: 6,188
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    I remember that thread, he's one of 5 siblings, if I recall correctly. He wanted his parents to divorce because he doesn't get on with his dad.

    One of 4. I am frustrated that that particular thread is brought up in every thread I've started in the advice forum since. I made a mistake, yet people keep bringing it up!

    Also, Relly, that was just an error in thought. Are you trying to undermine this thread or something?
  • Frankie_LittleFrankie_Little Posts: 9,271
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    One of 4. I am frustrated that that particular thread is brought up in every thread I've started in the advice forum since. I made a mistake, yet people keep bringing it up!

    Also, Relly, that was just an error in thought. Are you trying to undermine this thread or something?
    So why did you say the object of your affections is also an only child, bar an older sister? :confused: Doesn't make sense at all.

    I seriously think you should find something else to distract you at school, trying to forge a friendship with a much younger boy isn't a good idea at all.
  • pugamopugamo Posts: 18,039
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    Maybe you just feel drawn to him because you feel strongly that you would enjoy the company of someone else who has similar sexual preferences to you. And the slight possibility of flirtation is naturally appealing especially as you have found everything so difficult and haven't come out yet.
  • hownwbrowncowhownwbrowncow Posts: 6,188
    Forum Member
    Stay away from this child... 12 or 13 you say?

    You should be ashamed you even posted it...

    I'm a father with a 10 and 14 year old...

    So do the right thing and drop it before the shit really hits the fan....

    That is all
    You make me feel like a complete freak! There is literally 2 years and 10 months between us, and we are similar heights (not that that makes much of a difference!). What have I to be ashamed of? :(:confused:
    So why did you say the object of your affections is also an only child, bar an older sister? :confused: Doesn't make sense at all.

    I seriously think you should find something else to distract you at school, trying to forge a friendship with a much younger boy isn't a good idea at all.
    Well I got confused because his sister is only a half sister and no longer living at home, but I guess that's still not an only child. Is that really confusing? :)

    Also, what's wrong with forming a friendship?
    pugamo wrote: »
    Maybe you just feel drawn to him because you feel strongly that you would enjoy the company of someone else who has similar sexual preferences to you. And the slight possibility of flirtation is naturally appealing especially as you have found everything so difficult and haven't come out yet.
    You could quite possibly be correct! I do feel quite isolated in that I have no one to talk to about it - I've only came out to one person, but I as a person feel ready to come out, but I'm not sure if the people around me would be ready.
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