"But where do you REALLY come from?"

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,325
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    Honestly? It's a question that wouldn't enter my head, unless I was talking about where they live, as in 'where are you from'?

    In my opinion, we're all humans, where in the globe we're from is of little relevance to me.
  • Victoria SpongeVictoria Sponge Posts: 16,645
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    I'm Sri Lankan and I was born and raised in south London, I have a thick South London accent, and get asked all the time (by all races) about my heritage. I don't take offence to it at all. Why would i? People find it interesting. And I like my heritage.
  • himerushimerus Posts: 3,040
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    People can sometimes be too easily offended. I can trace my family back 400 years when we were living in Hampshire but because I have a foreign sounding name people often ask me about it.
  • butterworthbutterworth Posts: 17,872
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    RubyNyx wrote: »
    Honestly? It's a question that wouldn't enter my head, unless I was talking about where they live, as in 'where are you from'?

    In my opinion, we're all humans, where in the globe we're from is of little relevance to me.

    All very right on and groovy but, if someone obviously has an interesting story in their near history, then it isn't wrong to take an interest in it. Black and Asian people are 'lucky' in that their heritage is more obviously exotic than, say, someone from Poland.

    I'm not saying that you should go up to random people, asking where they are from, but there's nothing wrong with it as a topic of conversation. Yes, it may be clumsily expressed sometimes, but it isn't generally intended as a bad thing.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,325
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    johnny_t wrote: »
    All very right on and groovy but, if someone obviously has an interesting story in their near history, then it isn't wrong to take an interest in it. Black and Asian people are 'lucky' in that their heritage is more obviously exotic than, say, someone from Poland.

    I'm not saying that you should go up to random people, asking where they are from, but there's nothing wrong with it as a topic of conversation. Yes, it may be clumsily expressed sometimes, but it isn't generally intended as a bad thing.

    Most of my circle of friends etc, have interesting backgrounds, of which I've taken great interest in.

    However that wasn't the question.
  • 2+2=52+2=5 Posts: 24,264
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    The 'but' has a negative connotation in that question OP, so I can understand your frustration. My parents are north from Iraq with some heritage from Iran. We believe we can trace our ancestors migrations southwards from Russia or the Caucasus. I was born in Baghdad, Iraq but came here as a year old baby in the early 80s.

    Online and maybe in the minds of some I meet I am not 'British' but given how I consider such matters to be a personal matter I consider myself to be thoroughly British.

    I am frequently asked where I come from originally not from how I look (apparently I have a Mediterranean or Asia Minor complexion - light brown or even lighter I guess...sandy?). My name usually triggers conversations and almost always they are about curiosity and learning about each other. I do the same with others but I allow that to come out in natural conversation rather than directly ask. So I think it is important to be tactful about this sort of thing.

    On a recent trip to Rome I made a massive fail of thinking a girl was from Germany when she was actually from Switzerland. She was not entirely pleased. Oops. :blush:
  • BerBer Posts: 24,562
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    cultureman wrote: »
    I consider one, not insignificant, dimension of traditional British identity to be having all four grandparents born in Britain. BTW I 'fail' that particular test.

    I do wonder what percentage of the current British population, or DS membership, would 'pass'.

    That has its flaws too. If one of your grandparents had a grandparent not born in britain, then they would not be british by the 'grandparent rule'. :D

    I know what you are saying though. Setting rules about who can and cant call themselves british via ancestory would probably mean most of us would fail.
  • ohglobbitsohglobbits Posts: 4,479
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    johnny_t wrote: »
    All very right on and groovy but, if someone obviously has an interesting story in their near history, then it isn't wrong to take an interest in it. Black and Asian people are 'lucky' in that their heritage is more obviously exotic than, say, someone from Poland.
    How are you supposed to judge whether it's near history, by how strong their accent is? And some people will want to erase that part of their life if it was traumatic perhaps. In any case all these are questions to ask someone you know well not as an opening gambit to a stranger out of curiousity about the changing face of Britain etc.
  • HieronymousHieronymous Posts: 7,268
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    Where did Charlie Williams REALLY come from?

    I reckon the accent is a dead giveaway!!
  • Pumping IronPumping Iron Posts: 29,891
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    RubyNyx wrote: »
    Honestly? It's a question that wouldn't enter my head, unless I was talking about where they live, as in 'where are you from'?

    In my opinion, we're all humans, where in the globe we're from is of little relevance to me.

    Personally I think it's good to take an interest in other people's cultures/heritage.
  • HieronymousHieronymous Posts: 7,268
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    Yeah Yeah wrote: »
    I'm a second generation British black man. I'm feeling kind of down because I frequently get asked 'where do you really come from' in clubs. It happened three times in the last week. I am of half Jamaican and half Nigerian blood. I am proud of my Jamaican side that raised me, because I love the food (sorry if that sounds shallow), but I feel more at 'home' at Britain, even if Britain IS imperfect when it comes to race and immigration and all of that (I feel that racism isn't over here. Stuff like the 'white flight' very much being a thing, where I live) . Even on DigitalSpy -- the place has a very unique British tone and humour compared to say, US sites. However I do live around plenty of immigrants and so I'm not really around white British people unless I'm clubbing.

    My question is: Digitalspy -- when you meet someone of another race who is British born, do you consider them fully British? Or is the 'where are you REALLY from' thing running through your mind?

    PLEASE be honest.

    Firstly, how would I know if they were British born? I can only think a 'British' accented speech would be a clue.

    And, no, I wouldn't think "Where are you REALLY from?" though I may wonder about their ancestry.
  • alan29alan29 Posts: 34,612
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    I might be interested in their heritage, but unless they raised it, I certainly wouldn't.
    My wife is busy exploring her Welsh roots - interesting stuff.
  • .Lauren..Lauren. Posts: 7,864
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    I don't think it's meant offensively, it's more just interest about where your ancestry is from. I often wonder it about people I meet, but I wouldn't ask them unless I got to know them and I'd phrase it a lot better than that.

    I consider someone British born as British as I am, the only difference being that their parents or grandparents may not have been, which isn't a problem. As I said, I don't think that question is asked because they don't think you're British, just wondering where your family originate from.

    If we go to the Med, people always presume I am a local before they hear me speak. I put that down to my Mediterranean genes from my maternal Grandmother and previous ancestors and the fact that my skin goes to that very typically Med colour at the slightest hint of sun.
  • reglipreglip Posts: 5,268
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    I have been guilty of this in the past. I say guilty I dont think theres anything wrong in asking. Maybe in the way the person phrases the question is ill thought out. I usually ask something like 'whats your background'. I am not a small minded idiot though who thinks youre not english or british unless youre white. Anyone who is born here can make those claims
  • postitpostit Posts: 23,839
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    It would never occur to me to ask about someone's heritage, but perhaps I am particularly un-nosy about such things.

    When I lived in America I was amused by how many Americans described themselves as Italian-American, Polish-American etc.
  • Thomas007Thomas007 Posts: 14,309
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    Well I must be unusual as I'm British born and bred, speak with an English accent and don't consider myself to be British in anyway shape or form. I don't have any British ancestry (well maybe some distant NI protestants) so that's probably the reason for it if I'm being honest. I just feel fake.

    I'm happy enough for anyone to call themselves British if they wish to be and consider them that too in that case, however I personally find the concept of calling myself British without any British ancestry very very difficult.

    So for example Mo Farah considers himself British, then I of course I do too, however I personally in his situation would find it very hard to call myself British.
  • reglipreglip Posts: 5,268
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    Thomas007 wrote: »
    Well I must be unusual as I'm British born and bred, speak with an English accent and don't consider myself to be British in anyway shape or form. I don't have any British ancestry (well maybe some distant NI protestants) so that's probably the reason for it if I'm being honest. I just feel fake.

    I'm happy enough for anyone to call themselves British if they wish to be and consider them that too in that case, however I personally find the concept of calling myself British without any British ancestry very very difficult.

    So for example Mo Farah considers himself British, then I of course I do too, however I personally in his situation would find it very hard to call myself British.

    Why? You said it in your first sentence. What do you put on forms when they ask you?
  • KapellmeisterKapellmeister Posts: 41,322
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    Yeah Yeah wrote: »
    (I feel that racism isn't over here. Stuff like the 'white flight' very much being a thing, where I live)

    People wanting to live with their own 'tribe' isn't racist. It's a fundamental of human nature, a fundamental shared by Asians and blacks, etc. etc. etc. Asians and blacks congregate with each other all across England. So why can't whites? Why is it 'racist' when they do?
  • Pumping IronPumping Iron Posts: 29,891
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    People wanting to live with their own 'tribe' isn't racist. It's a fundamental of human nature, a fundamental shared by Asians and blacks, etc. etc. etc. Asians and blacks congregate with each other all across England. So why can't whites? Why is it 'racist' when they do?

    Yes there are areas whereby there are a higher density of one ethnic group living together, however Asians and black people are spread widely across communities all over the UK. It's usually down to a support network for more recent immigrants. It's not racist for whites, as there are areas where mainly white immigrants, such as Polish, also tend to congregate.
  • TrollHunterTrollHunter Posts: 12,496
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    Yeah Yeah wrote: »
    PLEASE be honest.

    I honestly couldn't give a shit about someone's heritage, ancestry or where they're *really* from.
  • gemma-the-huskygemma-the-husky Posts: 18,116
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    when you move into a small village you need hundreds of years of family history in that villager before you are a true villager.

    same here.

    I think the give away is thinking yourself "British". Englishmen are English, rather than British, I think. Ditto the Scots, Welsh and Irish/
  • niceguy1966niceguy1966 Posts: 29,560
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    If you feel British, you identify as being British, then you ARE British to me. Colour of skin doesn't come into it. Surely that applies to everyone? If it doesn't then you are no friend of mine.
    .

    As so many white people in the UK have ancestors from other countries, the question just shows the ignorance of the person asking.
  • muggins14muggins14 Posts: 61,844
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    Thomas007 wrote: »
    Well I must be unusual as I'm British born and bred, speak with an English accent and don't consider myself to be British in anyway shape or form. I don't have any British ancestry (well maybe some distant NI protestants) so that's probably the reason for it if I'm being honest. I just feel fake.

    I'm happy enough for anyone to call themselves British if they wish to be and consider them that too in that case, however I personally find the concept of calling myself British without any British ancestry very very difficult.

    So for example Mo Farah considers himself British, then I of course I do too, however I personally in his situation would find it very hard to call myself British.

    I'm what is known on many a form as White British, but if anybody were to ask me where I'm from, I say England. I'm English. Not for any reason of patriotism (that's the last thing I am!) but because I've lived abroad and, when I was there, it's what I would answer when asked.

    As to the OP, I'd never ask a stranger where they are from. If we were chatting, started a conversation, and it seemed the natural, right thing to ask in the flow of that conversation - once they'd got the gist of me and where I'm coming from, I could ask where they are form originally (going by an accent, not by skin colour). I never assume a person isn't British though, based on skin colour.

    An accent is a different matter, you can usually tell by accent if they are or aren't originally from the UK (or even which part of the UK a person is from, obviously), but I wouldn't be rude enough to ask a stranger where they were from originally if it wasn't part of a conversation. It's none of my business and it's not important or relevant to anything.

    One example, I chat to my neighbour every morning as she takes her daughter to nursery. She and her husband are Polish - she is white, he is black. We chat about the weather, our kids, etc. and we were saying how great it is that her young daughter is already fluent in two languages before she even starts school, which did lead to asking where she was from originally, in a friendly way. I always say 'if you don't mind me asking'. I would never have asked if it hadn't become part of the conversation organically and if she were a complete stranger. It would be none of my business.
  • Pumping IronPumping Iron Posts: 29,891
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    As so many white people in the UK have ancestors from other countries, the question just shows the ignorance of the person asking.

    Taking an interest in someone's culture/heritage isn't ignorant, unless it's meant in an ignorant way. I have no issue in someone asking about my background, as like VS said earlier, I'm proud of my heritage.
  • muggins14muggins14 Posts: 61,844
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    Taking an interest in someone's culture/heritage isn't ignorant, unless it's meant in an ignorant way. I have no issue in someone asking about my background, as like VS said earlier, I'm proud of my heritage.

    I remember when I was younger I'd become very confused (living abroad) when people asked me where I was from. I'd ask my Mum if they meant where I was born, where I lived the longest, where I live now, the area ... what do they want from me :o:p

    I also remember in my 20's being asked by a taxi driver where I was from (this was whilst in the UK). I said from here and asked why. He said I had a funny accent (I'm 'posh' but have a bit of an American twang mixed in, or did back then after some time abroad which has re-surfaced now that I live in the West Country, where the 'r' is prominent). I said it's a trans-continental accent :p That shut him up.
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