Told my mate I fancy him, how can I convince him its not a problem
I told my mate last week that I fancy him. We are both male, he's straight and I'm unsure but most probably gay. I don't really have many friends and this lad was really nice to me and treated me like I was normal, whereas most other people just take the mess out of me. A few months ago however I found myself falling for him and thinking about him all the time.
Last week I told him this because I felt really guilty about it, and didn't think it was right lying to him all the time. I know he's straight and nothing could ever happen, but he's reacted badly to what I've said and says he thinks its best if we don't talk for a while. Though I've questioned my sexuality in the past, this is the first time that I've ever had fancied a man. How can I convince him its not an issue?
Last week I told him this because I felt really guilty about it, and didn't think it was right lying to him all the time. I know he's straight and nothing could ever happen, but he's reacted badly to what I've said and says he thinks its best if we don't talk for a while. Though I've questioned my sexuality in the past, this is the first time that I've ever had fancied a man. How can I convince him its not an issue?
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If you are honest with yourself, would you be able to maintain a friendship with this person just as friends and nothing more? It's going to be very difficult for you to suppress your feelings, and if you are always going to hanker after him in a romantic or sexual way, and he is never going to feel the same way, it's only going to be frustrating and sad for you, and most likely embarrassing or awkward for him, especially if he gets involved with a woman and feels unable to mention it to you, or chat about it like ordinary mates might.
Actually I don't even think it's relevant that you might be gay - it would be just as difficult for a male/female friendship where there is unrequited attraction on one side.
You may have to face the fact that you can't be close friends in the way you were. I would say it's up to him now to get in touch - you might scare him away for good if you push it now.
Good luck, I hope things work out in the way you want them to.
im gay and got mostly straight mates so thats common, but the thing is i dont fancy any of them cause that would be weird for them.
next time just keep it to yourself and that feeling might pass, if it doesnt then mebbes him being your mate is not the best idea.
1[ Happy daze, the feeling is mutual. You get it on.
2] The other party doesn't feel the same way, but they are not fazed about it and it doesn't affect the friendship.
3] The other party take it badly, it makes them tense around you, they can't relax and enjoy your company any longer because of an underlying sexual tone and the knowledge that you are looking at them in that way.
It's a risk, it's a gamble that probably everyone comes across at one time or another. I would love to have a suggestion to offer as to how you can convince them it's not a problem, but unfortunately it's not your problem to solve, it's theirs...
My best mate (who's straight) knows I used to be in love with him. It was never a problem. We are still as close as before.
I am godfather to his son. When we have a lads weekend away, he has never had a problem sharing a room with me.
He doesn't let it make a difference.
Although saying all that, I know I was very lucky with his reaction.
So why the hell did you tell him??
Some things really dont have to be out in the open, especially if it serves no purpose whatsoever.
All you've done is now make him feel really aukward, and what for? nothing!
Yep, I'd have to echo all this really.
Sorry OP.
ECHO ECHO ... pointless telling the lad, you may well have lost yourself a good mate there.
I had a good friend of mine tell me that he really fancied me and asked me on a date. I was surprised and responded that I wanted to be alone and not in a relationship, but I really hoped it wouldn't affect us at all. He was grateful for my honesty, we hugged and remained friends.
A year later I got into a relationship with a guy who I should probably call my childhood sweetheart. I felt a little guilty admitting it to my other friend, but he was happy for me so it's all good.
THat's just the way things fell for me. That's who I am, and that's who my friend is. Bad luck if your friend isn't as good a friend as you'd hoped.
Ditto. Tbh honest It really, really grates on me when homosexuals come on to peeps they know are straight. Why?? It aint ever gonna happen, so why put someone in that position!
ruby
Just wait.
Good luck x
To be honest, I think things will be akward for a while and your best bet is to give him a bit of time. then send him a friendly text and if he doesnt respond, then just move on as he isnt worth the friendship if he's that freaked out
yeah and it annoys me when straight people come on to homosexuals why put them in that position... people do stupid stuff all the time gay and straight.
And if there is a next time I'll learn to keep my mouth shut
Good lad.
Hope it works out for you.
if he finds it it weird "being fancied by a man" as you said earlier, he's not worth it anyway and if he does come round, then great