I don't know if it's onedownmanship (regardless of whether that's a real word!) but I intend to get married in a drive-thru wedding chapel in Vegas, preferably with an Elvis impersonator doing the honours. It's all a pipe dream though, I'm not planning on getting married any time soon. Who knows, I could turn into the biggest bridezilla of all bridezillas, borrow Katie Price's pumpkin carriage and take tips from My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.
Of course ! It's the nasty marketing to blame, not the vacuous airheads who want to be indulged and cosseted within an inch of their brain dead lives...:D
I didn't say marketing is completely to blame (and don't think it is nasty as I work in marketing!), but think about it logically - their desires have got to come from somewhere. Isn't it a coincidence that they all want the same thing?
It is much, much more than being a "vacuous airhead". It is their attempts to display who they think they are and think they want to be; the more 'showy' the better for a lot of them. I have no doubt that most of those women crave attention, but they're also making the decisions on things like big dresses vs plain dresses, carriages vs cars etc for a reason.
I don't see why it has to be "blamed" on marketing and women who are airheads.
Many traditional wedding dresses are absolutely beautiful. I agree they are too expensive but there are ways round this.
Many women love to have their hair done, get manicures etc. and like to feel attractive. Being a bride is a perfect excuse to indulge in such things.
If it's not your style, that's fine, but I think it's a bit mean to judge those who enjoy the traditions and being as beautiful as possible on one special day.
I still find it astonishing that couples now spend around 2 years planning weddings that cost thousands. The whole wedding thing has become ludicrous.
You have to a lot of the time especially if you want July and August, we booked 18 months in advance and the Church had 3 weddings that day (we were first to book so we got first pick of times). But lots of reception venues were already booked up.
We're all (to one extent or another) products of our environment, but marketing is not likely to corrupt the brain of an otherwise intelligent and sensible person.
True, but this is why the programming has to start as early as possible, before the subject has had a chance to gain sufficient external experiences that would reduce any steering effect.
Most of the 'princess' types also seem to be fully signed up members of the Jeremy Kyle stratum of society.
Which I venture to suggest may well negate your 'intelligent and sensible' remark and potentially raises the question of the origins of their view of reality and why nobody tried to correct it.
I don't see why it has to be "blamed" on marketing and women who are airheads.
Many traditional wedding dresses are absolutely beautiful. I agree they are too expensive but there are ways round this.
Many women love to have their hair done, get manicures etc. and like to feel attractive. Being a bride is a perfect excuse to indulge in such things.
If it's not your style, that's fine, but I think it's a bit mean to judge those who enjoy the traditions and being as beautiful as possible on one special day.
Well no, there is nothing wrong with that. But the OP was referring to the idea that certain women constantly refer to being a princess on their wedding day, want everything princess-like etc. That's different to just choosing a dress you love. That is setting out to have an experience and choosing things to fit within it.
I personally didn't have a cheap wedding day (although I didn't have a huge poufy dress, but an embellished Jenny Packham one). I never once stated I 'wanted to feel like a princess'. I wanted to feel like ME! It's the idea of what a princess represents that is weird to me. That's what little girls want to be. I'd rather be a woman with a career who paid for her wedding herself.
I've never understood it and I never will but each to their own I guess. If I ever marry we'll be very likely going off somewhere to do it on our own, and there definitely wont be a princess type dress in sight!
I always find threads about weddings fascinating. They seem to follow a pattern of 'onedownmanship' (if that's even a word!) Where posters compete to explain how little they spent/organised. By the end someone appears on the thread to announce that they married in their overalls on their lunch break in front of a tramp and streetsweeper they dragged off the street, followed by sharing licks of the icing from a cream bun from Greggs, they've been married for 20 odd years and have 10 kids and are blissfully happy still.
It makes me giggle.
Ha Ha, true. Fifteen of us in't shoe box in't middle of t'road. It's interesting though how few people want to boast about how lavish and spendthrift their weddings were.
Fact is women know that the men in their lives will indulge them. Imagine it the other way round. Yeah, im going to make this day all about me and what i want to do. We will get married and then afterwards go paintballing and then a rave you would get laughed out the building. Life is all about what women want and men and society indulge them. This is why the idea of patriarchy is so laughable when society is all about what women want and everyone must indulge them
You might want to work on that theory a bit before you produce it for public view.
First of all, you had clear and obvious difficulty envisaging a male-designed wedding. There are almost no men who would choose a paintball session followed by a rave, and probably the same (small) number of women. Men are perfectly well able to enjoy a classy dinner with their family and best friends, just as women are. If you find a wedding where the bridegroom was not allowed to invite his family and friends, let us know.
Second, apart from choosing her dress, there is no reason to suppose the bride makes any more decisions than the groom, on average. Almost all couples choose a venue, menu, etc together. So it is not 'a day all about her'; it is a day 'all about THEM'. It is true that you occasionally hear of men who are happy just to turn up on the day, so dull do they find the planning (my husband was a bit like that; the only thing that really interested him was ordering the booze); but that is surely their privilege.
And I'm not sure you will find many takers for "This is why the idea of patriarchy is so laughable when society is all about what women want and everyone must indulge them". Even if you limit your argument to the UK, you will find it very hard to find areas of life where all the power is in the hands of women.
Well no, there is nothing wrong with that. But the OP was referring to the idea that certain women constantly refer to being a princess on their wedding day, want everything princess-like etc. That's different to just choosing a dress you love. That is setting out to have an experience and choosing things to fit within it.
I personally didn't have a cheap wedding day (although I didn't have a huge poufy dress, but an embellished Jenny Packham one). I never once stated I 'wanted to feel like a princess'. I wanted to feel like ME! It's the idea of what a princess represents that is weird to me. That's what little girls want to be. I'd rather be a woman with a career who paid for her wedding herself.
Surely it's just a figure of speech, meaning that you feel like the most important person in the room, with all eyes on you, looking your absolute best, being spoilt by hairdressers etc?
I realise this is some peoples worst nightmare but it is natural for many women to want to indulge for just one day.
Surely it's just a figure of speech, meaning that you feel like the most important person in the room, with all eyes on you, looking your absolute best, being spoilt by hairdressers etc?
I realise this is some peoples worst nightmare but it is natural for many women to want to indulge for just one day.
Perhaps it is, but I have to admit I don't think it's the healthiest figure of speech to use. The connotations are very child-like, old fashioned and even damaging to their own self image in some cases.
Maybe women are using it as shorthand for 'being spoilt' and 'centre of attention', because they're too afraid to say those things themselves?
Ha Ha, true. Fifteen of us in't shoe box in't middle of t'road. It's interesting though how few people want to boast about how lavish and spendthrift their weddings were.
I think mainly because everyone comes on these threads and goes on about how crap this expensive wedding they went to was or how this couple threw a massive wedding and are now divorced.
First of all, you had clear and obvious difficulty envisaging a male-designed wedding. There are almost no men who would choose a paintball session followed by a rave, and probably the same (small) number of women. Men are perfectly well able to enjoy a classy dinner with their family and best friends, just as women are. If you find a wedding where the bridegroom was not allowed to invite his family and friends, let us know.
Second, apart from choosing her dress, there is no reason to suppose the bride makes any more decisions than the groom, on average. Almost all couples choose a venue, menu, etc together. So it is not 'a day all about her'; it is a day 'all about THEM'. It is true that you occasionally hear of men who are happy just to turn up on the day, so dull do they find the planning (my husband was a bit like that; the only thing that really interested him was ordering the booze); but that is surely their privilege.
If you say so, its not all about what the bride wants, thats never happened sometimes concessions are made the male is allowed to invite his family, pick his own suit and agree with the venue. Clearly weddings are not all about what the woman wants, you must be right
My dad often comments that the groom is there at the wedding only to make the numbers up.
To be fair, that can't be said of my OH, he is a master at planning and organising, he was instrumental in lots of the choices and had everything on a spreadsheet. He still has the file on his computer and loads of the recipets.....we've been married 10 years this year!
I think the bride that wants to be a 'princess' is probably in the minority, though you would get the opposite impression from watching TV. I've been to quite a few weddings and while they've been traditional (long white dress, sit down reception, etc) the brides haven't acted any differently from usual.
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to look and feel special on your wedding day, as long as you don't act in a rude demanding manner to other people.
As far as the whole 'princess ' thing goes, we seem to see the extreme in 'my big fat gypsy wedding'. They are all very young brides, they are brought up to believe that that their wedding day is the most important day of their lives, and their lives after that day seem a bit crap. So I think it's understandable that they want to feel that their wedding day is magical and special.
For most women nowadays things are different, we can have careers and other achievements apart from being a 'princess for a day' so it does seem strange that some women still want it.
I know a lot of early to mid-20s women who are engaged or married recently and love Disney, collecting Disney stuff, etc. so of course they all wanted the "princess" look and Disney accessories on their wedding day. I have a friend in Hong Kong who's having three photo shoots, one at Disney (the wedding industry in HK is huge and photo shoots are a big part of it) then complains they are having difficulty affording a deposit for an apartment. I wonder why that could be?
I don't know if it's onedownmanship (regardless of whether that's a real word!) but I intend to get married in a drive-thru wedding chapel in Vegas, preferably with an Elvis impersonator doing the honours. It's all a pipe dream though, I'm not planning on getting married any time soon. Who knows, I could turn into the biggest bridezilla of all bridezillas, borrow Katie Price's pumpkin carriage and take tips from My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.
I know a lot of early to mid-20s women who are engaged or married recently and love Disney, collecting Disney stuff, etc. so of course they all wanted the "princess" look and Disney accessories on their wedding day. I have a friend in Hong Kong who's having three photo shoots, one at Disney (the wedding industry in HK is huge and photo shoots are a big part of it) then complains they are having difficulty affording a deposit for an apartment. I wonder why that could be?
Yes, I think Disney might be a bit of a factor here. They do seem to really push the princess thing.
I can't remember watching anything from Disney at all as a kid, and my own children seemed to prefer other things. Thankfully.
I can't find it now but I'm sure I read a study about the correlation between the price of a wedding and the likelihood of divorce (no prizes for guessing what a more lavish ceremony resulted in).
To be fair, that can't be said of my OH, he is a master at planning and organising, he was instrumental in lots of the choices and had everything on a spreadsheet. He still has the file on his computer and loads of the recipets.....we've been married 10 years this year!
Haha, I am the one who is obsessed with spreadsheets, we have a very organised and colour coded one for our wedding next year!
Truth is some people want the big day, big dress and all attention on them. Others want a more low key day and it's the couple's day, and as long as they enjoy themselves good. Although I was engaged when I was quite young, and I wanted the big day and all the trimmings, etc, however that relationship ended before even discussed a date, but me and my current OH are getting married next year and now I am older I am not that fussed, there is a family church that means something to me and that's all I cared about. Luckily we have a date there, and I have said as I chose the service he gets final say on reception which will be fun, cause he hates organising things.
I think it depends on age, I think the older you get, the less you care about how many crystals are on the dress, and more can I pee easily in this dress.
I always find threads about weddings fascinating. They seem to follow a pattern of 'onedownmanship' (if that's even a word!) Where posters compete to explain how little they spent/organised. By the end someone appears on the thread to announce that they married in their overalls on their lunch break in front of a tramp and streetsweeper they dragged off the street, followed by sharing licks of the icing from a cream bun from Greggs, they've been married for 20 odd years and have 10 kids and are blissfully happy still.
It makes me giggle.
:D:D I'll share your giggle, if I may. DS can be a very dreary place sometimes - some members can't even tolerate other people pushing the boat out !
Perish the thought that the idea of celebration should ever cross their minds!
I chose that dress because it reminded me of a picture book of Cinderella my Nan gave me when I was little. The first time we saw the dress Mum and I looked at one another and went, 'it's the dress off your Nan's book!' Subconciously I probably did want to be Cinderella for a day. As a child I never felt even remotely comparable to any of the Disney heroines - plump, mad hair, unflattering NHS specs... my self esteem took quite a bashing during high school. Age 18 I would probably have said, 'wedding? Who the hell will marry a tub like me?'
So at 26 having a big wedding was a double celebration. Not only did I marry my wonderful husband, but the wedding represented a triumph of self esteem. I've worked hard to banish my image-demons, and on my wedding day I felt beautiful, healthy and very, very happy. Nothing wrong with wanting to push the boat out and celebrate in style with family and friends!
Comments
I didn't say marketing is completely to blame (and don't think it is nasty as I work in marketing!), but think about it logically - their desires have got to come from somewhere. Isn't it a coincidence that they all want the same thing?
It is much, much more than being a "vacuous airhead". It is their attempts to display who they think they are and think they want to be; the more 'showy' the better for a lot of them. I have no doubt that most of those women crave attention, but they're also making the decisions on things like big dresses vs plain dresses, carriages vs cars etc for a reason.
Many traditional wedding dresses are absolutely beautiful. I agree they are too expensive but there are ways round this.
Many women love to have their hair done, get manicures etc. and like to feel attractive. Being a bride is a perfect excuse to indulge in such things.
If it's not your style, that's fine, but I think it's a bit mean to judge those who enjoy the traditions and being as beautiful as possible on one special day.
You have to a lot of the time especially if you want July and August, we booked 18 months in advance and the Church had 3 weddings that day (we were first to book so we got first pick of times). But lots of reception venues were already booked up.
Which I venture to suggest may well negate your 'intelligent and sensible' remark
Well no, there is nothing wrong with that. But the OP was referring to the idea that certain women constantly refer to being a princess on their wedding day, want everything princess-like etc. That's different to just choosing a dress you love. That is setting out to have an experience and choosing things to fit within it.
I personally didn't have a cheap wedding day (although I didn't have a huge poufy dress, but an embellished Jenny Packham one). I never once stated I 'wanted to feel like a princess'. I wanted to feel like ME! It's the idea of what a princess represents that is weird to me. That's what little girls want to be. I'd rather be a woman with a career who paid for her wedding herself.
First of all, you had clear and obvious difficulty envisaging a male-designed wedding. There are almost no men who would choose a paintball session followed by a rave, and probably the same (small) number of women. Men are perfectly well able to enjoy a classy dinner with their family and best friends, just as women are. If you find a wedding where the bridegroom was not allowed to invite his family and friends, let us know.
Second, apart from choosing her dress, there is no reason to suppose the bride makes any more decisions than the groom, on average. Almost all couples choose a venue, menu, etc together. So it is not 'a day all about her'; it is a day 'all about THEM'. It is true that you occasionally hear of men who are happy just to turn up on the day, so dull do they find the planning (my husband was a bit like that; the only thing that really interested him was ordering the booze); but that is surely their privilege.
And I'm not sure you will find many takers for "This is why the idea of patriarchy is so laughable when society is all about what women want and everyone must indulge them". Even if you limit your argument to the UK, you will find it very hard to find areas of life where all the power is in the hands of women.
Surely it's just a figure of speech, meaning that you feel like the most important person in the room, with all eyes on you, looking your absolute best, being spoilt by hairdressers etc?
I realise this is some peoples worst nightmare but it is natural for many women to want to indulge for just one day.
Perhaps it is, but I have to admit I don't think it's the healthiest figure of speech to use. The connotations are very child-like, old fashioned and even damaging to their own self image in some cases.
Maybe women are using it as shorthand for 'being spoilt' and 'centre of attention', because they're too afraid to say those things themselves?
Maybe they don't feel they have to? The general feel of wedding threads on here does not encourage people to describe their >£10,000 wedding.
I think mainly because everyone comes on these threads and goes on about how crap this expensive wedding they went to was or how this couple threw a massive wedding and are now divorced.
If you say so, its not all about what the bride wants, thats never happened sometimes concessions are made the male is allowed to invite his family, pick his own suit and agree with the venue. Clearly weddings are not all about what the woman wants, you must be right
To be fair, that can't be said of my OH, he is a master at planning and organising, he was instrumental in lots of the choices and had everything on a spreadsheet. He still has the file on his computer and loads of the recipets.....we've been married 10 years this year!
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to look and feel special on your wedding day, as long as you don't act in a rude demanding manner to other people.
As far as the whole 'princess ' thing goes, we seem to see the extreme in 'my big fat gypsy wedding'. They are all very young brides, they are brought up to believe that that their wedding day is the most important day of their lives, and their lives after that day seem a bit crap. So I think it's understandable that they want to feel that their wedding day is magical and special.
For most women nowadays things are different, we can have careers and other achievements apart from being a 'princess for a day' so it does seem strange that some women still want it.
Yes, I'm a woman. And no, my beloved other half would not let me arrange this.
It may be time to get a new other half.
That's my plan, too:o
Yes, I think Disney might be a bit of a factor here. They do seem to really push the princess thing.
I can't remember watching anything from Disney at all as a kid, and my own children seemed to prefer other things. Thankfully.
Haha, I am the one who is obsessed with spreadsheets, we have a very organised and colour coded one for our wedding next year!
Truth is some people want the big day, big dress and all attention on them. Others want a more low key day and it's the couple's day, and as long as they enjoy themselves good. Although I was engaged when I was quite young, and I wanted the big day and all the trimmings, etc, however that relationship ended before even discussed a date, but me and my current OH are getting married next year and now I am older I am not that fussed, there is a family church that means something to me and that's all I cared about. Luckily we have a date there, and I have said as I chose the service he gets final say on reception
I think it depends on age, I think the older you get, the less you care about how many crystals are on the dress, and more can I pee easily in this dress.
Perish the thought that the idea of celebration should ever cross their minds!
I chose that dress because it reminded me of a picture book of Cinderella my Nan gave me when I was little. The first time we saw the dress Mum and I looked at one another and went, 'it's the dress off your Nan's book!' Subconciously I probably did want to be Cinderella for a day. As a child I never felt even remotely comparable to any of the Disney heroines - plump, mad hair, unflattering NHS specs... my self esteem took quite a bashing during high school. Age 18 I would probably have said, 'wedding? Who the hell will marry a tub like me?'
So at 26 having a big wedding was a double celebration. Not only did I marry my wonderful husband, but the wedding represented a triumph of self esteem. I've worked hard to banish my image-demons, and on my wedding day I felt beautiful, healthy and very, very happy. Nothing wrong with wanting to push the boat out and celebrate in style with family and friends!