Dating advice needed

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• System Posts: 2,096,970

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  15/10/08 - 21:52 #2

  Sounds like he just wants you as a notch on his bed post and was waiting and waiting and gave up now. Good on you!

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 71

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  15/10/08 - 21:58 #3

  But would he say he would come to my party which is an hour away from his house, if he just wanted sex. I havent given it up before so why would he bother chancing it this time. Or am I just dreaming lol

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 6,683

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  15/10/08 - 22:01 #4

  If you're just going on the basis of him not waving the last time you saw him, then perhaps think that it may not have been a convenient time to wave, his mind may have been on other things, he may not have seen you properly until it was too late etc, etc.
  
  Other than that, I don't think from your OP that's he been particularly 'off' with you. Wait until the time of the party and see how things go - don't rule him out just yet, he's been interested in you since the time of knowing that you don't want to be 'just a one-night stand' so give him a chance and see what happens..
  
  You've nothing to lose, have you?

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• System Posts: 2,096,970

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  15/10/08 - 22:01 #5

  Scot_babe wrote: »

  But would he say he would come to my party which is an hour away from his house, if he just wanted sex. I havent given it up before so why would he bother chancing it this time. Or am I just dreaming lol

  
  Maybe to leave a good impression.

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 5,526

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  15/10/08 - 22:11 #6

  Scot_babe wrote: »

  I like him so much I decided to bite the bullet and text him to invite him to a party I am having in the next few weeks. He replied saying "Thanks for invite, I think I will come, speak to you nearer time x x". However tonight he drove past me, looked right at me and didnt wave. Is he interested??

  
  I don't think you should place too much importance on him not waving to you this evening. He might not have noticed you; just because he was looking at you doesn't mean he was paying attention! Or he might have been wondering if it was you or someone who looked like you, or whatever
  
  I wouldn't read too much into this, especially if all his texts etc have been friendly.

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• simon40 Posts: 620

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  15/10/08 - 22:14 #7

  He only wants sex - best keep away from him as once he gets it you will be history.

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• daisybelle2008 Posts: 1,042

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  15/10/08 - 22:35 #8

  Scot_babe wrote: »

  But would he say he would come to my party which is an hour away from his house, if he just wanted sex. I havent given it up before so why would he bother chancing it this time. Or am I just dreaming lol

  
  I agree with simon40. He is not that into you. Strings along with minimum attention to keep you on side as a potential shag but not interested in making any real effort. Just empty words that you want to hear.
  
  If he was interested he would have got your number long ago, asked you out on a date and jumped at the chance of going to a party with you. He is keeping his options open by not commiting to the party until the last minute. If he has no other options he will come to the party and try it on again. If he was genuinely interested he would want to go out and spend loads of time with you. Not casual bumping in and chancing his arm every so often.
  
  Sorry for rant but I have met loads of these guys over the years and it NEVER EVER goes anywhere, I just don't bother entertaining them anymore. I know their MO inside out.
  
  Took a while to learn I am afraid:o

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• Dakota. Posts: 10,768

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  16/10/08 - 18:25 #9

  I've been in the same sort of situation OP. I've been on off for the same person for a year (I've now met someone else, so any chances of him trying to get me to meet up late one night can't happen anymore).
  
  He kept me there for when it suited him, unfortunately I cared too much about him and fell for his lies everytime. I'd meet him for one night, have a talk, kiss and cuddle and would refuse to sleep with him as I couldn't quite trust him in that sense. After that I'd barely hear from him until the next time he felt like trying to get me into bed. The last time I saw him, I made the stupid mistake of once again believing his lies and eventually slept with him. Nowadays I don't hear a peak, until he asks for another chance that is. Men like this aren't worth it, as deep as your feelings may be. Men like that will never give you what you're longing for, and it still hurts for even me to think like that about that guy

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 71

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  16/10/08 - 23:28 #10

  Thanks for your advice, guess he really is in it for the chase - why do people bother to mess around with other peoples feelings like this!!
  
  He is a strange one as I was at a party and so was he and some people were apparently making fun of me when I was out the room. He phoned me to tell me about it and said he was so angry he defended me all night.
  
  Why do things like that, as if he's trying to make me believe he likes me. Guess its just more of his gameplaying

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 1,403

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  16/10/08 - 23:34 #11

  Scot_babe wrote: »

  Thanks for your advice, guess he really is in it for the chase - why do people bother to mess around with other peoples feelings like this!!
  
  He is a strange one as I was at a party and so was he and some people were apparently making fun of me when I was out the room. He phoned me to tell me about it and said he was so angry he defended me all night.
  
  Why do things like that, as if he's trying to make me believe he likes me. Guess its just more of his gameplaying

  
  That certainly sounds like gameplaying to me, I bet nobody was making fun of you Scot_babe, he just wants to sound like he's your knight in shining armour :rolleyes:
  
  It seems to me that he is trying everything he can to get what he wants, definitely likes the thrill of the chase, you should be so proud of yourself for not giving in

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 6,683

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  17/10/08 - 10:13 #12

  The poor guy doesn't seem to have done anything wrong to me?! ...apart from not waving the other day scot_babe, what else has he done wrong?
  
  I'm confused.

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• DerekPAgain Posts: 2,708

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  17/10/08 - 10:23 #13

  *Em* wrote: »

  The poor guy doesn't seem to have done anything wrong to me?! ...apart from not waving the other day scot_babe, what else has he done wrong?
  
  I'm confused.

  
  
  Well - he probably does want a shag.
  
  But then so does the OP, doesn't she? If she "has waited three years for him and am mad about him"?
  
  Wish some women would be honest with themselves about sex more often. Instead of agonising about timing and relationships.:D

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• inapickle Posts: 610

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  17/10/08 - 10:35 #14

  I think he likes the chase. IF he defended you,why tell you something that would hurt your feelings(others talking about you), he had no need to tell you other than to make him look good?
  I'm sure you know that feeling when you're really attracted to someone? wanting to be with them all the time? lots of phone calls/texts for no reason other than to talk to the other person? dates,meals,little gifts? Over 3 yrs,has he shown any of those signs about you?
  So take it for what it is,a flirtation hoping to get you into bed, Its a boost to your self-esteem,knowing you are attractive, Take charge OP,you choose,this isn't the 1800's,sleep with him if you think it will be fun(using protection of course,you don't know where hes been!), and it will get him out of your system. Let him be a notch on your bedpost!

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• Jucee Posts: 3,469

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  17/10/08 - 10:36 #15

  Personally he sounds like a bit of a 'player' tbh. He probably loves the chase and probably the fact you haven't slept with him is part of the attraction. I could be wrong though, but just imo.
  
  He hasn't definately said he is coming to your party yet, your op said 'he thinks he will come, but will let you know nearer the time' which isn't really definate. Also the fact he was still chasing you when he had a gf either means you are special to him or he just thinks it's ok to chase people when in a relationship, so is something to think about if it was you who were the gf.
  
  I would see how it goes at your party, but do be careful. He does seem to put the emphasis on sex quite a lot, like because you didn't sleep with him you 'blew him out' etc
  
  Edit: I agree thouh with other posters that he probably didn't see you the other day, so wouldn't take that personally

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• DerekPAgain Posts: 2,708

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  17/10/08 - 10:38 #16

  inapickle wrote: »

  I think he likes the chase. IF he defended you,why tell you something that would hurt your feelings(others talking about you), he had no need to tell you other than to make him look good?
  I'm sure you know that feeling when you're really attracted to someone? wanting to be with them all the time? lots of phone calls/texts for no reason other than to talk to the other person? dates,meals,little gifts? Over 3 yrs,has he shown any of those signs about you?So take it for what it is,a flirtation hoping to get you into bed, Its a boost to your self-esteem,knowing you are attractive, Take charge OP,you choose,this isn't the 1800's,sleep with him if you think it will be fun(using protection of course,you don't know where hes been!), and it will get him out of your system. Let him be a notch on your bedpost!

  
  To be fair, neither has the OP.;)

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• DerekPAgain Posts: 2,708

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  17/10/08 - 10:42 #17

  Scot_babe wrote: »

  Met this man in a club bout 3 years ago. We did a bit of kissing and he made it clear he wanted me to go back to his place but I'm not that kinda girl lol and told him this. We bumped into each other a few times out and shared a kiss etc but we never swapped numbers or anything then I heard he had gotten a girlfriend. While he was with her if I saw him out he would flirt with me and bought me drinks a few times but nothing happened during this time.
  Met him by chance again bout 6 months ago and he told me they had split and we ended up spending the evening together although I didnt sleep with him. He kept saying how pretty I was and such a nice girl. When we spoke after that he asked why I had shown such an interest in him but "blown him out" when it came to sex. I said I didn't wanna be a notch on his bedpost and he replied that he has been there done that with the one night stands and he prefers sex with someone he cares about. I was kinda angry bout the fact he wanted sex so soon so I text him saying so. He replied saying" I think you're a really nice girl, I was out of order. I think you're very nice and I'm sorry x". It was kinda left at that, then I had a missed call from him at 2am one morning, I phoned back and his mate said he had called me by accident. I texted him the next day and asked what it was about and he replied "I was drunk, sorry".
  I just left it at that as I presumed he wasnt interested, especially as he didn't leave a kiss or anything.
  
  However saw him at a pub a few weeks later and he came over and gave me a kinda cuddle and was chatting to my friends and I. He drove by me the next day and he gave me a big wave and smile.
  
  I like him so much I decided to bite the bullet and text him to invite him to a party I am having in the next few weeks. He replied saying "Thanks for invite, I think I will come, speak to you nearer time x x". However tonight he drove past me, looked right at me and didnt wave. Is he interested?? I have waited for him for 3 years and am mad about him lol. He is very good looking and has had a lot of girls in the past so I dont know what to think.
  
  Thanks

  Jucee wrote: »

  Personally he sounds like a bit of a 'player' tbh. He probably loves the chase and probably the fact you haven't slept with him is part of the attraction. I could be wrong though, but just imo.
  
  He hasn't definately said he is coming to your party yet, your op said 'he thinks he will come, but will let you know nearer the time' which isn't really definate. Also the fact he was still chasing you when he had a gf either means you are special to him or he just thinks it's ok to chase people when in a relationship, so is something to think about if it was you who were the gf.
  
  I would see how it goes at your party, but do be careful. He does seem to put the emphasis on sex quite a lot, like because you didn't sleep with him you 'blew him out' etc
  
  Edit: I agree thouh with other posters that he probably didn't see you the other day, so wouldn't take that personally

  
  Tad hard on the guy - he flirted a bit and bought her some drinks. Which she accepted even though she knew he had a gf. So honours even there I'd say.

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• Jucee Posts: 3,469

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  17/10/08 - 10:44 #18

  DerekPAgain wrote: »

  Tad hard on the guy - he flirted a bit and bought her some drinks. Which she accepted even though she knew he had a gf. So honours even there I'd say.

  
  Apologies, I thought there was some snogging involved then:o I revoke that bit then

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 6,683

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  17/10/08 - 10:59 #19

  DerekPAgain wrote: »

  To be fair, neither has the OP.;)

  This is the thing that stuck in my mind, also. The OP has hardly chased him either, even though she reckons to have been mad about him for 3 years... It takes two and the effort doesn't just have to come from the guy.
  
  Hope it all works out in the end scot_babe, the fact that he's said he doesn't know about the party is hardly surprising - he's probably just keeping you on your toes a bit as he's no doubt thinking you've been trying to do for the past 3 years.
  
  

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 809

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  17/10/08 - 11:43 #20

  Of course he wants sex?!?! Why date anyone you wouldn't want sex with?!?! You can make him wait 6 months and he still might walk away the next day. If you can live with that then go with him, if not move on to someone with the same expectations from a relationship that you have.

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• daisybelle2008 Posts: 1,042

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  17/10/08 - 14:51 #21

  OranguMaTang wrote: »

  Of course he wants sex?!?! Why date anyone you wouldn't want sex with?!?! You can make him wait 6 months and he still might walk away the next day. If you can live with that then go with him, if not move on to someone with the same expectations from a relationship that you have.

  
  That is a critical point. To be fair he is not doing anything too wrong here. But it is crystal clear that he is after no strings s*x and the OP would like a meaningful relationship. You are barking up the wrong tree with him.
  Reading too much meaning and emotion into a jack-the-lad trying to get his leg over (which he is perfectly entitled to do!!). He just is not boyfriend material and has no intention of being the OP's boyfriend. It is not really about who chases who. It is reading the signals and admiting to yourself that he is not into the same thing as you are.
  
  Over the years a million times I have seen this with mates and myself included trying to delude ourselves that the half-hearted guy was boyfriend material. The ones that end up being boyfriends tend to do what inapickle said in her post.
  
  I have a friend who constantly goes for young guys in their early 20s who are playing the field and naturally not ready to get tied down. She gets annoyed and frustrated because they don't want to settle down.
  Don't pick a cat and get mad when it does not act like a dog!
  
  He would be fine for a no strings fling but if you get upset 'cause he does not wave at you then he is not for you as he will probably cross the street to avoid you after you sleep together and move swiftly on to his next conquests. To be fair he is not really playing you, it is up to you to not be played

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• [Deleted User] Posts: 3,682

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  17/10/08 - 16:10 #22

  I think you should just shag him. Youve waited three years to figure out if hes just in it for the chase and wont be interested in you once youve slept with him. Save yourself a whole lot more time wasted wondering and just bite the bullet. If hes not interested afterwards then at least you got laid and can move on to someone who deserves you.

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• Shappy Posts: 14,531

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  17/10/08 - 16:25 #23

  As daisybelle2008 says, if him not waving at you causes you so much upet, then I'm not sure sleeping with him is the best idea, given he has done nothing to indicate he wants a serious relationship.
  
  Does he ask you out on dates? Does he ring you and ask about your life? Does he show an interest in you as a person?
  
  These good-looking, charming men have a way of making us girls think we are in love with them, but when we strip away their empty compliments and words, they never seem to demonstrate any solid actions that we can rely on and invest in.

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