The man deserves some time to go out and enjoy himself, given the hours he works, and he deserves to pick and choose how he spends the little leisure time he gets.
I actually feel kind of bad for him, OP. He goes out to enjoy himself and because his mate isn't the type of guy you want him hanging around with, you're accusing him of things based on an attempted phone call and a photo message. I can appreciate you've maybe been through some tough stuff in the past but you can't keep holding that against him, it's not fair.
I understand you being a bit miffed that it happened on your anniversary, and the drunken requests for a lift at all hours were just silly ( but not that unusual when drink's involved), but beyond that, I think this is more to do with your issues about stuff from the past than his actual behaviour last night. And that's for you to deal with, not him.
The man deserves some time to go out and enjoy himself, given the hours he works, and he deserves to pick and choose how he spends the little leisure time he gets.
I actually feel kind of bad for him, OP. He goes out to enjoy himself and because his mate isn't the type of guy you want him hanging around with, you're accusing him of things based on an attempted phone call and a photo message. I can appreciate you've maybe been through some tough stuff in the past but you can't keep holding that against him, it's not fair.
I understand you being a bit miffed that it happened on your anniversary, and the drunken requests for a lift at all hours were just silly ( but not that unusual when drink's involved), but beyond that, I think this is more to do with your issues about stuff from the past than his actual behaviour last night. And that's for you to deal with, not him.
I soooooo agree, give the guy some space! It sounds to me that you guys dont have a joint account! maybe putting all your income in one pot might help! you are married! I think you should thank your lucky stars you've got a man thats willing to work soooo hard and sacrafice so much of his time! he has every right to do what he wants! even though it might not be with his wife!:)
I wouldn't assume because he's foreign and worked 2 jobs 7 years ago that he's happy doing it now, he might of got used to his old job of more money and less hours. Have you actually asked him?
Does anyone really like working 15 hours a day if the end result is you just about manage to pay your bills? Quite a few people do the long hours or 2nd job thing, especially now but if you're running you're own business for example you kind of expect it and are looking at the rewards long term. And I know people who do a 2nd job because if gives them some disposable income which makes it all worth while, but if he's working all those hours just to pay the bills I don't see how he can possibly be happy, not long term.
I think I am more worried about what has happened in the past and the fact he may go back to his ways. I am also hacked off he had no regard for today. However, I have an enormous amount of respect for what he does, in regards working 2 jobs. We dont get a lot of quality time together, which is why the weekends are so important. To bugger off our with his friends for a mammoth drinking session to the extent it has buggered up today has really peed me off.
Anyway, I woke him up in the end and we had a screaming row I went for a drive to calm down and returned home an hour later. He told me the £50 quid he took out was for petrol, our anniversary gift (how romantic, night before!) and a couple of drinks. Apparently his friend had a big win at the casino and was buying all the drinks.
He told me he didnt hear his phone when I was calling him, and by the time he had realised he was well and truly plastered. He understands why I am upset, esp as I drive home early from my friends night out to pick him up, but he said he got carried away. I told him I dont begrudge him spending time with his mates, it's just that he took the mick (IMHO).
We have both apologised and we are going our for dinner tonight.
Like someone mentioned earlier, it's my problem that I feel wary over his past behaviour and whether or not he is going back to his old ways. I guess only time will tell on that one :rolleyes:
Thanks for everyone's replies. Sometimes it helps to get others opinions to help get things in perspective.
Perhaps one option would be for him to cut down his hours a bit, and for you to also take a second job. This would still mean the bills are paid, but you'd both have a more equal amount of free time. If you get to spend some more quality time together, hopefully you'll both be happier. If he rarely gets time off now, it is understandable that he is 'fussy' about what he does with that free time.
I wouldn't assume because he's foreign and worked 2 jobs 7 years ago that he's happy doing it now, he might of got used to his old job of more money and less hours. Have you actually asked him?
Does anyone really like working 15 hours a day if the end result is you just about manage to pay your bills? Quite a few people do the long hours or 2nd job thing, especially now but if you're running you're own business for example you kind of expect it and are looking at the rewards long term. And I know people who do a 2nd job because if gives them some disposable income which makes it all worth while, but if he's working all those hours just to pay the bills I don't see how he can possibly be happy, not long term.
No he isnt overly happy, but there is not a lot of choice. But his new employers pay him very little for the work he does. As there are no other jobs about in his field due to the economic crisis he has no option but to stick with it until things get better. The additional job brings his income up to the same earnings he had before he lost his job. Other than paying the bills, he has very little at the end of the month. I therefore pay for most of our "luxuaries" so to speak, but I dont mind that at all.
No he isnt overly happy, but there is not a lot of choice. But his new employers pay him very little for the work he does. As there are no other jobs about in his field due to the economic crisis he has no option but to stick with it until things get better. The additional job brings his income up to the same earnings he had before he lost his job. Other than paying the bills, he has very little at the end of the month. I therefore pay for most of our "luxuaries" so to speak, but I dont mind that at all.
So he pays all the bills yet you said you're in the better paid job.
Perhaps one option would be for him to cut down his hours a bit, and for you to also take a second job. This would still mean the bills are paid, but you'd both have a more equal amount of free time. If you get to spend some more quality time together, hopefully you'll both be happier. If he rarely gets time off now, it is understandable that he is 'fussy' about what he does with that free time.
Problem is my job. Although I am paid for 35 hours a week, I do more like 50. I work in a bank and although it shuts at 4.30pm, I am often there until 6, 7pm completing paperwork. Extremely exhausting and with no set hours and it would be possible to take on a 2nd job. OH works in construction and he finishes at 4.30pm end of, and therefore can commit to working a 2nd job.
youre overreacting, the man is working his balls off.. he's went out and had a drink, called you and been a bit shitty.. get over it, it's normal. make him his dinner and give him a right good seeing too.. problem solved.
I think I am more worried about what has happened in the past and the fact he may go back to his ways. I am also hacked off he had no regard for today. However, I have an enormous amount of respect for what he does, in regards working 2 jobs. We dont get a lot of quality time together, which is why the weekends are so important. To bugger off our with his friends for a mammoth drinking session to the extent it has buggered up today has really peed me off.
Anyway, I woke him up in the end and we had a screaming row I went for a drive to calm down and returned home an hour later. He told me the £50 quid he took out was for petrol, our anniversary gift (how romantic, night before!) and a couple of drinks. Apparently his friend had a big win at the casino and was buying all the drinks.
He told me he didnt hear his phone when I was calling him, and by the time he had realised he was well and truly plastered. He understands why I am upset, esp as I drive home early from my friends night out to pick him up, but he said he got carried away. I told him I dont begrudge him spending time with his mates, it's just that he took the mick (IMHO).
We have both apologised and we are going our for dinner tonight.
Like someone mentioned earlier, it's my problem that I feel wary over his past behaviour and whether or not he is going back to his old ways. I guess only time will tell on that one :rolleyes:
Thanks for everyone's replies. Sometimes it helps to get others opinions to help get things in perspective.
perhaps you can put BOTH your money into 1 pot instead of 2 and you share the responsibility of running the household
I liked the bit where you paid for a night out !! Big deal !!
everyone I know with seperate accounts have all divorced. Who cares whos money it is ??
your in this together and throw your money in together
So he pays all the bills yet you said you're in the better paid job.
No, we split the bills. I cant afford them all on my own salary. We split bills 50/50 and then I pay for all the luxaries on top. If he didnt work a 2nd job, he would earn enough to just pay bills and that's it, the 2nd job also gives him money as disposable income if that makes sense.
perhaps you can put BOTH your money into 1 pot instead of 2 and you share the responsibility of running the household
I liked the bit where you paid for a night out !! Big deal !!
everyone I know with seperate accounts have all divorced. Who cares whos money it is ??
your in this together and throw your money in together
We have a joint bills account and separate sole (spend) accounts. Money has never been an issue until he lost his job.
EDIT: money is not an issue now. I dont know why I wrote that! We worry as we are in neg equity and have a high mortgage, but we dont sit and argue about it.
No, we split the bills. I cant afford them all on my own salary. We split bills 50/50 and then I pay for all the luxaries on top. If he didnt work a 2nd job, he would earn enough to just pay bills and that's it, the 2nd job also gives him money as disposable income if that makes sense.
Would another solution be for you to both just work your primary jobs, and split the bills depending on how much you earn? If you both work the same reasonable hours, split the bills 60/40 and go without a few luxuires, you might both be happier.
The guy is working his balls off - he needed to let off steam - - he's probabaly pretty stressed from workig 6 days a week1
Piling pressure on him about an anniversary - IMO - is petty considering how hard he is working toi support you both.
edit - TBH the problem seems to me more about you spending quality time together rather than the anniversary - I can't see where you make time for each other in his schedule.
Fair enough & thanks for your comments. The only decent time we get together is the weekends....hence why I am little miffed. I dont begrudge him having a night out with his friends, I am annoyed he was so drunk that he came home at 3 and I then ended up waking him around 2pm when we were due to spend a lovely day together.
Fair enough & thanks for your comments. The only decent time we get together is the weekends....hence why I am little miffed. I dont begrudge him having a night out with his friends, I am annoyed he was so drunk that he came home at 3 and I then ended up waking him around 2pm when we were due to spend a lovely day together.
Log out, and spend the rest of the day/evening enjoying your anniversary (I'd also consider emailing the mods and getting the thread removed. )
all work and no play........................... wrecks relationships.
Take stock cloudy.
I 100% agree. However, it is a short term measure until things pick up. Until now, he hasnt worked 2 jobs since we met (which he gave up pretty quickly!). Sometimes needs must. If we werent in a recession or in negative equity, we could either sell the house or he could get another job elsewhere. Right now our options are limited.
Would another solution be for you to both just work your primary jobs, and split the bills depending on how much you earn? If you both work the same reasonable hours, split the bills 60/40 and go without a few luxuires, you might both be happier.
A good idea actually, and one I will talk to him about. Before he lost his job we were earning the same.
I 100% agree. However, it is a short term measure until things pick up. Until now, he hasnt worked 2 jobs since we met (which he gave up pretty quickly!). Sometimes needs must. If we werent in a recession or in negative equity, we could either sell the house or he could get another job elsewhere. Right now our options are limited.
Honey.. never mind all that, you BOTH need to be and stay strong for each other.. So he went out and got rat arsed.. please let it go and stop looking for buts. It's done now, get over it. Go love your man toots xxx dont make him feel worse than he probably already does, he hasn't realyy done anything wrong. x
Comments
I actually feel kind of bad for him, OP. He goes out to enjoy himself and because his mate isn't the type of guy you want him hanging around with, you're accusing him of things based on an attempted phone call and a photo message. I can appreciate you've maybe been through some tough stuff in the past but you can't keep holding that against him, it's not fair.
I understand you being a bit miffed that it happened on your anniversary, and the drunken requests for a lift at all hours were just silly ( but not that unusual when drink's involved), but beyond that, I think this is more to do with your issues about stuff from the past than his actual behaviour last night. And that's for you to deal with, not him.
I soooooo agree, give the guy some space! It sounds to me that you guys dont have a joint account! maybe putting all your income in one pot might help! you are married! I think you should thank your lucky stars you've got a man thats willing to work soooo hard and sacrafice so much of his time! he has every right to do what he wants! even though it might not be with his wife!:)
Does anyone really like working 15 hours a day if the end result is you just about manage to pay your bills? Quite a few people do the long hours or 2nd job thing, especially now but if you're running you're own business for example you kind of expect it and are looking at the rewards long term. And I know people who do a 2nd job because if gives them some disposable income which makes it all worth while, but if he's working all those hours just to pay the bills I don't see how he can possibly be happy, not long term.
I think I am more worried about what has happened in the past and the fact he may go back to his ways. I am also hacked off he had no regard for today. However, I have an enormous amount of respect for what he does, in regards working 2 jobs. We dont get a lot of quality time together, which is why the weekends are so important. To bugger off our with his friends for a mammoth drinking session to the extent it has buggered up today has really peed me off.
Anyway, I woke him up in the end and we had a screaming row
He told me he didnt hear his phone when I was calling him, and by the time he had realised he was well and truly plastered. He understands why I am upset, esp as I drive home early from my friends night out to pick him up, but he said he got carried away. I told him I dont begrudge him spending time with his mates, it's just that he took the mick (IMHO).
We have both apologised and we are going our for dinner tonight.
Like someone mentioned earlier, it's my problem that I feel wary over his past behaviour and whether or not he is going back to his old ways. I guess only time will tell on that one :rolleyes:
Thanks for everyone's replies. Sometimes it helps to get others opinions to help get things in perspective.
No he isnt overly happy, but there is not a lot of choice. But his new employers pay him very little for the work he does. As there are no other jobs about in his field due to the economic crisis he has no option but to stick with it until things get better. The additional job brings his income up to the same earnings he had before he lost his job. Other than paying the bills, he has very little at the end of the month. I therefore pay for most of our "luxuaries" so to speak, but I dont mind that at all.
Thank you
So he pays all the bills yet you said you're in the better paid job.
Problem is my job. Although I am paid for 35 hours a week, I do more like 50. I work in a bank and although it shuts at 4.30pm, I am often there until 6, 7pm completing paperwork. Extremely exhausting and with no set hours and it would be possible to take on a 2nd job. OH works in construction and he finishes at 4.30pm end of, and therefore can commit to working a 2nd job.
perhaps you can put BOTH your money into 1 pot instead of 2 and you share the responsibility of running the household
I liked the bit where you paid for a night out !! Big deal !!
everyone I know with seperate accounts have all divorced. Who cares whos money it is ??
your in this together and throw your money in together
No, we split the bills. I cant afford them all on my own salary. We split bills 50/50 and then I pay for all the luxaries on top. If he didnt work a 2nd job, he would earn enough to just pay bills and that's it, the 2nd job also gives him money as disposable income if that makes sense.
We have a joint bills account and separate sole (spend) accounts. Money has never been an issue until he lost his job.
EDIT: money is not an issue now. I dont know why I wrote that! We worry as we are in neg equity and have a high mortgage, but we dont sit and argue about it.
Would another solution be for you to both just work your primary jobs, and split the bills depending on how much you earn? If you both work the same reasonable hours, split the bills 60/40 and go without a few luxuires, you might both be happier.
Fair enough & thanks for your comments. The only decent time we get together is the weekends....hence why I am little miffed. I dont begrudge him having a night out with his friends, I am annoyed he was so drunk that he came home at 3 and I then ended up waking him around 2pm when we were due to spend a lovely day together.
LOL not in the state he's in right now....
Maybe he'll "perk up" later
Take stock cloudy.
Log out, and spend the rest of the day/evening enjoying your anniversary (I'd also consider emailing the mods and getting the thread removed. )
good luck xxx
I 100% agree. However, it is a short term measure until things pick up. Until now, he hasnt worked 2 jobs since we met (which he gave up pretty quickly!). Sometimes needs must. If we werent in a recession or in negative equity, we could either sell the house or he could get another job elsewhere. Right now our options are limited.
A good idea actually, and one I will talk to him about. Before he lost his job we were earning the same.
Honey.. never mind all that, you BOTH need to be and stay strong for each other.. So he went out and got rat arsed.. please let it go and stop looking for buts. It's done now, get over it. Go love your man toots xxx dont make him feel worse than he probably already does, he hasn't realyy done anything wrong. x
Point taken! I am logging out now!!
Thanks for all your comments advice - appreciated