My Dad Wants to see his Grandkids;Terrified of Flying

Residents FanResidents Fan Posts: 9,204
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Hi.

A few years ago, my sister and her husband moved to New
Zealand because he couldn't find any work at home. My family were very upset, especially my father.

Now my mother is planning to travel to NZ to see them and her two grandchildren. My father is thinking about going as well, but there's a problem-he's absolutely
terrified of flying. The one time he was on plane (from Ireland to the UK) he was really, really scared. My mother said he couldn't wait to get off the plane when it landed.

My sister can't travel home because she doesn't want to
put her new-born baby on a long plane trip.

My mother says going to NZ would be great, as he really misses his grandchildren, but any kind of flying really freaks him out. And the idea of the long journey from Ireland to NZ is really making him uncomfortable. In fact my mother is worried my dad might actually change his mind in the airport and not get on the plane. :(

Does anyone here have any advice on how to help him out ?

Comments

  • gorgeousgirlgorgeousgirl Posts: 5,031
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    Maybe a fear of flying course? Quite a few airlines (Virgin, BA, Easyjet etc) seem to offer them these days for around £200. It may seem a lot but it would probably be worth it if he gets to see his grandkids.
  • Judge MentalJudge Mental Posts: 18,593
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    Valium
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 7,856
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    Freighter travel?
  • bobcarbobcar Posts: 19,424
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    Valium

    Or something stronger. "You aint getting me on no plane".
  • John259John259 Posts: 28,466
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    What upsets him, fear of crashing, claustrophobia, or something else?

    If it's claustrophobia, would he be better on a large wide-bodied longhaul plane than the (presumably) smaller plane on the previous flight?
  • InkblotInkblot Posts: 26,889
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    Not sure whether valium is the right medication but he should see his doctor and ask for whatever works.

    If funds permit Air New Zealand Premium Economy is excellent. Assuming it's the same layout as they use to LA, the seats are not in rows but in pairs at an angle, so it's more like being in an armchair at home. There is plenty of room to stretch out and walk about and they supply noise-cancelling earphones so you're less stressed by the constant engine noise. If Air NZ isn't possible I still recommend Premium Economy over Economy as it's more comfortable and less stressful.

    Obviously everybody's different but I find looking up the details of the flights, what kind of entertainment is supplied etc makes it seem less like a trip into the unknown and more of a holiday.
  • SemieroticSemierotic Posts: 11,131
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    Just out of curiosity what work did your brother in law find out there? It's a hell of a long way to travel for lack of options here...
  • Me-CheetahMe-Cheetah Posts: 599
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    Inkblot wrote: »
    Not sure whether valium is the right medication but he should see his doctor and ask for whatever works.

    If funds permit Air New Zealand Premium Economy is excellent. Assuming it's the same layout as they use to LA, the seats are not in rows but in pairs at an angle, so it's more like being in an armchair at home. There is plenty of room to stretch out and walk about and they supply noise-cancelling earphones so you're less stressed by the constant engine noise. If Air NZ isn't possible I still recommend Premium Economy over Economy as it's more comfortable and less stressful.

    Obviously everybody's different but I find looking up the details of the flights, what kind of entertainment is supplied etc makes it seem less like a trip into the unknown and more of a holiday.

    My GP prescribed Valium for me when I decided to conquer my fear of flying. I've haven't used them yet, but knowing I have something if I need it seems to help.

    Having said that, a long haul flight would be a completely different thing to jaunting round Europe. Personally, I think it would be madness to book flights to New Zealand for someone with a genuine fear of flying ( I use the word genuine, because some people just don't like flying and feel irritable, uncomfortable, grumpy and stressed, whereas others will suffer an extreme, and often disabling anxiety response).

    If the OP's father falls in to the latter category then there is a very good chance he will not be physically able to get on the plane.

    From my own experience , he needs to build his confidence on shorter flights within Europe before going for an 18 hr haul to the other side of the world.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 177
    Forum Member
    Maybe a fear of flying course? Quite a few airlines (Virgin, BA, Easyjet etc) seem to offer them these days for around £200. It may seem a lot but it would probably be worth it if he gets to see his grandkids.

    Two hundred quid is nothing compared to the many hundreds of pounds that would be wasted if he refused to get on to the plane.

    A friend of mine was scared of flying. He ended up turning down lots of jobs that would require travel (he's a photographer), and he also ruined weekends with his girlfriend in Jersey because he'd refuse to get on the plane and drive instead, inevitably missing out an evening.

    He did a fear of flying course before his honeymoon to South Africa, and he was absolutely fine. British Airways, I believe,
  • InkblotInkblot Posts: 26,889
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    Me-Cheetah wrote: »
    My GP prescribed Valium for me when I decided to conquer my fear of flying. I've haven't used them yet, but knowing I have something if I need it seems to help.

    Having said that, a long haul flight would be a completely different thing to jaunting round Europe. Personally, I think it would be madness to book flights to New Zealand for someone with a genuine fear of flying ( I use the word genuine, because some people just don't like flying and feel irritable, uncomfortable, grumpy and stressed, whereas others will suffer an extreme, and often disabling anxiety response).

    If the OP's father falls in to the latter category then there is a very good chance he will not be physically able to get on the plane.

    From my own experience , he needs to build his confidence on shorter flights within Europe before going for an 18 hr haul to the other side of the world.
    It's an interesting distinction. My wife is scared of flying and got tablets from the doctor, which she has taken before several flights. However, after flying to Los Angeles and back (12 hours each way) she was very positive about the experience. She is still scared of flying, though, and was quite nervous when we last went abroad.
  • yellowparkyellowpark Posts: 2,125
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    Me-Cheetah wrote: »
    My GP prescribed Valium for me when I decided to conquer my fear of flying. I've haven't used them yet, but knowing I have something if I need it seems to help.

    Having said that, a long haul flight would be a completely different thing to jaunting round Europe. Personally, I think it would be madness to book flights to New Zealand for someone with a genuine fear of flying ( I use the word genuine, because some people just don't like flying and feel irritable, uncomfortable, grumpy and stressed, whereas others will suffer an extreme, and often disabling anxiety response).

    If the OP's father falls in to the latter category then there is a very good chance he will not be physically able to get on the plane.

    From my own experience , he needs to build his confidence on shorter flights within Europe before going for an 18 hr haul to the other side of the world.

    BIB. Really? how long does your Valium proscription last before it expires?
  • Me-CheetahMe-Cheetah Posts: 599
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    yellowpark wrote: »
    BIB. Really? how long does your Valium proscription last before it expires?

    I keep the tablets until the 'use by' date and then get another prescription made up - it's only for 6 tablets and the gp has been happy to give a repeat prescription for 10 years.
  • Residents FanResidents Fan Posts: 9,204
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    Thanks everyone, for your useful suggestions.

    My mother had said she, my dad and his GP are going to discuss some options about this problem before they go on the flight. Hopefully he will have solved his problem by then.

    Semierotic wrote: »
    Just out of curiosity what work did your brother in law find out there? It's a hell of a long way to travel for lack of options here...



    My brother-in-law worked in the construction industry, and he was
    very good at his job. But when
    the recession hit Ireland all the construction jobs dried up, and he could only find job
    offers in NZ. Still, the decision to go was very
    painful of all of our family, as you can imagine. :(

    Still, he has a new construction job in NZ now, and he's doing
    very well there. :cool:
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 8,510
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    Id be personally more inclined to use hypnotherapy before using Valium
  • Penny CrayonPenny Crayon Posts: 36,158
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    I think I'd try to find a good, possibly recommended hypnotist locally.
  • owlloverowllover Posts: 7,980
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    Having tried both, years ago, I'd go for the valium.

    Hypnosis worked in the short-term for me (fear of dentist)but I'm putting off the visits again.

    Valium will calm your Dad and the flight is so long that chances are he'll grow so used to it his fear will dissipate. That's what happened to me when I flew to Oz.
  • Residents FanResidents Fan Posts: 9,204
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    I have some good news! My father went with my mother on the flight.

    My mother asked the flight staff to give him help with overcoming
    his fear and he was able to get on the plane. He's in New
    Zealand now! :):):)
  • clarriboclarribo Posts: 6,258
    Forum Member
    I have some good news! My father went with my mother on the flight.

    My mother asked the flight staff to give him help with overcoming
    his fear and he was able to get on the plane. He's in New
    Zealand now! :):):)

    I missed this thread first time round, good to hear its turned out well.
  • RobinOfLoxleyRobinOfLoxley Posts: 27,040
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    In days of yore, long-haul flights were tolerable with copious amounts of free alcohol and then going to sleep.

    I'm not sure that cabin staff allow that these days and have been on flights where they have been reluctant to dish it out after the first few.

    Of course, not everyone wants to get sozzled, as a solution, and it really isn't very healthy either.
    You are supposed to drink lots of water to cope with the dehydration.
  • gemma-the-huskygemma-the-husky Posts: 18,116
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    a surfeit of guinness is called for, I think.
  • ZentonZenton Posts: 883
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    I saw a documtenary which I think was part of a series which had a muscular big black man with a mohawk who was also terrified of flying. He would say "I'm not gettin' on a plane" His friends had to drug him and carry him onboard. I'm not sure whether it would be practical to do this.

    Or, just tell him to man up, stop being a wuss and that he's a great disappointment to his grandchildren - this might give him the incentive to fly.
  • HeartacheHeartache Posts: 4,299
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    I have some good news! My father went with my mother on the flight.

    My mother asked the flight staff to give him help with overcoming
    his fear and he was able to get on the plane. He's in New
    Zealand now! :):):)

    That's brilliant, hopefully she will be able to get him on one to get back. Hope they have a wonderful time.
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