"I will find my birth parents no matter who it hurts"
bryemycaz
Posts: 11,737 Forum Member
✭✭
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2144968/Kate-Hilpern-Desperate-parents-gave-up.html
Is she being selfish to her adoptive parents by taking this attitude? Im pleased for her that she found her birth father but is it disrespectful to her dad that she walked down the aisle with her birth father who ran away when her birth mother fell pregnant with her?
Of course children have the right to know their birth parents, Sadly its not always a easy path once you have started down it to find out the truth. Many cans of worms will need to be opened.
Its a difficult and senstive subject, I do think though that if this woman is now campaiging for adoptive children to remain in contact with birth parents. She needs to think of the bigger picture, these days its a dangerous path with many children in care due to neglect and abuse. Not like in the past when out of wedlock births were frowned apon.
Is she being selfish to her adoptive parents by taking this attitude? Im pleased for her that she found her birth father but is it disrespectful to her dad that she walked down the aisle with her birth father who ran away when her birth mother fell pregnant with her?
Of course children have the right to know their birth parents, Sadly its not always a easy path once you have started down it to find out the truth. Many cans of worms will need to be opened.
Its a difficult and senstive subject, I do think though that if this woman is now campaiging for adoptive children to remain in contact with birth parents. She needs to think of the bigger picture, these days its a dangerous path with many children in care due to neglect and abuse. Not like in the past when out of wedlock births were frowned apon.
0
Comments
Yes, the woman in the story is disrespectful of her adoptive father by allowing her birth father to walk her down the aisle in my opinion. Being the biological parent does not make you a mother or a father, another opinion I hold.
Being a mother/father involves the sleepless nights, the financial support, the feeding/clothing/ instilling moral standards into a child, looking after that child and ensuring their wellbeing.
A man's sperm entering a woman and said woman popping a baby out of her vagina does not, in my opinion, make them PARENTS. Parenting comes next.
The relationship a child has with it's adoptive parents as opposed to birth parents is entirely different.
Both sets of parents should both expect and facilitate the search - if the adopted child decides to pursue it. It might be uncomfortable but it is absolutely their right and any selfishness lies with the parents who weep and moan about how hurt they are.
I don't think so. She walked down the isle with both of them. It would have been disrespectful had she have walked down only with her birth father.
And both fathers walked her down the aisle.
Seems that everything turned out all right after some understandably stressful times, and all concerned have a good relationship.
Im happy for her that its great in her case but, in some its not as Lizzy said some parents do NOT wish to be found. Its important that each case should be judged on its merits not just go the other way and allow free reign on sensitive information like this.
(ref who it hurts quote its at the top. A bit or artistic license used
That is an extremely good point. It is all very well tracking down the grieving mother who was forced to give away her baby, and quite another thing to track down the mother who lost you because she was permenently pissed and you were found covered in unexplained bruises. I know two adopted children who see their birth mother twice a year, as negotiated by social services. She has a major mental illness and it is a very difficult time for them. I am not sure it has been a brilliant idea.
The only person who has a say in this situation is the adoptee IMO.
The Mail was evidently upset that they couldn't run this as an "ungrateful cow" story. But they did in any case.
Good post.
I don't understand the need for them to change the girls first name.
If prospective adoptee parents will be obliged to maintain contact with original parents it will only result in less adoptions and more children spending their childhood in care.
The title quote was presumably written by a Daily Mail sub editor.
The article was in response to this one.
This is a very valid point, in my case anyway. My birth mother was subjected to an assault of which i was the product, i did not know this growing up and infact only found out through meeting her in March - i was surprised she could even look me in the face as i did not look like anyone in her family so clearly i must look like "him" ... If i'd have known this all along through "staying in touch" i genuinely dont think my teenage and early twenties self could have coped, at 33 i still feel like i can't cope with where i came from so i know at a younger age i probably wouldnt have made it through.
I think the lady in article has slapped her (adoptive) Dad in the face by the wedding day thing, i could NEVER (literally and figuratively) do that to my Dad, the sweetest man alive and someone who'd lay down his very life for me - it wouldnt even be an option.
Well obviously its stupid that the birth mother should be able to name the child and then have nothing more whatsoever to do with said child.
More ridiculous idea's from stupid people.
Having said that, you would think that a couple desperate for a child would put that aside. After all there are legal steps you can take later to change a childs name and you also can call a child whatever you want - you don't have to use their "Legal" name in day to day life only on legally binding documents.
Nothing wrong with Justine though
So they have. :mad: How angry would you be if you were Kate Hilpern and saw that horrible quote above your story?