"Friend" having tantrum over birthday party cancellation
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Hey, I know there's been a few threads about this recently so sorry for the repetition but I'm not feeling my usual ruthless self today for some reason so wouldn't mind some reassurance or direction on this.
There's a girl I met 2 years ago through a social club I used to attend. We got on well, made friends and went our for various drinks together, however I was warned by a mutual friend that she was hard work, high maintenance and I discovered this last year through a number of incidents when we went out together - she'd get really drunk, shout at you if you wanted to go home before dawn etc. and then completely forget about her behaviour the next day. So I agreed at that point to make her an acquaintance, rather than a friend.
She'd still constantly call me regarding her dating escapades etc. (she falls in and out of love with all sorts every few mins and I would empathise, going through similar myself) but on the few occasions that we'd meet up, there'd be drama. Complaints about food in restaurants when the food was perfectly fine, screaming matches and tears over the phone with boyfriends resulting in tears and sympathy on nights out. Even if it wasn't her fault, drama would somehow follow me on nights out with her for some reason (my car blew up on what was supposed to be a quiet night out).
Anyway, hadn't seen her since my birthday in November (where she turned up with her mates, said "this club's crap, I'm going somewhere else" and sodded off after 1 drink - didn't bother me too much as I had plenty mates there). I was semi-reluctantly going to go to her birthday drinks tonight - 40 miles from where I live, and I had told her all month I'm super-broke, it would be a struggle but if I was working in the town (which is where the drinks are happening) today, I would definitely go but wouldn't be able to stay for long (that's not just an excuse, it's true due to me being broke).
Turns out that we all get sent home from work today, as the air con broke before lunch and I'm now 40 miles away. I sent her a text profusely apologising and saying that I just couldn't afford to go to her do tonight. She's sent back an "OH GREAT!!!!! Another one! well thank YOU very much!!!"
My question is - why can't I just cut her off? And why do I feel bad - should I feel bad? We're not even that close these days and I've had situations before where I've cut off toxic friends. So why can't I cut the chord in this instance? Am I being harsh? I always said before life is too short to spend it with people you don't like or have little in common with, so why do I feel bad if I hardly ever see her?
Aaaargh! I hate having a downer put on me!
There's a girl I met 2 years ago through a social club I used to attend. We got on well, made friends and went our for various drinks together, however I was warned by a mutual friend that she was hard work, high maintenance and I discovered this last year through a number of incidents when we went out together - she'd get really drunk, shout at you if you wanted to go home before dawn etc. and then completely forget about her behaviour the next day. So I agreed at that point to make her an acquaintance, rather than a friend.
She'd still constantly call me regarding her dating escapades etc. (she falls in and out of love with all sorts every few mins and I would empathise, going through similar myself) but on the few occasions that we'd meet up, there'd be drama. Complaints about food in restaurants when the food was perfectly fine, screaming matches and tears over the phone with boyfriends resulting in tears and sympathy on nights out. Even if it wasn't her fault, drama would somehow follow me on nights out with her for some reason (my car blew up on what was supposed to be a quiet night out).
Anyway, hadn't seen her since my birthday in November (where she turned up with her mates, said "this club's crap, I'm going somewhere else" and sodded off after 1 drink - didn't bother me too much as I had plenty mates there). I was semi-reluctantly going to go to her birthday drinks tonight - 40 miles from where I live, and I had told her all month I'm super-broke, it would be a struggle but if I was working in the town (which is where the drinks are happening) today, I would definitely go but wouldn't be able to stay for long (that's not just an excuse, it's true due to me being broke).
Turns out that we all get sent home from work today, as the air con broke before lunch and I'm now 40 miles away. I sent her a text profusely apologising and saying that I just couldn't afford to go to her do tonight. She's sent back an "OH GREAT!!!!! Another one! well thank YOU very much!!!"
My question is - why can't I just cut her off? And why do I feel bad - should I feel bad? We're not even that close these days and I've had situations before where I've cut off toxic friends. So why can't I cut the chord in this instance? Am I being harsh? I always said before life is too short to spend it with people you don't like or have little in common with, so why do I feel bad if I hardly ever see her?
Aaaargh! I hate having a downer put on me!
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Comments
You know what, I think I will!
I need some bitch pills. My usual feistiness has department me at the mo......
Has she got any friends that will actually show up?
Sounds to me like she needs to learn the hard way.
Are we familiar with the type here? Just shocked at my own lack of bloody-mindedness here, that's all.
Oh please do this.
At the very least do the deleting of the number and forget about her.
As to why you haven't been able to cut her off (perhaps until now). Are you intimated by her a bit and so it's just easier to go through the motions now and then?
Familiar with the type, but not as a friend.
Delete, forget, move on. Life's too short, as you've already pointed out. It's not like she's worth any effort.
I've known a few too many people like this. They have one chance with me and as soon as they behave in any way like this I just cut them out. Not worth having people like that in your life.
Let me walk you through it.
You're welcome.
Have fun.
Goodbye
Delete.
I've fallen out with 2 major people in my life in the last 2 years (since making amends with 1) and the whole process of that - no matter how "right" I feel I am and how "meant to be" it is - upsets me hugely. I am usually a lot tougher than this, but it just annoys me when I feel like I've done wrong or made a mistake in these situations. But in this case she's not worth it. High maintenance drama is not me at all in any way shape or form.
You'd never know we were in our mid-30s, would you?
I really feel for you because I am just like this. I find it very hard to cut people off, or even tell them when they've been unreasonable or whatever.
I know in myself it's a hideous need to be liked, and I hate knowing people are angry at me even if I know I am absolutely in the right! It's a terrible curse.
If it was me, I'd reply with a text calmly saying you have said you are sorry, and you're sorry if other friends are letting her done but you did what you could. Wish her a happy birthday and leave her at that.
A decent person will apologise for her behaviour towards you. If not, her anger may mean she goes in a huff with you and drops contact and you don't have to deal with it.
As an aside, i do wish people wouldn't take people not being able to go out drinking with them so personally. While you may like or love the person, it doesn't mean that it fits in with everything else in your life - including your finances or personal tastes.
I know her well. Okay, not HER but I met a similar "friend" a few years ago. Gave me a lot of support at a very rough time.but was high maintenance/drama too. Once my life got better, she got worse. Once I met another fella, she was out of control in her desire to bring me down. She didn't have one you see, well not one that wasn't actually the husband of someone else. I binned her completely a couple of years ago. We are in our forties by the way. Some people just never grow out of that crap unfortunately.
Waaaaaahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa.
Mel - yeah you're right, although it's not really a need to be liked, more a need for an easy, mature life. I used to date a guy 10 years ago who was desperate for everyone he met to be his friend and it made me cringe, in fact I dumped him because of it. I don't mind if people hate me on sight, but I guess it's if I've had them in my life, removing them can quite frankly be a pain in the rear end. And falling out is never nice, even though I'm ok with confrontation in general.
Jaysus, some people need to grow up and become accustomed to the idea that when you're in your 30s, nobody really gives a shit about birthdays. Or your dramas. Or you. And they didn't in your 20s either.....
Ha! we could very well be by the sound of things.
I don't miss her and don't regret cutting her off. Neither will you. It'll be a relief to you that you don't have to walk on egg-shells any more.
I'm surprised she has any friends to celebrate her birthday with.
Crikey, would she really do that?
Text her saying you will be there after all and you will see her about 8ish..then delete and block her and don't go..:o
Well from the "Oh GREAT! ANOTHER one!" comment (I left out about 101 exclamation marks BTW...) I'm surmising she doesn't have any left.....
I don't even walk on eggshells with her as I haven't seen her in months. So all the more reason where I'm surprised I'm so bothered?! But the world does not revolve around her and she needs to know that! Think her dad spoils her rotten, she's 33 and he still calls her at 3am to ensure she's got home OK, even though she's lived away from home for years.
Ah well, that's at least a nice £30 (£50 knowing my flashness when I'm drunk) saved
That's not cruel. That's childish. They're in their 30's. They're not 14 years old.
It's a distinct possibility, multiplied by 1000000 when she's on the sauce.
Oh, Mask, you are such a bitch! Made me laugh though