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Parents That Never Cared?
HaloJoe
Posts: 13,283 Forum Member
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I grew up in hell. It was Hell in a scummy flat.....I did get to watch awesome films though. I was sat in front of them.....The original Robocop. The Terminator....The Running Man.....Predator.. Etc......
Also sunk into computing. Took PC's apart, mixed them etc............
My 'father'........Nah, not worried about him at all!
My mum....I really want her to love me. But, her head can't grasp such a thing....
It's seriously hard growing up with 'parents' not giving a shit.
Im 27 now, and this shouldn't be a worry. But you really do want your parents to love you always........
Also sunk into computing. Took PC's apart, mixed them etc............
My 'father'........Nah, not worried about him at all!
My mum....I really want her to love me. But, her head can't grasp such a thing....
It's seriously hard growing up with 'parents' not giving a shit.
Im 27 now, and this shouldn't be a worry. But you really do want your parents to love you always........
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If it's advice you're after (I'm not sure) mine would be: make a choice not to be solely a product of a negative upbringing; you can't change it but you can change how you live with it.
Screw 'em.
To most people parents are their first support. If it is not there it is sad.
It is only when parents die that we truly come face to face with their importance. Like everything else one gets to live with it.
I grew up beside a large family of 8 kids and they were quite neglected really. Their Mum could always find money for bingo and going to the pub but the kids had nothing. I remember her getting a box of chocolates for her birthday once and not letting the kids have a single one. She was very mean and selfish and always put her needs before those of the kids. Yet those kids idolised her and I honestly believe they did so because they just wanted to be loved and her to show some interest in them.
Funny old world isn't it?
That is a truly moving story. The thing is that even bad experiences can make you rich if you can learn from the experience and use it when appropriate. I grew up in house where I thought we were dirt poor. In reality we were very rich as I just did not value the things around me.
I'm sorry that you had such a bad time. Lot's of us have been through it too. A lot of people cannot comprehend that there are parents that do not love their children - It's a social taboo. Just remember that you are a survivor and not a victim.
It may help to try and talk about your feelings with a professional. Your GP would be the first point of contact. I can tell you that bottling up your emotions will come back to bite you in later life.
Try not to let your past define you. Good luck.
It's a disgusting world..........
Gorgeous story though.......My cousin lived the same shit. We sat alone listening to old records. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXt56MB-3vc (all we had, love it)
Adorable songs!!!
We watched films too.......
It's a brain trainer, but it's f*cking brutal..............
It's too late for me.I drunkenly live a past that what will never be......But my cousin has 2 children now....And she's doing well.
It definitely affects a person for life. Best wishes HaloJoe.
Never too late Joe. A pal, from years back, endured a similar childhood, she felt she'd never leave it behind her but she has. Hang in there. xxx
We must be the ones to go out there and make it happen for us though, regardless of what wrongs we have been dealt or what little opportunity has been given to us. Prove your worth, don't let your parents lack of care stifle who you are. It is possible to learn something from this bad experience your parents have given you. Think about it. You must be one of the strongest people you know because you survived your parents shortcomings. Ask yourself where can that inner strength take you? I would say pretty far in this tough life.
I was still using my parents for occasional comfort (and loans) when I was 27. I guess you have to grow up a lot quicker when you don't have anyone to rely on, but it must feel like a colder world.
Even when it's too late, it's too late.......For me anyway. My head can never adjust!!!!
Lost my grip darling!!
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Gorgeous posts though........Thank you.
Honestly, it's not big deal......Be YOU!!!!!!!
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Right, if you missed this shit aa a kid, look at me. Not only have i drank gallons of JD, but i've snorted so much dirty dust.....Popped Zopiclone etc........
Really sad and I'm sorry you have been so damaged by your experience .
Many kids suffer horrible childhoods but are saved by relatives, grandparents , aunts and uncles . To have no one to turn to for love and support makes for a very bleak and barren childhood.
Yeah.........
I dunno!
Sweetheart, you're 27. It's no age to be writing yourself off. No age at all even if you have 'self-medicated' your pain. As jasvinyl was trying to point out, you can't change the past but you can still make your future.
I have a feeling you wouldn't even be making posts like this if you'd truly given up on yourself.
People get to your age and thereabouts, plain-sailing through life, then something happens and their worlds fall apart. It can work the other way in that they have to suddenly adapt to a different way of living altogether.
When I got to my early 20's, I decided that dwelling on the past and blaming everything that went wrong in my life due to my upbringing was not going to happen anymore, so I decided to shed all the baggage and concentrate on my future.
Excellent strategy.
That takes guts and, hoping not to be patronising, bloody well done. Sometimes, it is a case of 'sink or swim' but if you sink you never really get to see what might be on the horizon.
I don't think it's fair to make comparisons in these situations. Good that you've put your past behind you. Some people take a long time and often remain trapped with their pain. We are all different.
I didn't shed a tear when either of my parents died. I couldn't give a toss about either of them. My sisters moved through tears, to anger, and back. My older brother, who was out of all of us severely mentally and physically abused by both parents, went to pieces when my mother died - in his adult life he'd turned her into a fantasy mother figure who never existed. He convinced himself he adored her. Weird.
I guess we just construct different coping mechanisms.
It was obvious he’d been having a pretty rough time obviously hadn’t had a wash for some time had lots of bruises and sores and he was very timid when he arrived. He became attached to one of the nurses and myself and always wanted one of us to be close to him. He’d just sit beside us, holding our hands and shaking and saying “no smacks?” We’d tell him he wasn’t going to be hurt and eventually he’d smile and blow us a kiss.
After a couple of days, he settled in and became more confident. He enjoyed playing with the other kids and really came out of his shell.
I called his home number to let his family know he was getting on okay. His mother’s response was “Who gives a ****? You can keep the little **** as far as I care!”
The worst bit was when the kids had to go home. Social services came for him and I still hear him screaming as they took him home. It was one of the most distressing things I’ve ever seen, the poor thing was reaching out to us and screaming “Me stay!” over and over as he went away in the car. I've never forgotten that little, frightened face, crying and shaking as he was taken home.
Even now, twenty years later, when the volunteers meet up he’s one of the first things we talk about and wonder how he is getting on and what kind of life he’s had. Some people just don’t deserve kids.
Get some help Joe. It's far from being too late. You deserve to be happy, believe that. But only you can make it happen.
Take care x
Poor little soul. You're right some people don't deserve kids.
That has to be one of the saddest things I've ever read. Why would they send him back?? Sorry you have to live with that memory