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Shy people- do others ever assume that you're stupid?
RuinedGirl
Posts: 918 Forum Member
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Just wondering how shy people think they're perceived by others around them (and how non-shy people view people who are incredibly quiet.)
I'm painfully shy, and I've found that people often either assume I'm not very intelligent (for example in a work environment, people often disregard my opinion and assume I have no idea what I'm doing) or they assume I'm incredibly stuck up and arrogant.
Do you think being shy causes people to make various negative assumptions?
I'm painfully shy, and I've found that people often either assume I'm not very intelligent (for example in a work environment, people often disregard my opinion and assume I have no idea what I'm doing) or they assume I'm incredibly stuck up and arrogant.
Do you think being shy causes people to make various negative assumptions?
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I imagine some people don't have much respect for me because im so quiet and don't join in with every conversation, unless they address me specifically but then if I do, I end up interrupting and it'd be awkward and things, so, yeah :-/
Someone once started talking about how she thought people should be able to stand up for themselves and to not let people walk all over them, that its wrong to sit and not react to things or know how to fight their corner, which I felt was them having a go at me but whatever, I just shrug my shoulders. I don't know for sure whether people automatically assume im stupid because im quiet, sometimes I make mistakes but I wouldn't say im a really stupid person, if anyone is stupid its probably the person who judges someones intellect solely on whether their loud or quiet.
In any event neither case gives others the right to criticise, assume or try to change others' behaviour , as they so often do.
Even though I knew fine well (since I've been doing it exactly the way I was suggesting 6 days a week for over a year and it works every time) that I was in the right, I still just stood back and let her belittle me.
Eventually (through sheer luck, and after 6 attempts) it worked, although clumsily and putting our client through unnecessary stress.
We were also being observed at the time, and the two people watching ignored what I said and went with the other member of staff because she's more confident than I am.
I ended up feeling like a complete idiot for not being more assertive, and quite upset that no-one was prepared to listen to me despite me having more experience and knowing the best way to approach the situation.
People often assume I'm thick just because I find it difficult to be assertive. But I feel like it's my fault because I allow it to happen by not having any confidence.
Thats interesting - how would you describe an introvert then, out of curiosity?.
Yes, I'm shy & have often been accused of being stand-offish.
That's awful! Ok, i'm a confident and extroverted person BUT if i am ever able to learn from anyone, shy or otherwise i'm always prepared to listen.
Don't be too hard on yourself, you tried to help, if they were too arrogant to listen then they're the one with the biggest problem.
Its ironic if people think your selfish or rude when your quiet/shy because most of the reason your often that way is because your too worried about speaking out incase of what people may think, so like by not speaking out, you make them think that anyway, so its a bit lose/lose, that (if that makes any sense? im a bit half asleep at the moment
I've been thought standoffish, when I've just felt intimidated by loud pushy people.
I don't bother with people who don't take the time to talk to me and I prefer the company of [very few] people like myself. I think I rattle some people as they can't make me out.
I do find that some people do ignore what you have to say, but then there are others who hang on to your every word because they rarely hear you talk.
However, although I'm quiet or maybe shy, I do voice my opinions very loudly when antagonised
When people start conversations with me I can't seem to keep the convo going as I never know what to say.
When people ask me questions I always answer of course, however I don't make a conversation out of it.
I worry what people think of me. However once I tell them that I'm a quiet/shy person, I feel much more confident around that person and therefore able to speak to them.
But yeah, when I first meet people I think that they think that I'm being rude or jut not interested. However that is never the case.
I've found that people often patronise me because of how I am. I also get the feeling that people think I'm being anti-social and boring. I also feel that they don't know how to act around me.
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
Presuming you believe that, you think we're fools then? Cheers(!).
No ............it was meant as a light hearted comment.
Apologies for any offence - I thought this forum was for a bit of light relief
My mistake.
The problem is, you are being judged by stupid people, and they are poor judges of intelligence. They tend to value how something is said, rather than what is actually said. In this sense, they seem to continually confuse confidence with intelligence, and shyness with the reverse.
I also think there is sort of a sheep mentality, whereby stupid people pack together and reinforce each others stupid ideas, and have a desire to agree with and suck up to what they percieve as strong (confident people) and attack what they percieve as weak (shy people), so they can define themselves in a social hierachy.