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I hate uni..
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I've always thought of myself as mature for my age, and boy did I ever find out how true that was when I went off to university back in September. When I arrived, everybody was nice, friendly and laid-back. We went everywhere together and I had a nice group of friends. Since then, things have completely flipped. Since I didn't play Call of Duty 24/7, the boys on my floor kind of abandoned me, and the nice group of girls downstairs seemed almost like they'd never had guy friends before. They sat around decorating their rooms, screaming and laughing. Everyone there has this obsession with drinking and partying, which isn't stuff that I normally do. I tried it earlier in the semester and it just wasn't for me. So basically, life was very much sitting around on the internet, walking around aimlessly and going to classes that I didn't find interesting. I feel awful because my parents are paying tens of thousands of dollars per semester for me to be miserable. The place is a dump, to be honest. It's in the middle of nowhere in the country and I grew up in pretty posh suburbs with everything I could ever want or need right there, and Washington DC only 20 minutes from my house. The problem is, going away to a four-year university is the unquestionable norm for an 18-year-old and to think of myself stuck there for another 3.5 years sounds like a prison sentence. When I came home for Christmas break, I went back to work at Starbucks and honestly felt like a rockstar. Everyone knew my name, customers were delighted to see me, my coworkers and boss gave me a hug and I realised how well I get along with these people. Furthermore, I had reunions with all my high school friends and things just clicked right back into place. I'm dreading heading back in January now because things have gotten so much better over the past week. But my parents would never, ever allow it and I feel everyone would look down on me if I went to even just the nearby uni that's just as good. I wouldn't even have to live at home, just would be living closer to it, but I wonder how much that would actually fix.
Plus, the major I'm in is International Affairs with a minor in Modern European Studies because my dream is and always has been to move to the UK and work either in the media or in education, but my parents wouldn't let me get anything besides some form of a political science degree, because that's what they did and they turned out well. It just seems so theoretical, my old high school teachers even had to ask me 'what does...someone with that degree do?'. Wish I could answer them.
Any advice on this massive issue would be great. Sorry to basically post War & Peace on here, just had to rant a bit.
Plus, the major I'm in is International Affairs with a minor in Modern European Studies because my dream is and always has been to move to the UK and work either in the media or in education, but my parents wouldn't let me get anything besides some form of a political science degree, because that's what they did and they turned out well. It just seems so theoretical, my old high school teachers even had to ask me 'what does...someone with that degree do?'. Wish I could answer them.
Any advice on this massive issue would be great. Sorry to basically post War & Peace on here, just had to rant a bit.
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To be honest i think the best thing you can do is to tell your parents exactly how you are feeling, im sure they would not want you to be THAT unhappy, and as for the course, have you ever considered coming over here to the UK to study??
If thats not an option, then definetly look into maybe transferring to a course nearer to where you live, Hope this helps and good luck
Maybe worth giving the course a chance until the end of first year (you're half way there as is), but if it isn't for you then you can't be forced to study a subject you don't want in a university you don't want to be in.
There's no rule that states you have to hang with the people you reside with.
Failing that, if you still can't stomache it, I would approach your parents with an action plan already in place.
They are more likely to accept changes if you manage it well - if you just tell them you hate it, you're leaving, with no other plan it'll be hard for them to take.
Also, could you not talk to one of your tutors about tweaking your course slightly? It may not be too late to swap the odd class here and there - talk to them, that's what they are there for.
You are mature enough to know that it's wrong, and now you have one more step to take. You have to be mature enough to recognise that this is your life and you don't have to do what is perceived as correct. Would your parents rather you have no degree rather than a degree of your choice from a local academic year?
It might not be normal to live at home and go to a local uni, but why not give it a go? It'll certainly save your aprents a lot of money, you'll be happy, you'll be educated in the way that you want it, and you're more likely to achieve what you want.
I went to a university and knew within 3 months that I didn't want to be there, but I stuck it out from September to April before jacking it in. I'd just automatically gone to another university for the sake of it, without thinking about whether it was best for me. So I shrugged off expectations, came home, went to a university a short bus ride from my home, and I'm blissfully happy now.
If you'll forgive me saying so, you sound quite passive and someone who's allowed his parents to make all his decisions for him so far. They just want the best for you, but you're old enough now to work out for yourself what's best for you - and to make it happen. Maybe they will be a little disappointed, but sometimes you do have to disappoint people when you are an adult - and ultimately they have to respect that you are an adult now who knows what he wants for his life. It's your life - make it happen!
As for the people there - are there no clubs or societies you could join? Im sure there are hundreds of people at your uni thinking the same thing as you, who hate partying and gaming. You just have to find them.
Maybe your parents dont realise how misaerble you are, so speak to them. If they dont give, just sort it out yourself - leave uni, get a job, make new friends and a new life.
And what does someone with ... degree do - ou dont have to get a job in that exact field - you could be a teacher, copper, work in government, join the army - or go back to starbucks afterwards if thats what you wanted, but the important thing is....*sings* theres only one, way of life, and thats your own, your own your own!
Yes, you might feel like a "rock star" working at Starbucks at the moment, but you won't want to do it for the rest of your life!
A similar story from me. I went to a uni reasonably close to home and hated it within about 4 weeks - I had nothing in common with anyone I lived with, apart from 2 people who quit within that time. I found the whole drinking/partying thing quite tedious - I love a night out but everyone seemed to have been locked up in a convent for the first 18 years of their life before they were let loose on uni - they were insanely immature! I lasted until almost Xmas of my first year and then moved out of halls and back home. I then commuted from home to the uni for the remainder of the course (I was lucky in that I only had 9 hours of lectures a week).
I'm doing exactly what I wanted to do now and don't really regret it. Going home doesn't mean the end of your life.
A friend of mine did a year at Tufts, coming from London she found everyone immature, conformist & stoopid. She transfered back to Cambridge & was very happy.
Maybe finish the year just to keep your parents quiet, meanwhile - find where you want to move to & get it in motion. Once you've sorted where you're going next you'll feel less pissed off. And if it suddenly you still have the choice to stay.
I'm not sure about trying to work in media in the UK - it will be very hard as it's very nepotistic & you really need to know people to get jobs.
However - if you're serious - the best thing is to have a specialism. US poltics would be as good as any...
Stick uni out, there is little out there any more without at "least" a degree under your belt, sadly!:)
Waiting out half the year won't seem as much as a prison sentence like 3.5 years, and if you have the same holiday breaks like we have in the UK (half terms, Easter, etc), it will probably feel shorter than that. Good luck.
You will only have wasted a year if you switch course whereas to continue if the subject doesnt interest you means you will never be happy in your future career as it will probably be in an area linked to your degree subject.
It does show great maturity to realise you are on the wrong path, doing what you dont want to do. You need to make use of that maturity to deal with the issues around it, making decisions for you and explaining these to your parents.
Its your life OP, dont waste it doing things you are not happy with.
Now, I work shifts, earn minimum wage, work at a local supermarket and I'm still living with my parents at the age of 27.
Do people look down on me? Yes! Do I regret leaving university? Not for a second. Am I happy with life? Kind of.
To be honest, I finished my degree (English) with the Open University. But that hasn't changed anything. To make it in this world, you either have it or your don't, and I don't.
I don't think any degree will change that.
If you really don't want to go to a uni near to your home, then what about studying for your degree in the evenings and at weekends while getting a job at the same time?
Just a word of warning, media is a good and interesting course to do, but it is very difficult to get work in media once you have your degree. My son got a BA in media this year and has yet to find work.
Don't go on being unhappy, life is too short and there are many other ways of getting a degree than the way you are doing it.
I agree with those saying that you should try and stick out the first year. You'd be surprised at how much things could turn around in half a year. Plus, you can probably transfer to a University close to home if you want to continue with your degree. Some people may look down on you - although I don't see what's wrong with it, plenty of people who go to my University live close and I've never thought any less of them - but if it makes you happier then let them think what they wish!
If you're really unhappy, and just can't bear sticking it out even for the rest of your first year, talk to your parents. I find it hard to believe they'd be okay with you being miserable. Ultimately, they want what's best for you - and I'm sure they'd be horrified to hear how you're feeling. And if they're no help then just defy their wishes and do what makes you happy
I really hope you sort things out.
The thing is, university is a big place, and you're bound to find a group of people you get on with! As others have said, there are clubs, societies, and sports, or you could even start a study group on your course or whatever, there's plenty of ways to meet other like minded people.
I'd suggest sticking it out for a bit, give it time to improve. If you're still feeling this way at the end of the academic year, that would be the time to start considering your options.
After about 6 weeks he couldn't cope anymore and had a long, hard think about it and is now taking a gap year to re-charge his batteries and go back again next September. He is also a very quiet lad and not one for heavy drinking. He also found that a lot of the students on his course were mature students which of course might have been interesting (but we are talking about folk in their late 30s and 40s on a course where he was the only 19 year old!) so I think he is going to try to get on a different course next time.
Yes, talk to your parents, but find out who to talk to at university first and come up with a proposal to make to your parents: what course you really want to do, possibly switch universities or move into different accommodation where there are more like-minded people.
Hope it all works out, but you need to take the initiative.
Not a nice place to be in, StephenKurtzke1. I assume you're studying at James Madison University, Virginia?
At UK universities, there is often the chance to change between courses if students really cannot get on with their current course and there are other courses that they can change to.
Is there anything else at JMU that you feel would be much more appropriate, e.g. English Literature, etc? There does seem to be a wide range of both arts and sciences available at that university.
The other thing to consider is whether you'd prefer to leave academia entirely and seek employement and perhaps vocational training.
I would hope that your parents would love you enough as an individual to respect you as a valid human being in your own right and not as some 'genetic lineage continuation' if you see whatl mean and that they would ultimately respect your life choices.
PS If you decide to stay at university, are their student societies, postgrads groups, etc.that could help you enlarge your circle of friends? That you are mature and responsible is to your credit.
There are a large proportion of students who are absolute tools though it's true and there actually seems to be a regression even from high school due to the lack of parental influence but I'm betting American students aren't binge-drinking every night like the British ones so think yourself lucky because if you're in halls over here you don't get much sleep.
I commuted to Uni in the last two years but wish I hadn't now as I missed out on a lot of fun, but once a week is enough for me pubbing/clubbing wise.
So much to think about-but is she right or is an undergrad in International Affairs, Master's in EU Policy Studies and a law degree overkill? Or is that what it would take to get me a good job with a good salary and AFFORD to live in London?
*le sigh*
On the bright side, I'm actually feeling much better about going back to JMU this semester. I have a much more rigorous schedule and I'm going to try and work down there, which will take my mind more off the constant boredom and lack of social life. I hope.
Oh! Also! Have any of you ever heard of James Madison University, UVA or William & Mary? Figure I need to graduate from a name-brand school to have it count for anything.
I could also do a study abroad my third year in London, but I think that would make me have to do a fourth year of undergrad...hmm
I started reading Psychology and Linguistics, but after six weeks, realised that that wasn't for me. I had a word with my tutors, and it was agreed all round that it would be better for me to drop the Linguistics and concentrate on Psychology. I'm now halfway through my degree.
I'm also on the autistic spectrum, so found it really hard to socialise. I managed to pluck up the courage to go to a couple of societies. If I didn't live as far out as I do now, I would still be going to them.
Good luck. Remember, it's your life, nobody else's, so do what you want to do, be where you want to be, be who you want to be and don't let anybody stop you.
Did the societies help at all? I'd say the biggest clubs on campus are the fraternities, and actually I'd say the moment everyone started joining fraternities and sororities (and I didn't), things started getting bad. It just brought out this culture of no consequence, no worries and having a lot of friends. Of course, what I tried to point out was that they were paying upwards of $1000 to have those friends and anything gotten through that just seems kind of seedy and wrong. I know there are frats that aren't 'social' and do have legitimate philanthropy and purpose, but they seem too few and far between at JMU.
The academic clubs (maybe that's more what societies mean?) like Model UN, College Democrats, etc are really interesting but I just don't know how to get into that. I did debate, theatre and stuff in high school and loved it. Just would feel weird almost getting back into that kind of stuff, like going back in time, you know?