I went through something similar with my younger son. He survived on a diet of plain pasta, cheese, chicken nuggets, cucumber and ham up until his mid teens , at that point he added chips to his repertoire.
I think as adults we should remember that a child's sense of taste and smell is very different to an adult. What smells and tastes moutwatering to us can be overwhelming and thoroughly unpleasnat to a child whose mouth and tastebuds are sensitive ; it could taste too strong, feel horrible in the mouth, etc etc. My son later explained that he just didn't like strong or varied sensations or tastes.
I would also say that asking a six year old to eat several courses on Christmas day was probably asking a bit much, even if the portions were small. Some children just don't have the appetite for large meals ( even if they are child size portions).
TBH, I fed my son the food he liked and would eat, and I would still the same. I wasn't going to turn it into a major issue becuase he was always fit and helathy (and even played rugby for the county well into his teens on his diet).
What 'cured' him of his bland tastes was falling in love with a girl who is from a family of restrauneurs and chefs . He eats absolutely everything now!
Really, I wouldn't worry- if he has the energy to make a fuss and sulk, he's getting enough.
I would suggest giving him small meals of what he will eat and perhaps introduce one new food every couple of weeks.
In most cases I completely agree with what most people are saying with regards to a child not starving themselves.
However, it's important to remember that if the child has sensory issues (ie refuses to eat any foods of certain textures or strengths of flavour) they will starve themselves and end up ill. I only found this out due to my child having autism, luckily his food issues never got that extreme but there are many cases where it has:(
Make sure your son's fussy eating is down to trying to assert control and not anything deeper rooted before refusng alternative meals.
I was a fussy eater and still am - often texture of things but my mum never made a fuss. I hate mashed potato so I got boiled and if I didn't like it no fuss was made. However, I will try some things but still will not eat others and ironically I am married to a chef who does not get fussy. I hate food touching on the plate and eat everything separately.
The main thing is don't fuss and I survived on soup, porridge and toast for a long while but I am fairly healthy. The more you stress the more a child picks up on it (not a parent but a teacher -children will find those things and work them.) Be a swan -calm on the outside, panic on the inside.
I've had two fussy eaters, with the first I made every mistake under the sun, I insisted she ate, I nagged, insisted, shouted, got cross, got upset, begged, pleaded, bribed and made a battle of every meal time. It was years before we had a decent meal time!
When my second came along, he was fussy right from the off and I just ignored it completely "oh you're not hungry never mind" was the most I ever commented. If he got hungry later, I gave him a banana or a yogurt, slice of toast or something. I wouldn't make him to go to bed hungry just because he never ate his tea, I couldn't be that mean. Sometimes I'm not that hungry at a meal time, kids are no different.
The only thing I insisted on is that we all sat at the table together, just because he wasn't hungry or was feeling too fussy to eat didn't mean he could go play instead. Sometimes he'd sit with a bit of a face on for a while, then he'd get bored and start eating.
He's 8 now and he'll pretty much eat anything and I'm glad I never made food into a battle. I learnt from my mistakes that's for sure!
He hates all potato with a passion, but it's worth a try I guess. Re the pasta, no, not just hoops which I guess is something. He'll eat normal pasta with tomatoey sauces, but it's bloody boring having that 3 times a week :sleep
i just feel bad that he doesn't eat "good" food. Right down to where I buy grapes from is an issue, or he'll eat cherry tomatoes for his gran, but not me, because "they're not from Morrisons"
He just came in and apologised, but is still refusing to eat what's still n the table. So he's back to his room. These are going to be some cr@ppy holidays
Do you think gran's encouraging his pickiness? Maybe she goes on about things from Morrissons being better than elsewhere. Grandparents can do these things without realising. I still haven't trained ours to not mention what's for pudding at the beginning of the main meal. :rolleyes:
I agree with the other comments about children's tastes being more sensitive. For curry, could you take out a cup of the sauce before you add the curry powder and try him with that?
I'd stick to one course too. If you have more courses in future, pass on the starter and just put a little bit of everything on his plate for the main.
If, over all, he's eating fruit, veg, protein and carbs, and is healthy I wouldn't worry about it.
No child will starve - if he's hungry he will eat so don't enable him to be in control. I used not to eat and there was no fuss from my parents - but I wasn't given anything else either!! Somehow made it to adulthood ok and although I find it easy not to eat even now I've never gone hungry!!
The ONLY way to do it is to be firm. No healthy child ever starved to death voluntarily, when he's hungry, he'll eat.
Don't take him out to eat at the moment, it will be too stressful. For each meal, you cook whatever everyone else is eating, you put a child-sized portion on the table in front of him, and if he doesn't eat it, you take it away. Do NOT engage in any form of persuasion. Just say "This is what we're having for dinner, eat it if you want, no biggie if you don't, but there will be nothing else." Cut out desserts for the moment, just go with a single course. You can offer a healthy snack between meals, but if he argues about it, take it away. Stay in control at all times, ignore any tantrums, and be pleasant and firm - you are the adult here. If he does anything like throwing the food about, treat it as you would any bad behaviour, i.e. naughty step, withdrawal of privileges, etc.
He will NOT starve. He WILL eventually eat. But you must stick with it, however hard it gets. One day you'll go out for a meal and he'll eat the lot with a smile on his face.
Wishful thinking.
My mum tried this tactic for me. It resulted in me falling asleep with my head in a cold meal several times, and I lost a dangerous amount of weight because I refused to eat. To me, eating foods I couldn't stand was far worse than merely starving. I didn't see the danger in losing body mass by starving, because I was too young. I DID have to deal with the immediate unpleasantness of eating those foods, though.
For me (and I am not autistic or anything like that) the options for my mother were this:
1. Give me the foods I wanted
2. Give me foods I didn't want, and literally watch me waste away (she tried it and I became horribly weak)
3. Get me to a doc and have me drip fed, or whatever it is they do.
I was just a child. I wasn't deliebrately starving myself, I just found the process of eating foods that I didn't want horribly traumatic. Actually traumatic. I developed a phobia of food that I'm only now (at 23) beginning to break out from.
I would say TRY it, but posters like susie are factually incorrect when they say that no child will starve themselves. If he genuinely hates the food, he WILL starve himself, and you'll end up spending a good few years getting used to cooking a few choice foods. It's not that bad. He'll probably realise what he was missing when he's older, like I did. At 21 years old, I discovered that potatoes aren't actually as bad as I found them as a kid.
As for Morrisons; this sounds like me. Since I was a kid I would only eat grapes from Marks & Spencer. If someone put a load of grapes in a line-up and I tasted them all, I could point out which one it was because it was always the only one I liked, even if I didn't know it was M&S. Someone once put Co-Op grapes in an M&S packet, and I knew right away that it wasn't right. It MIGHT be his grandmother, but it might be that he genuinely does only really like them form there because of the firmer texture, perhaps.
I would say TRY it, but posters like susie are factually incorrect when they say that no child will starve themselves. .
In my defence, I should point out that I was extremely careful to stress that a HEALTHY child would not starve themselves, so it's a pity that this was missed. I'm well aware that mental and physical problems can contribute to the problem, and even described my own experience as a child, but I think it would be safe to make the assumption that the OP's child is a healthy, and very stroppy, 6-year-old boy!
In my defence, I should point out that I was extremely careful to stress that a HEALTHY child would not starve themselves, so it's a pity that this was missed. I'm well aware that mental and physical problems can contribute to the problem, and even described my own experience as a child, but I think it would be safe to make the assumption that the OP's child is a healthy, and very stroppy, 6-year-old boy!
I was, as far as anyone knew, a healthy and happy child. I haven't been diagnosed with any mental disorders since. I simply found the act of eating repulsive and occasionally traumatic.
I don't think any assumption is safe to make. Your advice could lead to that boy starving himself. The parents need to be aware that it IS possible for a perfectly normal child to starve themselves rather than eat, and that your solution isn't a perfect one.
Not saying he WILL starve himself, just saying it's possible that he will. I didn't perceive advice of "You WILL do this and he WILL eat and he WILL NOT starve himself" as particularly helpful.
I was, as far as anyone knew, a healthy and happy child. I haven't been diagnosed with any mental disorders since. I simply found the act of eating repulsive and occasionally traumatic.
You don't think finding food repulsive and occasionally traumatic any type of disorder? It doesnt sound like a normal attitude to food to me. You may not have required professional help to combat it ( though perhaps if you did you wouldn't have taken the issues with you into your 20's) but it doesnt mean you didn't have a psychological problem.
I also don't think the OP would follow the advice verbatim if it was unsuitable for her child, after all, she is the one that know him.
You don't think finding food repulsive and occasionally traumatic any type of disorder? It doesnt sound like a normal attitude to food to me. You may not have required professional help to combat it ( though perhaps if you did you wouldn't have taken the issues with you into your 20's) but it doesnt mean you didn't have a psychological problem.
I also don't think the OP would follow the advice verbatim if it was unsuitable for her child, after all, she is the one that know him.
Of course it's not a normal attitude to food. But I haven't been diagnosed with any mental problems in my life, so I would have fallen into Susie's category of "She WILL eat, it's IMPOSSIBLE for her to starve herself" for all anyone knew.
You don't think finding food repulsive and occasionally traumatic any type of disorder? It doesnt sound like a normal attitude to food to me. You may not have required professional help to combat it ( though perhaps if you did you wouldn't have taken the issues with you into your 20's) but it doesnt mean you didn't have a psychological problem.
I also don't think the OP would follow the advice verbatim if it was unsuitable for her child, after all, she is the one that know him.
Wise words. When one asks for advice on a forum, one will be given different views. The OP will accept the advice that she thinks applies to her situation, and reject what doesn't.
Of course it's not a normal attitude to food. But I haven't been diagnosed with any mental problems in my life, so I would have fallen into Susie's category of "She WILL eat, it's IMPOSSIBLE for her to starve herself" for all anyone knew.
Your experience is your experience. It applies to you. My advice, with the caveats that I gave, is taken from my own experience as a parent of a fussy eater, and the words of several prominent authors on child behaviour. The OP is an intelligent woman and a good mother. I'm sure she'll work it out.
Firstly op, you have my sympathies as I can really identify with what a tough time you are going through.:(
I disagree with the 'take it or leave it' approach favoured in many of the replies though ! Sometimes there can be an underlying problem, and the tough love approach is not always the answer.
My son was a great eater at the baby stage but had lots of throat infections as a toddler. Every time it seemed he went off yet one more food item, till at age four he was refusing loads of foods and would gag a lot when eating. At first I thought this was an affectation but I was so worried about him losing weight that eventually I saw a consultant. It turned out that his tonsils were abnormally large and that he was genuinely struggling to swallow a lot of the time. If a particular food felt bad going down, he would 'go off it' , and that food would be struck off the list. He had his tonsils out and literally blossomed over the next few years. He was still wary about certain foods, and still a fussy eater, but with encouragement I got him to keep trying things, sometimes with success, sometimes not.
He remained a generally fussy eater though and seemed particularily aware of the temperature and texture of foods. He hated certain foods touching, and would only eat certain foods in certain contexts (ie liked tuna, but only in a baked pototo, not in a sandwich. Liked cheese, but only in a sandwich, not in a baked potato:rolleyes: ) Meals out were a trial and other mums were so critical of his 'fussy eating habits' that it used to get me down sometimes.
We now know he has ASD (aspergers) and has real sensory issues about foods. With hindsight I feel awful about the fuss I sometimes made at mealtimes but am thankful that I never refused him some alternative or forced him to eat what was in front of him. I now get him involved in as much food prep as possible and we chat about what's likely to be for tea, or what he might expect at a friends or at his cricket club party etc etc. He still has issues about what he eats, but is reassured that I take his concerns on board. He is so much more relaxed about eating now, and the table has become a place of chatter and the enjoyment of food. He loves preparing food, now sees it as something in the main enjoyable, and watches Saturday Kitchen & Come Dine with me, lol
He eats all veg except tomatoes and raw green pepper and will eat all fruits. However, he likes potatoes whole, not a mushy mash, and god forbid that the peas might touch the meat ! Thats no big deal as far as I am concerned. Its been a learning curve but we are really coming out the other side and we are all so much happier for applying a bit of patience and understanding. There are still a lot of things he won't eat (particularily spicy stuff) but he will at least TRY everything once and some we win, some we lose. I don't feel that he is winding me up, he's just a wee boy who has struggled to cope with something that many take for granted (eating) but which for him must have been overwhelming:(.
Lol, and by the way I laughed at the bit about the grapes, I can identify with that My son can tell different brands of white rice apart, whether Heinz ketchup is made in this country or is an imported brand:rolleyes:, whether or not a pancake came from Sainsburys, and he will only drink Asda's pineapple juice!
Follow your instincts. If you have any doubts about any underlying reason then look into it. Be patient and keep encouraging and little by little you will get there.:)
Your experience is your experience. It applies to you. My advice, with the caveats that I gave, is taken from my own experience as a parent of a fussy eater, and the words of several prominent authors on child behaviour. The OP is an intelligent woman and a good mother. I'm sure she'll work it out.
Interesting user name, by the way.
I'm simply pointing out that there are exceptions to yuor blanket statement, and that not all children are the same. Sometimes on the internet people do take what they read very seriously and believe it to be true even when unsubstantiated.
I'm simply pointing out that there are exceptions to yuor blanket statement, and that not all children are the same. Sometimes on the internet people do take what they read very seriously and believe it to be true even when unsubstantiated.
I know there are exceptions. I've said so. Enough, already.
My parents dealt with it by saying: that or nothing.
And they really did give me nothing else if I didn't eat what was put in front of me. Worked a treat.
Same. Both my sister and I ate anything and everything because if we didn't, we knew there was nothing else.
My Mum also never 're-served' anything. If you turned your nose up, complained or refused to eat it she would take our plates and put the food straight in the bin and that was that, we went hungry.
Sounds cruel typing it down, but it worked a treat as my sister and I were the least fussy amongst our friends and other parents used to say they envied my Mum (while begging and bargaining with their kids who would only eat chicken nuggets and ketchup!).
I went through something similar with my younger son. He survived on a diet of plain pasta, cheese, chicken nuggets, cucumber and ham up until his mid teens , at that point he added chips to his repertoire.
I think as adults we should remember that a child's sense of taste and smell is very different to an adult. What smells and tastes moutwatering to us can be overwhelming and thoroughly unpleasnat to a child whose mouth and tastebuds are sensitive ; it could taste too strong, feel horrible in the mouth, etc etc. My son later explained that he just didn't like strong or varied sensations or tastes.
I would also say that asking a six year old to eat several courses on Christmas day was probably asking a bit much, even if the portions were small. Some children just don't have the appetite for large meals ( even if they are child size portions).
TBH, I fed my son the food he liked and would eat, and I would still the same. I wasn't going to turn it into a major issue becuase he was always fit and helathy (and even played rugby for the county well into his teens on his diet).
What 'cured' him of his bland tastes was falling in love with a girl who is from a family of restrauneurs and chefs . He eats absolutely everything now!
Really, I wouldn't worry- if he has the energy to make a fuss and sulk, he's getting enough.
I would suggest giving him small meals of what he will eat and perhaps introduce one new food every couple of weeks.
As a (semi) reformed horrendously fussy eater, I think this post is very informative and sensible.
I don't agree with turning eating into a discipline issue, and I don't believe the current theory that refusal to eat certain foods is all about controlling/manipulating one's parents.
I remember how miserable and trapped I used to feel by my behaviour, especially at friends' houses. I would attempt to eat new things, and hope that they would be nice, but it would inevitably end up with me feeling repulsed by the taste, or more often the texture. There were a few exceptions - raw veg, breakfast cereal, white meat of chicken and a few other things.
Some people, children particularly, have a stronger "disgust" repsonse to tastes and textures than others. Normally, children will grow out of it at some point.
What has really helped me enjoy food more is learning to cook for myself - encouraging children to learn is probably a good step in the right direction.
There's a story about a fussy eater that I used to get told when I was being fussy - I hated all meat except chicken, and never give me anything spicy!
Mum ended up doing the "You're not leaving until you've had a few more mouthfuls" routine, but I'd pouch it like a hamster. Can't remember what she did to get me to eat more, but I turned vegetarian when I was 20.
I've just given him soup ( just heinz tomata with a hint of basil). he won't eat it, which I've told him is fine. The thing is I'm taking him and his friend out today and I've told him he won't be getting any treats, but his friend can. Is this just cruel. Or a hard lesson for him to learn? I'm going to feel really bad, but I don't see the point in bending the rules??
As a (semi) reformed horrendously fussy eater, I think this post is very informative and sensible.
I don't agree with turning eating into a discipline issue, and I don't believe the current theory that refusal to eat certain foods is all about controlling/manipulating one's parents.
I remember how miserable and trapped I used to feel by my behaviour, especially at friends' houses. I would attempt to eat new things, and hope that they would be nice, but it would inevitably end up with me feeling repulsed by the taste, or more often the texture. There were a few exceptions - raw veg, breakfast cereal, white meat of chicken and a few other things.
Some people, children particularly, have a stronger "disgust" repsonse to tastes and textures than others. Normally, children will grow out of it at some point.
What has really helped me enjoy food more is learning to cook for myself - encouraging children to learn is probably a good step in the right direction.
Definitely agree here - my boyfriend has all his life had a strong reaction to the texture of chicken - his family thought he was just being faddy and snuck some into his food at a restaurant: uncontrollable vomiting ensued :eek:
My eldest was a fussy soul when he was little. Like another poster said, I handled it ALL wrong with him. The thing that 'cured' him was when we had our youngest. We simply couldn't give the same amount of attention to his eating habits as we had been, and once the pressure was off his eating improved dramatically.
Obviously I'm not suggesting you have a baby to make your older child eat, but try and back off a bit from him.
We were far more relaxed with our youngest, and once he was at an appropriate age, pretty much opted for the eat it or go without approach, within reason. He's always been a much better eater.
The other thing that worked for us, was for the occassional meal we'd serve things up in the middle of the table rather than on individual plates. If either child saw the other go for something, they'd inevitably go for it themselves, as they'd see the food disappearing before their eyes and were worried there'd be nothing left. Worked a treat, got both children trying things they'd not had before.
Nobody leaves the table until we're all finished, that sometimes results in a little more food being eaten that may have been previously rejected, or at least tried.
Definitely agree with the posters who've suggested getting your child involved in preparing food, it certainly sparked our eldest's interest in veg. There are now very few things either of them won't eat, and it still amazes me (and scarily makes me proud!) that they absolutely love brussel sprouts!
It's strange children and food. My 1st had a very healthy appetite - would eat absolutely anything, even from a baby would gobble the whole bottle and cry for more. Younger daughter suffered reflux and was hard to feed. When she got to about 6 and realized lamb was actually a little lamb and chicken the same was when my problems started, she however had no problems with fruit, veg, cereals (thankyou God for porridge) and is now a very healthy 23yr old vegetarian.
I am not a great lover of food myself, I eat when hungry of course but a bit weird - not too keen on chocolate (too sweet) crisps (too salty)
I've just given him soup ( just heinz tomata with a hint of basil). he won't eat it, which I've told him is fine. The thing is I'm taking him and his friend out today and I've told him he won't be getting any treats, but his friend can. Is this just cruel. Or a hard lesson for him to learn? I'm going to feel really bad, but I don't see the point in bending the rules??
I'd say it depends on his reasons for being funny about food, if he's just being a typical 6 year old, seeing how far he can push things or being awkward for the sake of it then I'd say it's not cruel.
If he has genuine issues with food I'd say it is, it's punishing him for something that could be in some way medical.
Ever since I was little I can't eat anything spicy or anything acidic and certain textures (eg. cucumber, melon) make me gag.
And I agree with the other poster, as much as 'fine go hungry' will work for some people I would have happily gone hungry. I could go for days without eating rather than eat something I didn't like and I'd have a panic attack if they tried to make meat eat something that I thought was disgusting.
Unfortunately I think you'll find it's just a case of stop making it an issue give him his food and let him eat what he can and hope that, like most other people, he figures it out himself over time.
Comments
I think as adults we should remember that a child's sense of taste and smell is very different to an adult. What smells and tastes moutwatering to us can be overwhelming and thoroughly unpleasnat to a child whose mouth and tastebuds are sensitive ; it could taste too strong, feel horrible in the mouth, etc etc. My son later explained that he just didn't like strong or varied sensations or tastes.
I would also say that asking a six year old to eat several courses on Christmas day was probably asking a bit much, even if the portions were small. Some children just don't have the appetite for large meals ( even if they are child size portions).
TBH, I fed my son the food he liked and would eat, and I would still the same. I wasn't going to turn it into a major issue becuase he was always fit and helathy (and even played rugby for the county well into his teens on his diet).
What 'cured' him of his bland tastes was falling in love with a girl who is from a family of restrauneurs and chefs . He eats absolutely everything now!
Really, I wouldn't worry- if he has the energy to make a fuss and sulk, he's getting enough.
I would suggest giving him small meals of what he will eat and perhaps introduce one new food every couple of weeks.
However, it's important to remember that if the child has sensory issues (ie refuses to eat any foods of certain textures or strengths of flavour) they will starve themselves and end up ill. I only found this out due to my child having autism, luckily his food issues never got that extreme but there are many cases where it has:(
Make sure your son's fussy eating is down to trying to assert control and not anything deeper rooted before refusng alternative meals.
The main thing is don't fuss and I survived on soup, porridge and toast for a long while but I am fairly healthy. The more you stress the more a child picks up on it (not a parent but a teacher -children will find those things and work them.) Be a swan -calm on the outside, panic on the inside.
When my second came along, he was fussy right from the off and I just ignored it completely "oh you're not hungry never mind" was the most I ever commented. If he got hungry later, I gave him a banana or a yogurt, slice of toast or something. I wouldn't make him to go to bed hungry just because he never ate his tea, I couldn't be that mean. Sometimes I'm not that hungry at a meal time, kids are no different.
The only thing I insisted on is that we all sat at the table together, just because he wasn't hungry or was feeling too fussy to eat didn't mean he could go play instead. Sometimes he'd sit with a bit of a face on for a while, then he'd get bored and start eating.
He's 8 now and he'll pretty much eat anything and I'm glad I never made food into a battle. I learnt from my mistakes that's for sure!
Do you think gran's encouraging his pickiness? Maybe she goes on about things from Morrissons being better than elsewhere. Grandparents can do these things without realising. I still haven't trained ours to not mention what's for pudding at the beginning of the main meal. :rolleyes:
I agree with the other comments about children's tastes being more sensitive. For curry, could you take out a cup of the sauce before you add the curry powder and try him with that?
I'd stick to one course too. If you have more courses in future, pass on the starter and just put a little bit of everything on his plate for the main.
If, over all, he's eating fruit, veg, protein and carbs, and is healthy I wouldn't worry about it.
And they really did give me nothing else if I didn't eat what was put in front of me. Worked a treat.
Good luck anyway
Wishful thinking.
My mum tried this tactic for me. It resulted in me falling asleep with my head in a cold meal several times, and I lost a dangerous amount of weight because I refused to eat. To me, eating foods I couldn't stand was far worse than merely starving. I didn't see the danger in losing body mass by starving, because I was too young. I DID have to deal with the immediate unpleasantness of eating those foods, though.
For me (and I am not autistic or anything like that) the options for my mother were this:
1. Give me the foods I wanted
2. Give me foods I didn't want, and literally watch me waste away (she tried it and I became horribly weak)
3. Get me to a doc and have me drip fed, or whatever it is they do.
I was just a child. I wasn't deliebrately starving myself, I just found the process of eating foods that I didn't want horribly traumatic. Actually traumatic. I developed a phobia of food that I'm only now (at 23) beginning to break out from.
I would say TRY it, but posters like susie are factually incorrect when they say that no child will starve themselves. If he genuinely hates the food, he WILL starve himself, and you'll end up spending a good few years getting used to cooking a few choice foods. It's not that bad. He'll probably realise what he was missing when he's older, like I did. At 21 years old, I discovered that potatoes aren't actually as bad as I found them as a kid.
As for Morrisons; this sounds like me. Since I was a kid I would only eat grapes from Marks & Spencer. If someone put a load of grapes in a line-up and I tasted them all, I could point out which one it was because it was always the only one I liked, even if I didn't know it was M&S. Someone once put Co-Op grapes in an M&S packet, and I knew right away that it wasn't right. It MIGHT be his grandmother, but it might be that he genuinely does only really like them form there because of the firmer texture, perhaps.
In my defence, I should point out that I was extremely careful to stress that a HEALTHY child would not starve themselves, so it's a pity that this was missed. I'm well aware that mental and physical problems can contribute to the problem, and even described my own experience as a child, but I think it would be safe to make the assumption that the OP's child is a healthy, and very stroppy, 6-year-old boy!
I was, as far as anyone knew, a healthy and happy child. I haven't been diagnosed with any mental disorders since. I simply found the act of eating repulsive and occasionally traumatic.
I don't think any assumption is safe to make. Your advice could lead to that boy starving himself. The parents need to be aware that it IS possible for a perfectly normal child to starve themselves rather than eat, and that your solution isn't a perfect one.
Not saying he WILL starve himself, just saying it's possible that he will. I didn't perceive advice of "You WILL do this and he WILL eat and he WILL NOT starve himself" as particularly helpful.
You don't think finding food repulsive and occasionally traumatic any type of disorder? It doesnt sound like a normal attitude to food to me. You may not have required professional help to combat it ( though perhaps if you did you wouldn't have taken the issues with you into your 20's) but it doesnt mean you didn't have a psychological problem.
I also don't think the OP would follow the advice verbatim if it was unsuitable for her child, after all, she is the one that know him.
Of course it's not a normal attitude to food. But I haven't been diagnosed with any mental problems in my life, so I would have fallen into Susie's category of "She WILL eat, it's IMPOSSIBLE for her to starve herself" for all anyone knew.
Wise words. When one asks for advice on a forum, one will be given different views. The OP will accept the advice that she thinks applies to her situation, and reject what doesn't.
Your experience is your experience. It applies to you. My advice, with the caveats that I gave, is taken from my own experience as a parent of a fussy eater, and the words of several prominent authors on child behaviour. The OP is an intelligent woman and a good mother. I'm sure she'll work it out.
Interesting user name, by the way.
I disagree with the 'take it or leave it' approach favoured in many of the replies though ! Sometimes there can be an underlying problem, and the tough love approach is not always the answer.
My son was a great eater at the baby stage but had lots of throat infections as a toddler. Every time it seemed he went off yet one more food item, till at age four he was refusing loads of foods and would gag a lot when eating. At first I thought this was an affectation but I was so worried about him losing weight that eventually I saw a consultant. It turned out that his tonsils were abnormally large and that he was genuinely struggling to swallow a lot of the time. If a particular food felt bad going down, he would 'go off it' , and that food would be struck off the list. He had his tonsils out and literally blossomed over the next few years. He was still wary about certain foods, and still a fussy eater, but with encouragement I got him to keep trying things, sometimes with success, sometimes not.
He remained a generally fussy eater though and seemed particularily aware of the temperature and texture of foods. He hated certain foods touching, and would only eat certain foods in certain contexts (ie liked tuna, but only in a baked pototo, not in a sandwich. Liked cheese, but only in a sandwich, not in a baked potato:rolleyes: ) Meals out were a trial and other mums were so critical of his 'fussy eating habits' that it used to get me down sometimes.
We now know he has ASD (aspergers) and has real sensory issues about foods. With hindsight I feel awful about the fuss I sometimes made at mealtimes but am thankful that I never refused him some alternative or forced him to eat what was in front of him. I now get him involved in as much food prep as possible and we chat about what's likely to be for tea, or what he might expect at a friends or at his cricket club party etc etc. He still has issues about what he eats, but is reassured that I take his concerns on board. He is so much more relaxed about eating now, and the table has become a place of chatter and the enjoyment of food. He loves preparing food, now sees it as something in the main enjoyable, and watches Saturday Kitchen & Come Dine with me, lol
He eats all veg except tomatoes and raw green pepper and will eat all fruits. However, he likes potatoes whole, not a mushy mash, and god forbid that the peas might touch the meat ! Thats no big deal as far as I am concerned. Its been a learning curve but we are really coming out the other side and we are all so much happier for applying a bit of patience and understanding. There are still a lot of things he won't eat (particularily spicy stuff) but he will at least TRY everything once and some we win, some we lose. I don't feel that he is winding me up, he's just a wee boy who has struggled to cope with something that many take for granted (eating) but which for him must have been overwhelming:(.
Lol, and by the way I laughed at the bit about the grapes, I can identify with that
Follow your instincts. If you have any doubts about any underlying reason then look into it. Be patient and keep encouraging and little by little you will get there.:)
I'm simply pointing out that there are exceptions to yuor blanket statement, and that not all children are the same. Sometimes on the internet people do take what they read very seriously and believe it to be true even when unsubstantiated.
I know there are exceptions. I've said so. Enough, already.
My Mum also never 're-served' anything. If you turned your nose up, complained or refused to eat it she would take our plates and put the food straight in the bin and that was that, we went hungry.
Sounds cruel typing it down, but it worked a treat as my sister and I were the least fussy amongst our friends and other parents used to say they envied my Mum (while begging and bargaining with their kids who would only eat chicken nuggets and ketchup!).
As a (semi) reformed horrendously fussy eater, I think this post is very informative and sensible.
I don't agree with turning eating into a discipline issue, and I don't believe the current theory that refusal to eat certain foods is all about controlling/manipulating one's parents.
I remember how miserable and trapped I used to feel by my behaviour, especially at friends' houses. I would attempt to eat new things, and hope that they would be nice, but it would inevitably end up with me feeling repulsed by the taste, or more often the texture. There were a few exceptions - raw veg, breakfast cereal, white meat of chicken and a few other things.
Some people, children particularly, have a stronger "disgust" repsonse to tastes and textures than others. Normally, children will grow out of it at some point.
What has really helped me enjoy food more is learning to cook for myself - encouraging children to learn is probably a good step in the right direction.
Mum ended up doing the "You're not leaving until you've had a few more mouthfuls" routine, but I'd pouch it like a hamster. Can't remember what she did to get me to eat more, but I turned vegetarian when I was 20.
Here's the story...
http://www.conigliofamily.com/Cheese.htm
Definitely agree here - my boyfriend has all his life had a strong reaction to the texture of chicken - his family thought he was just being faddy and snuck some into his food at a restaurant: uncontrollable vomiting ensued :eek:
Obviously I'm not suggesting you have a baby to make your older child eat, but try and back off a bit from him.
We were far more relaxed with our youngest, and once he was at an appropriate age, pretty much opted for the eat it or go without approach, within reason. He's always been a much better eater.
The other thing that worked for us, was for the occassional meal we'd serve things up in the middle of the table rather than on individual plates. If either child saw the other go for something, they'd inevitably go for it themselves, as they'd see the food disappearing before their eyes and were worried there'd be nothing left. Worked a treat, got both children trying things they'd not had before.
Nobody leaves the table until we're all finished, that sometimes results in a little more food being eaten that may have been previously rejected, or at least tried.
Definitely agree with the posters who've suggested getting your child involved in preparing food, it certainly sparked our eldest's interest in veg. There are now very few things either of them won't eat, and it still amazes me (and scarily makes me proud!) that they absolutely love brussel sprouts!
I am not a great lover of food myself, I eat when hungry of course but a bit weird - not too keen on chocolate (too sweet) crisps (too salty)
I'd say it depends on his reasons for being funny about food, if he's just being a typical 6 year old, seeing how far he can push things or being awkward for the sake of it then I'd say it's not cruel.
If he has genuine issues with food I'd say it is, it's punishing him for something that could be in some way medical.
Ever since I was little I can't eat anything spicy or anything acidic and certain textures (eg. cucumber, melon) make me gag.
And I agree with the other poster, as much as 'fine go hungry' will work for some people I would have happily gone hungry. I could go for days without eating rather than eat something I didn't like and I'd have a panic attack if they tried to make meat eat something that I thought was disgusting.
Unfortunately I think you'll find it's just a case of stop making it an issue give him his food and let him eat what he can and hope that, like most other people, he figures it out himself over time.