Child maintenance query

[Deleted User] · 26/04/12 - 10:39

Hi all, just looking for some advice, please don't attack me as I do everything I can for my kids, see them every other weekend, take them to school 3 days a week and have them usually one night each week, over a month I would say I have them 10 days to my ex wife's 20 days. Now she has stayed in the house and I now rent, I haven't taken anything from the house and pay her £450 a month maintenance plus I pay for extra bits for the kids etc

Now the question is, in August I take the kids away for a week's holiday, am I in my rights to reduce the maintenance for August by a week as I get short myself and will need to feed them over this week? It's possible this would cause world war 3 but on the whole I do get on with my wife still.

c4rv · 26/04/12 - 11:02

I would not have thought so as payments are averaged out over the year.

[Deleted User] · 26/04/12 - 11:08

c4rv wrote: »

I would not have thought so as payments are averaged out over the year.

Bear in mind this is a casual arrangement not through the CSA and I already pay £110 a month too much based on the CSA calculator.

maxinerules · 26/04/12 - 11:17

Are you thinking of not paying her for one week, so about £110?Personally I think that you are being reasonable, but I'm not your ex. If you think that she will agree I would give her as much notice as possible ie mention it now, to give her time to budget for it.

If she starts getting cross about it I would drop it , because it isn't worth risking bad feeling over it.You sound like you have good contact with your kids and unfortunately you have to be careful not to rock the boat.

[Deleted User] · 26/04/12 - 11:23

maxinerules wrote: »

Are you thinking of not paying her for one week, so about £110?Personally I think that you are being reasonable, but I'm not your ex. If you think that she will agree I would give her as much notice as possible ie mention it now, to give her time to budget for it.

If she starts getting cross about it I would drop it , because it isn't worth risking bad feeling over it.You sound like you have good contact with your kids and unfortunately you have to be careful not to rock the boat.

Yeah I agree, this is what I was thinking exactly!

DoctorQui · 26/04/12 - 11:33

spendleb wrote: »

Hi all, just looking for some advice, please don't attack me as I do everything I can for my kids, see them every other weekend, take them to school 3 days a week and have them usually one night each week, over a month I would say I have them 10 days to my ex wife's 20 days. Now she has stayed in the house and I now rent, I haven't taken anything from the house and pay her £450 a month maintenance plus I pay for extra bits for the kids etc

Now the question is, in August I take the kids away for a week's holiday, am I in my rights to reduce the maintenance for August by a week as I get short myself and will need to feed them over this week? It's possible this would cause world war 3 but on the whole I do get on with my wife still.

Have you been assessed by the CSA or is this an agreement between you and your ex?

[Deleted User] · 26/04/12 - 11:34

DoctorQui wrote: »

Have you been assessed by the CSA or is this an agreement between you and your ex?

Agreement between us, it was all very amicable, no solicitors or anything involved....yet

c4rv · 26/04/12 - 11:34

DoctorQui wrote: »

Have you been assessed by the CSA or is this an agreement between you and your ex?

not csa

DoctorQui · 26/04/12 - 11:39

spendleb wrote: »

Agreement between us, it was all very amicable, no solicitors or anything involved....yet

In that case I think its reasonable to at least reduce the amount for that week because that is what you pay her to feed, clothe and keep a roof over their heads. I would say its reasonable to reduce it a bit to cover food. Speak to her, if its amicable, she'll probably agree but she still has to pay rent/mortgage and clothe them.

The reason I ask about the CSA is that anything you pay will be after they have taken consideration of the amount of time you have them so you will have to pay the same regardless.

[Deleted User] · 26/04/12 - 11:42

I won't do anything that will cause her hardship, it's not worth it, I just worry about where I will get the money from to feed them that week, pay for the holiday, it's a difficult one for her as my partner takes me on holiday and I don't pay a penny so it can look like I am spending money on holidays for myself but really I am not, I am just lucky!

DoctorQui · 26/04/12 - 11:46

spendleb wrote: »

I won't do anything that will cause her hardship, it's not worth it, I just worry about where I will get the money from to feed them that week, pay for the holiday, it's a difficult one for her as my partner takes me on holiday and I don't pay a penny so it can look like I am spending money on holidays for myself but really I am not, I am just lucky!

At least speak to her, she may surprise you. You are paying for your children, not her!

MadameLaMinx · 26/04/12 - 12:31

Just say to your ex "If its a problem, I want you to say so, but are you happy for me to give you less maintenance the week I take the kids away, I will still contribute to the mortgage etc for that week but I could use having the food money as extra in order to feed them while we are away?"

If shes as reasonable as she sounds, there shouldnt be an issue with this. I certainly dont think you are being remotely unreasonable. After all, for that week, you ARE the one who is going to be feeding them.

brycaz · 26/04/12 - 12:40

MadameLaMinx wrote: »

Just say to your ex "If its a problem, I want you to say so, but are you happy for me to give you less maintenance the week I take the kids away, I will still contribute to the mortgage etc for that week but I could use having the food money as extra in order to feed them while we are away?"

If shes as reasonable as she sounds, there shouldnt be an issue with this. I certainly dont think you are being remotely unreasonable. After all, for that week, you ARE the one who is going to be feeding them.

If his children are school age, August is when Mum will be buying their schools clothes which can add up to a pretty penny even if you buy from the supermarkets. OP speak to your ex as soon as possible.

[Deleted User] · 26/04/12 - 14:43

What does your money actually pay for? My CSA payments go to rent and child are- neither of which are reduced when the kids aren't here. Perhaps you need to speak to her and find out if she would struggle with out your pay,ent

TWS · 26/04/12 - 15:36

bazaar1 wrote: »

What does your money actually pay for? My CSA payments go to rent and child are- neither of which are reduced when the kids aren't here. Perhaps you need to speak to her and find out if she would struggle with out your pay,ent

i agree it depends on the type of person she is and if you can guarantee it goes towards the children and keeping a roof over their heads, otherwise i would do the minimum through the CSA and then be putting spare into a bank account for their future then you know it is there for them and you would have some extra for when you have the kids

shmisk · 26/04/12 - 15:40

I would just have a chat with her and explain it as you have done here - I would avoid use of words that can be inflamatory like 'within my rights' and avoid mentioning you pay over the CSA recommendation.

I am sure she does not want her kids to go hungry on holiday and would understand, and if it would cause financial problems for her I am sure if you are as amicable as you say then you will be able to find mifddle ground

hope you and your kids have a nice holiday!

academia · 26/04/12 - 20:48

brycaz wrote: »

If his children are school age, August is when Mum will be buying their schools clothes which can add up to a pretty penny even if you buy from the supermarkets. OP speak to your ex as soon as possible.

that's what I was thinking. The only gain she will have if the children are away for the week is less of a food bill. She still has to pay everything to keep the house going PLUS kitting them out for school.
Is feeding the children for a week really such a big deal for you that you want to make a fuss over it? You might be risking an amicable arrangement by doing so.

rockerchick · 26/04/12 - 20:53

Maintenance is worked out on the basis of what the dad earns, weather he has any other kids to pay for and if/how often he has the child overnight, So I don't see why the amount should change.

#grotbags# · 26/04/12 - 21:06

£450?? How many kids?If I was your ex, I would think it reasonable to reduce the amount for that week, especially if it meant the difference between the kids having a great holiday and an average one.

Although my ex sees my child as much as you see yours, he only gives me £65 a month, despite having two jobs. Though he has another child.

Your ex is a lucky woman. You sound like a good dad. Have a great holiday.

TWS · 26/04/12 - 21:09

#grotbags# wrote: »

£450?? How many kids?If I was your ex, I would think it reasonable to reduce the amount for that week, especially if it meant the difference between the kids having a great holiday and an average one.

Although my ex sees my child as much as you see yours, he only gives me £65 a month, despite having two jobs. Though he has another child.

Your ex is a lucky woman. You sound like a good dad. Have a great holiday.

sounds like a great dad, either that or he is earning shed loads, i get £144 a month and the ex doesnt even see the kids let alone pay out for them and left me with a £700 mortgage a month, i would be kissing the ops feet - well lets just say my boys would be amassing some savings in their accounts if i was getting 450 a month for them

#grotbags# · 26/04/12 - 21:17

TWS wrote: »

sounds like a great dad, either that or he is earning shed loads, i get £144 a month and the ex doesnt even see the kids let alone pay out for them and left me with a £700 mortgage a month, i would be kissing the ops feet - well lets just say my boys would be amassing some savings in their accounts if i was getting 450 a month for them

I try to save in my child's account, but most months it's right back out again

How a father can't see his kids is something I'll never get my head round. My ex sees a lot of my child, but there are still occasions when I wonder what his priorities are. Lives the absolute life if Riley and I really grudge having to ask his "permission" before I make any plans, but I know I'm much better off than many.

Just not the OP's ex!

shmisk · 26/04/12 - 21:40

#grotbags# wrote: »

£450?? How many kids?If I was your ex, I would think it reasonable to reduce the amount for that week, especially if it meant the difference between the kids having a great holiday and an average one.

Although my ex sees my child as much as you see yours, he only gives me £65 a month, despite having two jobs. Though he has another child.

Your ex is a lucky woman. You sound like a good dad. Have a great holiday.

my ex also sees my son roughly that much and i get zero pounds maintainance!

#grotbags# · 26/04/12 - 21:42

shmisk wrote: »

my ex also sees my son roughly that much and i get zero pounds maintainance!

How does he get away with that?

shmisk · 26/04/12 - 21:44

#grotbags# wrote: »

How does he get away with that?

any talk of maintainance ended in furious rows and I didnt want my son to sense any animosity between us, and basically worked out that if I wanted my boy and his dad to have a relationship and us to be able to make decisions about him jointly and communicate properly, I would just have to forgo maintainance. I get the child benefit, however, and my son is secure that we love him and will make decisions about him jointly and attend important appointments together. That seemed more important then the cash.

or maybe I am just weak!

#grotbags# · 26/04/12 - 21:50

shmisk wrote: »

any talk of maintainance ended in furious rows and I didnt want my son to sense any animosity between us, and basically worked out that if I wanted my boy and his dad to have a relationship and us to be able to make decisions about him jointly and communicate properly, I would just have to forgo maintainance. I get the child benefit, however, and my son is secure that we love him and will make decisions about him jointly and attend important appointments together. That seemed more important then the cash.

or maybe I am just weak!

Of course it more important and I admire that you can be the bigger person and let that issue lie. I don't think I could, because it's another example of how some men just pick and choose what bits of parenthood suit them and stuff what's actually the decent thing to do.

shmisk · 26/04/12 - 21:53

#grotbags# wrote: »

Of course it more important and I admire that you can be the bigger person and let that issue lie. I don't think I could, because it's another example of how some men just pick and choose what bits of parenthood suit them and stuff what's actually the decent thing to do.

thanks

i have to say it does annoy me immensely at times - like when I am buying school uniform and also buying it so he has a uniform at his dads if needed, and his dad is swanning of on holiday when I havent been able to go for years

but I guess I know I am doing the right thing

Hey there!

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