I bought a new laptop about a year ago (using it now). We have separate bank accounts, so the purchase of the lap top came out of my money / wages.
But I rarely get a chance to use it as my husband snaffles it every evening to play games on Facebook. Do I care ? No. I grab it when i want it, but its a joint laptop and he can / does use it as much, if not more than me.
But that's not the question I asked.
What if you bought him a laptop as a present?
Would it still be a joint laptop? Would you still consider it partially yours?
Yes. I would of bought him a laptop because we need one in our home. It would of course be shared.
He bought me an iPod and docking station for Christmas last year, but its set up in the lounge, we both use it .... and he has downloaded loads of crappy tunes onto it which are HIS favs.
Im really not precious about 'things' and he is the same.
Yes. I would of bought him a laptop because we need one in our home.
But then it's not a present for him.
I think for christmas I'll buy my partner a new vacuum cleaner because we need a new one for our home. I'm sure that will go down well.
Im really not precious about 'things' and he is the same.
Fair enough. Doesn't make any sense to me personally though. In the same way I don't understand how couples with only one joint bank account buy each presents without technically the person being treated paying for half of it.
But my question still stands for the "we own absolutely everything equally" brigade. How do they buy each other presents?
We're in that brigade We don't really buy each other presents as such, but if one of us wants something and we can afford it, they get it. That goes for birthdays or any other day of the year. If we don't want anything when birthdays come around, we don't bother. Going out somewhere nice for the day is just as good.
If one of us buys something for the other as a surprise, then yes, technically they've paid for half of it. But it isn't the monetary value that's important, just that they thought of it and made the effort.
We're in that brigade We don't really buy each other presents as such, but if one of us wants something and we can afford it, they get it. That goes for birthdays or any other day of the year. If we don't want anything when birthdays come around, we don't bother. Going out somewhere nice for the day is just as good.
If one of us buys something for the other as a surprise, then yes, technically they've paid for half of it. But it isn't the monetary value that's important, just that they thought of it and made the effort.
Bingo! Thats the same for our household. I work part time while my OH earns the lions share of the household income. I take care of alot of things in the house and stay at home with our daughter everyday, so neithers of us feel like one person puts more/less into the pot than the other. When it comes to buying pressies, we take money out of the bank and go and get it.
What ever happened to 'its the thought that counts'?? Some people are quite materialistic on here.
She sounds extremely selfish. She may have paid for the car out of her own money but, possesions in a marriage are shared as proved in any divorce. The first thing I would do is stop paying her mobile phone bill and her council tax and then put a PIN on the Sky box so she can't watch TV.
We're in that brigade We don't really buy each other presents as such, but if one of us wants something and we can afford it, they get it. That goes for birthdays or any other day of the year. If we don't want anything when birthdays come around, we don't bother. Going out somewhere nice for the day is just as good.
If one of us buys something for the other as a surprise, then yes, technically they've paid for half of it. But it isn't the monetary value that's important, just that they thought of it and made the effort.
This is how we do things too. It keeps life simple for us. We view our money as exactly that, ours.
Funny how it's always the lower earner that is the advocate of "joint finances" ....
You must have missed the part where she takes care of the house and looks after the kids. I take 'no monetary value' is equal to 'no value' in your world then?
Funny how it's always the lower earner that is the advocate of "joint finances" ....
We have always had joint finances.
At first I earned more than my husband but now things are reversed.
We are a team & the money is joint money, always has been & always will be.
The is a lot more to a relationship than money.
And its often the lower earner that has sacrified their career for the greater good of the relationship, especially moving location and childcare.
Not in the cases when there aren't any children or childcare.
With how quickly people split up or get divorced these days, it is foolhardy to throw everything you have into a relationship on the grounds that everything is jointly owned. Get taken to the cleaners a few times and you'll realise this.
We have always had joint finances.
At first I earned more than my husband but now things are reversed. We are a team & the money is joint money, always has been & always will be. The is a lot more to a relationship than money.
I think the highlighted parts sum up my thoughts on the subject.
Dear me Hoolovoo has a very sad view of life if they judge everything by money.
I work my OH doesn't but looks after the 'home' we could have more money if she worked but our quality of life would be poorer. When it comes to presents it's not about the value but whether it makes the other person happy/pleased ~ which bank account it comes out is irrelevant.
I work my OH doesn't but looks after the 'home' we could have more money if she worked but our quality of life would be poorer.
Would it? I'd rather have a better household income and put up with a bit of dust!
When it comes to presents it's not about the value but whether it makes the other person happy/pleased ~ which bank account it comes out is irrelevant.
Next time I buy someone a present I'll be sure to fund it using money from their own bank account then, since it doesn't matter.
Yes. I would of bought him a laptop because we need one in our home. It would of course be shared.
He bought me an iPod and docking station for Christmas last year, but its set up in the lounge, we both use it .... and he has downloaded loads of crappy tunes onto it which are HIS favs.
Im really not precious about 'things' and he is the same.
Ahhh the 'buy a prezzie that you want trick' nice one
Own things such as clothes, hobbies, personal effects is fine. A major household expense is not.
But a car is not a major "household" expense when you BOTH have a car.
It's different if you manage with only one car.
But most couples need a car each because they both have to get to work at the same time and travel in opposite directions. I pay for my car and related expenses, my partner pays for her car and related expenses. Simple.
Not to mention the fact that putting her on my insurance makes my insurance more expensive (since I am the more experienced driver). That is just an unnecessary extra expense when she's got her own car and doesn't need to drive mine.
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I chose a Ford Fiesta Titanium, and she chose a Mini One.
We both share each others cars, and neither of us mind one of us using any of the cars, as we share!
Im sure if one of us decided to go out and buy a brand new Bentley it would be the same!!!!
But that's not the question I asked.
What if you bought him a laptop as a present?
Would it still be a joint laptop? Would you still consider it partially yours?
Yes. I would of bought him a laptop because we need one in our home. It would of course be shared.
He bought me an iPod and docking station for Christmas last year, but its set up in the lounge, we both use it .... and he has downloaded loads of crappy tunes onto it which are HIS favs.
Im really not precious about 'things' and he is the same.
But then it's not a present for him.
I think for christmas I'll buy my partner a new vacuum cleaner because we need a new one for our home. I'm sure that will go down well.
Fair enough. Doesn't make any sense to me personally though. In the same way I don't understand how couples with only one joint bank account buy each presents without technically the person being treated paying for half of it.
We're in that brigade
If one of us buys something for the other as a surprise, then yes, technically they've paid for half of it. But it isn't the monetary value that's important, just that they thought of it and made the effort.
Bingo! Thats the same for our household. I work part time while my OH earns the lions share of the household income. I take care of alot of things in the house and stay at home with our daughter everyday, so neithers of us feel like one person puts more/less into the pot than the other. When it comes to buying pressies, we take money out of the bank and go and get it.
What ever happened to 'its the thought that counts'?? Some people are quite materialistic on here.
This is how we do things too. It keeps life simple for us. We view our money as exactly that, ours.
Has the op spoke to his wife about this yet?
Funny how it's always the lower earner that is the advocate of "joint finances" ....
And its often the lower earner that has sacrified their career for the greater good of the relationship, especially moving location and childcare.
You must have missed the part where she takes care of the house and looks after the kids. I take 'no monetary value' is equal to 'no value' in your world then?
We have always had joint finances.
At first I earned more than my husband but now things are reversed.
We are a team & the money is joint money, always has been & always will be.
The is a lot more to a relationship than money.
Not in the cases when there aren't any children or childcare.
With how quickly people split up or get divorced these days, it is foolhardy to throw everything you have into a relationship on the grounds that everything is jointly owned. Get taken to the cleaners a few times and you'll realise this.
So if you want your own "things" when you are married you are "extremely selfish" ? This thread has put me right off ever getting married!
I think the highlighted parts sum up my thoughts on the subject.
I work my OH doesn't but looks after the 'home' we could have more money if she worked but our quality of life would be poorer. When it comes to presents it's not about the value but whether it makes the other person happy/pleased ~ which bank account it comes out is irrelevant.
Would it? I'd rather have a better household income and put up with a bit of dust!
Next time I buy someone a present I'll be sure to fund it using money from their own bank account then, since it doesn't matter.
I get the impression you have no idea about or experience of trust & give & take in a relationship.
It seems to be about you.
Ahhh the 'buy a prezzie that you want trick' nice one
Nope, that's not the case at all.
It's certainly about protecting my financial security, yes.
Exactly! If I buy someone a present and it's going to be half mine too then it's best to make sure I buy something I want and will use, isn't it?
Own things such as clothes, hobbies, personal effects is fine. A major household expense is not.
But a car is not a major "household" expense when you BOTH have a car.
It's different if you manage with only one car.
But most couples need a car each because they both have to get to work at the same time and travel in opposite directions. I pay for my car and related expenses, my partner pays for her car and related expenses. Simple.
Not to mention the fact that putting her on my insurance makes my insurance more expensive (since I am the more experienced driver). That is just an unnecessary extra expense when she's got her own car and doesn't need to drive mine.