Think my sofa has absorbed the motherlode of said farts this weekend, brewdog, cheese, pizza hut and red wine and three people guffing and snoozing, my co2 detectors are ok..dont have a methane one, got a vanilla plug in though!
.......just as I suspected - last night's pasta starter and rib-eye steak (went to an Italian instead of a curry!!), is causing havoc on my office chair this morning.
...and I'm STILL using the same chair - boy, what a stench.:p:(:p
Are you able to 'calibrate' your farts, in so much as being able to produce a deep baritone paaarp, or go up to a high falsetto?
Good control of the sphincter muscles is key 👍 :-)
Are you able to 'calibrate' your farts, in so much as being able to produce a deep baritone paaarp, or go up to a high falsetto?
Good control of the sphincter muscles is key 👍 :-)
..actually yes, I am indeed able to do this 👍 ;-)
I name my farts, thus:
The long 'paaaarpety-paaarpity-paaarp' style ones, I call them 'motorcycle farts' as its the same sounds them little pizza delivery bikes make!
The short, loud and to the point farts (the ones which come out in a single shot - one noise, the same level), I call them 'Shot Farts'!
....and my personal favorites : 'Double Farts' - you know, the ones where you fart but inexplicably 2 farts come out at the same time (both have different sound tones so you know instantly that there are 2 of them)
The long 'paaaarpety-paaarpity-paaarp' style ones, I call them 'motorcycle farts' as its the same sounds them little pizza delivery bikes make!
The short, loud and to the point farts (the ones which come out in a single shot - one noise, the same level), I call them 'Shot Farts'!
....and my personal favorites : 'Double Farts' - you know, the ones where you fart but inexplicably 2 farts come out at the same time (both have different sound tones so you know instantly that there are 2 of them)
You obviously have something in common with a guy I met many moons ago.
I’m from a seafaring background and one of the deranged lunatics that I sailed with had a veritable ‘cabaret act’ of every type of flatulent offering one could imagine.
The guy could seemingly fart at will, and would often belt out an entire range of ‘dog fart impressions’, one after the other; .........ranging from a Chihuahua to a St.Bernard.
We had to guess the type of dog;....... occasionally he’d give us clues.
For instance, one of his louder/deeper offerings would be accompanied by a Teutonic profanity.........that was his Alsatian impression;......and so on. There were countless others.
Very childish I know, but extremely amusing, especially if pissed, as we were most of the time.
It was a remarkable gift. I used to tell him that he should be on the stage.........but well back from the audience of course........to comply with H&S regulations.
....nope, my office chair is STILL going strong - lots of luvverrrly fermented farts trapped inside the padding. All you need is one thumb and it releases a gently stench, wafting through the air.
Comments
http://artoffart.com/page10.asp
Post number 8 - fantastic farts!!!
http://www.theladbible.com/articles/guy-has-an-absolute-nightmare-after-trying-to-vacuum-his-farts
.. blimmin heck!!!!:o:o
The guy literally tried to vacuum his rectum!!!!!!!!!!!!
Better commence again............
Are you able to 'calibrate' your farts, in so much as being able to produce a deep baritone paaarp, or go up to a high falsetto?
Good control of the sphincter muscles is key 👍 :-)
..actually yes, I am indeed able to do this 👍 ;-)
I name my farts, thus:
The long 'paaaarpety-paaarpity-paaarp' style ones, I call them 'motorcycle farts' as its the same sounds them little pizza delivery bikes make!
The short, loud and to the point farts (the ones which come out in a single shot - one noise, the same level), I call them 'Shot Farts'!
....and my personal favorites : 'Double Farts' - you know, the ones where you fart but inexplicably 2 farts come out at the same time (both have different sound tones so you know instantly that there are 2 of them)
I’m from a seafaring background and one of the deranged lunatics that I sailed with had a veritable ‘cabaret act’ of every type of flatulent offering one could imagine.
The guy could seemingly fart at will, and would often belt out an entire range of ‘dog fart impressions’, one after the other; .........ranging from a Chihuahua to a St.Bernard.
We had to guess the type of dog;....... occasionally he’d give us clues.
For instance, one of his louder/deeper offerings would be accompanied by a Teutonic profanity.........that was his Alsatian impression;......and so on. There were countless others.
Very childish I know, but extremely amusing, especially if pissed, as we were most of the time.
It was a remarkable gift. I used to tell him that he should be on the stage.........but well back from the audience of course........to comply with H&S regulations.