a pat on the bum can be just as sexual as groping a boob, the delivery and intent [perceived or otherwise] are key.
it`s unacceptable enough to elicit a playful slap in the kisser if it`s delivered to me.
That is the correct response, not reporting it as sexual harassment and claiming compensation. When my wife started work as a young teenager in the 60s she was groped by a young lad in the office but a slap in the face soon stopped that.
I haven't read all through this thread but in short, any physical contact without consent is classed as assault. How it would be taken further is based on the intent - technically if someone brushed your arm as they go past you they have committed an assault but that's not really going to go anywhere. If a stranger comes up and hugs you, that's an assault too. If you're arguing with someone and they poke you with a finger, that's the same.
However there are certain parts of the body where physical contact is taken more seriously - brushing your arm as they go past is unlikely to lead to police intervention however the same person brushing their hand across your bum is something they'd take more seriously.
That is the correct response, not reporting it as sexual harassment and claiming compensation. When my wife started work as a young teenager in the 60s she was groped by a young lad in the office but a slap in the face soon stopped that.
The traditional idea of a woman slapping a man in the face after he groped her or whatever is considered unwise these days - there have been instances where this has happened and she ended up looking at an assault charge (as well as him). If he grabbed and restrained her then a slap is most probably proportionate self defence but if he did anything less than that she could be seen as using 'unreasonable force'.
It goes further for me at parties because I have big boobs, which are apparently endlessly fascinating. If I'm lucky, people ask before squeezing them, and it's mostly other women. I think that 'sexual assault' is a strong term and implies an attempt to menace that may or may not be there. I would not be interested in compensation for any of these events - people keeping their hands to themselves would suit me just fine.
Is it really so impossible for people NOT to touch other people's bits without the implicit consent of being in a relationship?
The traditional idea of a woman slapping a man in the face after he groped her or whatever is considered unwise these days - there have been instances where this has happened and she ended up looking at an assault charge (as well as him). If he grabbed and restrained her then a slap is most probably proportionate self defence but if he did anything less than that she could be seen as using 'unreasonable force'.
Unfortunately no so anything I say will have to be treated as anecdotal however my ex was a law student and I used to go along to some of her lectures and references were made to such cases. Admittedly they were few and far between and it's unlikely she'd end up with a prosecution but any response to an assault (including sexual ones) still need to be proportionate.
It goes further for me at parties because I have big boobs, which are apparently endlessly fascinating. If I'm lucky, people ask before squeezing them, and it's mostly other women. I think that 'sexual assault' is a strong term and implies an attempt to menace that may or may not be there. I would not be interested in compensation for any of these events - people keeping their hands to themselves would suit me just fine.
Is it really so impossible for people NOT to touch other people's bits without the implicit consent of being in a relationship?
When my sister was pregnant, she told me that everyone seemed to regard her bump as public property and she would get pats on the tube, the bus, in the street, out shopping etc. She thought it was amusing rather than threatening, but we both wondered if chubby ladies who look pregnant get their bellies patted too
I think Ms. Lumley has a point but was afraid to go full-tilt with it. If you watch an episode of Geordie Shore, for instance, there's a type of young woman who puts it all out there and might be the very type to shout foul if someone patted them on the arse. I think that's what she was driving at, but was afraid to actually say.
Personally, I'm a big fan of hugs, not so much the bum slapping. At a meeting once an older man who was a family friend and my 'equal' at the meeting ended the meeting by slapping my arse. All of the other men thought it was hilarious, obvs. I didn't and communicated same with my eyes. That's all it takes. He appeared chastened and said Sorry Patsy'. He never did it again. On the other hand, I've been in the company of male friends with whom I've a platonic relationship and have asked them for a hug. That's fine, I think. It's a friendship bond; not a sexual overture.
It's a minefield, though; and I do pity men - especially those of the older generation. I'm sure most of them think they're complimenting you. I've another 'regular' customer who gives me a 'fondness' as he calls it every time we meet. He's a darling of a man but an out and out rogue. The 'fondness' is his trying to kiss me on the lips as I turn my head to present my cheek. It's a routine at this stage. I've found my self counter-attacking by immediately presenting my cheek when I meet him in an effort to disarm him. There's definitely something a bit frisky about his approach but I don't want to offend him by telling him to stop. I'm not so precious that I think avoiding a kiss every few days is going to damage my psyche.
I used to do it a lot in the 80's and 90's, not so much now. No harm in it, just being friendly. I did however know these people very well and there was always a kind of physical relationship between all of us.
I'd imagine posh tart lumley getting a playful squeeze on her back gate in a posh wine bar passes as jolly banter in her books and gives her a thrill, but throw her in some rough bar and let a rugged man with a few missing teeth grasp her booty meat fingers deep and she would be terrorised
If some random woman feels the need to slap my arse for a bit of a laugh then as far as I'm concerned she can go right ahead and fill her boots. It doesn't bother me in the slightest.
To be fair, men don't fear sexual assault from women as strongly as women fear sexual assault from men. I'm not downplaying incidents where men have their bottom slapped by women against their will but in general, men aren't at risk from serious sexual assaults by women.
In my view, each 'bum slapping incident' can have a different context to it, it can be entirely innocent and non-threatening ( eg some female actresses have had no issues with being slapped on the bum by their gay co-stars on set ) but when a male boss gropes a young woman's bottom in a lift or other place where there's no one else around, you can understand why it might be intimidating for the woman involved.
It's best not to do it at all, unless you know the person well.
I have a bum that fascinates people. Men and women. It has been patted, grabbed, slapped, stroked and all sorts. Generally it is people I know and I tend not to mind too much. (It can be tiresome)
But I have had a middle-aged male colleague do it (patted) and he was told firmly it was unacceptable and he would be reported if it happened again.
I have also had strangers think they can help themselves too. A group of lads when I was at a cashpoint surrounded me and took it in turns to slap it, and that was very intimidating as I was 15 at the time.
Also, in a crowded market, some bloke grabbed it very hard with both hands when he was behind me. I actually punched him full in the face. First (and hopefully last) time I have ever punched anyone but it was thoroughly deserved and I hope he thinks twice before doing it to someone else.
Agree it's all about context and that those who randomly touch others without prior consent (not just talking about arses here) tread on rather dodgy ground.
Well i would not call the police for just a tap in bum, so maybe it's not assault, but it's something serious enough to be reported if you are in certain contexts, like work for example. It's totally inappropriate, i do not think i've been in a situation where a random tap in bum was something people thought acceptable.
I have a bum that fascinates people. Men and women. It has been patted, grabbed, slapped, stroked and all sorts. Generally it is people I know and I tend not to mind too much. (It can be tiresome)
But I have had a middle-aged male colleague do it (patted) and he was told firmly it was unacceptable and he would be reported if it happened again.
I have also had strangers think they can help themselves too. A group of lads when I was at a cashpoint surrounded me and took it in turns to slap it, and that was very intimidating as I was 15 at the time.
Also, in a crowded market, some bloke grabbed it very hard with both hands when he was behind me. I actually punched him full in the face. First (and hopefully last) time I have ever punched anyone but it was thoroughly deserved and I hope he thinks twice before doing it to someone else.
You do realise this post is useless without pictures
I have a bum that fascinates people. Men and women. It has been patted, grabbed, slapped, stroked and all sorts. Generally it is people I know and I tend not to mind too much. (It can be tiresome)
Oddly, it doesn't seem to count when females do it though.
Have you read the thread at all. No one has said that it's okay for women to do it to men, and a number of people have made the point that this isn't a gender specific problem.
If it is, I should think most the female population should be locked up.
Oddly, it doesn't seem to count when females do it though.
Really?!!! I never gave a random tap in bum to anyone. Since when is that acceptable for women to do? If men feel victimised they have exactly the same right to complain. Or is there a different law?
I'd imagine posh tart lumley getting a playful squeeze on her back gate in a posh wine bar passes as jolly banter in her books and gives her a thrill, but throw her in some rough bar and let a rugged man with a few missing teeth grasp her booty meat fingers deep and she would be terrorised
But then that would not be a pat on the bum would it, a pat on the bum if uninvited is not nice and the person if they feel they can should tell the person so, but it's not a sexual assault. If the fingers do more than pat then it could be.
I've had a brain fart due to fatigue and have completely forgotten how to embed links
I don't think I've ever known, but well done for being able to post something at all at such an hour.
Anyway, I think one playful touch can be forgiven but it is up to the woman (or maybe even the man whose butt gets slapped) to tell the other person to knock it off.
Comments
That is the correct response, not reporting it as sexual harassment and claiming compensation. When my wife started work as a young teenager in the 60s she was groped by a young lad in the office but a slap in the face soon stopped that.
However there are certain parts of the body where physical contact is taken more seriously - brushing your arm as they go past is unlikely to lead to police intervention however the same person brushing their hand across your bum is something they'd take more seriously.
The traditional idea of a woman slapping a man in the face after he groped her or whatever is considered unwise these days - there have been instances where this has happened and she ended up looking at an assault charge (as well as him). If he grabbed and restrained her then a slap is most probably proportionate self defence but if he did anything less than that she could be seen as using 'unreasonable force'.
Is it really so impossible for people NOT to touch other people's bits without the implicit consent of being in a relationship?
Which instances? Any links?
Unfortunately no so anything I say will have to be treated as anecdotal however my ex was a law student and I used to go along to some of her lectures and references were made to such cases. Admittedly they were few and far between and it's unlikely she'd end up with a prosecution but any response to an assault (including sexual ones) still need to be proportionate.
Personally, I'm a big fan of hugs, not so much the bum slapping. At a meeting once an older man who was a family friend and my 'equal' at the meeting ended the meeting by slapping my arse. All of the other men thought it was hilarious, obvs. I didn't and communicated same with my eyes. That's all it takes. He appeared chastened and said Sorry Patsy'. He never did it again. On the other hand, I've been in the company of male friends with whom I've a platonic relationship and have asked them for a hug. That's fine, I think. It's a friendship bond; not a sexual overture.
It's a minefield, though; and I do pity men - especially those of the older generation. I'm sure most of them think they're complimenting you. I've another 'regular' customer who gives me a 'fondness' as he calls it every time we meet. He's a darling of a man but an out and out rogue. The 'fondness' is his trying to kiss me on the lips as I turn my head to present my cheek. It's a routine at this stage. I've found my self counter-attacking by immediately presenting my cheek when I meet him in an effort to disarm him. There's definitely something a bit frisky about his approach but I don't want to offend him by telling him to stop. I'm not so precious that I think avoiding a kiss every few days is going to damage my psyche.
Sounds like saying if you get raped by a man you've "lead on" it's your fault, nice.
About the slapping bums, going to the police is way over the top. Just laugh it off or tell whoever it is to get off
To be fair, men don't fear sexual assault from women as strongly as women fear sexual assault from men. I'm not downplaying incidents where men have their bottom slapped by women against their will but in general, men aren't at risk from serious sexual assaults by women.
In my view, each 'bum slapping incident' can have a different context to it, it can be entirely innocent and non-threatening ( eg some female actresses have had no issues with being slapped on the bum by their gay co-stars on set ) but when a male boss gropes a young woman's bottom in a lift or other place where there's no one else around, you can understand why it might be intimidating for the woman involved.
It's best not to do it at all, unless you know the person well.
But I have had a middle-aged male colleague do it (patted) and he was told firmly it was unacceptable and he would be reported if it happened again.
I have also had strangers think they can help themselves too. A group of lads when I was at a cashpoint surrounded me and took it in turns to slap it, and that was very intimidating as I was 15 at the time.
Also, in a crowded market, some bloke grabbed it very hard with both hands when he was behind me. I actually punched him full in the face. First (and hopefully last) time I have ever punched anyone but it was thoroughly deserved and I hope he thinks twice before doing it to someone else.
Oddly, it doesn't seem to count when females do it though.
You do realise this post is useless without pictures
Do you have three cheeks or something?
Harassment? Perhaps.
Does it happen to you a lot then?
I think the idea that most of the female population is going around patting male arses is a figment of your overheated imagination.
Have you read the thread at all. No one has said that it's okay for women to do it to men, and a number of people have made the point that this isn't a gender specific problem.
Really?!!! I never gave a random tap in bum to anyone. Since when is that acceptable for women to do? If men feel victimised they have exactly the same right to complain. Or is there a different law?
No need, it's already enshrined in law.
But then that would not be a pat on the bum would it, a pat on the bum if uninvited is not nice and the person if they feel they can should tell the person so, but it's not a sexual assault. If the fingers do more than pat then it could be.
I don't think I've ever known, but well done for being able to post something at all at such an hour.
Anyway, I think one playful touch can be forgiven but it is up to the woman (or maybe even the man whose butt gets slapped) to tell the other person to knock it off.
If he/she does it again, then it isn't on.