Have you ever had your heart broken?

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 99
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    I broke the heart of my 1st boyfriend. After several months together, he plucked up the courage to tell me that he loved me, but I knew I had to be honest, and admit that I didn't love him back (and I knew that I never would). He broke down right in front of me. Thankfully we were in my house and not out in public. I still feel bad about it now, but it was one of those cases where you have to be 'cruel to be kind'. This was 12 years ago, and he has since gone on to marry his long term partner and lives a happy life. He is on my facebook, but we don't have any other contact.

    My heart has never been broken (in the relationship sense), but I have been in unrequited love, and it feels AWFUL!!!! I hope I never go through it again! I couldn't eat or sleep and just felt bloody miserable. This guy was a housemate of mine, and while was straight, we did have a drunken fumble on 2 or 3 occasions. Although he knew I had a crush on him (and was cool with it) he had no idea I was totally head over heels! It took me quite a while to come to terms with, which was totally out of character for me, as I would regard myself as a very level headed person, and I don't get overly emotional about things. Very unpleasant, and I have never (and will never) allow it to happen again!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 516
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    My fiancé is my first love so he's been heartbroken before and I've always said he'll break my heart. As it turns out he did it by buying me a puppy when I'd wanted for years. As it turned out it was awful timing and we had to rehome our lovely boy after 3 weeks. I felt horrendously guilty and sad for months until our financial situation got that much worse that I realised we'd have had to let him go whilst being more in love with him. Definitely my first heartbreak and that's enough for me - still miss him.
  • sofieellissofieellis Posts: 10,327
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    I think I broke my first boyfriend's heart when I finished with him. He was wanting to get married and I knew we were too young. It was the right thing to do, but I found it hard.

    Since then, I've had my heart broken by three people. One of them has broken it on more than one occasion.

    My heart's like a lump of ice these days. :D
  • TeddybleadsTeddybleads Posts: 6,814
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    No. Still with my first and only love. Even the people I've lost it was the right time or even after the right time for them to go.

    I still miss the cat.
  • spiderbootsspiderboots Posts: 235
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    Romantically I've had my heart broken once (turned out to be very much for the best) and dented a few times.
    Relatives passing away has broken my heart more times than I want to count.
  • ValentineValentine Posts: 3,841
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    A woman I worked with years ago - very professional, calm, collected, measured - came into work one day in bits, floods of tears and snot everywhere. I was very alarmed and thought something disasterous must have happened. Turned out she'd seen her ex on the way in (their cars passed on the road, or something). I asked her when they'd split, thinking it must still be very recent - it was 3 years previously! During the time I worked with her, if we were organising a night out, she'd always say 'remember I won't go to X' (a town near us, which is where she'd lived with her ex). Needless to say, we thought it was ridiculous - and I'd often scoff at her with my (now ex) husband and we'd laugh at how stupid it all was, and the many times she came into work in tears for the day after bumping into him. I could not believe it, how anyone could be so hung up and 'ludicrous' over another human being.

    Fast forward 13 years and I leave my unhappy marriage for the 'love of my life' who, months later, dumped me. And the very same discription I used for my colleague (who is now very, very happily married to a very lovely man) could every bit be applied to me. Its been 3 and a half years now and I'm still heartbroken and grieving, only now I'm able to hide it from my friends (who all think I'm 'over it' and absolutely fine now).

    I've been single ever since and run a mile if anyone comes on to me. I can't let the barrier down, I can't let anyone else in. I guess it's karma for me leaving my husband (who is now happy - so far as I know - in the second relationship since me, his first being 6 weeks after our split and when he was supposedly 'heartbroken' himself). I'd never have thought I would succumb to 'matters of the heart', as I've always been a bit of a hardbitten cynic and not at all soft or soppy, but getting over this is, quite literally, the most difficult thing I've ever been through in my life (made worse by the fact he lives and works in my neighbourhood and his parents live at the end of my street, so I have no choice but to pass there whenever I leave my house).

    I'm late 40's now and genuinely think I'll be single for the rest of my life. It doesn't matter how many people tell me how 'stunning' etc I am, or how many really decent, genuine and lovely men approach me, it's just not in me anymore. He broke me and, if I was hard and cynical before, that's nothing compared to how I am now.

    The word 'heartbroken' is used all too freely - in the papers about 'celebs' for example, supposedly broken hearted but with a new fella in days. If you're genuinely heartbroken, that's simply not possible.
  • Old EndeavourOld Endeavour Posts: 9,852
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    As a serial, falling in love with the unobtainable, person, it's a life long disease with me.

    Just starting on a new one that will get nowhere right now.

    Ho hum!
  • Keyser_Soze1Keyser_Soze1 Posts: 25,182
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    I detest the fact that some 'celebrities' claim to be totally 'heartbroken' and then jump into bed with someone within a few days.

    They do not know the meaning of the word.
  • linmiclinmic Posts: 13,425
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    Yes, a long time ago. My sons father who I adored left me and him when he was newborn. I struggled to say the least. I then met a man, married and have been very happy. We brought two kids up, they wanted for nothing and now my son is 35. Until 6 months ago he was a lovely, caring man. Married with a new baby. He has now deserted his wife, baby and family and I feel like its happening all over again. Its a nightmare.

    "Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
    Neil Gaiman
  • Old EndeavourOld Endeavour Posts: 9,852
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    linmic wrote: »
    Yes, a long time ago. My sons father who I adored left me and him when he was newborn. I struggled to say the least. I then met a man, married and have been very happy. We brought two kids up, they wanted for nothing and now my son is 35. Until 6 months ago he was a lovely, caring man. Married with a new baby. He has now deserted his wife, baby and family and I feel like its happening all over again. Its a nightmare.

    Whilst all break-ups are upsetting, from the outside it is an interesting debate about: Do people from a split family see that as the norm and so are more likely to go on to do it themselves? And also, sadly, jumping in and out of relationships/marriages is much more the norm nowadays than it was with my parents generation. Now people just don't see marriage as a life long commitment, no matter if they agree "Till death do you part", they see it as something to try and if it doesn't work, then 'Oh Well, we gave it a go'. And in this case, will the new baby grow up with the idea that their birth parents are not together and learn that as the norm? That isn't of course blaming anyone, sometimes these things happen and nothing can be done about it.

    My parents, being from a different era, got married for life. That was what they agreed to. Yes they argued occasionally, but marriage meant what they had promised at the church to them. Sadly I have never married and probably never will now, but if it happened, that is the commitment I would give to it. So have I learnt that behaviour from them?

    An interesting debate issue.
  • linmiclinmic Posts: 13,425
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    Whilst all break-ups are upsetting, from the outside it is an interesting debate about: Do people from a split family see that as the norm and so are more likely to go on to do it themselves? And also, sadly, jumping in and out of relationships/marriages is much more the norm nowadays than it was with my parents generation. Now people just don't see marriage as a life long commitment, no matter if they agree "Till death do you part", they see it as something to try and if it doesn't work, then 'Oh Well, we gave it a go'. And in this case, will the new baby grow up with the idea that their birth parents are not together and learn that as the norm? That isn't of course blaming anyone, sometimes these things happen and nothing can be done about it.

    My parents, being from a different era, got married for life. That was what they agreed to. Yes they argued occasionally, but marriage meant what they had promised at the church to them. Sadly I have never married and probably never will now, but if it happened, that is the commitment I would give to it. So have I learnt that behaviour from them?

    An interesting debate issue.

    Yes. As I say my son has just done this to his wife (they have been together 15 years, married for 3) but I married when he was only little and has always thought of my husband as his Dad. He was always taught to treat people decently and fairly. He has done neither of these things. It has truly broken my heart all over again.
  • Pumping IronPumping Iron Posts: 29,891
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    I detest the fact that some 'celebrities' claim to be totally 'heartbroken' and then jump into bed with someone within a few days.

    They do not know the meaning of the word.

    People deal with heartbreak in different ways. For some folk one way to help get over someone is to get ontop of another.
  • JulesFJulesF Posts: 6,461
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    Whilst all break-ups are upsetting, from the outside it is an interesting debate about: Do people from a split family see that as the norm and so are more likely to go on to do it themselves? And also, sadly, jumping in and out of relationships/marriages is much more the norm nowadays than it was with my parents generation. Now people just don't see marriage as a life long commitment, no matter if they agree "Till death do you part", they see it as something to try and if it doesn't work, then 'Oh Well, we gave it a go'. And in this case, will the new baby grow up with the idea that their birth parents are not together and learn that as the norm? That isn't of course blaming anyone, sometimes these things happen and nothing can be done about it.

    My parents, being from a different era, got married for life. That was what they agreed to. Yes they argued occasionally, but marriage meant what they had promised at the church to them. Sadly I have never married and probably never will now, but if it happened, that is the commitment I would give to it. So have I learnt that behaviour from them?

    An interesting debate issue.

    But sometimes, despite putting in the effort and commitment, relationships deteriorate, people grow apart and marriages become unhappy. In these circumstances, it's surely best to split and move on to try to find happiness and fulfillment elsewhere? I can think of nothing worse than being stuck in an unhappy marriage, where you don't feel that divorce or separation is an option, for whatever reason. An unhappy household can be more damaging, or at least just as damaging, for children than a divorce.
  • ValentineValentine Posts: 3,841
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    I detest the fact that some 'celebrities' claim to be totally 'heartbroken' and then jump into bed with someone within a few days.

    They do not know the meaning of the word.

    I'm completely with you on this!
    linmic wrote: »
    Yes, a long time ago. My sons father who I adored left me and him when he was newborn. I struggled to say the least. I then met a man, married and have been very happy. We brought two kids up, they wanted for nothing and now my son is 35. Until 6 months ago he was a lovely, caring man. Married with a new baby. He has now deserted his wife, baby and family and I feel like its happening all over again. Its a nightmare.

    "Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”Neil Gaiman

    What a perfect description.

    Your son is his own man and, although I completely and absolutely understand the torment - and disappointment at your son, which must be there - it has caused in dragging it all up for you, I guess all you can do is be there to support your daughter in law and grandchild. Practical help is all you can give. And, of course, you'll always be there for your son. That's what we parents do, isn't it, no matter what they throw at us.

    Sending you my very best wishes.
  • linmiclinmic Posts: 13,425
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    Valentine wrote: »
    I'm completely with you on this!



    What a perfect description.

    Your son is his own man and, although I completely and absolutely understand the torment - and disappointment at your son, which must be there - it has caused in dragging it all up for you, I guess all you can do is be there to support your daughter in law and grandchild. Practical help is all you can give. And, of course, you'll always be there for your son. That's what we parents do, isn't it, no matter what they throw at us.

    Sending you my very best wishes.

    Thank you so much. I am there for my d-i-l and grandson and I always will be. My son has made them homeless, left the area without even telling us and that is only a fraction of his cruelty. If he ever really needs me I would try to help but like you say he is his own man and forgiveness will not come easy from me. Luckily my d-i-l has a good job and goes back to work this week from maternity leave as he has told her he cant give her maintenance and he wants a divorce but she'll have to pay for it.
  • Jean-FrancoisJean-Francois Posts: 2,301
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    Yes I have, and it hurt like a son-of-a-bitch, but it was no doubt karma.
    8 years previously I had broken someone else's heart when I was struck by un coup de foudre when I met the one who broke mine.
    I am virtually over mine now, but a part of me still lingeringly feels that if she (my heart breaker), wanted me back I'd seriously think about it, for all of 10 seconds, I know that I could never do better than the one I'm with now.
    With some, I guess the pain lasts forever, in the forty odd years since I left the one whose heart I broke, we have bumped into each other maybe 3 times, and she has always taken the opportunity to tell me what a no good bag of s**t she still thinks I am.
  • linmiclinmic Posts: 13,425
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    Yes I have, and it hurt like a son-of-a-bitch, but it was no doubt karma.
    8 years previously I had broken someone else's heart when I was struck by un coup de foudre when I met the one who broke mine.
    I am virtually over mine now, but a part of me still lingeringly feels that if she (my heart breaker), wanted me back I'd seriously think about it, for all of 10 seconds, I know that I could never do better than the one I'm with now.
    With some, I guess the pain lasts forever, in the forty odd years since I left the one whose heart I broke, we have bumped into each other maybe 3 times, and she has always taken the opportunity to tell me what a no good bag of s**t she still thinks I am.

    Another of my favourite quotes:

    “It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in. There are no 'exit' signs in love, there is only an 'on' ramp.”
  • QuixoticQuixotic Posts: 668
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    Just once when the relationship with my first serious girlfriend ended. At the time of the breakup, it felt like I would never get over it, but then six months later I met my current girlfriend who is the one I want to settle down with. I believe that some things happen for a reason.
  • Safi74Safi74 Posts: 5,580
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    linmic wrote: »
    “It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in. There are no 'exit' signs in love, there is only an 'on' ramp.”

    Tragically that is so true. I don't think you ever fully recover from a properly broken heart. I certainly know I never have 😞.
  • fw750xfw750x Posts: 173
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    I have had my heart broken once in my life,I live in Belfast Northern Ireland.In the early 1970,s i was going with a beautiful young Lady who i worked with in the same firm at that time.I was batting well out of my league with this young Lady but we were made for each other.At this time in Northern Ireland it was not advisable to go out with or get married to someone from another religion,This fact did not bother either of us But what was happening around that time would have meant physical injury "tar and feathering" Getting burnt out of your home that sort of thing.So i had to pretend things were not working out between us. I just did not want to risk any thing happening to her Because i thought so much of her, We split up I still think about her ever day, I will never forget her and her Beautiful smile. I hate this country and all the bullshit in it.
  • rikstan87rikstan87 Posts: 2,359
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    Yes, just recently ;(
  • Keyser_Soze1Keyser_Soze1 Posts: 25,182
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    Safi74 wrote: »
    Tragically that is so true. I don't think you ever fully recover from a properly broken heart. I certainly know I never have 😞.

    Unrequited love is even worse than a broken heart - all of the emotional pain without any of the pleasurable memories to look back on.
  • VulpesVulpes Posts: 1,504
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    Unrequited love is even worse than a broken heart - all of the emotional pain without any of the pleasurable memories to look back on.

    At least with unrequited love you're in control of when it ends.
  • Safi74Safi74 Posts: 5,580
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    Vulpes wrote: »
    At least with unrequited love you're in control of when it ends.

    That is very true.

    I'm not sure I agree with the old adage of 'it's better to have loved and lost...'.

    😢
  • PrincessTTPrincessTT Posts: 4,300
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    Safi74 wrote: »
    That is very true.

    I'm not sure I agree with the old adage of 'it's better to have loved and lost...'.

    😢

    I never agreed with that adage until I had a stillbirth, and now I finally get it.

    Despite the immense pain of losing my daughter, I'm eternally grateful for the 7 months that I carried her and for the hours that I got to spend holding her.

    I would rather live with this pain forever but have the memories of her, than to never have known her.
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