Playgroup Advice

CitrusBlast · 03/04/14 - 13:15

I need some advise from the mums out there, actually from anyone!! I've finally started taking my 9month old to a playgroup, he's really active and playful normally so I thought he'd love it. He doesn't!
He always gives the mums a massive smile but the other kids he just doesn't seem bothered about. He doesn't really move too far from me or seem that interested in the toys. The other kids are crawling all over the place but he doesn't really move much at all, complete opposite to at home when he gets everywhere and completely trashes the place. I don't think it's a clingy thing cos he doesn't even really seem to be that interested in me either
Then after about half hour he starts kicking off, tantrum, crying and I have to take him home. Should I be worried that he seems so bored and doesn't want to interact? I don't know whether to keep going or just give up for now.

Uffa · 03/04/14 - 15:26

To be honest I think he might be a bit young yet. Can you invite other mums or dads with young babies around to yours for coffee and playtime to get him used to other children?

SeasideLady · 03/04/14 - 15:30

To me this seems early to be interacting with other children but maybe things have changed. I didn't take my two boys to a group thing until they were walking at around 12 - 14 months. It was called a Mums and Toddlers group, and it was great to sit and chat to other mums and have coffee. As my boys were walking, they could move around more and play with things. Maybe your 9 month old isn't ready for socialising in new surroundings with other babies, or a bit cranky because he's tired and needing quiet for a nap. Bet you in a few months time he'll enjoy it more, and you will too because he'll get more out of it. I second what Uffa says - that's what I did until they were a bit older.

c4rv · 03/04/14 - 17:05

I wouldn't worry. Give it a couple more tries, if he still doesn't like it then give it a break for a few months.

TBH sounds OK to me. Kids are not going to be the same, some are happy just exploring by themselves, my older one was. And 30 minutes is quite a long time for a 9 month all, I suspect he is pretty tired by then which is why he is kicking off.

CitrusBlast · 03/04/14 - 18:06

That's the thing, I thought he was young too but he's one of the oldest there as it's specifically for babies. He's does seem tired but it makes no sense cos he naps literally just before we go so isn't due for another nap for ages. Think I might try one more time and if no better then maybe give it a rest for a bit. It's just weird to see his personality seem to change when we're there.
Thanks for the replies everyone :-)

c4rv · 03/04/14 - 18:18

Is he used to mixing with other kids ?

evie71 · 03/04/14 - 18:52

awww bless him:) At nine months he's much to young to be interacting with other children anyway. He is more than likely just overwhelmed with the whole thing at the moment and will just come round in his own time. I took my daughter to a baby group from 5 months and it took her a while to settle in. At 19 months we now go to toddler group and she loves it! I would try a few more times and if still the same, try again when he's a little older. Some babies love being social, others less so.

[Deleted User] · 03/04/14 - 18:56

Hes way to young to be concerned about anything like that. Its a new environment to him so hes a bit cautious. The more you take him the more he will come out of his shell so to speak. I first took my son to playgroup when he was 7 months. Hes 2 now and loves it. Very independent. No need to be worried x

turquoiseblue · 03/04/14 - 19:26

You have nothing to worry about. I used to take our eldest to a playgroup, I was the only dad there lol. Anyway, it took ages for both of us to get used to it! I persevered though, as we both needed to get out of the house. It's just a change of four walls for you both. Mine only started to go off and explore when they were getting on for 18 months, but at least I had others to talk to. It got better when another dad started with his son and we used to sit together.

Ber · 03/04/14 - 20:00

Its a change in routine with lots of new sights and sounds and lots of new people - its going to be overwhelming for him for the first few weeks.

FairyFeet1964 · 04/04/14 - 09:58

It's all new to him - and an hour at 9 months probably feels like a week to him

It's good to get him used to being around other little ones and in time he will get more used to it, he can sit with you have a drink and snack (always best to have one with you - mine loved bananas!) and a favourite toy, he will soon start to feel more comfortable, another thing you could do is think about staying for about 45 minutes and then increasing the time as he gets more used to it?

CitrusBlast · 04/04/14 - 11:14

Thanks everyone. Yeah I did think an hour might be a bit too long for him. My main problem is that I compare him too much to other babies. I see babies the same age or younger than him that seem more advanced and I wonder why he's not doing those things. I've been told a million time that every baby is different and I do know this but can't help but worry sometimes that maybe I'm not doing enough for him. I'm just being a fussy mum I think lol

FairyFeet1964 · 04/04/14 - 13:09

CitrusBlast wrote: »

Thanks everyone. Yeah I did think an hour might be a bit too long for him. My main problem is that I compare him too much to other babies. I see babies the same age or younger than him that seem more advanced and I wonder why he's not doing those things. I've been told a million time that every baby is different and I do know this but can't help but worry sometimes that maybe I'm not doing enough for him. I'm just being a fussy mum I think lol

Don't be so hard on yourself

I think as Moms we all go through that at some point, but babies do everything when they are ready, in their own time, so long as they are happy and healthy then that is all that matters.

I speak with personal experience here having raised three children they all did things at different times, I could not compare them at all! We are all very proud of our children and quite rightly celebrate their achievements, unfortunately this does mean we end up having children (often unintentionally) being compared against each other, so just enjoy your time with your little one, it goes so very very quickly, my eldest is 20 years old now - I have no idea where the time went!

TWS · 04/04/14 - 13:23

CitrusBlast wrote: »

Thanks everyone. Yeah I did think an hour might be a bit too long for him. My main problem is that I compare him too much to other babies. I see babies the same age or younger than him that seem more advanced and I wonder why he's not doing those things. I've been told a million time that every baby is different and I do know this but can't help but worry sometimes that maybe I'm not doing enough for him. I'm just being a fussy mum I think lol

I used to think the same with my first, my second seemed much more advanced but that's because he learns things from his older brother, though he was still "late" walking. Both my boys were just lazy I think, its easy to be lazy when you have servants, babies are cunning

I went to baby groups and all that religiously had the first one weighed and measured everything you think you should do, he is not really sociable even now at 6 despite what hv etc consider the "best start". My youngest has just turned 2 never took him to baby group or to be weighted and he is sociable as anything and speaks to everyone, plays well shares, happy as anything everyone always comments on it, they are all so different try not to worry or compare him to others....most children are walking and toilet trained by the time they hit their twenties;-)

[Deleted User] · 04/04/14 - 18:35

As others have said, nothing to worry about OP. When I started taking my son to playgroups he would stay near me all the time. I didn't go for a while (because no-one ever talked to me!) but when I started going to a different one when he was 2 he loved it, would play with other children, get involved with all the toys and hardly bothered with me! 9 months is very young. He's just taking it all in and gaining some confidence. Keep going and he'll soon be joining in.

Patchbuncle · 05/04/14 - 09:33

9 months is too early for a baby to be interested in others. I seem to remember being told that babies and toddlers are quite self centred ( for want of a better term) until well into their second year, then they start to play alongside others. You also get the joy of teaching them to 'share' by no means an easy task.

I'd imagine that a noisy play group could be quite overwhelming for a little one but if he's happy albeit for a shory while and you enjoy the social side I'd keep going. You can always invite people round to yours.

Personally I found playgroups a bit of a minefield, one was so cliquey that I and others found it very uncomfortable, oh and the boasting and comparing potential child geniuses, sheesh.

I had my daughter first and took her to playgroups fairly regularly til she was about two, then in her one and only incident of biting, she had a chomp on a little girl who was after the same toy. Not a pleasant experience and she wasn't the only one who left in tears. When I had my son, I mostly took him to play with the children of two friends with children of similar ages.

Basically though I wouldn't worry about him not being bothered by others.

muggins14 · 05/04/14 - 10:15

Patchbuncle wrote: »

9 months is too early for a baby to be interested in others. I seem to remember being told that babies and toddlers are quite self centred ( for want of a better term) until well into their second year, then they start to play alongside others. You also get the joy of teaching them to 'share' by no means an easy task.

bib - this exactly. I was told by professionals and other parents that children really don't show much of an interest in other children until their second year. You can go to play places where you see young children playing around each other but really just ignoring each other, it changes as they grow but at that stage they aren't interested in anybody but themselves

Maisymoo82 · 05/04/14 - 13:30

I really wouldn't worry about him not interacting with other children at this stage, some children love being around others and some don't. I would persevere with the group, there's no harm in arriving a bit later or leaving early, but gradually build up to longer periods. I used to work in a children's centre running similar groups and some parents did that a lot if they could see their child was tired or losing interest.

What kind of toys/activities are available? A few people have noted that he may be bored... If the toys are basic or similar to what he has at home, he may not see the novelty of going to the group. In our baby groups we used to have lots of sensory or messy activities, ie bubbles, foam, water, paint, fabric, music, lights etc which were things that some parents didn't have at home.

CitrusBlast · 05/04/14 - 21:12

I do agree that he's probably quite bored. He's a spoilt little bugger when it comes to toys, has way too many. So yeah I guess there isn't any novelty in him going somewhere where the toys aren't that much better than at home. I think he prefers the one on one attention he gets at home, I will try a few more times though but maybe for a shorter period of time.
Thanks again for the reassurance everyone, I feel much better about it now

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