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Partners who are parents
Today's Muse is LegoPig..
If you are/were dating, would it matter to you if the man/woman you met had kids of their own already?
Would you be cool with it if the kids were older? Or are you happy to take on another man/womans baby to raise?
I am going to make a sweeping generalisation here (feel free to correct me!) but I would assume that most men wouldn't want to invest in raising another mans offspring.
I would be ok if the child was a teenager or older, but not sure I would be interested in a woman with small kids.
If you are/were dating, would it matter to you if the man/woman you met had kids of their own already?
Would you be cool with it if the kids were older? Or are you happy to take on another man/womans baby to raise?
I am going to make a sweeping generalisation here (feel free to correct me!) but I would assume that most men wouldn't want to invest in raising another mans offspring.
I would be ok if the child was a teenager or older, but not sure I would be interested in a woman with small kids.
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My OH's best friend has just got engaged (after 2 broken marriages) and his partner has 2 young children (3 and 4) and they've now got one of their own on the way. He is a doting stepfather and no one seeing them together would have any idea he was not the father, they get on so well.
One of my friends mat a guy who already had a 12 year old daughter. It didn't worry her at all. They're now married with 2 younger children and very close to the older daughter. When you're a bit older and divorced or come out of a long term relationship, it's not unusual to meet someone who already has kids and it's no big deal imo.
If the man had children, and we were thinking about a relationship, of course it would complicate things. The kids would have to like me and I would have to like the kids. The children would have to be kept in mind as the relationship developed because their feelings would be at stake, too, if things went wrong.
And there would be the issue of the ex-partner. I haven't dated a man with children but I know women who have, and whilst some ex-partners don't make a fuss about the "new woman" in her kids' lives, some definitely make it difficult!
Still, if all went well enough, I got along with the kids etc, I don't see why it should be too much of a problem.
I met a man who didn't have any children of his own and he accepted from the start that if he wanted me he had to be prepared to play a role in my children's life if the relationship worked... He's a brilliant step father to them...
we agreed that it's cool, but that the partner with the kid(s) should be prepared to have more kids with the new person too.
Thats what would put me off being with someone who did'nt have kids of their own. Understandably they'd want children too. I would'nt want to start all over again, been there done that ect...
My OH also doesn't want children so we sing from the same hym sheet.
I also get fed up of people telling me I am selfish for not wanting children :rolleyes:
People say that to you? :eek:
I'd say you and your OH were the oposit of selfish. Too many people have kids simply because it's expected of them. I'm often stunned by the amount of people who claim they dont like kids then go on to have them.
Now we have two more children together as well as my eldest son but my hubby doesn't treat my eldest any differently than he does his own sons.
That said, I personally would be a bit wary about getting involved with a man who didn't have his own kids already. The reason for this being that I don't want anymore of my own, and it's not something I particularly want to compromise on.
Just lucky I think.
And they have children, so I get on really well with them too (two grand-daughters; one is 17, the other is 16 and a grandson who is 2 years old)
My daughter often spends time with them and has sleep-overs.
I've dated single mothers who swear they'll never date a guy who has kids already.
My ex wife had two kids and we agreed we'd have one more between us but she backed out of that and I eventually left.
My new (5yrs) wife has no issues with me having a son and we now have one child between us.
If you're in your 30s-40s and interested in potential partners who are child friendly then it's unrealistic to expect that they don't already have kids.
I'm not averse to having another in the future but wouldn't contemplate it for at least another 6/7 years or so. Helps that I'm 21 (just) and he's 23 so waiting around wouldn't be too disastrous, assuming we're still together at that point. I know he would like a child of his own though and he's entirely open about that. Thankfully he's in no hurry.