What your favourite comedy line, not sketch...

[Deleted User] · 02/11/14 - 06:14

We all have favourite comedy sketches, bur what about the best lines.

Mine would be a few from

'Brace yourself Rodney'
'Don't tell him Pike'
'Leave it, if I can't find any one to play, I will hang myself' 'Your will not be the first'

Any others...

Johnny_Cash · 02/11/14 - 07:03

From Minder.

Arthur: Daley as in every day, and Daley as in...
Terry: ...Rip off

DangerBrother · 02/11/14 - 08:08

That would be an ecumenical matter

ohglobbits · 02/11/14 - 08:22

Mind the pedestrian, Richard.

Eddie Badger · 02/11/14 - 08:30

Father Ted: ...OK, one last time. These are small... but the ones out there are far away. Small... far away... ah forget it!

Steve9214 · 02/11/14 - 08:31

DangerBrother wrote: »

That would be an ecumenical matter

These cows are SMALL, but those out there are FAR AWAY.

coolasfunk · 02/11/14 - 09:08

Blackadder: "It's the worst plan since Abraham Lincoln said, Oh, I'm sick of kicking around the house tonight, let's go take in a show."

Brummie Girl · 02/11/14 - 09:15

Blackadder II as said by the late great Rik Mayall as Lord Flasheart after kissing 'Bob'

"She's got a tongue like an electric eel and she likes the taste of a man's tonsils"

KennyT · 02/11/14 - 10:03

not strictly a line from TV because it only appeared in the radio version IIRC:

AD: "It's at times like this, when I'm about to be thrown out of an alien spaceship, millions of miles from the smoking remains of the Earth, that I wish I'd listened to what my mother said when I was younger"

FP: "Why, what did she say?"

AD: "I don't know - I didn't listen!"

K

Brummie Girl · 02/11/14 - 10:16

KennyT wrote: »

not strictly a line from TV because it only appeared in the radio version IIRC:

AD: "It's at times like this, when I'm about to be thrown out of an alien spaceship, millions of miles from the smoking remains of the Earth, that I wish I'd listened to what my mother said when I was younger"

FP: "Why, what did she say?"

AD: "I don't know - I didn't listen!"

K

The radio version of what?

Evs814 · 02/11/14 - 10:29

Brummy Girl wrote: »

The radio version of what?

Hitch Hikers Guide.... Great choice

The Hemulen · 02/11/14 - 10:43

Blackadder: Well, it is said, Percy, that civilised man seeks out good and intelligent company, so that through learned discourse he may rise above the savage and closer to God.
Lord Percy: Yes, I've heard that.
Blackadder: Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dick head to remind me I'm best.

Chris1964 · 02/11/14 - 11:53

"They do say, Mrs M, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork into your head."

Lines from Blackadder are made all the more notable by their delivery-especially Rowan Atkinson who is just gifted at making funny lines infinitely more memorable. Im sure I read RA has a stammer-amazing how he has dealt with that to produce such a brilliant body of work.

A.D.P · 02/11/14 - 12:01

From the thin blue line,

Is it more funny today?

Being decent and fair and honest doesn't necessarily make a person right, Habib. But if it did, Rolf Harris would be Prime Minister.
Inspector Fowler -Rowan Atkinson.

vauxhall1964 · 02/11/14 - 12:03

"Well, that's the last time I play the tart for you, Jerry"

Margo Ledbetter, The Good Life

Shady_Pines1 · 02/11/14 - 12:05

From the Golden Girls after Blanche has made a terrible faux pas Sophia says "Would you like a glass of water to wash down your foot?"

Smint · 02/11/14 - 12:12

One, well, two I suppose, I thought of the other day from Not the Nine O'Clock News when Rowan Atkinson is appearing on some Yoof TV programme Hey! Wow! as Alternative Car Park

"I am a mime . . . My body is my toooool"

but is interrupted as there are kids talking by Griff Rhys Jones's character who starts: "Mr Car Park has been kind enough to come here all the way from Nottingham"

Calling him Mr Car Park has me laughing even now just thinking about it

The clip starts at 2:27 with the lines delivered from 5:17

http://youtu.be/avtfpNiVrzM

And, of course, Gerald's: "Wild? I was livid!" and "He bloody does eat daffodils!" from the same sketch

iaindb · 02/11/14 - 12:16

Another from Blackadder

We're in the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun,

And from Fawlty Towers:

Angry German Guest: "Will you stop talking about the war!!!"
Concussed Basil: "Me? You started it."
Angry German Guest: "We did not start it."
Concussed Basil: "Yes you did, you invaded Poland."

:D:D

Chris1964 · 02/11/14 - 12:30

Smint wrote: »

One, well, two I suppose, I thought of the other day from Not the Nine O'Clock News when Rowan Atkinson is appearing on some Yoof TV programme Hey! Wow! as Alternative Car Park

"I am a mime . . . My body is my toooool"

but is interrupted as there are kids talking by Griff Rhys Jones's character who starts: "Mr Car Park has been kind enough to come here all the way from Nottingham"

Calling him Mr Car Park has me laughing even now just thinking about it

The clip starts at 2:27 with the lines delivered from 5:17

http://youtu.be/avtfpNiVrzM

And, of course, Gerald's: "Wild? I was livid!" and "He bloody does eat daffodils!" from the same sketch

That "yoof tv" skit is simply fabulous-great spoof on some early evening tv on BBC2 in the early 80's iirc(when Greek tv commercials could be trendy)
Griff is the archetypal seventies teacher there, clipping kids around the ear and making fun of their their brain power etc. That script could have easily been transported to my real life seventies schoolrooms. Rowan is brilliant as the mime but ends up getting the teacher treatment too

Brilliant stuff.

Are teachers anything like Griffs portrayal today I wonder! I doubt it somehow.

mustard99 · 02/11/14 - 12:33

Blackadder again.

"Oh it's a scythe"

Tangledweb7 · 02/11/14 - 12:37

' Are you are a one minute time delay' Factory worker to Anita Dinnerladies.:D

Quixotic · 02/11/14 - 12:43

Frank Spencer: I'm his heir sole.

Eddie Badger · 02/11/14 - 13:39

From Bottom
Richie: So Spudgun... why do they call you Spudgun?
Spudgun: Well, gimme a potato and I'll show you why.
Eddie: No, Richie. You don't want to see that.
Richie: Oh, well, why do they call you Hedgehog?
Dave Hedgehog: Gimme a hedgehog and I'll show you why.

Pea1 · 02/11/14 - 14:17

Only Fools and Horses:

Boycie: I remember a few years back when I had that important client coming over from Belgium and I was trying to get tickets to Wimbledon to impress him. You said “Leave it to me Boycie, I gotta contact at Wimbledon.”
Del: I got you two tickets!
Boycie: That’s right! They drew nil-nil with Ipswich!

sausagesandwich · 02/11/14 - 14:19

Another from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Slartibartfast: You must come now or you will be late
Dent: Late? What for?
S: What is your name, earthman?

Dent, Arthur Dent
S: Well then late as in the late Dent, Arthur Dent. It's a sort of threat, you see. I've nevery been good at them but I'm told they can be terribly effective

Torch81 · 02/11/14 - 15:04

Shady_Pines1 wrote: »

From the Golden Girls after Blanche has made a terrible faux pas Sophia says "Would you like a glass of water to wash down your foot?"

Golden Girls was full of some great lines.

Blanche (on deliberating dating a much younger man) -
"You know, I think I can handle this relationship with Dirk. This is strictly off the record but he is nearly 5 years younger than I am".

Dorothy - "In what Blanche, dog years?".

and another one;-

Dorothy - "That is the last time I take you shopping with me at the mall. If you didn't like the dress you should have just said."

Sophia - "hey, I was just trying to be helpful."

Dorothy - "Asking if it came with a sign saying 'wide load' is not being helpful."

Sophia - "Fine, next time I'll go by myself then I'll be able to pee when I'm good and ready!".

Hey there!

Quick Links

What your favourite comedy line, not sketch...

Comments