My gay friends would not be interested in any coming out fuss. Being gay doesnt define them.
Just because someone comes out doesn't mean being gay 'defines them'. Sexuality is a facet of people and for some it is harder to be public about it than for others. That doesn't mean it is the only thing that makes them who they are. I am many things - being gay is just one of those - but it was the one hardest to tell my family and friends about when I came out.
There's been a lot said in the thread and I'm on my way back from my break at work so I'll post briefly and expand later if necessary.
As an LGBT life mentor, and someone who is involved in the community, I can safely say it is not easy to come out. Obviously, everyone's circumstances are different, but I've dealt with numerous cases of LGBT kids being hassled, and even kids being hassled on the suspicion that they are LGBT even if they aren't.
I echo the congratulations of others for the OP. It's not always easy to accept who you are.
Just because someone comes out doesn't mean being gay 'defines them'. Sexuality is a facet of people and for some it is harder to be public about it than for others. That doesn't mean it is the only thing that makes them who they are. I am many things - being gay is just one of those - but it was the one hardest to tell my family and friends about when I came out.
In fairness though some people do like to make a fuss of it. Others dont, horses for courses, not everyone has to jump to attention though when someone who likes to make a fuss over it does just that.
In fairness though some people do like to make a fuss of it. Others dont, horses for courses, not everyone has to jump to attention though when someone who likes to make a fuss over it does just that.
'making a fuss of it' how would you define that? Maybe talking about it more than you are comfortable with?
In fairness though some people do like to make a fuss of it. Others dont, horses for courses, not everyone has to jump to attention though when someone who likes to make a fuss over it does just that.
Some people make a fuss about all sorts of things - why select this one when at least there is an easy to see reason why it might be hard for them to do.
And no-one is asking you jump to attention - this thread got a bit adversarial when someone criticised those who wished to congratulate the OP for coming out... if you don't think it is special then don't congratulate the person - simple really.
Well, perhaps you simply lack the experience or knowledge of the issue. I have provided some information; maybe give it a read.
This is where the fear comes in. You get more people coming out and some straight people say, 'God is nobody straight anymore' like we are taking over, and the gays are planning on destroying straight existence or something! Here's a radical idea, maybe most people aren't completely straight or gay anyway? Oh no, of course not, most people are totally straight, as nature intended.....aren't they? lol
This is where the fear comes in. You get more people coming out and some straight people say, 'God is nobody straight anymore' like we are taking over, and the gays are planning on destroying straight existence or something! Here's a radical idea, maybe most people aren't completely straight or gay anyway? Oh no, of course not, most people are totally straight, as nature intended.....aren't they? lol
Well yes, they are!
Most people define themselves as totally straight.
And unless we wish to be pedantic, they are totally straight.
Sexuality IS a major part of who we are as individuals. It affects so much of our daily life, we don't even realise it....it is THAT much a part of us.
It's important for us to be able to express that freely, and I believe that freedom should be equal for all people, whatever their preferences.
There is a difference between legal equality, and social equality - that is apparent the whole world over.
Most people define themselves as totally straight.
And unless we wish to be pedantic, they are totally straight.
Sexuality IS a major part of who we are as individuals. It affects so much of our daily life, we don't even realise it....it is THAT much a part of us.
It's important for us to be able to express that freely, and I believe that freedom should be equal for all people, whatever their preferences.
There is a difference between legal equality, and social equality - that is apparent the whole world over.
How do you know that most people are 100 per cent straight? What people say, and what they think and do, are different things, I learned this a long time ago.
How do you know that most people are 100 per cent straight? What people say, and what they think and do, are different things, I learned this a long time ago.
Most people consider themselves to be 100% heterosexual.
It is a basic human right to be able to define ones own sexuality, and it is a breach of that right for another to try to question or change it.
I dont get that rule at all . We are discouraged from using words that are deemed offensive . So we make huge effort to change our ways and ensure we dont use the word queer to ensure we dont cause any offence
Yet for some inexplicable reason the word is fine when used by only certain people ? In my opinion the same rule should apply to all
Most people consider themselves to be 100% heterosexual.
It is a basic human right to be able to define ones own sexuality, and it is a breach of that right for another to try to question or change it.
In my opinion of course.
I agree that people have the right to 'define' themselves as whatever they choose, even if the truth is different. However if you truly believe most people are 100 % anything you are slightly naive.
I dong get that rule at all . We are discouraged from using words that are deemed offensive . So we make huge effort to change our ways and ensure we dont use the word queer to ensure we dont cause any offence
Yet for some inexplicable reason the word is fine when used by only certain people ? In my opinion the same rule should apply to all
People have reclaimed the word to take away the negative implications of it. Some even use it as an identity for themselves or a catch all term for people fall anywhere under the non-straight, non-cis spectrum. That's their choice. Fair enough. But what need is there for others to use the word other than in relation to those who want to be identified with it?
People have reclaimed the word to take away the negative implications of it. Some even use it as an identity for themselves or a catch all term for people fall anywhere under the non-straight, non-cis spectrum. That's their choice. Fair enough. But what need is there for others to use the word other than in relation to those who want to be identified with it?
So a gay man can use the word as s catch all term ? Yet I would be slated for doing the same ? No , it makes no sense to me at all that a word is deemed offensive for everyone else yet can be used by only an elite group and thats their choice ?
A-list star is not a niche term. John Barrowman is not one of them.
I think your argument was something akin to equality has not been achieved as no hollywood actors are gay. My counterpoint was that it is a niche way to measure equality in my opinion. Barrowman is successful in all the areas he wishes to be. A good advert for equality.
So a gay man can use the word as s catch all term ? Yet I would be slated for doing the same ? No , it makes no sense to me at all that a word is deemed offensive for everyone else yet can be used by only an elite group and thats their choice ?
I agree! As a gay man myself i don't believe in 're-claiming' words like 'queer' and the f word. It only perpetuates a term that will always have a negative meaning, when said in a different context.
Good for you, its your life and you have to do what makes you happy. There is no point living a lie. I hope your ex-fiancee is ok and that in time you can become the best of friends again.
I agree that people have the right to 'define' themselves as whatever they choose, even if the truth is different. However if you truly believe most people are 100 % anything you are slightly naive.
I think your argument was something akin to equality has not been achieved as no hollywood actors are gay. My counterpoint was that it is a niche way to measure equality in my opinion. Barrowman is successful in all the areas he wishes to be. A good advert for equality.
I think Hollywood is a decent measure of public opinion and reactions to homosexuality. For instance, do you honestly think that if a handsome film actor, whose whole career is based on being a sex symbol to women 'comes out' that it has no effect on his career? I'm not saying most women would be homophobic, but they would react differently to him since the very fantasy he represented would be destroyed. It's the audiences that keep Hollwood closeted.
Comments
I see what you did there:D
Well, perhaps you simply lack the experience or knowledge of the issue. I have provided some information; maybe give it a read.
Just because someone comes out doesn't mean being gay 'defines them'. Sexuality is a facet of people and for some it is harder to be public about it than for others. That doesn't mean it is the only thing that makes them who they are. I am many things - being gay is just one of those - but it was the one hardest to tell my family and friends about when I came out.
As an LGBT life mentor, and someone who is involved in the community, I can safely say it is not easy to come out. Obviously, everyone's circumstances are different, but I've dealt with numerous cases of LGBT kids being hassled, and even kids being hassled on the suspicion that they are LGBT even if they aren't.
I echo the congratulations of others for the OP. It's not always easy to accept who you are.
In fairness though some people do like to make a fuss of it. Others dont, horses for courses, not everyone has to jump to attention though when someone who likes to make a fuss over it does just that.
I think you are missing the point, he is also not a lead star carrying a big movie.
What exactly does "make a fuss" mean?
'making a fuss of it' how would you define that? Maybe talking about it more than you are comfortable with?
He has carried major broadway shows, a series called torchwood. I think your requirement is too niche.
Some people make a fuss about all sorts of things - why select this one when at least there is an easy to see reason why it might be hard for them to do.
And no-one is asking you jump to attention - this thread got a bit adversarial when someone criticised those who wished to congratulate the OP for coming out... if you don't think it is special then don't congratulate the person - simple really.
This is where the fear comes in. You get more people coming out and some straight people say, 'God is nobody straight anymore' like we are taking over, and the gays are planning on destroying straight existence or something! Here's a radical idea, maybe most people aren't completely straight or gay anyway? Oh no, of course not, most people are totally straight, as nature intended.....aren't they? lol
Too niche for gay people?
Well yes, they are!
Most people define themselves as totally straight.
And unless we wish to be pedantic, they are totally straight.
Sexuality IS a major part of who we are as individuals. It affects so much of our daily life, we don't even realise it....it is THAT much a part of us.
It's important for us to be able to express that freely, and I believe that freedom should be equal for all people, whatever their preferences.
There is a difference between legal equality, and social equality - that is apparent the whole world over.
How do you know that most people are 100 per cent straight? What people say, and what they think and do, are different things, I learned this a long time ago.
Most people consider themselves to be 100% heterosexual.
It is a basic human right to be able to define ones own sexuality, and it is a breach of that right for another to try to question or change it.
In my opinion of course.
I dont get that rule at all . We are discouraged from using words that are deemed offensive . So we make huge effort to change our ways and ensure we dont use the word queer to ensure we dont cause any offence
Yet for some inexplicable reason the word is fine when used by only certain people ? In my opinion the same rule should apply to all
A-list star is not a niche term. John Barrowman is not one of them.
I agree that people have the right to 'define' themselves as whatever they choose, even if the truth is different. However if you truly believe most people are 100 % anything you are slightly naive.
People have reclaimed the word to take away the negative implications of it. Some even use it as an identity for themselves or a catch all term for people fall anywhere under the non-straight, non-cis spectrum. That's their choice. Fair enough. But what need is there for others to use the word other than in relation to those who want to be identified with it?
So a gay man can use the word as s catch all term ? Yet I would be slated for doing the same ? No , it makes no sense to me at all that a word is deemed offensive for everyone else yet can be used by only an elite group and thats their choice ?
I think your argument was something akin to equality has not been achieved as no hollywood actors are gay. My counterpoint was that it is a niche way to measure equality in my opinion. Barrowman is successful in all the areas he wishes to be. A good advert for equality.
I agree! As a gay man myself i don't believe in 're-claiming' words like 'queer' and the f word. It only perpetuates a term that will always have a negative meaning, when said in a different context.
No, not at all naive.
Most people are, in practice, 100% heterosexual.
I think Hollywood is a decent measure of public opinion and reactions to homosexuality. For instance, do you honestly think that if a handsome film actor, whose whole career is based on being a sex symbol to women 'comes out' that it has no effect on his career? I'm not saying most women would be homophobic, but they would react differently to him since the very fantasy he represented would be destroyed. It's the audiences that keep Hollwood closeted.