I agree you should tone it down. You may think he will be fine with it, but do you even want to take a 1% risk that he won't?
I am in agreement with this as well. My brother (who has always been my best friend) and his wife made a big over the top annoucement to me when they were expecting. Although thrilled for my brother, the news hit me like a sledgehammer as due to a medical condition, I have been finding it very hard to have a child myself, it is not impossible, but definately a lot harder than it is for most, and am still child free. I tried to act as happy as I could for them, I think I managed it, but after they had gone I sobbed my heart out for ages. I didn't want to, but couldn't stop myself, it can be a very emotive subject.
You can make the happy announcement without going overboard. You never really know what someone else is thinking in their head. Never in a million years would my brother have thought I would have reacted the way I did, and to this day he doesn't know. I am just happy I kept it together until after they left.
to be honest it is a medical condition that prevents them having children but a metabolic condition that his other half means she will need to be on a strict diet before and during. it means in terms of having children they need to prepare. my oh has the same condition. its not very common and there are many misconceptions.
however, the condition gave both brothers a close bond. bil met his oh half at a charity conference. she was my oh best friend.
that is why i know they will be pleased for us. i just wanted to make it special. i am sorry for other posters sad news and agree not everyone will care. on my side i know it will be difficult for my brother as he has had his daughter taken frm him for the last 4years. but i know my bil will be thrilled.
Since there are still complications involved for them, should they decide to try and have a family, I think you need to tread carefully here, the opposite of what you are thinking in fact.
I am sure your bil will be happy for you. Clearly the news in itself is special, so how is the way it is given so important? I'm terribly sorry but you are coming across as if it's more important to you to make it huge, rather than other people.
Since there are still complications involved for them, should they decide to try and have a family, I think you need to tread carefully here, the opposite of what you are thinking in fact.
I am sure your bil will be happy for you. Clearly the news in itself is special, so how is the way it is given so important? I'm terribly sorry but you are coming across as if it's more important to you to make it huge, rather than other people.
Have to agree with this, it's sounding a wee bit selfish. Whilst I understand what amazing news it must be for you, I really do think for the sake of all concerned, you should keep it reasonably low key.
OP please reconsider how you tell your BIL about your pregnancy. I have a physical disability and when my brother told me I was going to be an Uncle I was excited etc. Then one night after a few drinks I rang him up in tears because I had been over thinking and was worried about the possibility of the disability being passed on. I didn't do this to hurt or panic him but it was a concern of mine - all be it an unnecessary one because it was highly unlikely to happen.
What I'm saying is that given your BIL's circumstance then you should really tone it down as others have said. He may show genuine happiness but then it may all dawn on him at a later date and could lead to you becoming upset if he acts upon it negatively towards you or your partner. I was lucky that my brother reassured me of my above concerns and I was fine from then on.
I think sending him the mug with "Uncle *****" is the best way. Its low key, it lets him figure it out, it lets him see your involving him in the family as an uncle, but without a big hoohaa.
I don't think that anyone who has replied has said that it's not amazing news ^^
However it may not be quite so amazing for the BIL ..... why does it have to be a big hurrah and fanfare ? Just tell him on your own on Skype, then if he wants to observe the hoo ha later and join in he can make his own choice.
Blimey, why does everything have to be so BIG AND AMAZING these days ?
One of the most insensitive threads on DS. If they are having problems conceiving they will NOT be over the moon for you, but will have to pretend to be in order to conceal their deep hurt and envy. You're trying to rub it in and it's not nice.
It is wonderful news but people need to be realistic - whilst it may be the most amazing news for OP and her OH other people may just not be as bothered? Yes they will be pleased but pregnancy is ultimately a private thing..
My family were over the moon for us but I am well aware my amazement at the whole process is going to be very different from those that love me.... Even my OH to a degree doesn't fully understand an appreciate that beautiful things that are occuring inside all the time
I have to say my pet hate is when people behave as though they are the only pregnant person in the world? I am not accusing the OP of doing this but I am sure we all know the type - women / couples that only ever talk abot pregnancy and babies...
It can be very insensitve [and/or boring] to other people!
Comments
I am in agreement with this as well. My brother (who has always been my best friend) and his wife made a big over the top annoucement to me when they were expecting. Although thrilled for my brother, the news hit me like a sledgehammer as due to a medical condition, I have been finding it very hard to have a child myself, it is not impossible, but definately a lot harder than it is for most, and am still child free. I tried to act as happy as I could for them, I think I managed it, but after they had gone I sobbed my heart out for ages. I didn't want to, but couldn't stop myself, it can be a very emotive subject.
You can make the happy announcement without going overboard. You never really know what someone else is thinking in their head. Never in a million years would my brother have thought I would have reacted the way I did, and to this day he doesn't know. I am just happy I kept it together until after they left.
Since there are still complications involved for them, should they decide to try and have a family, I think you need to tread carefully here, the opposite of what you are thinking in fact.
I am sure your bil will be happy for you. Clearly the news in itself is special, so how is the way it is given so important? I'm terribly sorry but you are coming across as if it's more important to you to make it huge, rather than other people.
Have to agree with this, it's sounding a wee bit selfish. Whilst I understand what amazing news it must be for you, I really do think for the sake of all concerned, you should keep it reasonably low key.
What I'm saying is that given your BIL's circumstance then you should really tone it down as others have said. He may show genuine happiness but then it may all dawn on him at a later date and could lead to you becoming upset if he acts upon it negatively towards you or your partner. I was lucky that my brother reassured me of my above concerns and I was fine from then on.
It's massively exciting for you and no doubt your parents will be over the moon. I am sure brother and girlfriend will be happy too
Personally I think avoid telling him where you are face to Skype in front of a crowd as initial upset isn't easily disguised
Please don't let all these comments dampen your news- as I said it must be amazing for you
However it may not be quite so amazing for the BIL ..... why does it have to be a big hurrah and fanfare ? Just tell him on your own on Skype, then if he wants to observe the hoo ha later and join in he can make his own choice.
Blimey, why does everything have to be so BIG AND AMAZING these days ?
Congratulations though!
My family were over the moon for us but I am well aware my amazement at the whole process is going to be very different from those that love me.... Even my OH to a degree doesn't fully understand an appreciate that beautiful things that are occuring inside all the time
I have to say my pet hate is when people behave as though they are the only pregnant person in the world? I am not accusing the OP of doing this but I am sure we all know the type - women / couples that only ever talk abot pregnancy and babies...
It can be very insensitve [and/or boring] to other people!