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The Soap Times
DoctorWho04
Posts: 11 Forum Member
I had an idea a couple of nights ago, wouldn't it be a fun idea for a thread if there were news articles on actual events that happened in the soap world as if they were real?
For example,
The Tina murder in CS could be told as...
YOUNG BARMAID ATTACKED
On *date here* a young girl was attacked in Coronation Street in Weatherfield. After a period of no killings the street is now on the hunt for the murderer. Suspects include Underworld Factory bosses Carla Barlow and Peter Barlow, whom had an affair with the barmaid.
Resident Sally Webster had this to say: "Absolutely shocking, and to think it could have been my daughter Sophie if she wasn't raised by me of course."
This may be a bad example but do you get the point? It might be a fun idea! It's probably already being done somewhere on the forum so sorry for wasting your time!
For example,
The Tina murder in CS could be told as...
YOUNG BARMAID ATTACKED
On *date here* a young girl was attacked in Coronation Street in Weatherfield. After a period of no killings the street is now on the hunt for the murderer. Suspects include Underworld Factory bosses Carla Barlow and Peter Barlow, whom had an affair with the barmaid.
Resident Sally Webster had this to say: "Absolutely shocking, and to think it could have been my daughter Sophie if she wasn't raised by me of course."
This may be a bad example but do you get the point? It might be a fun idea! It's probably already being done somewhere on the forum so sorry for wasting your time!
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CS: Cops break vicious gin and jaffa cake prison smuggling ring.
ED: Tragic copper's bungee jump goes wrong.
EE: Shape shifting blonde found dead on newly discovered Common.
ED: Local Sheep Eats Some Bad Grass, Receives Toilet Troubles
(ED is my favourite soap, so I'm not making fun of the environment it's in haha)
CS: Local Nutters Steal Car and Dog After Crazy Woman's Crazy Daughter Set Dog Free At Shop And Local Nutters Save Dog and Steal Car To Go To Vet
(Bit long winded but you see in Weatherfield, they take their news very seriously!)
Today we report a story of high emotions. Deirdre Barlow, 59 was just going about her business on Friday 22 August when she was alerted to a tragedy that left her reeling in shock. " I was just making some of my Stuffed Marrows for Tea, their famous around here, Ken my husband can't get enough of them" Mrs Barlow told us " Anyway I heard a knock at the door and it was local good Samaritans Maddeh and Sawfie, they delivered the bad news" Thankfully after a frantic search by heroic Maddie and Sophie who were minding the Dog, Eccles Mrs Barlow's much loved pet was returned to her with only a collar and some drops required to help her injuries heal. Mrs Barlow's husband Kenneth was unable to support her through this tough time as he was visiting his Son Peter who is currently in Weatherfield Prison on suspicion of murder. Her daughter Tracy Barlow who was acquitted of Murder in 2010 after a three year prison stay was also unable to comment.
Ken was arrested saying, "But Peter he's my son you don't understand."
Whilst the homeless girl was reported to have said, "Sawfie" over and over again.
The old woman just sat with her dog sobbing whilst everyone else had to evacuate the scene.
Resident of Coronation Street Norris Cole ordered a bacon roll at local Roys Rolls, however after being in a heated debate with Emily Bishop about a game of Ludo which occurred earlier that day was distracted and ate a book instead, it was a Harry Potter book and now Mr Cole looks to eat more of JK Rowlings works.
Complaints have been flooding in about the books in the cafe ever since local librarian placed them there.
Owner Roy Copper didn't comment on the situation as he was making scrambled eggs.
Yesterday afternoon, scruffy, greedy and ginger loving Coronation Street resident Tirrone Dobbs fell through what he called a loft's floor. Tirrone was covered in cobwebs, Fizzie Wizzies underwear and Orp + Rooobehs toys (included long time resident of the street Kanga) as he plummeted between floors. It's apparent that he was taking a video on his £2.95 phone from local booming business Barlow's buys. Local resident Our Jase had been working on the site and had popped to rovers for an hotpot.
Meanwhile girlfriend slob Feorna had taken the daughters to swings (probably to get an ice cream) before taking them to local nutjob David Platt's house for his daughter Queen Lillibet of Weatherfields birthday. Feorna entertained the guests with her charm and sophistication aswell as her pies and stews.
She later commented 'Well I was at Lilly's birthday party with the kids, it was really nice apart from Amy Barlow having buzz lightyear's left leg sticking out of her eye and the cake. I LURV CAKE. YUMMY CAKE. CAKE IN MA BELLY, the cake fell on the floor. We got Lilly a pie. Can't go wrong with my pies. Anyway then later I got home and he was laid there. He hadn't even done the washing up the lazy get'.
Laurel Thomas (an ex-vicar's ex wife) and her husband-to-be Marlon Dingle were relieved yesterday when Mr Dingle's 5 year-old daughter was found after being missing for three days.
The toddler, April, went missing on Friday afternoon and was upset about hearing that her mother had become a "Super-Hero" . In actual fact - her mother was killed in a freak accident falling from the top of a very tall building (see Page 5: WPC Death-Dives with Leo Sayer!!)
Mr Ross Barton discovered the girl in a car in the 'Dingle & Dingle' garage where he works. Mr Dingle and Mr Ross are not seemingly good friends (See Page 7: Car-jacker threatened by Pub Chef).
Mr Ross has been thanked by the police for his help.
A neighbour and witness to the incident, Edna The Hat (as she is affectionately known) stated: "Mr Ross and the young girl seemed to be very close!! I'm sure he had no harm intended, despite his reputation!" (See also Page 2: Birch Reports the Missing Livesy Boy! And page 17 : Ross Barton wins Sexiest Shirtless competition in Hottens "Summer Stud of the Year")
Good one!
Edna the hat
Can you guess the character based off of this cryptic clue:
You do know that you don't set the standard very high for others!
It is a character from a soap, easy one today!
This week - The Queen Victoria, Albert Square, Walford
Location: Perfectly situated on a pleasant Georgian-style square in the heart of East London, within the heart of suburban North-West London. Somehow next to Shoreditch and just about within the M25. 5/5
Atmosphere: Formerly a thriving local pub, where everyone from local villains to cab drivers would pop in for a couple of pints over lunch and return for 6 or 7 jars in the evening. Recently, the landlord (a suspiciously authentic Danny Dyer lookalike) was caught 'peddling brasses' and as such the pub has been dead quiet ever since - we here at the Times don't know what a brass is or how to peddle one either. 2/5
Events: Barely a week goes by without some form of live entertainment within the Queen Vic. Often performed by the publicans family, who have precisely 0 friends to rub together, they usually dress up and sing to please the landlords wife. We tried to get a second pint but Danny Dyer was too busy hosting an Abba-themed family meal get together karaoke night with all his kids and sisters. 1/5
Food: Despite receiving a full large commercial kitchen fitout in 2010, the kitchen is reserved purely for revealing secrets or doing the annual 'mystery meat' storyline where local business magnate Mo Harris brings in a wheelbarrow of Beef or Dog or Monkey. 1/5
Overall: 3/5
It has been announced today that a local villager (disclosed for security reasons) (or is that un-disclosed?) Anyway - she has admitted to a local boy that she had an affair with a gay man many years ago...and has since taken up with a dog called Tootsie!
Mr Livesey has decided to give up his denial for his love with a local farm-boy who lost his father, tried to burn his next father, and found out he had ANOTHER father to kill!!
Mrs Birch accepts all the information she has given to be the truth. She claims that "Mr James across the road" will vouch for her.
The crazed woman threw bottles of fine alcohol all over the floor, and caused a scene of horror in the bistro causing complaints flooding to the manager.
One customer said "There's so much drama in Weatherfield I'm surprised they don't make telly out of it."
This was said whilst hairdresser Audrey Roberts slurped the spilled alcohol threw a straw and took selfies and sent them to alcoholic Peter Barlow who is serving time in prison.
It has been revealed that Peter Barlow (of 13 Coronation Street) has sweated out umpteeen gallons of alcohol in the past six days. He has been sent to the casualty unit and is being fed by drip-feed 2 pints of Newton & Ridleys finest ale. (PP)
Mrs Deirdre Barlow is apparently at home, taking care of Eccles the dog after a traumatic accident, and preparing a meal of Turkey-strips and Marrow for her husband Kenneth who is recovering from a traumatic incident elsewhere!
Mr James MacDonald, a fellow cell-mate said that he knew nothing of the incident (so he did) and that Peter was oK last time he saw him (so he was).
We are not obligated to say any more (so we are!)
Coronation Street Residents Ken and Dierdre Barlow have been the centre of a very viscous and sneaky attack. It is said that a certain bull named Derek has been spotted eyeing up Mrs Barlows china plate collection.
Mrs Barlow ran around the street carrying a smal dog shouting "oh Ken" and crying manically. She was tranquillised as she was scaring young children.
Mr Barlow refused to comment on his wife's actions. However, their daughter Tracey Barlow, murderer, said her mum was just getting used to having Mr Barlow back after a long trip to Canada.
The bull is on the most wanted list. If you see him, be careful. We will find Derek, we will find him,