Oh, I agree. The one who made the marriage vows is the only one who can break them.
But I can't believe anyone would want to walk into an affair with a married person and be ok with the real consequences. Either people seriously just don't get how devastating it can be or they really have no conscience.
Especially if her husband's a big bloke...:o:p
Joking aside, it's often the case that we can't help who we're attracted to. If you like someone who is already in a relationship/marriage then you just have to take it on the chin and get on with your life. If you push it you ARE in the wrong and it's not all down to the married one.
OP you say you're not condoning adultery so why would you want to make them aware if it wasn't to instigate a possible affair or try to encourage somebody to leave their partner?
It matters not whether you are married or not. It takes two to tango. I've been in that situation as a hot blooded young single lad seduced by a Mrs Robinson type person who was married with 2 kids. I thought it had nothing to do with me as I wasn't the one who was married until all hell broke loose and I nearly got my head ripped off by her husband and also her son who was an amateur boxer and I have to say I deserved it because I shouldn't have got involved.
At some point you WILL get caught out as things get more involved and it WILL get very messy and you WILL cause no end of harm to that persons family and you will be in the middle of it all. No matter how tempting it might be, it's not worth it. And they almost always end up going back to their husbands for security after they've had their bit of fun and they WILL always put their family before you so don't kid yourself that this woman will give it all up for some whirlwind affair because she won't and you will end up being the one left on your own looking like a fool while she toddles back to her nice secure family home. That is unless her husband throws her out and you end up having to support her while her husband drags your dirty name through divorce court.
OP you say you're not condoning adultery so why would you want to make them aware if it wasn't to instigate a possible affair or try to encourage somebody to leave their partner?.
Yes I agree and why I disagree with people who say it's harmless and claim that the respondents on Page 1 overreacted.
Implicit in a confession of liking someone is a desire for the feelings to be reciprocated.
I have never in my life signalled to someone that I like them (romantically) without really hoping they felt the same.
In some cases but there are now more options available to people than staying in a relationship that makes them miserable. Gone are the days of put up and shut up
How would you feel if another person expressed that interest in YOUR spouse? You'd think they were a stirring, cheating trouble-maker, no? Sure, your spouse doesn't have to indulge them, but it's still trying to stir up trouble. People are entitled to any opinions and feelings they wish, but it's not compulsory to share them.
This is all a bit raw for me, as my husband of 20+ years recently admitted to cheating on me. With hindsight, any previous flirtations that I may have experienced just seem so dumb-ass stupid. What's involved here is unbelievable pain and distress, with every atom of both married and family life affected. The good news is that the HIV test came back negative.
Don't go there, as statistically, the player external to the marriage really doesn't do well in the outcome.
Oh you poor thing. What a terrible ordeal for you. I hope his balls are now on a platter somewhere. X
For anyone in similar circumstances, I recommend 'After the Affair' by J Abrahms Spring. When I couldn't even look at my husband, in both reading the book, it enabled us to at least start the conversation about what had happened, why, and where we want to go next.
So so painful, for us both, and for our children.
You're braver than me. Far, far braver. I hope it all works out for you and your kids 😊.
Some interesting replies but i gather the general consensus of this is not to bother expressing your feelings for the person in question. Here's basically my situation.
The person i'm attracted to is someone from authority, i may ever only see them if i need them in a professional setting. That's all i can say in that field. I'm not friends with the person either. The person didn't give any hints that they liked me, mainly because at the time of meeting they were doing their job, and it would be unprofessional to instigate anything from their point of view or they simply weren't interested.
The person in question isn't the sort of person who works on a checkout in a supermarket or a shop where you can kind of subtly hit on them, hitting on them in their line of work could come accross a bit seedy.
Someone i know said this person is dating someone but isn't married, and may have a child too, but the child could be his.
I kind of feel trapped myself because it's not like she works in a coffee shop or something and i can just order a coffee and drop subtle hints.
You're not trapped. You have no need to tell them you're attracted to them. In fact if you do then I bet the next time you need their help someone else will be allocated to deal with you or you would find they refuse to help.
I've been 'the other man' once before for two years and it ended badly for me - made me quite ill when thing came to ahead between me and her. She did the chasing - hard to resist when a 6 foot blonde bombshell comes a -chasing and with me being naive and young and with baby-batter on the brain. Paid for it in the end though and it's not something I would do again - as I'm a happily married man now. You live and learn.
Absolutely not. If relationship is failing and you have caught her eye, fine. If not, leave it, no need for any grand declaration, you'll embarrass yourself
Absolutely not. If relationship is failing and you have caught her eye, fine. If not, leave it, no need for any grand declaration, you'll embarrass yourself
Especially if it's someone who deals with the OP in some sort of professional capacity. Don't go there, because they probably only see you as a client or similar.
Some interesting replies but i gather the general consensus of this is not to bother expressing your feelings for the person in question. Here's basically my situation.
The person i'm attracted to is someone from authority, i may ever only see them if i need them in a professional setting. That's all i can say in that field. I'm not friends with the person either. The person didn't give any hints that they liked me, mainly because at the time of meeting they were doing their job, and it would be unprofessional to instigate anything from their point of view or they simply weren't interested.
The person in question isn't the sort of person who works on a checkout in a supermarket or a shop where you can kind of subtly hit on them, hitting on them in their line of work could come accross a bit seedy.
Someone i know said this person is dating someone but isn't married, and may have a child too, but the child could be his.
I kind of feel trapped myself because it's not like she works in a coffee shop or something and i can just order a coffee and drop subtle hints.
Look, you'll only say something because you want something to come from it.
So, you tell him. Then what?
1) He declares his undying love for you and you have a torrid affair that probably won't work out because, real life.
2) He doesn't feel the same, doesn't know how to reply and you wish the ground would swallow you up.
3) He does feel the same but isn't interested in being unfaithful and you wish the ground would swallow you up.
How are you going to carry on if you've told and nothing comes of it? That's the most likely scenario but not the one you want. This is not a fairytale, it's real life.
You're not trapped. There are no end of people you could fall in love with and spend the rest of your life with. Find one that's available and comes without the stress and baggage, low self esteem and bad conscience that comes with an affair.
Look, you'll only say something because you want something to come from it.
So, you tell him. Then what?
1) He declares his undying love for you and you have a torrid affair that probably won't work out because, real life.
2) He doesn't feel the same, doesn't know how to reply and you wish the ground would swallow you up.
3) He does feel the same but isn't interested in being unfaithful and you wish the ground would swallow you up.
How are you going to carry on if you've told and nothing comes of it? That's the most likely scenario but not the one you want. This is not a fairytale, it's real life.
You're not trapped. There are no end of people you could fall in love with and spend the rest of your life with. Find one that's available and comes without the stress and baggage, low self esteem and bad conscience that comes with an affair.
Maybe they'd explain they're in a relationship and say they are tied down at the moment but planning on ending it? and will wait till they end the relationship? Or is this just fantasising?
Maybe they'd explain they're in a relationship and say they are tied down at the moment but planning on ending it? and will wait till they end the relationship? Or is this just fantasising?
It's fantasising, wishful thinking.
I suppose there is a chance that your timing is perfect and you come asking just as they're ending their relationship and even though these things are inevitably messy, this breakup will be amicable and lovely and you'll get no shit on you and they're ready to jump straight into another relationship...
Some interesting replies but i gather the general consensus of this is not to bother expressing your feelings for the person in question. Here's basically my situation.
The person i'm attracted to is someone from authority, i may ever only see them if i need them in a professional setting. That's all i can say in that field. I'm not friends with the person either. The person didn't give any hints that they liked me, mainly because at the time of meeting they were doing their job, and it would be unprofessional to instigate anything from their point of view or they simply weren't interested.
The person in question isn't the sort of person who works on a checkout in a supermarket or a shop where you can kind of subtly hit on them, hitting on them in their line of work could come accross a bit seedy.
Someone i know said this person is dating someone but isn't married, and may have a child too, but the child could be his.
I kind of feel trapped myself because it's not like she works in a coffee shop or something and i can just order a coffee and drop subtle hints.
You're living in a fantasy. Enjoy the ride, say nothing to anyone, and get on with your life.
You don't even know this person, except in some mysterious professional way. You don't know them well enough to know their marital status. You say yourself that you have no evidence to suggest the person has any interest in you. You're having fantasies about this person - nothing wrong with that - but do you usually go around constantly "expressing your feelings"? Most people don't.
No, if you want to get to know them more, why cant you get to know them as a friend? There is no need to even put the idea out there. N if someone told me that while i was in a relationship, id feel really awkward. It would always be there in the background.
Would you do it? If you genuinely fancy someone, and like the idea of getting to know them more. I'm not implying that you'd cheat with her/him, but at least make her/him aware that you like them in case she/he liked you too and wanted to rethink their marriage/relationship with the other person? Or would you simply brush off all feelings because you feel it's simply out of bounds?
Yes I've done it a few times, I didn't cheat but the others guys have, I've always been single. I don't feel guilty at all, you only live once.
You don't even know this person, except in some mysterious professional way. You don't know them well enough to know their marital status. You say yourself that you have no evidence to suggest the person has any interest in you. You're having fantasies about this person - nothing wrong with that - but do you usually go around constantly "expressing your feelings"? Most people don't.
I see loads of people i'm sexually attracted to on a daily basis, but this woman i have a genuine crush on.
Comments
Especially if her husband's a big bloke...:o:p
Joking aside, it's often the case that we can't help who we're attracted to. If you like someone who is already in a relationship/marriage then you just have to take it on the chin and get on with your life. If you push it you ARE in the wrong and it's not all down to the married one.
It matters not whether you are married or not. It takes two to tango. I've been in that situation as a hot blooded young single lad seduced by a Mrs Robinson type person who was married with 2 kids. I thought it had nothing to do with me as I wasn't the one who was married until all hell broke loose and I nearly got my head ripped off by her husband and also her son who was an amateur boxer and I have to say I deserved it because I shouldn't have got involved.
At some point you WILL get caught out as things get more involved and it WILL get very messy and you WILL cause no end of harm to that persons family and you will be in the middle of it all. No matter how tempting it might be, it's not worth it. And they almost always end up going back to their husbands for security after they've had their bit of fun and they WILL always put their family before you so don't kid yourself that this woman will give it all up for some whirlwind affair because she won't and you will end up being the one left on your own looking like a fool while she toddles back to her nice secure family home. That is unless her husband throws her out and you end up having to support her while her husband drags your dirty name through divorce court.
Yes I agree and why I disagree with people who say it's harmless and claim that the respondents on Page 1 overreacted.
Implicit in a confession of liking someone is a desire for the feelings to be reciprocated.
I have never in my life signalled to someone that I like them (romantically) without really hoping they felt the same.
People don't try hard enough.
42% of marriages end in divorce.
In some cases but there are now more options available to people than staying in a relationship that makes them miserable. Gone are the days of put up and shut up
Oh you poor thing. What a terrible ordeal for you. I hope his balls are now on a platter somewhere. X
You're braver than me. Far, far braver. I hope it all works out for you and your kids 😊.
The person i'm attracted to is someone from authority, i may ever only see them if i need them in a professional setting. That's all i can say in that field. I'm not friends with the person either. The person didn't give any hints that they liked me, mainly because at the time of meeting they were doing their job, and it would be unprofessional to instigate anything from their point of view or they simply weren't interested.
The person in question isn't the sort of person who works on a checkout in a supermarket or a shop where you can kind of subtly hit on them, hitting on them in their line of work could come accross a bit seedy.
Someone i know said this person is dating someone but isn't married, and may have a child too, but the child could be his.
I kind of feel trapped myself because it's not like she works in a coffee shop or something and i can just order a coffee and drop subtle hints.
Especially if it's someone who deals with the OP in some sort of professional capacity. Don't go there, because they probably only see you as a client or similar.
Look, you'll only say something because you want something to come from it.
So, you tell him. Then what?
1) He declares his undying love for you and you have a torrid affair that probably won't work out because, real life.
2) He doesn't feel the same, doesn't know how to reply and you wish the ground would swallow you up.
3) He does feel the same but isn't interested in being unfaithful and you wish the ground would swallow you up.
How are you going to carry on if you've told and nothing comes of it? That's the most likely scenario but not the one you want. This is not a fairytale, it's real life.
You're not trapped. There are no end of people you could fall in love with and spend the rest of your life with. Find one that's available and comes without the stress and baggage, low self esteem and bad conscience that comes with an affair.
Maybe they'd explain they're in a relationship and say they are tied down at the moment but planning on ending it? and will wait till they end the relationship? Or is this just fantasising?
It's fantasising, wishful thinking.
I suppose there is a chance that your timing is perfect and you come asking just as they're ending their relationship and even though these things are inevitably messy, this breakup will be amicable and lovely and you'll get no shit on you and they're ready to jump straight into another relationship...
How likely is it really?
You're living in a fantasy. Enjoy the ride, say nothing to anyone, and get on with your life.
Explain...
You don't even know this person, except in some mysterious professional way. You don't know them well enough to know their marital status. You say yourself that you have no evidence to suggest the person has any interest in you. You're having fantasies about this person - nothing wrong with that - but do you usually go around constantly "expressing your feelings"? Most people don't.
Yes I've done it a few times, I didn't cheat but the others guys have, I've always been single. I don't feel guilty at all, you only live once.
That's gay life for you.
I see loads of people i'm sexually attracted to on a daily basis, but this woman i have a genuine crush on.